1 kid vs 2

Cisco / Eng
piedpipper

Cisco Eng

PRE
Amazon, Apple, Fitbit, Google, Cisco
piedpippermore
Aug 31, 2018 303 Comments

Me and my wife both are working professionals in our early 30s. Both of us have very hectic job roles, we have a 3.5 yr old daughter and contemplating if we should have a 2nd kid. Both of us are on H1B visa with GC pending.

What will be the cost of raising 2 kids. What other factors do we need to consider?

My points are - do we have a second kid and compromise on everything right from schooling or have just one and keep her happy?

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TOP 303 Comments
  • Microsoft pSjr87
    It’s not only about cost or you and your wife, it’s about your daughter too , go for it, kids gives you the love which no amount of money can give .
    Aug 31, 2018 9
    • Amazon max9chars
      Have 2. Being financially capable of sending your only child to Ivy League shouldn't be the deciding factor. Have faith in your kids abilities. You came this far, your kid will certainly do well without you coddling him/her with money and resources.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Other $lime
      Have 4.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Tableau Nullll
      Really? You would have kids because they give you love? Wtf! You should want kids if you want to offer them a life - not because you want their love! That is just being selfish!
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Facebook / Eng Bootcampe
      I did not bond with my sister at all. Haven’t spoken with her in a year. Will definitely help her if she needs something but that I would do for a good friend too. Do it if u want it. It’s your decision. Do not do it for your daughter.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • TI / Product IOlOl0
      2 is better, single children get more spoiled and are more selfish...
      Sep 5, 2018
  • Samsung AAK93
    Condoms are cheaper bro
    Aug 31, 2018 7
    • Microsoft pSjr87
      I wish condom should have been used in your case
      Aug 31, 2018
    • Apple Mikgfh
      Condom should’ve been a thing in China and India. We won’t have whole bunch of problem.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon Yeah, yeah
      Dude, why do you think the population is high in those countries? Because they use chineese condoms.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Facebook oberttjf
      LMAO are your condoms not made in China? Geez
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon Rod11
      HahahahhahahahahhaH
      Sep 3, 2018
  • Microsoft pterraByte
    What's your daughters TC?
    Sep 2, 2018 3
    • Flagged by the community.

    • Twilio 4yfgey
      Come on, that was funny.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Oz Management / Eng Jams
      Yeah that was funny
      Sep 2, 2018
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • LinkedIn peepl
      Unless you have an ipo or two that money is not gonna be enough.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon FekW34
      4?! That’s just irresponsible
      Sep 2, 2018
    • New qnetter
      The world does not need four child families.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Proofpoint / Other foodtruckj
      But the giant house with 5 bedrooms need to be filled with people. The solution is more kids.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Ropes & Gray pjkg03
      Kind of a good idea but you forgot human factors including the relationship people may have with money - start making really good money when you start going senior-lead-director and before you know it you begin to seriously consider keeping your family of 4 in a Tenderloin SRO while you wait for those sweet RSUs to vest.
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Amazon / Eng QVHz54
    I think it depends on you and partner. Most importantly, do you *want* more kids?

    Both my husband and I have careers we knew we both wanted to maintain but we were open to having one or two. Two was my preference, one was his - we decided from the beginning that we'd have one and then decide. I had a hard time getting pregnant, a high risk pregnancy and then I suffered from postpartum depression. My daughter is neuroatypical - she's amazingly brilliant but it's a whole lot harder raising her. I think she'd *enjoy* having a sibling but I know what I'm capable of and I think she gets a better mother being an only child. I can't wrap my head around what it would be like for her and my husband if I were out of commission due to another rough pregnancy or depression. I think my husband could manage a second one but I just don't think I'd be capable of it.

    So for me, I choose to stop at 1 because I see my own capability, my daughter's needs and my husband's preference. Those things compel me to feel happy and complete with my family the way it is. Maybe it's selfish and maybe she'll resent me when she's older because she's an only child but ultimately I hope she realizes we made the best decisions we could with what we had.
    Sep 1, 2018 10
    • Salesforce / Eng Thor1
      Is time only solution for better behaviour. Somehow I don't understand how this early intervention classes or speech therapy by govt and ngos really help correcting kids brain.or behaviour. The doctors seems to go by book and just follow routine analysis techniques.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng QVHz54
      @Thor1, I'm not really following what you're saying but to be clear, I'm not trying to "correct" my daughter's brain or behavior. A lot of our time goes in to therapy but the goal is to teach her how to live a happy, adjusted life in spite of her differences. I love her differences and I hope she does too. Early intervention is proven to be really beneficial as long as the goals are realistic. The therapies are catered to the individual since people present differently.

