1 kid vs 2

Cisco / Eng
piedpipper

Cisco Eng

PRE
Amazon, Apple, Fitbit, Google, Cisco
piedpippermore
Aug 31, 2018 302 Comments

Me and my wife both are working professionals in our early 30s. Both of us have very hectic job roles, we have a 3.5 yr old daughter and contemplating if we should have a 2nd kid. Both of us are on H1B visa with GC pending.

What will be the cost of raising 2 kids. What other factors do we need to consider?

My points are - do we have a second kid and compromise on everything right from schooling or have just one and keep her happy?

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TOP 302 Comments
  • Microsoft pSjr87
    It’s not only about cost or you and your wife, it’s about your daughter too , go for it, kids gives you the love which no amount of money can give .
    Aug 31, 2018 9
    • Google tGtt04
      This. Two. The best gift you can give your daughter is family - a sibling who will be there for her when you and your wife are gone.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Amazon FekW34
      I know plenty of siblings who don’t get along. It’s a crap shoot. The world is overpopulated, kids are expensive, and you only have so much time. Save yourself and keep to your one. She’ll be fine — she has you!
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Uber poopyface
      The Amazon advice here is absolutely shit. If you want a second (or more), it sounds like you have more than enough income for this to be a non argument. You will love it. Your kid will love it if you are good parents

      0 people care about the jobs they took or kids they DIDN'T have when they are on their deathbed.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Coursera / Other Ech0star
      Damn. Not even about living your own life at this point
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon max9chars
      Have 2. Being financially capable of sending your only child to Ivy League shouldn't be the deciding factor. Have faith in your kids abilities. You came this far, your kid will certainly do well without you coddling him/her with money and resources.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Other $lime
      Have 4.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Tableau Nullll
      Really? You would have kids because they give you love? Wtf! You should want kids if you want to offer them a life - not because you want their love! That is just being selfish!
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Facebook / Eng Bootcampe
      I did not bond with my sister at all. Haven’t spoken with her in a year. Will definitely help her if she needs something but that I would do for a good friend too. Do it if u want it. It’s your decision. Do not do it for your daughter.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • TI IOlOl0
      2 is better, single children get more spoiled and are more selfish...
      Sep 5, 2018
  • Samsung AAK93
    Condoms are cheaper bro
    Aug 31, 2018 7
    • New / Eng
      FenF36

      New Eng

      PRE
      Amazon
      FenF36more
      Stupid people are abundant too..
      Aug 31, 2018
    • Amazon AjYl87
      Because they don’t use condoms
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Microsoft pSjr87
      I wish condom should have been used in your case
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Apple Mikgfh
      Condom should’ve been a thing in China and India. We won’t have whole bunch of problem.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon Yeah, yeah
      Dude, why do you think the population is high in those countries? Because they use chineese condoms.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Facebook oberttjf
      LMAO are your condoms not made in China? Geez
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon Rod11
      HahahahhahahahahhaH
      Sep 3, 2018
  • Microsoft pterraByte
    What's your daughters TC?
    Sep 2, 2018 3
    • Flagged by the community.

    • Twilio 4yfgey
      Come on, that was funny.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Oz Management / Eng Jams
      Yeah that was funny
      Sep 2, 2018
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Cisco Fhcskbt
      Did you do this?
      Sep 1, 2018
    • LinkedIn peepl
      Unless you have an ipo or two that money is not gonna be enough.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon FekW34
      4?! That’s just irresponsible
      Sep 2, 2018
    • New qnetter
      The world does not need four child families.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Proofpoint / Other foodtruckj
      But the giant house with 5 bedrooms need to be filled with people. The solution is more kids.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Ropes & Gray pjkg03
      Kind of a good idea but you forgot human factors including the relationship people may have with money - start making really good money when you start going senior-lead-director and before you know it you begin to seriously consider keeping your family of 4 in a Tenderloin SRO while you wait for those sweet RSUs to vest.
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Amazon / Eng QVHz54
    I think it depends on you and partner. Most importantly, do you *want* more kids?

    Both my husband and I have careers we knew we both wanted to maintain but we were open to having one or two. Two was my preference, one was his - we decided from the beginning that we'd have one and then decide. I had a hard time getting pregnant, a high risk pregnancy and then I suffered from postpartum depression. My daughter is neuroatypical - she's amazingly brilliant but it's a whole lot harder raising her. I think she'd *enjoy* having a sibling but I know what I'm capable of and I think she gets a better mother being an only child. I can't wrap my head around what it would be like for her and my husband if I were out of commission due to another rough pregnancy or depression. I think my husband could manage a second one but I just don't think I'd be capable of it.

    So for me, I choose to stop at 1 because I see my own capability, my daughter's needs and my husband's preference. Those things compel me to feel happy and complete with my family the way it is. Maybe it's selfish and maybe she'll resent me when she's older because she's an only child but ultimately I hope she realizes we made the best decisions we could with what we had.
    Sep 1, 2018 10
    • New DuQvV7x
      Everytime I get ready to delete Blind, I read a thoughtful and detailed answer like this and it sustains me for another month before the revulsion for TC/gtfo clowns returns.

