Autism. Kids

Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
May 16 39 Comments

I have a son on spectrum. He is 8 now, and currently I doubt if he’s ever gonna be able to work, or live independently.

Parents of special kids, what do you think of your children future?

I’m also looking into all new devices that suppose to help, and feel like most of them created by people who didn’t know what they were doing.

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TOP 39 Comments
  • New / Product
    Quks45

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    Quks45more
    We keep believing in them and doing everything we can. It’s so tiring physically and emotionally. It also depends on the severity of the condition and if they speak. I use all resources possible around me (free/paid) education, therapies, etc. Childcare is so important so you get a relief and the regional centers are helpful.
    However I do agree with you that the services and devices aren’t great, everything is so behind. It’s a constant struggle and specially if you are a career oriented parent
    May 16 12
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      OP
      You can actually select a female embryo if you ask them. They check the gender when they do genetical testing anyway.
      Thanks god I work from home and my schedule is flexible, so my wife can have a career, or she would go crazy.
      But I’m thinking of getting bigger house so we could have a live-in babysitter...
      May 16
    • New / Product
      Quks45

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      Quks45more
      You’re a star husband! Have you always lived there? We moved to Silicon Valley last year so my husband’s job has been very demanding. But we want to do exactly what you’re doing. I’m going crazy like this driving from school to speech therapy and then to ABA and working in Starbucks in between
      May 16
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      OP
      I am just lucky to have a profession that doesn’t need me to be in the office. And I was lucky to get a job in a company that doesn’t care where I am since I deliver my researches in time.
      Also I can work at night, and I like it better, so my wife packs kiddo for school and get him on the bus, while I’m sleeping, and then I pick him up and drive to ABA, ST, OT, and swimming. There were times when we also had horseback riding, but my son developed a pollen allergy and we cancelled it, thanks god. Then when my wife is back I lock up in my office and work.
      Flip side - our sex and personal life is not great, we are constantly tired. 6M ago my mom came to stay and we went to NYC together, we used most of the time to sleep in the hotel room and order room service.
      May 16
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      OP
      We have always lived here, but we moved into one of the best school districts.
      May 16
    • Fyi, the statistics about girls was proven to be false, or rather, inaccurate because expectations of female children differed from expectations of male children. If you want 100% guarantee, adopt a 2-3 year old child
      May 16
  • Oracle uu55dxvv12
    My heart goes out to you guys. Hope you find the right support group. Hope you find peace and happiness in your lives. Have you heard about Inclusive World in the Bay Area? I can connect with a few parents with much older Autistic kids. Maybe they can share their experiences.
    May 16 4
    • New / Product
      Quks45

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      Quks45more
      I’m definitely interested, my son just turned 4 and we have been living in the Bay Area for a year so appreciate your support
      May 16
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      OP
      Thank you! I live in Massachusetts and we have support groups and stuff. I think the problem is we never have time for support groups :)
      I’m sure your recommendation of Inclusive world will be useful to parents from Bay Area. Though my heart is breaking for all Bay Area parents when I think about your traffic.
      May 16
    • Oracle uu55dxvv12
      Quks45 feel free to DM me.
      May 16
    • Oracle uu55dxvv12
      aye dais. yeah traffic can be bad. Be sure to do different things to break the monotony or any depression you feel from the strain of taking care of an autistic child. You must seek group support for your own mental and emotional happiness. Give it priority.
      May 16
  • Finale Inventory / Eng huHG50
    I was non verbal until age 5. Held back in kindergarten, did poorly in school up to grade 10. I'm high functioning but a very slow reader and writer so school work was hard. At that point I gave up and just looked for easiest path forward. Quit trying to do reading assignments, just skimmed for answers or I guessed based on what I could remember from class. School started having us write papers on computers, that helped a lot with being able to do English assignments. Started getting straight As after years of not being able to get work done and barely passing each grade. Ended up going to college and graduating with a 4.0 GPA doing the same. After graduating I found good paying remote job as a software engineer. Hope this helps some of you parents worry a bit less about your non verbal children. Things can change, they did for me at least.
    May 17 4
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      OP
      My kid started talking at the age of 5 as well. He learns almost everything from his assistive iPad. May I ask you? Do you have many friends? That’s the part I worry a lot. He doesn’t seem interested in his peers at all. There was a girl who had a crush on him in the first grade, she learnt a lot about autism and tried hard to connect to him, but he had zero interest.
      May 17
    • Finale Inventory / Eng huHG50
      I've had a few friends in school. I was usually able to make some friends. Other students didn't really know I had autism unless I told them. I played a lot of video games in middle school(99% of my free time) in highschool I quit playing video games because I lost interest in them. Usually just hung out with friends online or at school. I had friends on a gaming forum and would chat with people from it on AIM group chats. After family lost everything in recession, we moved before I started 11th grade. Didn't make any new friends at the new school, it was much smaller and I had less in common with the kids that grew up in that much more rural area. That was a bit depressing, people just thought of me as the quiet smart kid but I did keep in touch with friends from my old school online. Did community college for 2 years, took a public speaking, participated in a play, and joined Honor society, those helped with improving social skills a little bit. Started making new friends when I transfered to university and took computer science classes. Participated in the computer club too. Currently don't live by any of my friends, but I travel with friends from middle school each year(usually go camping). Sometimes visit friends from college that are still in the same state as me.
      May 17
    • Finale Inventory / Eng huHG50
      I do have a girlfriend now. Have been dating for a year and we live together now. It can be tough though because I feel like my disability puts a barrier between us. I have difficulty expressing my emotions and reading hers.
      May 17
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      OP
      Wow, thanks!
      May 17
  • Amazon / Product Amznnn
    My son is 4 and has high functioning autism. I absolutely can relate to everything said here, it’s reassuring that I’m not alone in the ‘dark’ moments which happen on a daily basis. We are getting every therapy possible and thankfully we’ve seen amazing growth. We did opt for a 2nd child and again thankfully he seems to be neurotypical, but we’ll keep our fingers crossed. It’s a very lonely place as a parent and I am slowly shifting my goals and aspirations as a parent who wants to see my kids succeed. My goals are different now and I’m coming to terms with that.