      For example, my daughter is highly verbal but her pragmatic speech suffers so she struggles socially. My goal in speech therapy is not to "fix" the part of my daughter's brain that impairs pragmatic speech but rather to give her enough skills that we can compensate for it.

      She's a legitimate genius and will do great things. If any therapist ever suggested we "correct" that, I'd find a new therapist. It's exhausting and uses up every bit of my mental and physical energy but my goal is to simply help her with skills other children develop naturally so she can function comfortably.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Salesforce / Eng Thor1
      Thanks for your reply. I understand and was thinking the same.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng QVHz54
      You're welcome :) It's so amazing what the right support can do for a child!
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Unamazed
      QVHz54: and it’s so amazing what the wrong level of support can do to a child!
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Mentor Graphics / Sales
    Tiki-taka

    Mentor Graphics Sales

    BIO
    A Siemens business..
    Tiki-takamore
    Your daughter needs a second. You will see a benefit 5 years from now
    Aug 31, 2018 5
    • Deutsche Bank Newbie4321
      This is a big factor. When parents go away as we all will, siblings become important. And siblings are not exactly the same as cousins
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Microsoft YuGiOh
      Eh, not really. Mobility is only increasing for developed counties so chances are your children will have little to do with one another after they grow up and move for college/their jobs.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Deutsche Bank Newbie4321
      Distance does not matter at all ! In most cases your siblings will always be equally important whether they are near or far
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Amazon / Product |||||:||||
      Also, somewhat of a surprise at first blush, the rate of youth moving away from their home area is declining. So if that continues I would expect sibling relationships to remain at least as important as we know them today in developed countries.

      L6 PM 250k
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Cisco baQk38
      The most important point here. Siblings many a times are the best friends for life. They will confide in them not with their parents. Plan a second one and give them good values so they stay bonded for life.
      Sep 3, 2018
  • Oracle 3not3
    Yeah, I had the same problem few years back. Now I have three. Then I got my vasectomy done. Now my wife is asking me to revert and get a fourth one.

    I kinda want too. But then again my experience during my vasectomy surgery was not fun. So I am torn.
    Sep 1, 2018 11
    • Oracle 3not3
      My wife is amazing. Fuck off.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Microsoft CrzyHrse
      Did you you feel anything when you have to sneeze, after the surgery
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Square / Eng kTtI24
      Just going to put this out there... a vasectomy is a cake walk compared to giving birth!
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Zillow Group Z💤💤💤💤
      @kTtl24 how do you know?
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Square / Eng kTtI24
      From the above, “Overall quick 20 min procedure. Recovery within a few days. You can resume daily activity the next day”. Have you ever heard of giving birth described this way?
      Sep 4, 2018
  • PayPal BigNuts
    I have 0 and happy
    Sep 2, 2018 3
    • Oracle 3not3
      Wait till you hit 50.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • PayPal BigNuts
      Lol ok
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Nvidia klim8
      You only have eyes for your hand
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Medallia Blind=VOE
    I don't get having children if you both work full-time...makes zero sense. Buy a turtle, find a tomagotchi on eBay. Children are not cats that you foster to some stranger to raise. Not only does it cost way more money, but you both miss out on the actual point of having them in the first place. It's like only dry humping.
    Sep 2, 2018 6
    • Microsoft Aebpllpp
      Or they have their wife do all the work. Or they’re one of the mominazi.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Netgear A84k
      What? Many people have kids and work full-time. Your kid doesn't need to be around you 24/7. In fact, I think I'm more independent because my parents couldn't hover.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Vistaprint $#@&#@!*
      Lol... Could also be late 80's. I'm not sure why people think it's not worth having kids and working. if that argument holds any water it's also not worth having kids at all for the parent who works, using that logic only the stay-at-home parent gains any benefit from having children.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Medallia Blind=VOE
      Who said hover? I said raise. I'm simply making the case that half of the reasons for or against children expressed here are selfish in nature. No problem...but having children should make you less selfish - and creating them to then have both parents spend 80% of their waking hours away from the two that brought them into the world makes no sense. Really - be cat people, for us taxpayers' sakes.
      Sep 3, 2018
    • Vistaprint $#@&#@!*
      I'm pretty sure that the average tax payer benefits from both parents working.