      Kudos
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Apple / Eng Serialized
      Does neuroatypical mean on the spectrum? Genuinely curious, not trying to be a jerk. I’ve never heard that word.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng QVHz54
      @Serialized, you hear the term neuroatypical a lot in the autistic community but it can also refer to people with mood disorders, developmental delays, ADHD, etc. It's basically a way to say someone's brain has developed differently than the norm. A lot of times the disorders don't come alone and have overlapping symptoms so you end up with a list of diagnoses, so people sometimes choose to identify this way for simplicity. Another commonly used term is neurodivergent.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng QVHz54
      @DuQvV7x, Thank you! That's very kind of you to say.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Unamazed
      Or neurodiverse
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Salesforce / Eng Thor1
      Is time only solution for better behaviour. Somehow I don't understand how this early intervention classes or speech therapy by govt and ngos really help correcting kids brain.or behaviour. The doctors seems to go by book and just follow routine analysis techniques.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng QVHz54
      @Thor1, I'm not really following what you're saying but to be clear, I'm not trying to "correct" my daughter's brain or behavior. A lot of our time goes in to therapy but the goal is to teach her how to live a happy, adjusted life in spite of her differences. I love her differences and I hope she does too. Early intervention is proven to be really beneficial as long as the goals are realistic. The therapies are catered to the individual since people present differently.

      For example, my daughter is highly verbal but her pragmatic speech suffers so she struggles socially. My goal in speech therapy is not to "fix" the part of my daughter's brain that impairs pragmatic speech but rather to give her enough skills that we can compensate for it.

      She's a legitimate genius and will do great things. If any therapist ever suggested we "correct" that, I'd find a new therapist. It's exhausting and uses up every bit of my mental and physical energy but my goal is to simply help her with skills other children develop naturally so she can function comfortably.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Salesforce / Eng Thor1
      Thanks for your reply. I understand and was thinking the same.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng QVHz54
      You're welcome :) It's so amazing what the right support can do for a child!
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Unamazed
      QVHz54: and it’s so amazing what the wrong level of support can do to a child!
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Mentor Graphics / Sales
    Tiki-taka

    Mentor Graphics Sales

    BIO
    A Siemens business..
    Tiki-takamore
    Your daughter needs a second. You will see a benefit 5 years from now
    Aug 31, 2018 5
    • Deutsche Bank Newbie4321
      This is a big factor. When parents go away as we all will, siblings become important. And siblings are not exactly the same as cousins
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Microsoft YuGiOh
      Eh, not really. Mobility is only increasing for developed counties so chances are your children will have little to do with one another after they grow up and move for college/their jobs.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Deutsche Bank Newbie4321
      Distance does not matter at all ! In most cases your siblings will always be equally important whether they are near or far
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Amazon / Product |||||:||||
      Also, somewhat of a surprise at first blush, the rate of youth moving away from their home area is declining. So if that continues I would expect sibling relationships to remain at least as important as we know them today in developed countries.

      L6 PM 250k
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Cisco baQk38
      The most important point here. Siblings many a times are the best friends for life. They will confide in them not with their parents. Plan a second one and give them good values so they stay bonded for life.
      Sep 3, 2018
  • Oracle 3not3
    Yeah, I had the same problem few years back. Now I have three. Then I got my vasectomy done. Now my wife is asking me to revert and get a fourth one.

