33 year old virgin, are there meds that can make me (personality) attractive to women?

Microsoft / Eng hsw23+
May 5 72 Comments

Serious shit, no troll here.

tldr: Can meds make me more happy and less of an asshole so that women will like me more?

I'm a 33 year old virgin and have never been in a relationship before. Having nobody is starting to be a hole in my life. I've been reading a lot about relationships and why I'm so bad with women.

My current theory is that my personality is such a turn off that I can't pass basic filters even though I have many good qualities (intelligence, humor, resilience, can get shit done).

In short
- I have a female mentality when it comes to dating. I have never learned how to get a girl. Never did that in high school and college and even later on in life.
- I have mommy/daddy issues and I have not experienced love before. I get no hugs. Growing up all the adult relationship I've seen is fucked up and divorced. I'm also very adverse to being hurt so I've actively sought not to be hurt by not having a relationship.
- Because of reasons above I come across as being cranky, grumpy, maybe bitter. I'm also very petty and calculative. I like things my way. I don't actively express these traits normally, but now I think there is alot of bleed through.
- I'm stuck in a never-ending negative feedback loop. I have this fantasy one day someone I love will drop in my lap and I'll be happy. But since I have nobody, I can't be happy, and so I'm always angry.
- I don't drink, get high, dance, or party. I'm quite anti social. I think I have this fucked up thinking that I cannot be happy and enjoy myself. I don't know why. I'm always unhappy or dissatisfied over something. I don't like to be happy but I want to be. Seriously how fucked up am I?

Because of this long shit list I come across as being grumpy/angry/unfriendly and I only learned this week women seek happy socially adjusted mates. So I'm fucked.

I want to change but I don't know how to. Is there a happy pill I can take to help with behaviorial changes? We're talking about 3 decades of history here, so it's going to be hard

Thanks.

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TOP 72 Comments
  • Tektronix BazzokaGrl
    Go to therapy and yeah it's possible medication and therapy may help you.
    May 5 1
    • Intel babubhatt
      Therapy for sure. Making changes can take a lot of work.
      May 5
  • Nvidia wagecuck
    Are you in shape? If not then get in shape first.
    May 5 0
  • Facebook ⭕w⭕
    🍄
    May 5 4
    • New / Data
      NullsBohr

      New Data

      PRE
      Mu Sigma Inc.
      NullsBohrmore
      Microdosing at breakfast tho !
      May 5
    • Intel Who.Dis
      This is a horrible idea for someone who’s currently is worried about their isolation and childhood history. 8 more hours thinking of this same topic alone in a more malleable mental state will do him harm.
      May 6
    • Google hahaha!
      maybe a deeper reflection on those issues is what he needs. a bad trip can be emotionally difficult but can end up being healing, especially if you have it while microdosing (still mentally be in the driver seat) and with a compassionate friend.

      it could be those issues that may be causing some of these other issues 🤔 not saying this is a good solution, it’s just worked for me
      May 6
    • Intel Who.Dis
      ^I agree and am a huge proponent of the power of psychedelics, using far too many along the way and picking up a couple really bad trips.

      However, I am also very cautious when I help my friends trip for the first time. They NEED an experienced trip sitter. Also, this guy has never drank, let alone smoked weed or done any other mild recreational drug. I usually caution people to the scale that alcohol -> weed -> acid/shrooms (acid is a bit more intense) -> DMT. Each is a tier away from the others in terms of how much control you relinquish. Not everyone can handle giving up their familiar control of sobriety.
      May 7
  • New / Consultant time_pass
    First step is to pay for it and lose your label.
    May 5 2
    • Google notachad
      That is a beta move. Very sad. Become alpha and have the women begging for it
      May 5
    • Verizon Media
      plkjgg

      Verizon Media

      PRE
      Verizon Media
      plkjggmore
      OMG!!! "Begging for it"???? Google@, you're an idiot and imaginative.
      May 7
  • Amazon / Eng DeepObsess
    Learn to take good care of yourself first. Get serious about working out for the sake of physical and mental well being. Then you can take up the task of being more social. Then finally you can marry someone from your favorite 3rd world country.
    May 5 1
    • Google / Eng
      rQsc13

