Broken and bruised

New bruised
Mar 8 45 Comments

I am broken and bruised inside. There are so many memories with people, who left, who misbehaved, who didn't meet basic expectations, who will never be back. And I just had to move on. There are so many stories to tell, so many feelings to share, so many learnings.

But everyone nowadays just want to talk fun stuff, go out, drink, have sex, talk sex, impress. Talking about life is boring to people, crying is too overwhelming to people, sharing your journey is no fun to people.

So what do you do? Is therapist the only real friend now?

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TOP 45 Comments
  • Amazon putatti
    Happy to have sex. DM if you wish.
    Mar 84
    • New bruised
      OP
      Are you female? Lol.

      Seriously thanks, I've enough.
      Mar 8
    • Amazon putatti
      No, but we can if you are willing to have your operation
      Mar 8
    • Intel UGeJ58
      ^You prefer trans-people?
      Mar 9
    • Foursquare / EngFlyingRat
      Wow, troll has gone to a totally different level in blind
      Mar 9
  • Microsoft sushue
    No. Your inner strength and ability to not give up is the best therapist. There are people out there who think like you, but they are rare and hard to come across. But if you maintain your high standards, you will find them, it'll click, and both of you will stay in each others lives.
    Mar 80
  • Everyone suggested a bunch of things. All these are great, but they don't all work on everyone in the same way. Find your thing. This can happen when you are open to trying new things.

    Faith, Spirituality, Therapy, Meditation, Yoga are all only tools. Find your tool or a combination of these. I find faith, workout, some spirituality help for me. Watch videos from Sadhguru or Gaur Gopal Das, find them on YouTube. Some people might troll me, but so be it. Mental health is no joke and so is the reason I'm putting these together here. Hope you feel better
    Mar 84
    • New bruised
      OP
      You are right, I haven't tried a lot of things, maybe I should. I'll check out the names you mentioned.

      I am not depressed but the post was actually a thought that struck me when I was conversing with a friend recently. I was sharing something from my past, I got into the moment and started sharing a lot of details, something I haven't really told a lot of people. That's when my friend interrupted requesting me to not bore him and just grab a drink together. I was left wondering if this is the modern-day friendship.
      Mar 8
    • Microsoft IMSad
      OP. I can 100% relate to what you said. Generally speaking the world and the people are too stressed or caught up in their own struggles to really have time and space to hear (let alone understand) someone else’s story. And it’s not just friends, it can be family members too.

      I have noticed that when the topic at hand is of mutual interest (example: they went through similar situation or experience) there is a higher affinity to listening and empathizing. Hard fact, but we rarely feel what other person is feeling without being in their shoes or experiencing the same.

      Have you tried meetups? I haven’t.
      Mar 8
    • Microsoft IMSad
      @finally: good suggestion. I find workouts and cooking helpful in managing my aloneness and fill up empty space of infinite thoughts on past failures. Trying to get back into meditation as well.

      I have heard that sometimes talking to oneself (in 3rd person) also helps in such situations. Not sure how tried and tested it is but feel tempted to try it out.
      Mar 8
    • New bruised
      OP
      @microsoft maybe what you say is right. I didn't realize listening and empathizing are traits difficult to find.

      I haven't tried meetups and I have no plans to try them either. I have a lot of people around me. Unfortunately, only a handful of them are actually close enough to have meaningful conversations.

      Yes, I workout alternate days which keeps me busy. But somehow I tend to dwell on my past a lot - not depressed - but just spending a lot of time thinking about the people/experiences. I know it's useless and I want to change it. I'll give meditation a shot.
      Mar 8
  • Barclays PLC / ProductManUnited
    Meditate. Really!
    Mar 88
    • New bruised
      OP
      I am yet to try this. Good point.
      Mar 8
    • Barclays PLC / ProductManUnited
      What you need is Inner Peace! Meditation helped me the most out of everything I tried a year back (including therapist). Wish I knew about it much earlier. Stabilizes your mind, heart and body. Happy to help if needed!
      Mar 8
    • New bruised
      OP
      How did you get started - headspace or did you join a professional class or something else? Can you share your meditation routine?
      Mar 8
    • Microsoft IMSad
      There was a time I used to meditate for 30-45 minutes at a stretch. And now I can’t for 5 minutes without my mind going in N different directions and bringing feelings of sadness, disappointment, fear, anxiety, pain!!

      From the time I get up, my my mind starts playing permutations and combinations of how dark the future might be.. I try to look at positives (because life conditions is relative) but mind is just used to thinking about things that have gone wrong or could go wrong.
      Mar 8
    • Barclays PLC / ProductManUnited
      Note: This is going to be long! Will try my best.

