Anyone come from a broken home that still stresses them out to this day?
I grew up on the lower end of middle class. My father was an alcoholic, did drugs, and had suicidal tendencies so my mom did her best to separate us. Then she married a pseudo intellectual loser who has never had a job in their 22 years of marriage while she worked two jobs. We have been at odds my whole life and my mom has always been telling me to respect him. I lived at home while I went to college, taking loans and using credit cards to pay my way, getting some financial aid after I turned 24. She still needed financial support so it was me that was required to pay rent to live there. I got out when I was 28 as my career finally in full swing. Flash forward to today and she is still working two jobs while having end stage renal disease. She is on dialysis 3 or 4 days a week, 4 hours at a time. Diabetes has done a number on my family. I exercise regularly and practice moderation to prevent it. To this day he has never done anything to help out. The house is filthy and disgusting and some parts of it look like an episode of hoarders. The tile floors were dirty and she slipped and fractured her shoulder right when I came home for the holidays. He said she slipped from oil spattering out of pan while she was cooking. He blamed her, even the whole house was slippery. My girlfriend saw the house for the first time, and her and I did our best to clean the floors so that they were no longer slippery. I am constantly having to help her financially because no one gets pay raises at her day job and her worthless husband never does anything to clean or take care of the home. I have been over exerting myself to help her financially for years. She is poor, in bad health, depressed, and now I’m more physical pain and out of work due to her injury, and she doesn’t want to get rid of him because she’s worried about being alone. I go to a therapist weekly because I have panic attacks, depression, and major anxiety about her life. I don’t know what to do anymore. I worry that she’s lying to me about how she takes care of herself, what she eats, etc. It’s hard for me to ever be happy. I’m miserable and I keep trying to do all I can for her.
I am extremely sorry that your parents made such harsh choices and that you suffered under this disfunction. You need to get angry if they still think that what they do is correct. Talk to your mom and see why she chose a deadbeat for her life partner. Talk to your dad (if possible) as well. Sometimes you're not required to be in close proximity to this viciousness if they're unwilling to grow and change their mind.
My dad passed away about 7 years ago due mostly to alcoholism. Though he attempted suicide a few times. I didn’t speak to him for 10 years before I found he was dying, largely because I was just sick of his toxicity. Many DUI’s, Baker Act’d (committed) a number of times, jailed, homeless, etc. It was just too much. I tell my mom so much, but I just can’t let her lose the house. Her health is her own doing. She needs a kidney transplant, but I found her cooking bacon, the number 1 thing you’re not supposed to eat with ESRD. I can’t do this if she doesn’t work with me. It makes me insane. I don’t want to just walk away and let her sink into this darkness.
So sorry OP. Can your mother come and live with you? Threat she will be better taken care off
I would love for her to do but I’m not sure I can support her full time. If she can retire and leave him, then maybe. But that would be leaving Florida for Seattle, a far more expensive place where she has no other family than myself. My sister and I want her to move closer to her sister, where it’s kris affordable and more amenable to older folks with health conditions.
Yes I did, and still very stressfull in my 30s.
I’m close to my mid 30’s and it’s outrageously stressful. Any health concerns in your family? How do you deal?
Not health issue, but broken marriage from the beginning... the way I deal with it is to minimize contact, also them living in a far far place helps. For a while it got very stressful whenever I talked with my mom. Now whenever I talk with her I try to be very rational and point out the unnecessary dramas she's creating. Of course she doesn't listen. I gave up.
Swap his insulin and let nature take its turn.
If only. He’s not diabetic, repulsively skinny, all he does is drink cheap beer, which my mom continues to buy for him. He’s has seizures for one reason or another and neurologists have said he has the brain of a 70 year old man back when he was only 44. If only nature would take its course on him.
Buy a bunch of oxy and leave the bottle where he will find it.
This is really hard OP. But it is really inspirational, to see that you have done so well, despite such a troubled childhood. I wish you good luck. I really cannot think of any good advice, but I hope things get better for you and your mom
Thanks for sharing. I come from a similar situation where my wealthy dad never paid a dime and left me and my mom in poverty. Right now she is depressed and overwhelmed with everything and things tech industry is bad and I should rather work in a church. You love them but what they do is stupid and you need to let go. You can offer help ( I pay her a cleaning lady even if she is working part time). Some things will eat yourself if you don’t cut losses. You are not alive to serve your parents. A depressed mom of a friend of mine committed suicide (she is a doctor) and this consumed before the full life of her and her brother. After she died my friend told me that she is very sad but also glad that this is over know. After some years I can understand her.
It's a tough one, wishing all the best to OP... You cannot help others unless you are in a good mental state,, so take care of yourself first. Are you happy? Understand that anyone has a predesposition to be happy to at a certain level regardless of what the life brings. It may be your mom today or any issues work tomorrow, but your happiness level may remain the same. What you may want to consider is how to increase the inner content. See Buddhism as an example of inner retrospective as well as many meditation techniques. Good luck!
☮️♥️🙏 hoping you have the strength to get through this
Whatever you do avoid sending money - they'll never reach your mom. Hire somebody to clean the house, order delivery of healthy food or ready made meals, buy her the stuff she needs(assuming her husband is not terrible enough to sell household items or food for booze)
I am sorry you are going through this. Its easy for me to tell you to count your blessings, but i really hope that you can see how you turned out despite the struggle and hope that one day you can put this all behind. I would also advice to put your emotional needs ahead of your mom, it is great that you help her out but you should also care for yourself first. Ive noticed a huge uptick in emotional distress among people during holiday season, i hope you enjoy the holiday season instead of worrying about things that dont serve you better
Thanks. I try to take care of myself and it’s true I should count my blessings because I have great friends, a good job, a beautiful and faithful significant other. I always try come home for the holidays, across the country, and end up being upset and disappointed due to the state of affairs of her life. I just want to fix it. It hurts to know how much she suffers.
Someone’s suffering is unavoidable until they do something about it, i can only empathize with how you want to help but would advice you to not let it get to you, cause it feels like you’re doing everything in your power