Am I wrong in not wanting kids?
Hi I am a 32yo male and, for as far as I can remember, I never wanted to have kids, it has always been firm in my mind. I feel they are a massive expense (at least in the coastal US) and a terrible limiter of my personal freedom. Most of my acquaintances who have kids seem very happy to pour all their non-working living hours into raising kids, but I can’t help but feeling kids are something people have to either vicariously live through them, or to have someone who will hopefully wipe their ass when they’re old, and both reasons seem totally wrong to me. This as you can imagine creates some problems with dating. I am good looking and relatively smart, so I actually have a more than decent amount of success with online dating even in the Bay Area, but more often than not when I meet women in my age range and things progress past the “fling” stage, things inevitably fall apart because they all want to start a family and I am just upfront with my decisions. What’s wrong with me? TC: 280k cash and 2M equity grant over 4yr (late stage startup)
I have 4 kids and it hasn’t limited my career and I out work most of the people I know without kids. I also do not leave them out to dry. I invest in them and my wife. Too expensive, too time consuming etc is a myth. It is what you make it.
Thanks for your perspective. What is the reason why you had kids, if you had to say?
Bur you're also a guy. How much of the domestic work do you help out with? I doubt you're outworking your co-workers and on top of the housework. Unfortunately, women still do the brunt of that which is why I don't want kids.
Shit.. life was the other way around for me. My mind was on marriage/kids while the girls I met just wanted me to pull their hair/hold the door for them.. I figured that out eventually and life’s good now, maybe you need to live in Seattle.
You are not alone. I have no desire and neither does my partner. We reject the idea that having a kid is the life roadmap. We don't want to follow cargo cult behavior. Kids are just not for us, and we are constantly judged for it to the point that we have not told anyone that we are already married.
I personally feel that life can’t be that great beyond a certain point without a good family unit, on the other hand I feel uncomfortable at the thought of it. Just single for now.
Just put you don’t want kids in your profile...why waste time? I’m sure there are women that don’t want kids either.. I don’t think anything is wrong with wanting the DINK life.
I did for a while and literally went from having a normal amount of matches to 0...
I find that hard to believe hmm...put a positive spin on it or something “looking for someone to spend my life with... just you and me. I don’t want children.” You just gotta show commitment
You have to spend most of your time only during the kids first few years. Also you earn a lot and need not worry about cost of raising a kid. Remember there are only finite places on Earth for you to visit and your looks won't last forever. So you can't continue to have the same routine you have now. And who are you planning to hang out with in your forties? Most of your friends would be busy their wives and kids. Oh yeah teenagers.
I have kids and find the judgment of those who don’t want kids asinine. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t want kids. There’s also nothing wrong with you if you do. To each his/her own. Also, I think it’s very reputable that you are being up front about your view to those you’re dating. My only advice is to keep an open mind. My wife didn’t want kids when we met, and eventually decided to try it and has never felt more fulfilled.
Female here, Bay Area, never wanted kids. Not abnormal.
Having children is a major undertaking. If you’re not interested that’s okay. You’re not alone. Since fathers are usually the primary financial provider for a family, you will likely rarely spend time with your child in order to earn. All the money you earn will be consumed by other people. And...in the 50/50 likelihood of a divorce, family courts bias is not in your favor. Fathers loose custody most of the time and pay most alimony. Stay single.
You are not alone. Nothing is wrong with you. I share the same sentiment as yours 😉