Advice from all the dads out there

Salesforce jalebi
Jan 29 41 Comments

Feel very tired after coming home, can’t match with the energy of the kid and can’t play or teach them anything much.
Work life is not hectic but still feel don’t give enough time to kids.

How to you folks out there spend evenings with kids ?

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TOP 41 Comments
  • Yahoo Whtvr
    Not a dad but why feel all this guilt? I don’t think they need you to bust your balls playing or teaching them now. That stuff is easy and not necessary. They need more of you when they are young adults to give them life’s wisdom. That’s hard and that’s where most parents fail
    Jan 295
    • Facebook / Eng
      Easy Going

      FacebookEng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      Easy Goingmore
      Sorry, but I wholly disagree. The young years are critical for bonding.

      You know how there's all those shows with nightmarish teenagers who just rebel as much as they can against their parents?

      I believe that happens more in families where closer bonds weren't built earlier so the kids don't feel it matters as much if they just do things on their own because they don't respect you, don't love you, and/or feel like people are supposed to be too busy to spend quality time with each other because that's what you unintentionally taught them when they were younger and you were too busy to hang out with them.

      I'm no expert on teenagers since my oldest just turned 13 but she still gives me hugs every day and begs me to read to her each night. I think I'm doing something right.
      Jan 29
    • @whtvr your not a dad and your advice is horrible. Reply to this post when you have a child.
      Jan 30
    • Brightcove mad_t00th
      @whtvr your lack of insight into the matter is evident. The early years are crucial in building a bond. This is particularly important when you talk about the father because they didn't have the obvious advantage the mother has, she nurses (in a lot of cases) which makes the bonding between mother and child very normal and easier. The dad needs to make up for this in other ways.

      Father's who try to be good "providers" and nothing more have a very hard uphill road ahead in most cases.

      Holy shit @whtvr that was a dumb reply! Please think a little before you go ahead and write some shit about a matter where you don't know much or at all about. A simple Google search would tell you what you said was full of crap.

      Jackass.
      Jan 30
    • Ripple / Engoekg25
      @whtvr is more right than he knows. There's evidence that most of your work is done by your genes and providing a good environment in a rich neighborhood. See the book Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids. Plus, the examples of the presidents:

      https://dougwead.wordpress.com/2008/06/14/the-absent-father-a-surprising-lesson-from-history/
      Jan 30
    • Yahoo Whtvr
      Haha it’s interesting to see how parents are so easily ticked off. I didn’t say don’t spend time at all—your presence and simply not being an ass to your kids and following their flow—all that is enough. You don’t have to bust your balls playing games and teaching them stuff. If you want to parent the hard way and guilt yourself all the damn time go ahead. It’s your life not mine. So many passionate parenting nazis here geesh. Hey thanks for the support @oekg25
      Jan 30
  • Microsoft iHigh
    Make it a life or death situation man...it’s what’s going to really matter in your life.
    Jan 290
  • Intel WaferIt
    Whats your work hours? How old are your kids? Do you have any hobbies in common? What do they like to do? Don’t kill your self working. Your kids are only young once and spending time with them is priceless compared to career progression. There will be busy weeks for sure but they shouldn’t be the norm. You can do it! Consider working from home some days or finding ways to lighten your load a bit at work.
    Jan 293
    • Salesforce jalebi
      OP
      Work hours (9-6) are fine but the work I do does not motivate me, so end up working on hobby projects. I guess that is a problem I need to solve. Thanks for the advice ❤️
      Jan 30
    • Intel WaferIt
      You can do it op. Your kids need you.
      Jan 30
    • Intel UGeJ58
      ^^It's a personal opinion that hobby projects done by a professional are created due to boredom and a lack of fulfillment in professional life.
      Jan 30
  • Intel BrownShite
    TC?
    Jan 290
  • Amazon / Eng
    I work 8-6. 6-830 are dedicated to my daughter no exception. I put her to bed daily. 830 to 11 are relaxation time. Also get her ready and bring her to preschool.

    On weekends I'll bring her out somewhere we both would enjoy (pool, beach, restaurant, etc).