      Google Eng

      PRE
      Qualcomm
      rQsc13more
      Omg the last part 😂🤣. Good to know Always an option
      May 5
  • Welcome back 5'6
    May 5 0
  • Microsoft / Eng
    tarasenko

    Microsoft Eng

    PRE
    Microsoft, Grab
    tarasenkomore
    self-help books helped me a bunch.
    May 5 3
    • Facebook ⭕w⭕
      The only self-help book that is decent is How to Win Friends and Influence People, everything else is trash.
      May 5
    • Microsoft / Eng
      tarasenko

      Microsoft Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft, Grab
      tarasenkomore
      I liked the 7 habits book for teens when I was in high school
      May 5
    • Microsoft / Eng
      tarasenko

      Microsoft Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft, Grab
      tarasenkomore
      Now it’s atomic habits
      May 5
  • LinkedIn cd-
    Axe body spray
    May 5 2
    • 😂
      May 5
    • Microsoft / Eng
      eAKE77

      Microsoft Eng

      PRE
      Cisco, Yahoo, Intel Corporation
      eAKE77more
      Rofl. Seriously pay a visit to Macy’s or Nordstrom and try out some men’s cologne. I good start for sure .
      May 6
  • Amazon
    SamuraiBlu

    Amazon

    BIO
    VP of Everything
    SamuraiBlumore
    I’m going to take you at your word that you’re not trolling and respond to you earnestly. I hope that’s not naive.

    It sounds like you’re looking for love but at this point I think you should be looking for “like”. My hunch is that you’re trying too hard because you’re aiming for grand sweeping romances and in the process missing out on small things that start to give you confidence and momentum.

    The fact that you don’t drink, stay out late, or party could be a plus for some people. Try to leverage connections with friends or coworkers to be set up with someone who finds your lifestyle appealing; if you have anything else in common, that’s great too. Go on a couple of good dates - don’t focus on whether it’ll become a lasting relationship, just focus on getting along and being happy even briefly. The best sorts of dates are the ones where no-one is really trying that hard; everything just sort of happens and you don’t even notice.

    To that end, I’m not a doctor or a psychiatrist so discuss meds with them first but the right anti depressants can have a calming effect and make it a lot easier to relax and be yourself. Everyone’s mileage will vary of course but it might be worth exploring.
    May 5 0
  • Oscar 🐨koala
    :( I have some of these issues. I think your first step is seeking a combination of psychiatrist and a good therapist... also recognize this is not your fault...
    May 5 0
  • Amazon / Eng YaJabroni
    Getting a girl will not solve the problems on this list. Good on you knowing your issues. We're generally pretty inept at being able to fix these kinds of things on our own, and exercise won't make it go away. Seek help from a qualified professional, go to therapy. They'll help you work through what you're going through.
    May 5 1
    • Google / Eng
      rQsc13

      Google Eng

      PRE
      Qualcomm
      rQsc13more
      I agree with the general message of this as well. You need an outside perspective and input in this in order for you to get better
      May 5
  • Amazon eikijn
    Forget about pleasing and becoming attractive for women. Learn to love yourself first. If you do that, everything else will follow.
    How to love yourself? 1. By taking care of your body and mind. For body: any form of exercise you enjoy: strength training, yoga, running etc For mind: meditation or yoga, restoration. 2. Doing things that interest you
    May 5 0
  • Uber UberPool
    Just curious before you go through all this trouble. What do you look like? Are you short, fat, and/or bald? Are you underweight? Do you go to the gym 4x a week minimum? Do you where nice clothes that fit your body type and skin tone? No matter how great your personality is no woman will date you if she’s not physically attracted to you.
    May 5 6
    • Uber UberPool
      How much below avg is height? And how much above avg is weight? Give us numbers.
      May 5
    • Microsoft / Eng hsw23+
      OP
      5'8 maybe. 180-200 lbs I think.
      May 5
    • Facebook mEFF33
      Therapy. Learn to love yourself and realize you have value to reduce external validation. Next, work on personality. Be a kind person. Learn to have courage and put yourself out there. Exercise and take care of yourself. Watch terrace house aloha state (worst of the series, but good with picking up subtle things and learn what is attractive). Gluck!!!!!
      May 5
    • Uber UberPool
      Girls that are 5'0 and 5'1 might go for you, don't bother approaching anyone taller though, but you need to lose ~40lbs you should not be that big at that height, just get on the treadmill after work, eat salad, bike to work and home, you've got something to work with so long as you havent lost any hair yet
      May 5
    • Yahoo xCWI25
      Most girls don’t require a 7” height difference. Where did you even get that idea?
      May 5
  • Google
    AIMLOK

