This may be weird but I think I may be depressed. It’s not a strong intense feeling of hopelessness but milder continuous feeling where I feel my work and personal life are not giving my satisfaction and are meaningless. Even going out with friends, I feel alone and uninterested. I am in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend in another country and I feel our relationship will break eventually (If I leave US, I give up the whole visa thing and it’s hard for her to come here as she does not want to pay crazy money to go to school again here and is also not a big fan of US). My ties with my parents is breaking as I can’t stand my mom who is judgmental. I am losing hair from my crown as well. I just feel lost and hopeless in all spheres of life.
Is this normal? I don’t want to kill myself or do anything crazy. I can get off my bed and go about my day without anyone suspecting anything. So I am not sure if I am just lost or are these signs of depression
Depression is serious shit. Trust me. Negative emotions, on the other hand, are a part of life, just like positive ones.
Life in the US can be lonely sometimes, especially because we are away from our closest family members. Unfortunately, that's the price we pay for all the 'great' careers.
Coming back to your pointers:
1. Not feeling like going to work - switch teams, do something on the side, move jobs, or take up an online course to learn something new.
2. Personal life - figure out ways to be with her. L1 transfer? School? Move back to your country (I know people who have moved back to India for their SO. I also know people who pursued a long distance relationship for a few years till they could figure out ways to be together). It's possible.
3. Feeling meaningless - As ironic and cliched it may sound, go out and do something. Learn a new hobby, make a new friend, workout, take a break and visit an old friend, talk to people, volunteer. We all are social animals. Work on building a stronger connection with parents - at the end, no matter how broken you feel in life, you can always go home. So they are important people.
4. Losing hair - please tell me if you figure out a way to reverse this 😂
You can pm me if you want to talk.