My life partner isn’t a tech worker and doesn’t work in a prestigious field. He’s more of a creative and does blue collar work to supplement his income. Anyone deal with judgey people who make snide comments like “you could do better!” Or “men who aren’t the breadwinner aren’t real men”?
My ex was a teacher - he taught history and politics and at the end of the day - his work stories were far more amusing than mine ... it was such a lovely thing to be in touch with the realities that kids faced growing up in a tech world ( that we have created) ..
Respond with: Everyone has a different definition of success. Let them.
I haven’t had to deal with this (male, breadwinner), but I think your response to it should be along the lines of, “we love each other very much and have a great relationship. If you want some pointers on how to deal with the insecurities that cause you to make that type of comment, I’m sure you could seek professional help.” People who look down on other people just because of differences like that have issues.
I guess gender doesn’t really matter in this situation. Genders reversed some people may still judge men for having partners who others perceive as “gold diggers” or something silly like that.
My husband used to be a teacher and is currently back in school to switch fields. It's unlikely that he'll ever be the 'breadwinner' in our family. And yes, I have had to deal with people making snide comments about it. But what most of them don't know is how much support he provides at home so I can be the breadwinner. He handles a lot of the chores, helps immensely with the kids, takes care of a lot of the day-to-day needs of the family, and provides the emotional and mental support I need to keep going a lot of times. If it wasn't for this, I couldn't be the breadwinner. Is it 'normal' according to society? No. But it works wonderfully for us. I think society is slowly catching up in regards to accepting this, but there is still a majority that look down on it. For me, it's a matter of identifying each partners strengths/weaknesses in different areas and decided how each person can contribute to their fullest - societal norms be damned.
Loved this.
It is so much nicer to get a women replying to posts ...
Why do you worry about what other people say about you? As far as you two, love and respect each other, that’s all that matters at the eod.
In an ideal world it wouldn’t matter, but unfortunately still have to deal with society. Lacking family support does put strain on a relationship no matter how great it is.
You do you. The society will change eventually and accept you the way you put yourself out there. FWIW, I’m in a similar situation as you are and I’ve learnt to ignore the comments. Instead I make it a point to talk to my SO about it. If he is demotivated by this aspect at anytime, I offer full support in case he wants to continue what he’s doing, switch to another field or go back to school. If he does what he’s happy with, he’ll be a better person which in turn will reflect on the health of your relationship. Don’t let a bunch of naysayers remove your sight from what is real. Sounds like an Instagram quote but take time to think about it :)
Get new friends
I heard that only equal can be friends and I generally agree with it. But families are slightly different - it is a huge luck to have both earning the same. Get rid of people who judge you or your relatives - they're your worst enemies. It requires some skill and sometimes sense of humor to strike back without losing your face.
Very last thing I'd want is to be with another tech worker. The people making those remarks say more about themselves than about your partner.
I think it matters more what he thinks of it. Some men can’t stand being looked down upon by their partner’s family and friends. I can totally relate to this
I’m lucky enough to have a partner who doesn’t feel intimidated at all by my success. It’s navigating family that becomes tricky.
You want Blind to validate your desire to potentially shop around and leave him? What's the purpose of this post? If you're really not bothered by it, why are you troubled by the comments?
Blind , can be really harsh and not understanding to people ... she just wants to hear from people who are in her position. Don’t think there is anything wrong with that ?
If I wanted validation from blind, I’d have bigger problems in life. Good day to ya. 😉