      Also what makes you think that a stay-at-home parent raising a child is better for the child than the child learning how to socially interact with their peers and being taught by a trained and certified professional?
      Sep 4, 2018
  • DigitalOcean / Eng wvbc38
    Have zero kids and save the planet. 🤷‍♂️
    Sep 2, 2018 4
    • Intel DSPN81
      - Malthus, 1814

      The planet doesn’t care if you have another kid because it is an inanimate object without consciousness.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • DigitalOcean / Eng wvbc38
      I'm unapologetically and unironically a malthusian, but I don't fault those who aren't. Pretty sure I win in the long run though 😛
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Unamazed
      DigitalOcean in the long run you die. How is that winning? There’s also the option to kys. That could help save the planet, right?
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Oracle Cacofonix
      Wcbc38 I wish your parents thought the same way!
      Sep 2, 2018
  • New / Eng
    OGP

    New Eng

    BIO
    CTO, Programmer
    OGPmore
    Two kids here , two is three times the work. IMHO totally worth it once they are old enough to entertain each other. I’m a only child and I’m pretty egotistical, selfish, but smart and think a sibling would’ve helped with some of the psychotic behavior.
    Sep 2, 2018 3
    • Amazon 867-5309
      Siblings certainly teach each other things that parents can't. Kids with siblings are usually better adjusted and have healthier relationships than only children
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Splunk getset
      Not true at all. Read Nurture Shock. Data heavy book on parenting. They have a whole chapter on sibling impact and conclude having a sibling does not help a child be better adjusted. The book is worth a read, it covers a wide spectrum on important parenting topics.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Citibank / Product jqUU38
      Being an only child, I can tell you firsthand the amazing support and comfort the very thought of a sibling can give... i get not all are bffs, and don’t get along all the time, etc. Who does? You still get to count one as your own
      Sep 2, 2018
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Microsoft / Mgmt
      Бабушка

      Microsoft Mgmt

      BIO
      https://youtu.be/6xckBwPdo1c
      Бабушкаmore
      TC or GTFO
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Intuit 01asd
    Giving your kid a sibling is more valuable than any education you can buy your child
    Sep 2, 2018 1
    • Tesla / Project
      English92

      Tesla Project

      BIO
      Renewable energy and microgrids
      English92more
      Shut iiiiiit
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Microsoft / Mgmt
    Бабушка

    Microsoft Mgmt

    BIO
    https://youtu.be/6xckBwPdo1c
    Бабушкаmore
    My wife and I had a second child 5 years after the first (who was difficult to raise despite being a very smart kid -- we didn't know what we were doing.

    It's the best decision we made. Now we look at all 1-kid families and we think of them as incomplete (don't take it personally please). 2 is definitely, definitely better than 1. Changes the whole family dynamic in very interesting ways.

    So, highly recommend your revisit your decision.
    Sep 1, 2018 3
    • Oracle オラクル
      Can you please elaborate as to how it change everything?
      Sep 1, 2018
    • New sdblind
      Don't think you need to specify you didn't know what you were doing on your first child. That is a universal truth.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Amazon Northman
      Similar situation, very challenging first child (severe colic, very emotionally sensitive even afterwards) and we went for a second when the first was still only 2 despite my misgivings. The challenges and career disruption of having a baby and a difficult toddler while I was very involved in my career led to so much stress our marriage fell apart. Obviously, there were other problems there (financial differences, her depression and mental instability that she refused to acknowledge or get treatment for, non-existant sex life, etc.) but adding children adds stress. Now that the kids are both older it is awesome to see them together, but I never wanted them to grow up in a divorced home. Make sure your marriage is super strong and stable before making this decision and that you are both super aligned on career and financial objectives.
      Sep 2, 2018
  • 1 kid 7 years old, feel quite happy. I feel parents with 2 kids are quite stressed all the time.
    Sep 1, 2018 2
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      I feel like parents with any number of are stressed all the time.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • New / Product
      nicebot

