A Traumatic Experience That Left an Impression

Microsoft / Other poi3
Apr 13 75 Comments

This happened when I was 24, and I'm 31 now. I was in a serious relationship, and was likely going to get married to this Indian girl (I'm also Indian). We were dating for about a year, and we started fighting a lot, and eventually broke up. She said a lot of things upto the point when we broke up, but one thing she repeated a lot many times was that she wanted somebody white. At the time, it just felt like she's so stupid, and I couldn't believe the non-sense.

But fast forward 7 years, and I see it everywhere. You see Asian women wanting white guys all the time. You start a porn website, and you see white guys doing the nastiest things to non-white women (websites like LatinaAbuse). Okcupud or Tinder dating statistics also show that most women in the US want a white guy, and only the leftovers want non-white guys. Ever since all of this happened, I have been completely unable to maintain a romantic bond with a woman, no matter what ethnicity. I just prefer to be by myself. I used to be very confident back in India, where we all used to watch Indian movies with Indian actors, and had pride in who we were.

Should I leave the US?

209 VOTES SELECT ONLY ONE ANSWER
VOTE VIEW RESULT

comments

Want to comment? LOG IN or SIGN UP
TOP 75 Comments
  • Apple industry
    OP, there are only two rules in this game regardless of your ethnicity. 1) Be handsome. 2) Have money. First one, you can fix to some extent by hitting the gym and changing your accent. Second one by leeting hard. Good luck.
    Apr 13 8
    • Uber
      2muchblind

      Uber

      PRE
      Apple, Microsoft
      2muchblindmore
      OP, Russell Peters (Indian American comedian) actually joked about this.

      Basically some accents are sexy and some are not. The French accent is sexy. The Indian accent
      ...well...not so much.

      I mean I hate to break this to you, but by working on your accent (possibly see a speech therapist) it’ll help you out a bit here and there.

      Maybe it’s not such an odd concept — if I were living in Spain, I would try to adapt my Spanish accent to be according to the locals. So I guess the concept makes sense.
      Apr 14
    • Amazon / Eng
      surewhynot

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Amazon
      surewhynotmore
      It's a myth that indian accent itself is a turn off. Actually, it's the lousy body language, weak vocabulary and an overall adherence to their home culture, that makes a significant portion of Indian men unsexy. When was the last time you saw a brown man who looked like he works out, reads a few books regularly and had an intelligent/informed opinion about something outside of their work or Cricket?
      If you can look well-groomed, sound educated, respect people and not be broke, then sky's the limit.
      /rantoff
      Apr 14
    • Spotify sflkw
      My Indian friends with light/no accidents (and are fairly western in behavior), have good jobs, are well traveled, and are adventurous and fit are all in serious relationships with girlfriends from every race.
      Apr 15
    • Verizon Media
      plkjgg

      Verizon Media

      PRE
      Verizon Media
      plkjggmore
      1) Be handsome: Ideally, be a white skin guy. Or at least better looking than the woman. Every body looks for an upgrade.

      2) Have money: Since puberty until turning 30 she will date and sleep with all attractive guys. After turning 30, her drive and looks decline, she want to marry a nice stable guy who has money. Financial stability from a nice guy is very promising attribute that she and her children will be well taken care of. Fair world from women's POV.
      May 2
    • Snapchat pills
      Ethnicity is part of rule 1. Certain skin colors are not as attractive as others to women on average.
      May 14
  • Uber
    2muchblind

    Uber

    PRE
    Apple, Microsoft
    2muchblindmore
    It’s very common for Asian women to want white men, just as it’s common for Asian men to want white women.

    Start looking outside just Indians.
    Apr 13 8
    • Societe Generale
      okay12

      Societe Generale

      PRE
      IBM, Ericsson
      okay12more
      YAAPIE
      Apr 13
    • Snapchat pills
      2muchblind has really drank the Kool aid. Looks are absolutely the most important factor in dating, especially through your twenties. There hasnt been a recent study that contradicts this.