    I kinda want too. But then again my experience during my vasectomy surgery was not fun. So I am torn.
    Sep 1, 2018 11
    • Oracle 3not3
      I was nervous basically. Even with local anesthesia it was a little painful but not too much. I was a bit nauseous. Overall quick 20 min procedure. Recovery within a few days. You can resume daily activity the next day.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • All daily basis activities?
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Oracle 3not3
      Yeah. No heavy lifting for a week I think. That’s it. You can have sex if you want whenever the pain goes down. In my case it was a week.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Amazon FekW34
      Can someone explain why a 4th is necessary when you have 3 already? Does no one worry about the future of our planet? Or how about this — she wants a 4th, why not adopt? Save yourself the surgery, too!
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Apple / Eng SgtTickles
      Your wife sounds horrible. Divorce her
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Oracle 3not3
      My wife is amazing. Fuck off.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Microsoft CrzyHrse
      Did you you feel anything when you have to sneeze, after the surgery
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Square / Eng kTtI24
      Just going to put this out there... a vasectomy is a cake walk compared to giving birth!
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Zillow Group Z💤💤💤💤
      @kTtl24 how do you know?
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Square / Eng kTtI24
      From the above, “Overall quick 20 min procedure. Recovery within a few days. You can resume daily activity the next day”. Have you ever heard of giving birth described this way?
      Sep 4, 2018
  • PayPal BigNuts
    I have 0 and happy
    Sep 2, 2018 3
    • Oracle 3not3
      Wait till you hit 50.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • PayPal BigNuts
      Lol ok
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Nvidia klim8
      You only have eyes for your hand
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Medallia Blind=VOE
    I don't get having children if you both work full-time...makes zero sense. Buy a turtle, find a tomagotchi on eBay. Children are not cats that you foster to some stranger to raise. Not only does it cost way more money, but you both miss out on the actual point of having them in the first place. It's like only dry humping.
    Sep 2, 2018 6
    • Intel typecode
      You must be in late 20s. Are you?
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Microsoft Aebpllpp
      Or they have their wife do all the work. Or they’re one of the mominazi.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Netgear A84k
      What? Many people have kids and work full-time. Your kid doesn't need to be around you 24/7. In fact, I think I'm more independent because my parents couldn't hover.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Vistaprint $#@&#@!*
      Lol... Could also be late 80's. I'm not sure why people think it's not worth having kids and working. if that argument holds any water it's also not worth having kids at all for the parent who works, using that logic only the stay-at-home parent gains any benefit from having children.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Medallia Blind=VOE
      Who said hover? I said raise. I'm simply making the case that half of the reasons for or against children expressed here are selfish in nature. No problem...but having children should make you less selfish - and creating them to then have both parents spend 80% of their waking hours away from the two that brought them into the world makes no sense. Really - be cat people, for us taxpayers' sakes.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Vistaprint $#@&#@!*
      I'm pretty sure that the average tax payer benefits from both parents working.

      Also what makes you think that a stay-at-home parent raising a child is better for the child than the child learning how to socially interact with their peers and being taught by a trained and certified professional?
      Sep 4, 2018
  • DigitalOcean / Eng wvbc38
    Have zero kids and save the planet. 🤷‍♂️
    Sep 2, 2018 4
    • Intel DSPN81
      - Malthus, 1814

      The planet doesn’t care if you have another kid because it is an inanimate object without consciousness.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • DigitalOcean / Eng wvbc38
      I'm unapologetically and unironically a malthusian, but I don't fault those who aren't. Pretty sure I win in the long run though 😛
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Unamazed
      DigitalOcean in the long run you die. How is that winning? There’s also the option to kys. That could help save the planet, right?
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Oracle Cacofonix
      Wcbc38 I wish your parents thought the same way!
      Sep 2, 2018
  • New / Eng
    OGP

    New Eng

    BIO
    CTO, Programmer
    OGPmore
    Two kids here , two is three times the work. IMHO totally worth it once they are old enough to entertain each other. I’m a only child and I’m pretty egotistical, selfish, but smart and think a sibling would’ve helped with some of the psychotic behavior.
    Sep 2, 2018 3
    • Amazon 867-5309
      Siblings certainly teach each other things that parents can't. Kids with siblings are usually better adjusted and have healthier relationships than only children
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Splunk getset
      Not true at all. Read Nurture Shock. Data heavy book on parenting. They have a whole chapter on sibling impact and conclude having a sibling does not help a child be better adjusted. The book is worth a read, it covers a wide spectrum on important parenting topics.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Citibank / Product jqUU38
      Being an only child, I can tell you firsthand the amazing support and comfort the very thought of a sibling can give... i get not all are bffs, and don’t get along all the time, etc. Who does? You still get to count one as your own
      Sep 2, 2018
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Microsoft / Mgmt
      Бабушка

      Microsoft Mgmt

      BIO
      https://youtu.be/6xckBwPdo1c
      Бабушкаmore
      TC or GTFO
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Intuit 01asd
    Giving your kid a sibling is more valuable than any education you can buy your child
    Sep 2, 2018 1
    • Tesla / Project
      English92

      Tesla Project

      BIO
      Renewable energy and microgrids
      English92more
      Shut iiiiiit
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Microsoft / Mgmt
    Бабушка

    Microsoft Mgmt

    BIO
    https://youtu.be/6xckBwPdo1c
    Бабушкаmore
    My wife and I had a second child 5 years after the first (who was difficult to raise despite being a very smart kid -- we didn't know what we were doing.

    It's the best decision we made. Now we look at all 1-kid families and we think of them as incomplete (don't take it personally please). 2 is definitely, definitely better than 1. Changes the whole family dynamic in very interesting ways.

