Anyone else not have friends?

Indeed keyword
Jul 4 57 Comments

I don’t really have any close friends in the city I’m in. I’m not new, it’s by design. People like me, I just don’t like to get close. Unless I have specific uses for them (career, sex, resources), then it’s not worth the time and energy investment (based on my calculations).

I’d rather just study and be otherwise productive. This generally means I stay in alone on big holidays like today. Not sure if this is something I’ll regret at an older age though. I don’t think so since a primary function of these events is hookups and parties which I have an overabundance of.

However, I realize I have a severe shortage of camaraderie, feelings of belonging to a group, and emotional bonds with anyone or anything at any level. It’s like everyone has a utility value that’s plugged into a subconscious equation that determines my suggested level of engagement with this party.

Note: I don’t believe I have anxiety or social introvert problems. I go to lots of festivals and events, and do it all over the world.

Who else feels like this? If so, please share how you’re like this.

If you’re older or experienced, can you offer advice as to what I might be missing out on or should watch out for?

Happy fourth :)

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TOP 57 Comments
  • Facebook dzntz
    You're clearly too good for society and have achieved another plane of existence.
    Jul 4 1
    • Indeed keyword
      OP
      That’s what I thought when I left facebook after seeing what good it (and its members) was doing for society.
      Jul 4
  • Accenture qazsw
    same boat here. nyc based!

    "I’d rather just study and be otherwise productive. This generally means I stay in alone on big holidays like today."
    Jul 4 2
    • Indeed keyword
      OP
      How do you feel about it
      Jul 4
    • Accenture qazsw
      sometimes it's lonely when you can't be with any of those people when you need them the most. but then you learn to enjoy your own company and be productive or do random/impulsive stuff
      Jul 4
  • Zillow Group ipoop
    I see where you are coming from. I'd say it gets harder to make "true" friends with age, so the longer you keep people at a distance the harder it'll be to develop a relationship with someone that goes beyond a specific use case. Sure, I have my skiing friends and poker friends, but I also have a couple friends who I know will be there when I need them most.
    I think it's about allowing yourself to be vulnerable with a handful of people who are closer to you than your average friend.
    Jul 4 0
  • Google pepperpots
    I have no friends too. I'm not an introvert and I go out with people but I just am not friends with any of them. It's easier this way. We have built ourselves a world where we could survive with no friends at all. It's not that we need friends to hunt a deer or distract a lion.

    And for some reason it has made me mentally strong, better at making decisions and emotionally strong.
    Jul 4 3
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      Same. But I question if it's worth it.
      Jul 4
    • Paychex vv_.
      Is’t the people you go out with are considered friends? It’s the difference of not having any friends, you don’t go out with anyone
      Jul 4
    • Google pepperpots
      Difficult to categorize since there are different levels of friendship. A friend is the one with whom I share personal stuff and members of my family know them. Otherwise they are just acquaintances. I might have a drink with them but won't care at all if they don't invite me to their wedding. I'll happily send them gifts and say congrats without a problem.
      Jul 4
  • Axtria DesiLaunda
    Same, except that I am not productive either lol
    Jul 4 1
  • LinkedIn Data@Scale
    You mentioned you like to study and be productive on weekends. Then try to find people who have similar interests- that is studying and getting better together. I found a couple of like minded individuals (through Blind and meetups) who were interested in the areas I like and we started studying together on weekends. Gradually we became close friends (spending 10+ hours on weekends together plus meals helped that). And there is nothing more personal then bonding over a hard design or algorithm challenge- you will know more about the person than hanging out for multiple hours going to festivals or watching movies.
    Jul 4 0
  • Amazon spacesh
    “Unless I have specific uses for them (career, sex, resources),” you answered your own question. This is what’s capitalism doing to society today. Being likable is not that only characteristic you need to make friends. You need to be genuinely interested in them. Then they will reciprocate. Your sentence clearly shows you need to work on that
    Jul 4 0
  • Amazon klulez
    Psychopathy or Sociopathy!
    Unfortunately too many of them on this app or in this profession 😪
    Jul 4 1
    • Amazon KUpC46
      ^ Everything wrong with our education system -_-
      Jul 6
  • Cloudera / Eng
    ImpAlan

    Cloudera Eng

    PRE
    Yahoo, VMware
    BIO
    Make kudu run
    ImpAlanmore
    So many of us in the same boat. My friends have met when we've felt similarly isolated (but not bored).

    So, if folks in Seattle or Redmond area want to DM me, please do.

    Sometime it is as simple as getting a cup of coffee on campus and catching up "real" Blind stuff.

    Offer to volunteer, even at work, you'll find like-minded people. Best, if you find something that you are truly passionate about and offer to give your time.
    Jul 5 0
  • Verisk Analytics pinkfloyd🎸
    Ditto. I am a likeable person I can tell. I get along with people at work and outside of work too. I have been told that I am easy to talk to by many.
    Can make friends in a heartbeat. Have a hard time keeping them though😓

    Just that I don’t know how to keep in touch with those people. I am terrible at texting or plain lazy. Get that a lot (even from close friends and relatives). More like out of sight out of mind situation I believe.

    I consider this the main reason why I am single lol.
    Jul 4 0
  • Sentieo ButNowISee
    Same. We should hang out and not have friends together haha
    Jul 4 1
  • WeWork RPvk36
    I’m trying to change it and get a cute girl friend who understands my leetcode needs.
    Jul 4 1
    • Indeed keyword
      OP
      What you’re seeking has a contradictory dynamic: a general inverse correlation between a girls cuteness and depth of understanding leetcode.
      Jul 4
  • Apple jKeb
    Jul 4 0
  • New / Eng rresoisnco
    There's nothing wrong with spending time with yourself but this sounds like you're trying too hard to analyze and control things. Sometimes it's better to take a step back and just be present. There should be a nice balance. You're categorizing your relationships, and that can be very limiting.

    Maybe it's a phase because you have goals and people are distractions. Or maybe you're just bored of life. Traveling helps. Dying alone helps.
    Jul 4 0
  • Microsoft / Product
    Brazuka

    Microsoft Product

    PRE
    Bain & Company
    Brazukamore
    Sad
    Jul 4 0
  • Yelp chunky
    Same
    Jul 4 0
  • Facebook l3sn4r
    It is easier to live like this in Bay Area because everything feels temporary here. And I'm as well, I don't plan to stay here forever. That's why it feels pointless having a long term friendship.
    Jul 4 3
    • Neurocrine gomv61
      Real friendships are not dependent on location
      Jul 6
    • Facebook l3sn4r
      True friends are hard to find everywhere.
      Jul 6
    • Neurocrine gomv61
      True friendships develop over time
      Jul 6
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Indeed keyword
      OP
      Infatuation is more appropriate
      Jul 4
  • Neurocrine gomv61
    I have lot of friends (i like to call them acquaintances) but most are superficial. We talk once in a while. No wonder, I am alone on the long weekend.
    Jul 6 0
  • Google / Eng caniretire
    Same. But I have a wife and three kids. I hang out with my cousins maybe once or twice a year and that's it.
    Jul 4 0