Am I depressed?

SAP floozer
May 4 17 Comments

This may be weird but I think I may be depressed. It’s not a strong intense feeling of hopelessness but milder continuous feeling where I feel my work and personal life are not giving my satisfaction and are meaningless. Even going out with friends, I feel alone and uninterested. I am in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend in another country and I feel our relationship will break eventually (If I leave US, I give up the whole visa thing and it’s hard for her to come here as she does not want to pay crazy money to go to school again here and is also not a big fan of US). My ties with my parents is breaking as I can’t stand my mom who is judgmental. I am losing hair from my crown as well. I just feel lost and hopeless in all spheres of life.

Is this normal? I don’t want to kill myself or do anything crazy. I can get off my bed and go about my day without anyone suspecting anything. So I am not sure if I am just lost or are these signs of depression

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TOP 17 Comments
  • These are not signs of depression. This is life. I don't know what's up with the kids these days who want to push away all negative feelings under this large bucket called depression.

    Depression is serious shit. Trust me. Negative emotions, on the other hand, are a part of life, just like positive ones.

    Life in the US can be lonely sometimes, especially because we are away from our closest family members. Unfortunately, that's the price we pay for all the 'great' careers.

    Coming back to your pointers:
    1. Not feeling like going to work - switch teams, do something on the side, move jobs, or take up an online course to learn something new.
    2. Personal life - figure out ways to be with her. L1 transfer? School? Move back to your country (I know people who have moved back to India for their SO. I also know people who pursued a long distance relationship for a few years till they could figure out ways to be together). It's possible.
    3. Feeling meaningless - As ironic and cliched it may sound, go out and do something. Learn a new hobby, make a new friend, workout, take a break and visit an old friend, talk to people, volunteer. We all are social animals. Work on building a stronger connection with parents - at the end, no matter how broken you feel in life, you can always go home. So they are important people.
    4. Losing hair - please tell me if you figure out a way to reverse this 😂

    You can pm me if you want to talk.
    May 4 0
  • New / Eng
    errfileno

    New Eng

    PRE
    Microsoft
    BIO
    Senior Software Engineer. 15yoe. Seattle. ~$400k TC
    errfilenomore
    I'm guessing that very few of the randos who read this post are qualified to answer that question. I know that I certainly am not.

    But I do know that there are professionals who can help you navigate these things, who can give you the time and structure you need to address them within yourself, whether or not it fits the label for clinical depression.

    I would advise finding a therapist, and committing to at least weekly visits for a few months. I have done so in the past, and it has been hugely instrumental in getting over hurdles that were keeping me from living my best life.
    May 4 0
  • New / Ops
    tooQ10

    New Ops

    PRE
    Rakuten USA
    tooQ10more
    I feel you, OP. I might be depressed too. In my case it's that I failed at the important things in life: over 40, no kids, TC under 50, never had a promotion, and no prospects of changing jobs or any idea how to.

    It sneaks up on you and before you know it, while you were just feeling appreciative for not being homeless or flipping hamburgers all day, you've lived an empty life. You young folks out there, don't let the years pass you by. Go after what you want in life now because it only gets harder as time passes.
    May 5 6
    • New / Ops
      tooQ10

      New Ops

      PRE
      Rakuten USA
      tooQ10more
      I would give absolutely anything to have kids. I was never able to convince my partner to get on board with starting a family. It's the only thing I really wanted from life, and I wasn't good enough.
      May 5
    • How about adoption? Or did he not want kids at all?
      May 5
    • New / Ops
      tooQ10

      New Ops

      PRE
      Rakuten USA
      tooQ10more
      Adoption is not for me - every time I looked at our hypothetical adopted child I would be reminded that my own family's features are gone, and an orphan child deserves better than that.

      I'm the husband, BTW. She claims to want kids but has never been willing to try to have them. She spent much of her 30s unemployed and in debt and was afraid of pregnancy. I expressed my willingness and desire to start a family over and over, and maybe I put too much pressure on her.
      May 5
    • I am afraid this will be me. I am spending my 30s trying to stabilize my job and finances. I still have some school debt to pay but I'll be breaking even soon. It will take me a few years to build up some financial base and simultaneously find a partner I want to be with. I am not yet sure if I want kids or not. But if I do plan to have them, I have to hurry up lol

      Thanks for sharing your story.
      May 5
    • New / Ops
      tooQ10

      New Ops

      PRE
      Rakuten USA
      tooQ10more
      Don't wait. Once the window closes on having kids, it's closed. I wish you the best of luck -- better luck than I had!
      May 6
  • Intel Who.Dis
    There are multiple varieties of depression - lookup acute depression vs. chronic depression.

    I’m Bipolar and have tumbled through varying degrees of depression for basically my entire life. It’s some scary shit when you have suicidal ideas every day - but that isn’t an absolute requirement for depression. In fact, my least favorite “flavor” of depression is when you feel like nothing at all. You could have no interests in hobbies, friends, family, life, food, school, work, the outdoors, etc. You almost have the sensation that you are just floating through life as nearly an outsider to your own experiences- nothing incites an internal reaction.

    You know yourself. You know when things are different. You know the degree of internal turmoil that is invisible to the outside world. You are the only one who can seek help.

    If your tooth hurts, you go to the dentist. If your brain hurts and your emotions hurt, you go to a therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist.

    I listened to others who told me “nothing was wrong” “you’re fine” and that pretty much allowed me to ignore the warning signs up until suicidal ideation became common for me. You may never experience suicidal ideation. However, if you continue to ignore mild symptoms of depression, you can almost guarantee that will become your new normal and will persist potentially without end.

    1) Get some GOOD sleep (9 hours). Every day for more than 2 weeks
    2) Get some high intensity exercise.
    3) Eat leafy greens, substantial proteins, and saturated fats.
    4) Make a therapist appointment. Have them comment one way or another about if your concerns are unwarranted.
    May 4 1
    • New / IT xizX84j
      I was going to write something is value but this says it all. Listen to @intel is sound advice
      May 4
  • Lyft / Eng
    Indecysive

    Lyft Eng

    PRE
    Airbnb, Google, LinkedIn
    Indecysivemore
    I don't think anyone else is qualified to tell you if you are depressed except for a trained professional. However, the symptoms you describe do not strike me as depression, but just that the situation you are in right now is sub-optimal. This could lead to depression, so it's important for you to seek professional help if needed.

    I'm sorry you feel that way and also sorry that your situation isn't everything you expected, but life is ups and downs. If you're in the bay area, it's really easy to feel like you (or your current situation) is not good enough since you are surrounded by a mono-culture of career-driven, high-ego and relentlessly ambitious people who seem to continue to burn on while you've long ran out of gas. This culture isn't for everyone, and if it isn't for you, I don't think you should consider yourself any the lesser. In a different environment, you'd probably be very happy with where you are.
    May 4 0
  • Facebook ycAq13
    No
    May 4 0
  • New / Eng QTdN03
    Not finding pleasure in doing things that used to give you pleasure is a textbook symptom of depression. Please go to a doctor. They can prescribe medicine that corrects chemical imbalances which may be causing this lack of feeling.
    May 4 0
  • Dell mlDf77
    Yes i m depressed too... doc gave me citaloparam
    May 4 0
  • Yelp XBro15
    Sounds like you have some tough decisions to make and they are weighing you down. Good luck.
    May 4 0
  • LinkedIn bemm78e
    That's a pattern I am seeing especially in Bay Area people. Try another city or state may be?
    May 4 0