    So, highly recommend your revisit your decision.
    Sep 1, 2018 3
    • Oracle オラクル
      Can you please elaborate as to how it change everything?
      Sep 1, 2018
    • New sdblind
      Don't think you need to specify you didn't know what you were doing on your first child. That is a universal truth.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Amazon Northman
      Similar situation, very challenging first child (severe colic, very emotionally sensitive even afterwards) and we went for a second when the first was still only 2 despite my misgivings. The challenges and career disruption of having a baby and a difficult toddler while I was very involved in my career led to so much stress our marriage fell apart. Obviously, there were other problems there (financial differences, her depression and mental instability that she refused to acknowledge or get treatment for, non-existant sex life, etc.) but adding children adds stress. Now that the kids are both older it is awesome to see them together, but I never wanted them to grow up in a divorced home. Make sure your marriage is super strong and stable before making this decision and that you are both super aligned on career and financial objectives.
      Sep 2, 2018
  • 1 kid 7 years old, feel quite happy. I feel parents with 2 kids are quite stressed all the time.
    Sep 1, 2018 2
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      I feel like parents with any number of are stressed all the time.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • New / Product
      nicebot

      New Product

      BIO
      Need leads to PM roles in SF. Thank you!!
      nicebotmore
      Depends on the kids too I'd guess. I(1st) was tough for my parents but my sister was a breeze to handle
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Nextdoor Polizia
    I'm 30yrs old and grew up a single child. All of my parents' resources were available to me and that was great as I was able to do a decent chunk in life. At this stage, my parents realize that when they grow old they only really have me to depend on for some things and while I know that I'll always care for them, there is always (and they've admitted it's unreasonable) a doubt in their minds. Not a great feeling for them or me.

    If you can amply provide for two kids - I'd do two. If you only have resources for one - stick to one. Quality over quantity
    Sep 1, 2018 1
    • Aon Hewitt Health
      I think one is better in this case with two it's not likely both will take responsibility. I know people who have six or similar sizes and no one takes responsibility
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Intel DSPN81
    2 is twice as expensive as 1 - there are few economies of scale on significant expenses like childcare or college savings.

    2 is significantly harder for the father in most families - just during pregnancy you will pick up more responsibilities, then your wife will be exhausted the first year (obviously generalizing gender roles in child responsibilities like feeding / waking in the night).
    Sep 2, 2018 10
    • Intel DSPN81
      Did the father breastfeed in the middle of the night in your relationship?
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Splunk getset
      This might be the most ignorant comment I’ve read on Blind. Hope your wife wakes up and puts you in your place.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Intel DSPN81
      You’ll have to explain the ignorance - as I said, generally speaking, mothers do more caretaking the first year due to breastfeeding responsibilities in the middle of the night, leading to exhaustion.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Google Ysrz84
      I think OP meant that life is harder for the father compared to the first one. For the breastfeeding mother, the first and second one are pretty much the same amount of work, exhaustion etc.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Intel DSPN81
      Correct
      Sep 3, 2018
    • BigCommerce 5429a
      Yeah, I could see my husband hating the work associated with a #2 if we had one. I still do 98% of the night care for our toddler and he has plenty of time to himself to watch TV, read, etc. I think that would disappear.
      Sep 5, 2018
    • Tableau / Eng
      WeldMaster

      Tableau Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      WeldMastermore
      5429a, sadly your husband didn't get the memo that when you make the decision to have children, you have to fully expect your whole life to change. Anything less than that is fantasy and it sounds like he is still trying to live that fantasy. Something will break if he continues to live that fantasy which is evident in how you worded your comment.
      Sep 5, 2018
    • Intel DSPN81
      It’s how most families with one kid work.
      Sep 5, 2018
    • BigCommerce 5429a
      That's not true, he cooks for us every night and does majority of the daytime care. But I can see losing the breaks during naps and when I take kiddo number 1 taking a toll.
      Sep 5, 2018
    • Atlassian / Eng
      Luffy, M.D

      Atlassian Eng

      PRE
      Facebook
      BIO
      A prematurely grumpy somewhat old man
      Luffy, M.Dmore
      Pump and bottles worked for both of ours for the night shift. I'm a night person, she's not. OTOH first six months were killer exhausting for both of us regardless and I'm sure worse for her. Especially on the second one where she got just the state mandatory leave rather than 6 months.
      Sep 8, 2018
  • New AFQu71
    One kid is the worst you can do. My wife is the only child and she said she wished to have a sibling her whole life. Plus you do not need to run any algorithms - if something happens to one kid you are left with 0 (knock on wood). My dream is to have 4.
    Sep 2, 2018 5
    • New qnetter
      Why not just poison a few dozen acres of earth and save the time and trouble?
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Unamazed
      Right, qnetter, because humans are inherently toxic things and globally speaking, the fewer the better, in all cases.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • New lulll
      qnetter why not just kys
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Unamazed
      lulll: exactly! The fewer the better, in all cases. Carry through on one’s beliefs!
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Apple vErx86
      All your eggs in one basket, as it were
      Sep 4, 2018
  • Expedia OmarJamys
    If you care about the environment you will stop at one.
    Sep 2, 2018 3
    • Microsoft Aebpllpp
      If you care about the environment you would not be born. But we’re here now aren’t we.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Unamazed
      If you cared about the environment you would kys.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Microsoft Aebpllpp
      After you.
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Tesla / Project
    English92

    Tesla Project

    BIO
    Renewable energy and microgrids
    English92more
    Don't have a second kid...
    Sep 2, 2018 2
    • TrueCar / Eng expbackoff
      Funding not secured?.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Oracle Cacofonix
      It’s Like .. don’t launch Model 3 just yet...
      Sep 2, 2018
  • DigitalOcean MRAp45
    The people who say to have no kids because of the state of the world or for ecological reasons haven’t watched idiocracy or studied history.

