I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADD and been on meds for a couple of years. However I no longer take them because of side effects (I gained 50+ lb), it’s been 2+ years off of them. I had always been a smart and the ‘good’ kid in school, went to ivy leagues, high school valedictorian, soccer team captain etc. this was all when I wasn’t on meds. I started taking medication once I started working, for I realized I couldn’t stay motivated for long or had short bursts of high and low productivity rather. I am neither lazy nor stupid (at least compared to average folks) I am just not productive when not passionate, I think. I realize corporates do not work this way and had recently lost my job after failing PIP. Slightly hating but, I see coworkers that aren’t that bright or as passionate chugging along and not having been put on PIP. While I have been on PIP, exited and interviewing for 6+ months now without a single offer. Is this all there’s left to life? I am not sure if it’s my ability to perform or my desire, and also how I go about to fix it. I had always worked hard and been able to get results all my life, I am also not someone that is looking for wlb but have bigger dreams for myself. Was I always just getting lucky in life and this was a way of correcting it all? Where do I find myself back and the life that I used to love so much? 7 YOE TC 400k Edit : Thanks all for the comments and sympathy. I realize corporate world is not for me, unless I were on the most revenue generating or most exciting product of them all. I am looking for career advice too if that isn’t that clear :)
Unfortunately it was weight gain, speech slurring, headaches, sweating and what not. My self confidence hit a low and that is when I chose to be off them :(
Are you sure you should be off meds? Bipolar is no joke and I’ve known people tho thought they had a lot more control than they actually did
This hits very close to home. Take care, friend!
I felt very unmotivated and directionless in life a few years ago too. I quit my job and went on a 6 month trip around Asia (to experiment experience something different) by myself. Taught me a great deal about life and who I am. A few months in I realized I had the best life and job field in the world. Been back state side and working for a few years now. Doing better than ever. Been in a long term stable drama free relationship (yellow fever 😉) as well. While I was not on Bipolar or ADD meds, I was on depression meds that I had stopped taking leading up to me quitting my job.
You lost me at yellow fever.
Good for you. I wish I had a similar story but it’s been 6+ months and my options seem pretty bleak. I did travel for a month to South America to give myself a break after my PIP, but there just seems no avail.
Don’t give up yet. Just hang in there man. Stay strong. Life is long and full of surprises that you can’t even imagine. Whatever you believe becomes reality.
Hang in there. Dm anyone of us here if you're looking for a job, we will place a referral for you. But first, for yourself, re examine your health, meds, and don't stop taking them. Get yourself together mentally. Physical fitness will come over time if you are glued together mentally.
Thanks all for the comments and sympathy. I realize corporate world is not for me, unless I were on the most revenue generating or most exciting product of them all. I am looking for career advice too if that isn’t that clear :)
Then join companies like: Khan Academy Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation Or similar companies. Try some non profit work in the UK or some South East Asian country. New experiences can translate to better well being.
Your programming/system design/logical thinking related work can always be put to use. Also, you mentioned ivy league. Reach out to that Alumni network.
‘But have bigger dreams for myself’ you probably know what you want and are heading toward that direction but it is fuzzy atm. Dot will connect in the future. Check out Steve Jobs graduation speech. What made you to become an engineer? What do you like and what do you don’t like? Also 6 months is not that long in life. Don’t sweat too much. Get outside of tech bubble and talk to real genuine people.
On some level, I perhaps do. I am however terrified that they may very well not come true given how things shaped up for me lately, that almost makes me think what else is worth living for. My PIP, the feedback and now the interview rejects. I am telling myself to be hopeful and stay confident but it has been tough and I feel really lost. Thank you for assuring me that dots will connect in the future, I love you for that :)
It will only make you stronger. Life has ups and downs although other people’s life don’t seem like it.
Fuck. I am much older, I don't have any bipolars, pips, or any other conditions (although I am lazy and stupid), and I am making substantially less. What are you complaining about?
Sounds like your adhd meds might be too low. First off it’s very uncommon to gain weigh on Stims. And you’re still unfocused. Find a good psychiatrist and get the dosage adjusted.
It wasn’t just weight gain, but also chronic headaches, excessive sweating and my speech had started to slur as well. I opted better health over mental health, but honestly the diagnosis is also based on what you answer them, easier to manipulate into them diagnosing you. I did fine in my teens, and as a kid?
What meds were you on?