      And yes race is extremely important for women. Women of all ethnicities except black prefer to date white men.

      The only thing you said that is actually backed up by data is that it's good to have a stable career. Since in your 30s women start trying to settle down with a provider to start families.
      May 14
    • I never said looks weren’t important. In fact, the opposite.

      I only mentioned that race is not as important as many think. There were some old studies indicating some racial preferences, but attitudes in the past 5 years have changed dramatically especially in metropolitan areas which are increasingly diverse.

      Very very common to see interracial couples now. Even white women with non-white men. Of course it depends on the particular area — probably more common in NY or the Bay Area for example.
      May 14
    • Snapchat pills
      every study contradicts your claim though. Even OkCupid confirmed this. And yeah interracial marriages are common, only between white men and non white females (and most of those are white males with Asian females).

      So yeah race matters...a lot.
      May 14
    • What’s the source? If the study is what I think it is, it’s a little out of date. Maybe you have a newer one.
      May 14
  • Apple IBuF72
    Confirmation bias?
    Apr 13 6
    • Microsoft / Other poi3
      OP
      It looks stupid, but when someone you're in a relationship with does it...
      Apr 13
    • Amazon Deedadoo
      Everyone knows white guys have it easier. How the fuck is it confirmation bias for the this guy?
      Apr 14
    • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay2
      16 likes can’t be wrong
      Apr 14
    • Intel Who.Dis
      ^That just means a lot of people don’t understand (are equally biased)

      If North Korea has a large population that believes their leader is a God, are they correct?
      Apr 15
    • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay2
      Then you are outnumbered. To answer your question, yes they are correct. Who are we to change it?
      Apr 15
  • Microsoft
    ToopyToo

    Microsoft

    PRE
    Amazon
    ToopyToomore
    If all white men are being taken by non white women. Then who are white women dating?? There - your opportunity!!
    Apr 13 6
    • Microsoft / Other poi3
      OP
      They'd rather be with their cats, than with someone else.
      Apr 13
    • Microsoft / Other poi3
      OP
      Again, why do I get the leftovers?
      Apr 13
    • Verizon Media
      plkjgg

      Verizon Media

      PRE
      Verizon Media
      plkjggmore
      Indian men are least preferred. Leftover women in the dating pool have no option but to settle with least preferred ones. I once dated white American female. We were in college. I am one of the least preferred kind. She approached me on facebook (no friends in common). During a week of chatting online, consistently asked me to meet. We finally met! I am a regular Indian guy with 23 BMI, weighing 165 LB. The girl was 230 LB, 35 BMI (more than obese). After months of seeing each other and doing stuffs, I asked her what she likes in me. Her first reply was "I look good and I have a pretty face" (obviously, I am lean and athletic build). Her second statement was, "no one likes to go out with me and you are not one of them" (neither me, I just wanted to know why this white girl is so desperately interested in me!) Her third statement was, "I am rich and I know how to take care of her" (I had money from my research assistant job. I always ask for check split on the dates, but she every time forgets her wallet at home, and she never paid me back. After dinner date we do stuffs, it is a gross experience with an obese.) I am a leftover. I don't mind dating leftover from the dating pool. I don't mind desperation either. I want to date someone of my size. I don't want to break my bones.
      May 2
    • Microsoft / Other do53
      Lol
      May 3
  • MailChimp jSFY768
    Maybe start by not calling women “leftovers,” and switching away from porn sites with “abuse” right in the fucking url
    Apr 13 3
    • Microsoft
      tech.ladki

      Microsoft

      PRE
      Google
      tech.ladkimore
      And If the same comment was made about men who haven't been picked by any woman, I bet you wouldn't have had a problem with leftover term.
      Apr 13
    • Uber
      2muchblind

      Uber

      PRE
      Apple, Microsoft
      2muchblindmore
      ^ pretty interesting assumption to make
      Apr 14
    • Verizon Media
      plkjgg

      Verizon Media

      PRE
      Verizon Media
      plkjggmore
      Bitter truth is, men being more in numbers are leftovers.
      May 2
  • Apple BigBootey
    Have you considered that it’s very likely she left you not because you’re Indian, but because you’re an asshole?
    Apr 13 1
    • Verizon Media
      plkjgg

      Verizon Media

      PRE
      Verizon Media
      plkjggmore
      People are very frustrated in India. Expectations greatly vary from both sides. Each case is complicated.
      May 2
  • New cucu
    Not sure what to say with regards to your TC or whatever, but making judgements based on porn maybe isn’t the best idea.