    Have as many kids as you can within the constraint of being the best parent you can be. Being a good parent helps make the world a little bit better place to live.

    Also, no two kids are identical. It’s nice to have 2 from the point of view that it’s fun to see the difference in personalities.
    Sep 2, 2018 0
  • Nvidia Jsjsh
    I'm dying here laughing. It's insane to ask opinions on Blind for any reason.
    Sep 2, 2018 0
  • Twitter / Eng
    TWTCortex

    Twitter Eng

    PRE
    Microsoft, LinkedIn
    TWTCortexmore
    2 > 1. Dont deny your daughter a sibling. When you two are gone, they will always be there for each other
    Sep 2, 2018 0
  • Equinix SV123
    To some of the responders here , IMHO having children for them to take care of you when you’re old is extremely selfish and unfair to your kids. The child didn’t choose to come to this world; why would one expect that he owes something to his parents merely because they made/birthed him? Even for raising the child, he doesn’t owe you. You ought to raise them because you brought life onto them, but they don’t owe you much. Probably just respect if you did a solid job raising them.
    Other than that, 2 kids is definitely more expensive and much harder if you don’t have family to help you out; may take a toll on the relationship with your partner and your careers as well as could be really challenging emotionally, as you pretty much give up your personal freedom. However, if the kids are close in age they can become best friends if you make sure they both get even attention and love, but as some mentioned here, having a sibling doesn’t auto qualify for sibling=friend for life.
    Sep 3, 2018 7
    • Amazon / Other
      Sisko

      Amazon Other

      BIO
      I am in HR
      Siskomore
      Kids have a duty to parents too I think. It binds generations and the whole human family together
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Microsoft WoCE36
      Equinix sounds like a an animal that doesn’t have any humanity inside. You think raising kids is parents obligation and they don’t need to appreciate the love and care they receive? That does not make you a different species than animals.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Equinix SV123
      @Microsoft Quite the opposite. Love and care are all good and hopefully are part of the process. I am only saying I believe that kids don’t owe their parents elderly care. It’s parents’ job to take care of the children they brought into this world because to be born was never a child’s choice in the first place.However, I think that kids shouldn’t feel obligated to take care of their elderly parents, but only do this out of respect and love, not because they have to due to some society norm or worse, elderly parents pressuring them into that through pushing the guilt buttons.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Equinix SV123
      Microsoft peps, are you not able to have a grown ups discussion without going down the personal/judgmental lines? What are you so offended with? Something stroke the chord, otherwise you wouldn’t be so childish in your responses 🤓
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Equinix SV123
      Kintaro you just proving my point.. another childish response
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Equinix SV123
      And you are Blind’s ”family relations” expert? 🤣🤣 What are you trying so hard to defend? Haven’t seen your opinion here on the issue yet, other than just insults my way.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Microsoft / Eng
      Whereisthe

      Microsoft Eng

      BIO
      Hate coding quizzes but studying hard for better future!
      Whereisthemore
      Equinox guy explained well and responded with class. Meanwhile my Microsoft colleagues are acting like someone from third world with no education besides computer programming. They didn’t even understand the point and displayed reading comprehension problem. My next interview question will be showing well written Blind comment and let the interviewee discuss about it. It will reveal a lot about their attitude and intelligence.
      Sep 4, 2018
  • Tesla / Project
    English92

    Tesla Project

    BIO
    Renewable energy and microgrids
    English92more
    Stop having children, people of our stature should know. Respect that you acknowledge no more now.
    Sep 2, 2018 6
    • Apple / Eng WaTpwBZkwy
      What?
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Uber kettle
      What
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Unamazed
      What!
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Oracle Cacofonix
      Only if someone gave that advice to your parents, English92.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Augmedix / Eng 338ca0ef8
      ROFL
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Microsoft / Eng
      XGsa73

      Microsoft Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      XGsa73more
      I hope you are trolling
      Sep 3, 2018
  • PeerStreet / Other
    MonGarl162

    PeerStreet Other

    PRE
    Amazon
    MonGarl162more
    Only children are always weird so if you want to fuck your kid up stick with one child.
    Sep 2, 2018 3
    • Oracle Cacofonix
      Were you an only child?
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Apple / Eng aCrP17
      Asks the weird only child...
      Sep 4, 2018
    • Oracle Cacofonix
      I am not. But I can see someone here whose dad and mom are weird (and more)!
      Sep 5, 2018
  • Have a kid for the other kid's sake. Sibling bond will last and set them forward developmentally.
    Sep 1, 2018 7
    • Uber foolius
      Yeah hopefully
      Sep 1, 2018
    • New qnetter
      Some families end up with sibling relationships that are antagonistic rather than supportive. Many people have much more support in their adulthood from their intentional rather than biological families.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Nvidia klim8
      You traumatized?
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Oracle / Eng HitU40
      @qnetter agree with you completely that sometimes biological siblings are antagonistic than supportive .
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Nvidia klim8
      Sometimes knives are used to kill people. What's your point?
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon Hagdr
      @qnetter it all depends on the environment they grew up in. Cultures that push for adversial competition tend to create this kind of unhealthy relationship.