      What you need to meditate:
      * Env with no disturbance - mostly for beginners like yourself. Pro meditators don’t really get distracted.
      * Comfort - get comfortable. Sitting with a straight back has nothing to do with what you’re trying to accomplish. Sit, stand or even lay down - just don’t fall asleep. If you’re hungry - eat. Tired - then sleep but make sure you’re comfortable before you start.

      Steps
      1. Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Relax your muscles as much as you can. Take a few long deep breaths and hold them for a few seconds and exhale. Use 7-4-7 technique (breathe in for 7 seconds, hold for 4, then exhale for 7 seconds. For beginners, this helps to shut your mind from thinking random things.

      2. Focus so you can unfocus - throw away all the thoughts of your mind and find out what remains when it’s all gone. Focus on something simple - as I said above, your breathe or sound of your heartbeat or sound of a clock ticking or physical sensations (become aware of where you’re sitting, all the sounds you hear or even how the air flows). Just stay extremely focus onto something - highly recommend you to concentrate on the black void between your eyebrows after closing your eyes! After few minutes - you feel like you’re going into trance looking at weird shapes or even darkness- just let it happen.

      3. Let it flow - don’t try to overpower your thoughts. If there’s a random thought that pops up, like “the upcoming game of thrones series - just acknowledge it and get back to concentrating the dark space between the eyebrows. Let it flow.

      4. Time - First, try to meditate without any alarm and meditate as long as you can. When you feel you can’t take it any longer then rub your palms and place them on your eyelids and open them. Note down how long you meditated, if it’s 9 minutes then your sessions should be 10 minutes in the beginning. Try to set targets when you start reaching your goals. Get better on each try.

      5. Move, only if you can’t stay still - the point is not to move, but you don’t have to take that seriously. 5 minutes into the session and a huge ITCH is making you go crazy - just go ahead and scratch it. you shouldn’t move but if you can’t tolerate just go ahead and get back.

      6. Silence - after few minutes into the session you’ll slowly start losing your consciousness. You slowly start feeling your innerself and try to communicate with it. You’ll slowly start stabilizing and feel happy.

      Finally, Once you open your eyes, you feel fresh and realize about yourself, your life and everything. It completely changes the way you think, feel, and control your emotions.

      Note: if you want to see changes do it for a year! Not a week or a month and stop. Don’t do that! Do it for a year and look back - you’ll know you’re far ahead from where you started!

      Welcome to the new and happy you!

      I personally don’t use headspace or any zen applications. I go this way and this has worked the best ever since I started doing it.
      Mar 8
    • New bruised
      OP
      Thanks a lot for explaining in detail, this is very helpful. I am gonna save this comment lol and start meditating today.

      Do you meditate at a particular time of the day? Mornings are hectic so I'll try evenings on weekdays and afternoons on weekends.
      Mar 9
    • Barclays PLC / ProductManUnited
      I usually do it in the night but hey, that’s just me. Once you get started with it - time of the day is not a barrier.
      Mar 9
    • Intel UGeJ58
      I personally like morning meditation the best. It sets a relaxed tone for the rest of the day
      Mar 9
  • Riot Games JL2
    I recently went through a very rough time. Luckily I found a church with a really strong support group and now I have a peace of mind. Having a faith works a lot better than seeing a therapist. I’ve seen a therapist before but didn’t work for me.
    Mar 82
    • To each their own, but yes faith helps. I'm a Hindu, I feel better when I pray not because things going to drastically change, but it just gives me strength and hope.

      In the ever changing, super fast world its nice to cling to some faith/traditions
      Mar 8
    • New bruised
      OP
      I am glad it worked for you. But it's not a particular situation that happened to me recently, it's about the entire life journey, about the everyday things, about the small and the big things. I have a large circle of people I can call or ping for casual conversations. But I am not sure how many can I call for some serious shit or when I am down. And actually how many can I call if I want to talk more than once.
      Mar 8
  • PayPal qphkzhsbws
    In the same fucking phase. DM me.
    Mar 81
    • Microsoft IMSad
      That makes two of us 😔
      Mar 8
  • New / ProductIGzi05
    Spirituality - fantastic way to turnaround your thoguhts

    Service to the needy - Trust me you will feel great about yourself and you will really understand your blessings and build strength

    Meet sensible folks - they would really listen to you

    Plan a hike or Marathon ~ you would need it start exercising regularly and mood shapes up well.