    Sad old white men that fly to Thailand and film themselves having sex with $20 prostitutes doesn’t mean they’re being sought after.
    Apr 13 0
  • Citibank ic0n0clast
    Son you need some redpill knowledge up your bum. It's not necessarily about the skin color. You will have to 1> improve yourself 2> break the stereotype. I'm sure due to lack of brown men in leading roles in western media, our image is reduced to goofy tech guy or apu kinds but you have to surprise folks and break it. I'm sure the perception may be 'meh' by girls when they first meet you but your confidence and alpha behavior will give her bambi eyes. Step out of your shell, surprise people, own your ground. White folks may have it tad bit easy but the ones who swoop em all have very strong frames and have qualities whcih is appreciated by opposite sex. The nerdy ones are in same bucket as you.

    Focus on improving yourself. Emulate what you think would be attractive to your target audience. And rinse and repeat til you see positive reaction from them. It will all happen..

    Fellow brown guy
    Apr 13 1
    • Datometry / Eng LangEr
      I second this. OP, break the stereotype. Last week, I went into one of the best nightclubs in the city wearing a T-shirt which had DESI written in big bold letters. I was pleasantly surprised at the response I got from people around me. Focus on improve yourself. It’s a rewarding journey. Good luck!
      Apr 15
  • Twitter Oomnj
    Lol People have preferences. I’m sure you’ve yours. Live and let live
    Apr 13 0
  • New parens
    Just wait them out. At 30+, you suddenly become the stable, dependable guy in a sea of spoiled, superficial brats.

    For me, dating as an Asian in my 30s is so much easier than dating in my 20s. Get in shape, dress well, take them out to a nice place, and just be a good listening ear. Your dance card will be full every week.
    Apr 14 6
    • Cruise Automation dlehrnap9
      It’s not as though white guys are less dependable than others. The advice in your second paragraph applies to your 20s, or any age really.
      Apr 14
    • Cruise Automation dlehrnap9
      Yes, all white people are spoiled and incapable of having stable households at 30+. Glad we summed that up.

      Could your issue maybe be being close minded and incapable of self reflection/improvement?
      Apr 15
    • New parens
      Probably.
      Apr 15
    • Citibank ic0n0clast
      What the top guy said. Dont confuse being beta provider with being attractive. Sure it is attractive to a woman who need a daddy to take care of her and her child but if that's the ONLY reason she is into you, that's a problem. Test her out and sporadically dont provide. See if her behavior changes.
      Apr 16
    • Verizon Media
      plkjgg

      Verizon Media

      PRE
      Verizon Media
      plkjggmore
      Date bad guys, have fun, and finally marry nice guys.
      May 2
  • You can't leave a country because you are not confident, that's giving up. Never do that. You only move because you want to move.

    And you need help man, you can't let some women's words affect you in the long run. Go for therapy, it helps. And also not everyone wants white people. A confident well built brown man can do wonders :) (humble brag I know).
    Apr 13 1
    • New cucu
      Yep, therapy
      Apr 13
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Cruise Automation dlehrnap9
      “Saves”? This is why they want white men.
      Apr 13
    • Cruise Automation dlehrnap9
      Your implication is that they’ll be single mothers because they date white men. That’s closed minded and racist. Women nowadays want more open minded and tolerant men who are confident in themselves, not a cowardly man who blames others and tries to control women.
      Apr 13
    • Cruise Automation dlehrnap9
      You’re a misogynist. Nothing to do with the women.
      Apr 13
  • Microsoft
    tech.ladki