      It depends, it all depends on how well the parents do their job and on the immediate environment the kids grew up in.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Oracle / Eng HitU40
      @Hagdr cannot agree more with you. So well summarized the root cause of sibling competition and survival of fittest with limited time and money available to parents for all their kids
      Sep 2, 2018
  • PayPal Bada
    Man made money , money did not make man ! Don’t bring money into equation , if you love to have another kid , go for it ! You are
    Not expected to raise your kids with all the comforts , don’t take that pressure . You are expected to raise kids with good values to be on their own and be responsible citizens . That does not cost you money , that costs you to spare some time and give love ...
    Sep 3, 2018 0
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Hootsuite H65hdo
      What?
      Sep 2, 2018
    • New / Other xWfO11
      I feel like you missed a word somewhere
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Microsoft Obdthji
      What?
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon Lv 2000
      I think it may be autocorrect. But still, what?
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Ticketmaster Bawx50
    Well. It’s like this: if you want to have children, or more my advice to you is my Grandma’s: do not wait until YOU are too old to enjoy THEM...however you define it.

    I had 3 kids, in the end. I work in tech, as an Eng/Arch.

    I had them younger. It was harder. But I am not yet 55 and my youngest is off to LMU.

    Everyone is different. Whatever you do, don’t let cynicism drive your decision, let love do it, and understand it’s not a “transactional relationship”...between you and more kids, your current and future kids...or your spouse. Money is secondary or tertiary at best, and if you are in “the Business” as others have pointed out, you’ve got plenty of it. :)
    Sep 2, 2018 0
  • So, you both are working and worried about cost for 2 nd kid? Useless parents you are. Million dollar homes, no time for kids. You should not have any kids in the first place.
    Sep 2, 2018 2
    • Microsoft Aebpllpp
      Such clueless judgement.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Square / Eng SQ
      Probably why he/she works at GE.
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Workday / Eng
    swk1

    Workday Eng

    PRE
    Workday, Cisco
    swk1more
    2 is more work in the beginning but far less work later.
    They take care of each other
    Sep 1, 2018 1
    • Uber WatUber
      Totally agree. They play with each other vs wanting your attention. Lots of local friends can also give this to your kid, but it’s difficult for your kids to do it independently in this helicopter parent world.
      Sep 4, 2018
  • Microsoft SapSucker
    For crying out loud. Make up your own minds. There is no ONE right answer. You are just asking others to avoid taking responsibility for making your own decisions. Grow up....and if you can’t do that, you shouldn’t have kids. Get a dog first. See how that works out.
    Sep 2, 2018 4
    • New PGIL21
      They’re asking for opinion. Not necessarily accepting the answers as final decision. Hopefully.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Commvault Immigrant
      It’s not like they conduct a poll and pick the top voted option. Sometimes it helps to get different perspectives. Like you might not even have approached the problem with a particular point of view until you heard that from someone else.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Twitch Njjjjj
      Msft is fkin anal, what do they teach you in redmond? Just be positive to the op
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Groupon OivL44
      That was my thought as well. You need input from blind to make a decision about having a 2nd kid? You and your SO need to spend time together to figure out your priorities.
      Sep 3, 2018
  • Gigster teal_green
    Don't assume giving a sibling inherently gives your child more - my mother was happy/good at being a mother to one, but couldn't balance two kids and a career. She got horrible post partum depression she took a decade to recover from. My brother and I have very different personalities/values (he thinks I'm a mercenary for working in tech, even when I've worked on strongly prosocial projects), and he's tethered their early senior years with his inability to get a job or effectively launch. Siblings are not a guarantee of anything. If you want your kids to have a better chance if having lifetime supports, explore different forms of cohousing or intentional groups/communities where they can build relationships with age-mates through their youth. Same goes for the process of growing older yourself - your kids shouldn't be a guarantee of anything - see my brother's failure to thrive.
    Sep 2, 2018 0
  • Microsoft / Eng æ
    Only kids are weirdos.
    Sep 2, 2018 0
  • Veritas VeriFly
    Most of the advice here is to have a second child so that they can play together and have them off your back.Why bother having more children if you can't take care of them or make the time to spend with them?.The biggest commitment you make when you have a child is your time,attention and love,nothing else matters!
    Sep 2, 2018 4
    • Oracle Nitrite
      Wow. What a stupid comment.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Veritas VeriFly
      Nitrite - You are entitled to an opinion just as much as I am,but atleast be man or woman enough to qualify your opinion.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Capital One strangevil
      @Verifly exactly! I don't get the circlejerk here recommending having another kid just so the first one gets company. Get a fuckin dog or a cat if you just want him to have someone to play with. If you or your wife aren't gonna be around for the most part then just focus your time, energy and money on 1 and make sure he/she gets the best life possible.