      New Product

      BIO
      Need leads to PM roles in SF. Thank you!!
      nicebotmore
      Depends on the kids too I'd guess. I(1st) was tough for my parents but my sister was a breeze to handle
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Nextdoor Polizia
    I'm 30yrs old and grew up a single child. All of my parents' resources were available to me and that was great as I was able to do a decent chunk in life. At this stage, my parents realize that when they grow old they only really have me to depend on for some things and while I know that I'll always care for them, there is always (and they've admitted it's unreasonable) a doubt in their minds. Not a great feeling for them or me.

    If you can amply provide for two kids - I'd do two. If you only have resources for one - stick to one. Quality over quantity
    Aug 31, 2018 1
    • Aon Hewitt Health
      I think one is better in this case with two it's not likely both will take responsibility. I know people who have six or similar sizes and no one takes responsibility
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Intel DSPN81
    2 is twice as expensive as 1 - there are few economies of scale on significant expenses like childcare or college savings.

    2 is significantly harder for the father in most families - just during pregnancy you will pick up more responsibilities, then your wife will be exhausted the first year (obviously generalizing gender roles in child responsibilities like feeding / waking in the night).
    Sep 2, 2018 10
    • BigCommerce 5429a
      Yeah, I could see my husband hating the work associated with a #2 if we had one. I still do 98% of the night care for our toddler and he has plenty of time to himself to watch TV, read, etc. I think that would disappear.
      Sep 5, 2018
    • Tableau / Eng
      WeldMaster

      Tableau Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      WeldMastermore
      5429a, sadly your husband didn't get the memo that when you make the decision to have children, you have to fully expect your whole life to change. Anything less than that is fantasy and it sounds like he is still trying to live that fantasy. Something will break if he continues to live that fantasy which is evident in how you worded your comment.
      Sep 5, 2018
    • Intel DSPN81
      It’s how most families with one kid work.
      Sep 5, 2018
    • BigCommerce 5429a
      That's not true, he cooks for us every night and does majority of the daytime care. But I can see losing the breaks during naps and when I take kiddo number 1 taking a toll.
      Sep 5, 2018
    • Atlassian / Eng
      Luffy, M.D

      Atlassian Eng

      PRE
      Facebook
      BIO
      A prematurely grumpy somewhat old man
      Luffy, M.Dmore
      Pump and bottles worked for both of ours for the night shift. I'm a night person, she's not. OTOH first six months were killer exhausting for both of us regardless and I'm sure worse for her. Especially on the second one where she got just the state mandatory leave rather than 6 months.
      Sep 8, 2018
  • New AFQu71
    One kid is the worst you can do. My wife is the only child and she said she wished to have a sibling her whole life. Plus you do not need to run any algorithms - if something happens to one kid you are left with 0 (knock on wood). My dream is to have 4.
    Sep 2, 2018 5
    • New qnetter
      Why not just poison a few dozen acres of earth and save the time and trouble?
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Unamazed
      Right, qnetter, because humans are inherently toxic things and globally speaking, the fewer the better, in all cases.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • New lulll
      qnetter why not just kys
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Unamazed
      lulll: exactly! The fewer the better, in all cases. Carry through on one’s beliefs!
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Apple vErx86
      All your eggs in one basket, as it were
      Sep 4, 2018
  • Expedia OmarJamys
    If you care about the environment you will stop at one.
    Sep 2, 2018 3
    • Microsoft Aebpllpp
      If you care about the environment you would not be born. But we’re here now aren’t we.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Unamazed
      If you cared about the environment you would kys.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Microsoft Aebpllpp
      After you.
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Tesla / Project
    English92

    Tesla Project

    BIO
    Renewable energy and microgrids
    English92more
    Don't have a second kid...
    Sep 2, 2018 2
    • TrueCar / Eng expbackoff
      Funding not secured?.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Oracle Cacofonix
      It’s Like .. don’t launch Model 3 just yet...
      Sep 2, 2018

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