    Things could be worse, there are worse ailments out there, other parents have it way way harder, so we just try and remind ourselves we are fortunate and grateful. But it’s always going to be hard. Cherish the hell out of those little wins and steps forward.
    May 16 3
    • New / Product
      Quks45

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      Quks45more
      Yes totally agree that things could be worse, two of my friends have children with cancer, and they see us as a normal family with no problems. I’m thankful that my son is healthy and most important he’s a super happy boy - in his own world :)

      I see you work in Amazon, how has your son diagnosis changed your career? I’m curious as I’ll be looking for a job in the next few months once I get my work permit and not sure what type of jobs I should aim for. My husband works in a super demanding job in the Bay Area with some flexibility
      May 16
    • Amazon / Product Amznnn
      It has impacted my career, no doubt. I ensure my hiring manager is well aware of my scenario and I’m needed at home. I’m super involved and make family my priority, so sometimes I can’t get work done when I want or how I want. I’m sure it will impact my overall trajectory, but it’s also changed my priorities (in a good way, I think). We as a family are an unbreakable unit and constantly support each other, a lot of that is due to my sons autism. So in a way, it brings us all closer.
      May 19
    • New / Product
      Quks45

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      That’s a fantastic and very encouraging way to see yourselves. Thanks for sharing! I think this helps to get my mindset more ready on what job/team to look for
      May 20
  • Salesforce cYcx71
    I have the same thoughts about my 4yo son’s future all the time.

    I was diagnosed on the spectrum myself but that’s of no consolation when facing the reality that he will likely not be able to live independently.

    Even among the autism “community” I feel conflicted and lonely. On one hand, more awareness is good. On the other hand, most of the kids on the spectrum are quite functional. All these “autism moms” who are fucking “proud” of the autism in their lives have no fucking clue the kind of despair some families face.

    I don’t know man, I only pray none of our family ever has to live without any of the others. Maybe all of us will be lucky and go out in a quick crash together.
    May 16 3
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      OP
      This. When my wife is traveling I’m afraid to die in my sleep, so my kid would have to spend days with my cold body being unable to call for help.
      I think all those autism moms just use this “proud to be” to avoid dark thoughts of how their motherhood experience is so much not what they expected.
      I also in doubt about getting kids into autism community together, because the biggest deficit for an autist is to make human connection. So when I observe play dates of bunch of autistic kids they all feel miserable.

      And what I fucking hate is when someone says “oh, your child is an autist, he must be so gifted in math!”, first of all my kiddo has a real good memory and he knows many words from three different languages now, and he hates math, but second he can’t even make this thing into real skill. It’s impossible.
      May 16
    • Salesforce cYcx71
      Yes my son is non-verbal and it destroys me to imagine what would happen if my wife and I aren’t around. Pretty much no one would be able to understand anything he needs.

      I don’t tell people I’m diagnosed with ASD and ADD. Because I don’t want to glorify this crap. Because I see in my kid and his severely impacted peers what kind of struggle it is. I hate people’s expectations; e.g. he’s autistic so he can be Bill Gates or Magnus Carlsen!
      May 16
    • New / Eng wQck55
      As cynical as it may sound, for the “dying in your sleep”, there is the technical/social solution of a dead man’s switch. Tell your wife you will send her a message every evening and if you don’t something is severely wrong and she should call for help. Or technical automation - hasn’t touched a device/created internet traffic in n hours - alert ...?
      May 16
  • Axtria 💗69
    I know someone who is associated with Autism Speaks non-profit. Happy to connect you if that helps 😊
    May 16 4
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      OP
      Thanks. But many autists I know hate Autism Speaks, they do a lot of work on awareness, and that’s great, but they are pretty much useless in everything else.
      May 16
    • New / Product
      Quks45

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      Quks45more
      (Mother of a child with autism) I hate Autism Speaks, they suck. I would never ask them for any advice
      May 16
    • Axtria 💗69
      Oops I am sorry. I have a friend, who is the mother of an autistic child, associated with that org. I can check if there's anything else that benefits her kid.
      May 16
    • New / Product
      Quks45

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      Quks45more
      Sure thank you :)
      May 16
  • New / Mktg jbna
    Hang in there! It's so hard to find balance / sanity. I wish I had encouraging words but it's so challenging. Even with resources free and paid it takes years to figure out what works for your child. Are you able to get an iep plan at your school?
    May 16 2
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      OP
      Oh, we’re in one of the best public school in the country, I believe. He has a lot of services on top of iep, assistive device (its and iPad for writing and sometimes talking, he was non-verbal till the age of 3 and used it to talk), adaptive sports.
      May 17
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      OP
      For me it’s more about adjusting my expectations on what future I foresee for him
      May 17