      Having 2 is expensive. People keep saying economics of scale kicks in but that would be limited to very few things. Not to mention the time and energy you have to put in. Not saying you can't have 2 but having it just so the other 1 has company is a very short-sighted reason.

      Also OP, blind isn't a place to ask people if you are supposed to fuck your wife without protection. Keep that shit on some sub-reddit thread meant for it where you'll get actual good opinions.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Intel DSPN81
      The biggest commitment you make to your children is your genetics. After age 6, kids are more impacted by peers than parents.
      Sep 3, 2018
  • Apple / Eng
    hair

    Apple Eng

    PRE
    Intuit
    hairmore
    I’ve noticed most people I come across who are raising a family in States and are American have 3 kids. This is consistent across my org. Wonder if there is a correlation or just a massive coincidence?
    Sep 2, 2018 4
    • Amazon Northman
      The only people I know in the Bay Area with 3+ kids are incredibly wealthy or incredibly poor (or had twins on the second shot). The cost of living here makes 3-4 kids pretty prohibitive for even tech workers.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Microsoft Aebpllpp
      3 kids is the new status symbol among the 1%.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Microsoft / Eng
      Walawalar

      Microsoft Eng

      BIO
      Hate coding quizzes but studying hard for better future!
      Walawalarmore
      3 is pretty common amongst Americans particularly in suburbs. I see most of my neighbors have three kids. Maybe not true in bay area but in Seattle suburbs yes.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon Northman
      Of course, because Seattle suburbs cost of living is 40% less than Peninsula.
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Veritas abonventre
    This is a tough one... we have 2- boy 8 and girl 6. Of course we'd never change our decision at this point, but adding a second child is a huge transition. Childcare expenses are significant, especially depending on your geographic area. The workload quadruples, not doubles. The first child CHANGES. This is the biggest one. Consider all factors. Do what's right for your family.
    Sep 2, 2018 3
    • Exostar TCP/IP
      Yeah but at least the second one doesn’t cost any more healthcare premium-wise. At least that’s what my wife is telling me (our first is 7 months *gulp*)
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Vistaprint $#@&#@!*
      When we went from 1 to 2 our workload didn't even double, but my kids also haven't started school yet. So nice that they play together instead of constantly needing our attention. Daycare costs do suck though. Although once they're out of daycare I won't know what to do with that extra $4k per month 🤣
      Sep 3, 2018
    • IBM gilbytx
      Wait until your two kids start all the after school programs and sports, music, have different friends and sleepovers, etc.... then come back and say 2 kids isn’t much more work. :)
      Sep 3, 2018
  • Wells Fargo Ctjj57
    My wife and I are both working professionals whose jobs go beyond the traditional 40-hour workweek. We have 3 kids and we’re aiming for a 4th in another year or two.

    Forget cost when comparing 1-2. If you want the kind of family life 2 (or 3, or 4, etc) kids brings, a carefully considered approach can give them similar excellent opportunities. It’s going to cost a lot more, but you can also start to save in some ways by bringing multiple kids to the table. If you’re looking st private schooling and tutoring, most are willing to negotiate lower overall fees for someone sending more than one child through. That’s part of how they strengthen their pipelines. Also, you’ll spend more time raising multiples than a single kid. But you also have the opportunity to build a robust family unit that operates as a support structure in the way that a single-child-family often isn’t.

    Siblings can have a tremendous positive effect on each other with proper parenting and some luck. If siblings learn how to interact with one another, build relationships, trust, and strategize for long repeating games in a healthy manner than siblings provide excellent early practice. That said, there are plenty of destructive ways to raise kids like forcing an atmosphere of unhealthy competition, showing favoritism or conditional love, etc. that can make the sibling relationship a detriment.

    I’ll tell you how I see it. My kids are pretty close. I teach the 5-year-old piano. He learns that song or skill, then he immediately turns and teaches it to his 3-year-old brother, who then tries to teach it to the 1-year-old. That greatly strengthens their skills and creates a culture of learning and feedback loop of educational reinforcement. This has worked exceptionally well with their French and Spanish. It’s with pride and amusement that I listen to the 5-year-old drill his siblings.

