Advice on alimony termination conditions

Google / Eng hank_moody
Jun 11 35 Comments

Long story short: getting divorced after 12 years of marriage in CA. That means the court cannot set an end date for the alimony and I am the payer. In short I am screwed as the soon to be ex-wife already made it clear she will not seek for better employment. Court date is in 2 weeks.

In CA by default there are two terminating conditions: death of either party and remarriage of the supported party (very unlikely).

I am looking for reasonable ideas that can be used as additional conditions to terminate my alimony payments to the opposite party such as:
- cohabitation of any kind
- making enough money to become self supportive

Any ideas/experience in this?

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TOP 35 Comments
  • Oath Atinlay2
    You need a lawyer, not strangers on Blind
    Jun 11 1
    • Google / Eng hank_moody
      OP
      I have one. I am just collecting more ideas. Divorce lawyers’ interests are misaligned with yours anyway. They are interested in keeping the case going as long as possible.
      Jun 11
  • Facebook bl@ckmamba
    How much alimony are you expecting to pay?
    Jun 11 8
    • Google / Eng hank_moody
      OP
      With child support it roughly half of my TC. Yes, half.
      7d
    • New bricked
      Is it tax deductible or if your TC is 400k, you end up paying 200k in taxes and then 100k in alimony leaving you with effectively 25% of your TC?
      7d
    • Google / Eng hank_moody
      OP
      Yes, correct. In theory you cannot pay more than half of your net. In practice the judge can say any number he/she wants (out of thin air).
      7d
    • Google / Eng hank_moody
      OP
      To answer your question child support was never tax deductible. Alimony is not tax deductible since beginning of this year due to Trump’s tax reform.

      So whatever I pay is tax free for her and I cannot get back anything from IRS.
      7d
    • New bricked
      Shit that’s horrible. The taxability should at least be split in half between the alimony sender and receiver. It’s crazy that she gets it all tax free!! I’m never getting married (not that this discussion changed my already established opinion).
      7d
    • Google / Eng hank_moody
      OP
      Just icing on the cake: she can spend the child support money on anything she wants....
      If I want to enroll them in any extra curricular activities she will not fucking pay a dime (from my money).
      7d
    • New bricked
      It’s too bad you had a kid with her. Otherwise you should really just leave the country and leave her dry.
      7d
    • Facebook bl@ckmamba
      Jesus OP that’s really messed up
      7d
  • GE PowerD
    Just cancel the divorce. Otherwise you all will suffer. Life is short. If you don’t like each other at least stay next to each other for kids. Slowly things will settle. Don’t make things complicated
    Jun 11 1
    • Arthrex quarks
      There was just a post in Blind today from a 30 year old guy who was saying how miserable his life has been because of his incompatible parents who are still together. Divorce is hard, alimony sucks but it will keep all the people in that family out of misery in the long run.
      Jun 11
  • LinkedIn 黃帝
    RIP you
    Jun 11 3
    • Google / Eng hank_moody
      OP
      Thanks for the encouragement.
      7d
    • Google putin!
      So what changed after 12 years of marriage? In retrospect should you have divorced after 9?
      7d
    • Google / Eng hank_moody
      OP
      I wish I had known about this rule ahead. I did not even get married in CA or even the US. It feels like my soon to be ex was planning for that quietly. Just as a sidenote under 10 years the alimony duration is half of the marriage, so max 5 years. Anything more than 10 years is indefinite. Who the f wrote these laws?
      7d
  • Google / Eng hank_moody
    OP
    Nope. They will ask for vocational exam, so they will assign to me an average SWE salary even if unemployed.
    6d 1
    • Google putin!
      Can you fail exam? Can you claim you fell and hit your head and so are stupid now?
      2d
  • Nebbiolo Technologies lyJi05
    Can't you reduce your TC or encourage her to up her TC so the payment will come down.
    6d 1
    • Google / Eng hank_moody
      OP
      That’s what I am thinking. That will screw me financially too in the short term. But long term it might work.
      6d
  • Google singl4ever
    Can you quit your job now and just be like I'm going back to school for PhD and ask her for alimony instead?
    2d 0
  • Google browndude
    Upvoted for the californication reference
    Jun 12 0
  • Twitter cso749ndo
    You negotiate a settlement. Good luck.
    Jun 11 0
  • SWC / Data
    spiked

    SWC Data

    PRE
    Virtusa
    BIO
    Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
    spikedmore
    Why are you getting divorced?
    Jun 11 0
  • Facebook bl@ckmamba
    Are you Indian?
    6d 1
  • LinkedIn stuffy🐷
    On the cohabitation part, how can you even figure out? They would be stupid to tell you anything at all.
    Jun 11 1
    • Google / Eng hank_moody
      OP
      Private investigator.
      7d
  • LinkedIn stuffy🐷
    Can you move to another country?
    Jun 11 1
    • Google / Eng hank_moody
      OP
      I have joint custody on my kids. I will not leave them, so I cannot.
      Jun 11
  • Microsoft SDEgirl
    Find boyfriend for her. You will stop pay alimony when she will get married.
    Yesterday 0
  • Cadence qwer09
    Are you russian or european?
    2d 0
  • Amazon rhf
    Does it increase if your salary increase?
    5d 0
  • LinkedIn stuffy🐷
    You can get yourself fired and that might reduce your alimony.
    6d 0

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