Advice from married people in their 30s and 40s and beyond
Boyfriend has been hinting marriage...I kinda sense he might pop the question anytime. Dating for 3 years. He has immense love for me and in general is a better person (more selfless and giving) than I am. We have mutual respect and care for each other deeply. Emotionally he’s always there for me. But I feel a strong intellectual disconnect, as in I feel intellectually dissatisfied a lot of times...also I feel his sense of humor is a little drier than mine... He’s an introvert while I am not, which can make his conversations in social settings a little awkward at times (I think I can help him out with this over time). Not sure if these are things that can improve over time or if I am attaching too much importance to these things than I should. Also fear losing out on a nice person in my life. At this point my mind is blanking out, so would appreciate genuine inputs from more experienced people to help differentiate what’s important from what’s not in the long run.
TC? And his TC?
This describes my relationship as well. We're newlywed. I know that my wife is a kinder, more generous person than me. I also know that she doesn't often dig into questions and that she definitely doesn't have persistence/interest in finding answers when understanding would require effort.
And does this bother you ?
If you're already feeling intellectual disconnect, the frustrations from this intellectual disconnect will likely grow over time. But having a selfless husband with immense love is huge. No relationship is perfect and everyone has their flaws. I guess you just have to weigh the pros and cons.
That's a tough situation to be in... Maybe understand that nobody is perfect (including yourself) and there's no guarantee that you'll find someone who is better on every single aspect and who also loves and respects you. In the long run (marriage) I think what matters more is that we agree on the important things, are kind, respectful and loyal to each other. My wife is a voracious reader, I hardly read anything at all these days (just different interests atm). We still engage is discussions about whatever she's reading and she engages with other people when she feels the urge to debate :)
Ok, so which one is a fart joke kinda person? Just trying to figure out what "drier" means.
Not a nice comment, but funny.
What a disappointing statement , none of the marriage will have the fantasy movie style life , so once you dump him you will realize the importance of him in your life . Learn to understand each other and move forward which will give peace of mind
This is probably going to be the most important decision of my life and I felt this is the best time to utilize a platform where I could ask freely, and people could answer freely. These are uncomfortable (to discuss with friends) yet important questions imo.
Once you surpass your sweet 20s and 30s you will understand the value of true love and true relationship goals like care , trustworthy etc.. so now it’s going all about sex and fun but later it’s gonna change , it will be a about backing each other with trust and loyalty so don’t go for another relationship until you feel like you can work it out . You never know the next guy going to be perfect and if he is not you ended up breaking that as well so end of the day it won’t give you anything other than sadness
What determines if a relationship will last is if you understand your emotional needs, are able to communicate them, and your partner is willing to put in the effort to fulfill them. First step, do you understand your relationship emotional needs?
Everyone has shortcomings. Question is how much intellectual disconnect and difference in sense of humor matter to you. You can assume he will be the same person in 40 years. Would you still marry him?
> also I feel his sense of humor is a little drier than mine... What are you on?
?
Translation: This is such a minor thing that even mentioning it makes me doubt your judgement. Also, never enter a relationship or marriage based on the idea that you can change the other person. Just imagine him thinking: “Well, she’s a little too indiscreet and tends to blabber too much but I guess I can help her out with this over time.”