    No, they’re not interested in all the same stuff, and it doesn’t work for everything. But at an early age they’re mostly interested in what their parents are interested in and what their older siblings are interested in, so as long as you prime the oldest to be interested and involved in the baby, it usually works out well.
    Sep 2, 2018 1
    • Amazon whatever2
      4th kid ? Jeez ..are you balancing world population debt
      Sep 5, 2018
  • HotSchedules / Eng
    Devvie

    HotSchedules Eng

    PRE
    Sentient Technologies
    Devviemore
    I have 4 children. It just works out.
    Sep 2, 2018 1
    • Microsoft kBkd38
      I have four as well and it all works. There are trade offs and somethings are harder and some easier. The key is spacing kids it enough in years. Make sure you have a solid relationship with your spouse and everyone is working together for a common goal because nobody wants to rise kids part time or on your own.
      Sep 3, 2018
  • Marvell 01010102
    I have two and they are 3 years apart. They play and occupy ea other all the time. It’s great! We don’t have to occupy them. Plus when we are old they won’t be an only child having the burden of taking care of us. There’ll be two to split the load and have the tough conversations. Being an only child is very lonely. Go have your second! It’s harder the first few years but the rewards will come in time.
    Sep 1, 2018 1
    • Iron Galaxy Studios / Design designEP
      My brother died many years ago. We were close growing up. I can verify all of those to be true, having had one and no longer so
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Have two kids at minimum. So that they can learn how to share, how to behave and how to be better humans. Also adopt the second kid if you're ok with it. There are lot of kids without parents eagerly looking for parental love and affection.
    Sep 2, 2018 0
  • Kohl’s / Product
    time2live

    Kohl’s Product

    PRE
    Sony, Kohl’s, Apple
    BIO
    Hands on product manager. Expertise in both platform and consumer facing products
    time2livemore
    Have a second kid. It's not what you want but what makes sense to your first kid. Would a sibling not be fun for your first kid? Absolutely. Kids need other kids. I have a lot of friends with one kid. They always regret not having one more.
    Additionally think of moving out of bay area. More affordable to raise two kids in a different state
    Sep 2, 2018 3
    • Groupon OivL44
      That is the dumbest fucking advice. Have the second kid if you want one, not for the sake of having a companion for the first one...jeez
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Kohl’s / Product
      time2live

      Kohl’s Product

      PRE
      Sony, Kohl’s, Apple
      BIO
      Hands on product manager. Expertise in both platform and consumer facing products
      time2livemore
      When you have a kid... You need to think in terms of the kid. What is in the kids best interest? Is a sibling not in the kids best interest?
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Apple ybEg46
      No?
      Sep 3, 2018
  • Cisco / Eng
    piedpipper

    Cisco Eng

    PRE
    Amazon, Apple, Fitbit, Google, Cisco
    piedpippermore
    OP
    Thanks folks for all the insights.. for those who are bashing me for asking in blind. We are all professionals here, from engineers stand point want to see how each of us manage time and if it's feasible. Nothing wrong in the mode of asking and knowing.. we are all in the same boat and learning from each other's experience seems better than experimenting by yourself.

    Also FYI, me and my wife have discussed this.
    Sep 5, 2018 1
    • Microsoft Influencer
      Let us know what decision you would be taking after this thread
      Sep 5, 2018
  • Microsoft kintaro_oe
    Skimmed this thread and I do not see >5 kids.

    Friend has a dad who is a non-tech worker, mom is stay at home mom. Summary of dads work is small biz (a corner store etc) and driving trucks.

    Total kids: 7

    And the parents don't even have college degrees

    The kids are happy and healthy and going into medicine, law, (two oldest so far), etc.

    This paranoia about cost is short-sighted. If someone without a college degree making <100k/year can handle 7 kids, you princes in your golden castle tech jobs can handle 3 lmao, blind is such an echo chamber
    Sep 3, 2018 1
    • Amazon / Other
      Sisko

      Amazon Other

      BIO
      I am in HR
      Siskomore
      I agree... many have an obsession not only with the cost of children but also with the idea that we have to give every child a ton or things and experiences.

      Kids can get by happy and healthy playing with cardboard boxes, clothes from Ross and used sports equipment. Oh and you don’t have to pay for their college.
      Sep 3, 2018
  • New sdblind
    2 kids is 5x harder. If you have the right expectations it should be fine. Easier to have kids while you are younger.

    I would suggest one of you change jobs to an easier job though. Good luck!
    Sep 1, 2018 1
    • Uber foolius
      2 is as easy as 1. 3 on the other hand becomes exponentially harder. Simply bc you only have 2 hands
      Sep 1, 2018
  • PayPal rfAk00
    The precious gift the parents can give to kids is siblings to their kids
    Sep 2, 2018 0
  • McAfee Hansolo12
    2 is great. 1 is isolating the kid
    Sep 2, 2018 0
  • Do not make the mistake of not having a second child. You owe it to your daughter.
    Sep 2, 2018 0
  • Amazon / Eng Fghfswjbc
    I have 4 kids, and love every day of it!
    Sep 2, 2018 0

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