    Cook ~ There is so much fun in creating something new. Boosts up the mood.

    Don't know your situation exactlty,
    Mar 80
  • Microsoft / Eng
    tarasenko

    MicrosoftEng

    BIO
    Intern @ MS
    tarasenkomore
    Therapist is the way to go. Pay someone to listen to your problems so you don’t have to internalize them and so your friends and family don’t have to internalize them either. And they might even give you good advice if you’re lucky!
    Mar 84
    • Amazon putatti
      No wayyyyy.
      Mar 8
    • New bruised
      OP
      So that does answer my question, a therapist is the only friend. I guess the definition of friends has just changed over years.
      Mar 8
    • Microsoft / Eng
      tarasenko

      MicrosoftEng

      BIO
      Intern @ MS
      tarasenkomore
      I think there are different degrees of friend. The highest degree of friend is going to be spouse, all other friends come after. Also family > friends typically. Friends are fickle since they are made by circumstance not blood
      Mar 8
    • Intel UGeJ58
      @bruised, you need a therapist to talk about the most negative things in life.

      You can talk about bad experiences with best friends on occasion, but they can't handle the emotional load of constantly dumping pain and dwelling on the subject matter.
      Mar 9
  • Pinterest / Enghellokappa
    Keep your head up. Life's a bumpy ride
    Mar 80
  • Okta doomsday
    It’s a bubble made by social phenomenons like instagram where everyone’s life is perfect.
    Mar 81
    • New bruised
      OP
      No, I am not talking about the rosy social media lives. I am talking about real people and experiences.
      Mar 8
  • New / ProductIGzi05
    Spirituality - fantastic way to turnaround your thoguhts

    Service to the needy - Trust me you will feel great about yourself and you will really understand your blessings and build strength

    Meet sensible folks - they would really listen to you

    Plan a hike or Marathon ~ you would need it start exercising regularly and mood shapes up well.

    Cook ~ There is so much fun in creating something new. Boosts up the mood.

    Don't know your situation exactlty,
    Mar 80
  • Amazon JesozB
    Give it time. This too shall pass. Time doesn't lessen the pain, it makes you better so you learn that pain is a part of life and you know that eventually everything settles down which will give you strength to smile and carry on.
    Just give it time. DM me if you need to talk and don't need a therapist. I have made so many mistakes in my life that I can probably be in the world records or something! You might feel better knowing that if someone with my mistakes can turn out alright, you will be too :)
    Mar 82
    • New bruised
      OP
      Thanks. I just mentioned in another reply that it's not that I just went through something bad recently, the post is a more generic thought. But you are right, eventually everything settles down and you move on, until you get stuck in some other shit. And repeat. Lol. I guess this is life.

      I'd love to hear your story, will ping you.
      Mar 8
    • Amazon JesozB
      Lol true that the shit keeps on repeating! But as I said, with enough of these cycles you understand that they are well - cycles and that they wull eventually pass. With time (and enough of these loops!) you just learn to not let th get to you and you know eventually it will settle down until the next one kicks up. That is life!
      I understand its not just one bad thing you go through which makes you introspect but a series of such things over years.

      Oh well, raise your drinking glass, here's to yesterday!
      Mar 10
  • Amazon / OtherXIit65
    Man I feel so fortunate to have friends who will listen. Reading this makes me sad. OP how old are you? Maybe your friends just haven't had some of these experiences yet?
    Mar 81
    • New bruised
      OP
      Yes, it's great to have friends who listen. Especially those who listen to you over and over. Don't be sad because I ain't sad either lol. I am just wondering if true friendships are fading away.

      I am not 16 so I am sure everyone around me have had their share of experiences. Also, being empathetic, having a heart to listen, and offer your time/company is not something that depends on experience (or does it?). Like I haven't lost a loved one to cancer (thankfully) but that doesn't mean mean I don't have the heart to empathize with someone who has.
      Mar 8
  • Oath / Engxxxcd
    Some one should just start a Blind group chat
    Mar 81
  • Google vOw81
    I don't think people are as shallow as you think. They are likely thirsting for true connection that allows them to discuss the deeper aspects of existence, too. But the problem is that adult life makes it almost impossible to form close enough connections that you have a chance to go deep.
    Mar 80
  • Amazon Pipilika
    Happy to chat. DM if you wish.
    Mar 80
  • Amazon
    Quantavt

    Amazon

    PRE
    Amazon
    Quantavtmore
    I know what you mean! A close friend with the same values or in the same place in life helps a lot... Right now I only have 1 or so like this but it means a lot
    Mar 80

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