    Google

    BIO
    I once served 5TB
    AIMLOKmore
    Testosterone
    May 5 4
    • Google / Eng
      rQsc13

      Google Eng

      PRE
      Qualcomm
      rQsc13more
      How the hell to get this naturally? I tried to go to the doctor to get hormone therapy due to low levels, but besides exercising, how??
      May 5
    • Verizon Media
      plkjgg

      Verizon Media

      PRE
      Verizon Media
      plkjggmore
      Diet. Google it.
      May 7
    • Google / Eng
      rQsc13

      Google Eng

      PRE
      Qualcomm
      rQsc13more
      Nuts? 😢
      May 7
    • Google
      AIMLOK

      Google

      BIO
      I once served 5TB
      AIMLOKmore
      Start lifting weights. Get soy and other soy based foods out of your diet.
      May 12
  • Facebook / Eng idne
    Are you in Seattle?

    Step #1: GTFO Seattle and move to Boston or NYC.
    May 12 1
    • Amazon
      SamuraiBlu

      Amazon

      BIO
      VP of Everything
      SamuraiBlumore
      This is by far the most effective solution proposed on this long thread!
      May 20
  • Northrop Grumman HowCouldYu
    🍿🍿🍿
    May 5 0
  • Salesforce allegrego
    You have a lot of self awareness and seem to know what’s wrong with yourself. Therefore it sounds like you need to start going to therapy regularly for professional help. There’s no one answer that’s short enough to fit in a post that will solve any problems for you. 33 years of getting messed up takes at least a few years to fix
    May 5 0
  • Google / Eng
    rQsc13

    Google Eng

    PRE
    Qualcomm
    rQsc13more
    I was like you, and I picked up social skills from my surroundings over time. Humor, and then dancing. Those two combined make a HUGE difference when it comes to overall self esteem and social dynamic health.

    Rn, women and dating are on my 2nd plate and I can control it as I wish. Super surprised how those two things helped.

    The nerdy answer: abstract social interactions from humans with well adjusted ML models of what you'd like to be. with enough input and corrections, everything is possible
    May 5 2
    • Amazon :;/-()$&5
      Liked your nerdy answer! How did you learn humor and dancing?
      May 5
    • Google / Eng
      rQsc13

      Google Eng

      PRE
      Qualcomm
      rQsc13more
      Dancing was just route practice. The more you do it, the better. At the beginning you're gonna suck, so you gotta suck it up and get thru it. Liking the music/dance helps a great deal - don't just do it for the final target. I'd recommend any partner dance style. Find a studio with folks around your age, become a regular, learn people's names, expand out your social circle from there.

      Humor idk, I was just a teenager when everyone around me was hella funny. I picked up a few phrases, and eventually figured out the abstractions of it. Although I gotta day my humor is not for everyone - I joke at people's expense all the time. You need to know your audience
      May 5
  • Google / Eng
    sqrt(-1)

    Google Eng

    BIO
    Top Contributor or GTFO
    sqrt(-1)more
    Alcohol. The more you drink the prettier, smarter and richer you get. As a collateral effect, it also makes women around your look hotter.
    May 5 0
  • Microsoft / Eng nomnoom
    Agreed with all the advice with therapy.

    Fixing yourself with therapeutic advice will not only help you in finding a partner but will improve your quality of life as well.

    Also know that every family has issues. While growing up we don't realize how the real world operates and think that we are the only one facing these problems. But the sooner you accept it, the easier it gets. Talk honestly to a therapist about it and know that there is light at the end of tunnel.
    May 5 0