    It's hard. Make it a habit. When it's a habit your kid will expect it and push you into it regardless of energy. Stick through it, it will be rewarding. Just like exercise.
    Jan 294
  • Intuit qboffline
    Diet and exercise should help with energy levels. Those 2 should also help with sleep quality further improving energy.
    Jan 290
  • Veritas / Other13Jija
    First, I have put my career aside for few years. I work from home and spend as much time as possible with my kids. This may not work for you or everybody out there.

    Second, do take ‘Me time’. This is time which you invest in your self. This is time which makes you happy. This could be working out, watching movie, spending time with friends etc.. This will keep you energized.

    Third, eat good food. Keep your kids busy by taking them for outdoor activities like gymnastics, karate, play date. This will give you break as well.

    Fourth, sleep whenever possible. Also, reduce phone time. We spend lot of time on phone without realizing at all.
    Jan 291
  • Walmart.com ToKL28
    Did you try to workout? Get more energy.
    Jan 290
  • Oracle / Eng
    not_larry

    OracleEng

    BIO
    Not CTO
    not_larrymore
    Work from home one day a week. Spend more time that day with kids. Same goes for weekends. Other four days kick ass at work. You are welcome.
    Jan 310
  • Cognizant APIPM
    Dine out with them, take them for games where you also enjoy games and food i.e. Chuck E. Cheese. Take them to park, slides and watch them. Take them for swimming lessons and swim with them. You gotta find out what suits best for your schedule and energy level.
    Jan 290
  • Procore bobsburge
    It’s hard but before you know it the kids will be having kids of their own. Don’t beat yourself up too much but just spend time with them. Don’t be in your phone.
    Jan 300
  • Drink Redbull and leave earlier from office
    Jan 290
  • Where is the stay at home mom at?
    Jan 292
    • Facebook / Eng
      Easy Going

      FacebookEng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      Easy Goingmore
      Kids need bonding with both parents. There are tons of messed up kids who didn't have a healthy relationship with their mother, father, or both.

      Given how much people tend to stigmatize therapy in the US, healing from those missed connections during childhood becomes especially difficult when they become adults and I imagine it's harder to try to make up for that the older you both get.

      Ultimately, a job is a job and you can always find another. No one ever says on their death bed, "I wish I had spent more time working instead of with my kids."
      Jan 30
    • White Knight / feminist spotted
      Jan 30
  • Go to bed and get lots of rest. Don’t stay up till midnight doing work. Maximize time at work and get shit done there. This will give you more energy and time for family.
    Jan 300
  • Dropbox ldhdhmxm
    It is a trade off...you basically use all your energy for your kid if you want to be a good parent. Those lean in crap doesn't exist for women and also doesn't for men.
    Jan 301
    • SAP / Biz Dev
      DaedalusSF

      SAPBiz Dev

      BIO
      I climb the stairs every morning. The elevator is for Democrats!
      DaedalusSFmore
      This.
      Jan 30
  • Oracle while(1);
    Send your energetic kids to outdoor activities.
    Jan 290
  • Amazon Tough life
    Just live each day as it’s your last. It’s a tough life 😀
    Jan 300
  • Amazon 1700zulu
    I have young ones (9 and under) and when they were really little (6 and under) I created games that played to my strengths when I came home exhausted from work. I had one where I would pretend to be asleep (sometimes I occasionally did because I was so tired) and they would have to find creative ways of “waking” me. Playing that game for 5-10 minutes usually gave me the burst of energy I needed to play other games with them for 1-2 hours before bed. As they got older we did board games, imaginary play, card games, etc.
    Jan 300
  • Is this a dad joke on dads?
    Jan 300
  • Apple h4krBell3
    Hm, it got me thinking, how do you grind leetcode with kids?
    Jan 311
    • Intel WaferIt
      At work lunch and evenings
      Jan 31
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • PayPal codestar
      You are cold rude and mean. Hate you.
      Jan 30
  • Juniper sicksikh
    You just do it. Don’t expect to have any time for yourself.
    Feb 120
  • Airbnb murat
    can you afford to take a quick nap before you go play with your kids?
    Jan 300
  • SAP / Biz Dev
    DaedalusSF

    SAPBiz Dev

    BIO
    I climb the stairs every morning. The elevator is for Democrats!
    DaedalusSFmore
    Join SAP and handle two or more kids easily. SCNR
    Jan 300

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