I am 7 months post partum and have become pregnant again. I have a beautiful girl and looking at her and he dependency on me i feel i cannot handle second one. I dont have a mother and inlaws are not cooperative. Husband is great but he is very serious in career and we both know we cannot handle second one with a tiny infant who is too dependamt on us. Suggestions please on what to do? Thanks
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- TC? That will decide whether you can afford another child or not. A high TC will make life so much easier via nannies, day care etc
Also, use condoms next time?
- Your husband is just as responsible for the pregnancy. Talk to him about birth control options (including vasectomy). He’s part of the problem and should be part of the future solution.
You really have two choices: keep or not. If you can’t live with an abortion, adoption is a good option. If you can’t fathom those options, you’ll have to use the resources you have to manage - either a nanny, day care, etc.Sep 24 8
- FWIW I’m a man. My wife and I have had this conversation a few times to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and decided to go the vasectomy route since IUDs and other forms of birth control don’t work for her. Men and women have joint responsibility in birth control. He needs to man up and be a partner in the two major decisions you’re facing as a couple.Sep 24 3
- Think of what you want to do extremely carefully. Abortion may sound like an easy short-term solution but it will haunt you for the rest of your life. So, I don’t know what to suggest but I can tell you with absolute certainty that abortion will have life-long moral consequence!
The elder daughter would be around 16 months when you will have two children. They will grow up together like twins!
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- Your husband needs to reassess his priorities. You are pregnant with a second child and you need support. Abortion is a serious thing and could cause you severe sense of loss if you don't do it with a convinced heart. If you are keeping this child without much family support he needs to scale down on that job and focus on your family. Move to a low cost of living area if needed. That extra TC is going to do nothing - right now you need him not the money.
- Think long term. A nanny is not going to be able to replace your husband in the emotional support that you might need. His biggest failure will be if you and your family don't have his support. Not missing the next promotion.
Evaluate what child care might need, the lifestyle and career both of you want and can afford and go from there. Both of you need to be active parents.
It's not like back home (if you are Asian) where you have family to take care of you. You got to do all yourself and you need to be in it together.
- Abortion would be worst thing ever in the life. When you look back it will haunt all of your life. People who been through similar situations have experienced this.
There’s tons of help available
Check below links. Reach out to them, your help is on the way. If you are not able to find one DM me I will arrange it
- Uber TmEr70I have twins and it’s tough. My husband is a workaholic too. But it’s nothing impossible and I sometimes feel it has made me tougher and probably better at my career, for ex I prioritise ruthlessly... now practical advice.. get a nanny and send your first one to daycare if that’s an option you can afford. Get a night nurse in the first two months. Feed your baby infant formula. You already have experience with one kid, it should only get easier with the next. Talk to husband and ask him to share some load (he’ll figure out how to do it with his job). Read resources for multiples (tons of advice on how to manage more kids with less :) . Also this wonderful book called Drop the ball. You can do it :)
- F5 Networks bhai-logTry nanny. At $2500 a month -> $30K
You won’t need for more than 2 years. Do you really want to give up on a beautiful life for just 60K over two years.
- New / Product bburnI see it the other way around as a good challenge when we had our first. It does make it a better person and to be more patient as well as more responsible of my daily actions when I went through it. But this is coming from a husband's perspective. My wife on the other hand is like you where she sees it as a scary thing and unpredictable actual baby behavior and personality so she's afraid of having a second.
I would suggest to ask both yourself and your husband what life style you want to have with your first in the future. Do you both want to have another kid down the road and do you want the first to have a sibling?
If the answers are yes, it's better to have them now and it actually makes your life easier after the first 2 years as you can take care of them both around similar age for similar need.
But this will require both of your (you and your husband) commitments to go through it together and help/support each other.
It's a family thing and he shouldn't be left out of this decision.
Wish you the best!Sep 24 3
- Western Digital gotrekIt's actually easier to have 2 kids in a shorter duration, one nanny for both, one school pick up drop off etc ... Take a full 6 months maternity and go part time for a year or something then life is easier. Good luck! Oh and move closer to work - 10 mins or less commute
- Hitachi Data Systems derk333moreI'll gladly adopt the child and give them a wonderful life if you see your only alternative as abortion. $280k TC and married.
- On a positive side, taking care of 2 will not be twice as much work only say 1.5 times
Both kids will have amazing chemistry growing together
Think of it as having twins
Ask ur husband to re-access priorities in Short Term
Hire a good nanny, it may be expensive in short term but worth it
Ultimately its ur personal decision but I would say to keep the 2nd one
- Microsoft fhiehsnsmIf career is so important to him, he should have been much more careful. He should give up more on career or spend significant money to find full time nanny etc.
Even if he becomes a CEO of a big company, it is nothing if your children have problems. You don’t know it now but will realize that once children grow up more. As they grow, you develop more attachment and the children will turn out to be the best thing in the world.
The joy you get from career is nothing compared to the joy from your offsprings. They outlive (most likely) you guys. Your husband career will be over 3 months after he retired. No one will respect him after then and all that is left will be the family. You may not realize this as young parents. As you age, you will find lots of limits in you but will find infinite potentials from your kids.
- Amazon / Other amzn_empCongrats.. take help from wherever you can get.. please do not consider abortion.. wish you and your family all the best!!
- Uber esQP60Also are you sure you’re not suffering from ppd from your first baby? Happens all the time and maybe it’s good to talk to a counsellor or your obgyn.
- BMO hPnJ57My wife and I are about to have 3 under 3. As others have alluded to, it will be hard. There will be sacrifices. You will need to pay for additional support. But what I can tell you is that I wouldn't trade it for anything. The joy that comes from raising our children and sharing life with them, the memories that we've made and will make, the tears and laughs shared with my wife as we've grown closer together through it... Nothing can replace that and I wouldn't have it any other way.
There are plenty of pregnancy resource centers out there that provide free counseling, diapers, clothes, and financial support to those that need it. If you tell me your location I would be happy to look some up for you.
- Intel veerappanPlease check out au-pair support for your kids. My wife and I are in the same boat and have been researching about it. They are basically exchange students that serve as live in nannies. If you have an extra room at home, and you provide them with a cheap car, they can do all that’s required for
More than 8 hours a day. You can just look up au-pair and you ll be able to find websites that connect you.