    Microsoft

    PRE
    Google
    tech.ladkimore
    I tell my white/non Desi friends to be wary of dating Indians.
    As an Indian I know that Indians are among the most racist and superficial people who care more about lineage, financial status etc than personality.
    Apr 13 4
    • Microsoft T_T.
      Generalizing people into buckets by the place where they were born is same as categorizing them by astrological sciences. If you spend some time learning about human behaviour, you would quickly come across many studies done on humans which shows how little culture plays a part in daily living.
      Apr 14
    • Microsoft
      tech.ladki

      Microsoft

      PRE
      Google
      tech.ladkimore
      Yawn. Which country do people breakup most purely for ethnic/lineage reasons?
      Apr 14
    • Microsoft T_T.
      Yawning closes your eyes, maybe that's why you can't see someone individually and rather categorize people generally. What's next? All Asians are good at math and all French are romantic?
      Apr 14
    • Microsoft
      tech.ladki

      Microsoft

      PRE
      Google
      tech.ladkimore
      Apparently you don't want to to answer the question.
      Here is a hint : take a look at Indian matrimony
      Apr 14
  • Microsoft jewkdir
    I know a few Asian girls who dated Indian men. I don’t think skin color or nationality matters. India is not as bad as some countries and even the men from those countries have no problems dating people of other races. But you need to do somethings to have a good date. That might lack from many Indians who are not used to dating culture. Think about this. Most people are from culture where they don’t marry via arrangement. They had been dating since middle school or high school. Can you be as good as them? Of course! Do you need a lot of learnings? Yes. Think about how much effort you put in for promotion. Many people put more effort on dating than that. You gotta make a choice to be good at something.
    Apr 13 1
    • Pinterest pinhead
      To be date a non-Indian you need to be as unstereotypically-Indian as you can be. What does that tell you?

      Exceptional people of any race have no trouble with other races, but they are definitionally exceptions.
      Apr 13
  • Oracle not_larry
    The right answer is shaadi.com
    Apr 13 1
  • Cruise Automation dlehrnap9
    Where is the “don’t be a biiiiiitch” option?
    Apr 13 0
  • Amazon mistywoman
    I am an Indian woman. I prefer dating guys outside of my race. Because most of the Indian guys are close minded in almost all of the stuff including food, drinking alcohol. They don’t take care of themselves well, not many go to gym etc., they don’t think outside their tiny little world of their family, work and india. They are confined to the idea that white people cheat and just interested in sex. They don’t understand their is something called dating, falling in love. From my experience I feel Indian guys don’t know how to appreciate a women and treat them. The one thing that I find great about Indian guys is that they promise the girl for marriage and infact keep it.
    May 2 3
    • Amazon
      seattle'd

      Amazon

      PRE
      Amazon, Salesforce, Google, Microsoft, Apple
      seattle'dmore
      Wishing more Indian women could be online, exploding the internet, writing their view of the indian men. We would know how to be dateable.
      May 2
    • Verizon Media
      plkjgg

      Verizon Media

      PRE
      Verizon Media
      plkjggmore
      ^ this.
      May 2
    • Microsoft FromMars
      Without change in men to women ratio in engineering, there won’t be many Indian females in Seattle area. Perhaps Indian government should push for diversity in engineering school in India for the sake of Indian men living in US (sarcasm).
      May 3
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Flagged by the community.

  • Salesforce tensorchic
    Women and dating aren't the only reason to live. Find someone who cares about you and not the color of your skin. We are all red inside.
    Apr 13 0
  • Snapchat
    <bitmoji>

    Snapchat

    PRE
    Facebook
    <bitmoji>more
    Indian girl here. Never fantasized about a white guy. Indians and blacks only uptil now. Before u start saying anything about my personality, iam attractive by most standards with 420k SWE TC.
    May 14 0