my mom is staying with my brother and sis in law in singspore and finally broke into tears and spoke me over phone - they were shouting at her for not warning their son from watching youtube cartoons. she was feeling shocked and helpless when both of them raised their voice to her and chided her for a long time. she coild not pay attention since she was in the kitchen washing utensils. I was also told she was the one cooking for them most of the days, cleaning all their dirty dishes, babysitting their son all day. DIL does not work but stays at home but wakes up at like 10, and usually sleeps again wakes up ar 3 pm or so and eats what my mom makes and goes into her room and does her things all day. in happy moods they go to movies and take her with them and eat out at good restaurants etc. my mom is 74 years old and has health issues but both dont seem to care about taking her to hospital or do a simple checkup claiming they are busy. my brother also goes out of control and raises her hand at her shen he is angry as if he is about to hjt her. mom says - i dont care anout anything what they guve - “give me some love and respect, dont abuse me in front my daughter in law and grandchild, and talk to me just once or twice a day asking how i am dojng etc”. looks like that does not happen as well :-( its very depressing and sad to hear this. i have a similar situation at my home where my wife cant handle my parents or any if my friends (she has thrown my parents and my friends too out of my home in the past - and relationship is very volatile - doing it for my daughter i love very much). my dad passed 10 yeard back and didnt save much so she is financially not conplerely independant. i send her money every month but staying in india as an old woman is brutal since if you have medical issues and if you dont have anyone to help you are jn a bad state. most home nurses who are in the market too are coming from reaally challwnged social backgrounds thst they verbally abuse or steal from home ( have had experience when my dad was sick). is it a pattern that is prevalent in several asian homes? (using parents as free babysitters and not taking care of them). god i dont know what this world is coming to 😞 are these cases usually different for girls’ parents? please no trolling..
Tldr. Try breaking down into paragraphs and try again. Also include TC or ...
Yes it happens to most ppl when they live with in-laws. They are pretty much strangers instead of family members. Ask her to move out and hire some help to take good care of her, ask your brother to share the costs.
This is a challenging situation with no straight forward answer. Is moving to India an option for you? It’s easy in India to have your mom live near you if not with you. Otherwise you and your brother could arrange to have her stay near one of you and split costs.
Wife has no intent to move back (or even travel to India). Her parents are wealthy and healthy - and they usually visit her and her two sisters who are well settled in the US and/or go around the world. So it’s not a motivation even to travel back.
Sounds like elder abuse
Does your wife work? How feasible is it for you to move to India? Consider it strongly as you can always come back here for work.
My wife has zero intentions to move to India :-( so it’s a hard option.
This sound way too familiar. There are many Indian grand parents rotting in their kids homes in foreign lands taking care of new borns, infants, young kids and toddlers both during day and night, dish washing, cooking, cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry and all other chores. In some places, it snows like hell outside and they cant even step outside of the home. This goes on for 6 months. They come back in another 6 months. It goes on for at least 2 years. Neither girl's parents nor boy's parents are spared. It is equal opportunity. Few reasonable souls hire nanny/maid to help the grand mom and/or take over night duty though. OP, it is best to make your mom independent in India. There is no other option here.
Your mother raised two sons, strong and healthy, who were provided with best education and health. Btw whom are you earing for? The next gen who may turn out to be like you both? One of her sons is abusing her to the limits of hitting her while the other is wondering and asking others that is it a social norm and is it Okay 🤨
I know. it’s shameful. It’s not ideal - it’s where I am in right now.
Buddy, we are not born to be robots. Love and take care of her like she did when you were little and helpless. You will see many opportunitist comments on your post of putting her in shelter home 🤦♂️ She needs you the most now 👩👦👦. Don't ride the opportunist train, it serves you nothing but an empty soul and glass full of tears 👵❤🏠.
Find her a good retirement home, they are not very expensive and you can easily afford with ur US Salary. My father lives in one such place and trust me its really good. DM me for details
I can't tell you what to do, but I would choose my mom over my wife at any day! I would divorce, take care of my mother and marry somebody who can live with me with my "baggage".
And why you can't look after her ?
He already said his wife is not ok with his parents moving in.