Me and my wife both are working professionals in our early 30s. Both of us have very hectic job roles, we have a 3.5 yr old daughter and contemplating if we should have a 2nd kid. Both of us are on H1B visa with GC pending.
What will be the cost of raising 2 kids. What other factors do we need to consider?
My points are - do we have a second kid and compromise on everything right from schooling or have just one and keep her happy?
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Both my husband and I have careers we knew we both wanted to maintain but we were open to having one or two. Two was my preference, one was his - we decided from the beginning that we'd have one and then decide. I had a hard time getting pregnant, a high risk pregnancy and then I suffered from postpartum depression. My daughter is neuroatypical - she's amazingly brilliant but it's a whole lot harder raising her. I think she'd *enjoy* having a sibling but I know what I'm capable of and I think she gets a better mother being an only child. I can't wrap my head around what it would be like for her and my husband if I were out of commission due to another rough pregnancy or depression. I think my husband could manage a second one but I just don't think I'd be capable of it.
So for me, I choose to stop at 1 because I see my own capability, my daughter's needs and my husband's preference. Those things compel me to feel happy and complete with my family the way it is. Maybe it's selfish and maybe she'll resent me when she's older because she's an only child but ultimately I hope she realizes we made the best decisions we could with what we had.
For example, my daughter is highly verbal but her pragmatic speech suffers so she struggles socially. My goal in speech therapy is not to "fix" the part of my daughter's brain that impairs pragmatic speech but rather to give her enough skills that we can compensate for it.
She's a legitimate genius and will do great things. If any therapist ever suggested we "correct" that, I'd find a new therapist. It's exhausting and uses up every bit of my mental and physical energy but my goal is to simply help her with skills other children develop naturally so she can function comfortably.
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I kinda want too. But then again my experience during my vasectomy surgery was not fun. So I am torn.
Also what makes you think that a stay-at-home parent raising a child is better for the child than the child learning how to socially interact with their peers and being taught by a trained and certified professional?
The planet doesn’t care if you have another kid because it is an inanimate object without consciousness.
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It's the best decision we made. Now we look at all 1-kid families and we think of them as incomplete (don't take it personally please). 2 is definitely, definitely better than 1. Changes the whole family dynamic in very interesting ways.
So, highly recommend your revisit your decision.
If you can amply provide for two kids - I'd do two. If you only have resources for one - stick to one. Quality over quantity
2 is significantly harder for the father in most families - just during pregnancy you will pick up more responsibilities, then your wife will be exhausted the first year (obviously generalizing gender roles in child responsibilities like feeding / waking in the night).