Bullied at work

Booking.com / Design b.ullied
Apr 12 34 Comments

I feel bullied by my manager and physically try to avoid them. I've tried sharing some feedback with them and somehow (while I'm sharing feedback) it's always twisted around to make me think everything is my fault and I'm a terrible human being. He/she also retaliates days later (on the same topic) and gives me such an earful that I regret bringing it up and am now almost afraid of the person.

Ever encountered such behaviour? What are my options (besides leaving of course)?

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TOP 34 Comments
  • Clover Health sinkinship
    GTFO. I had that same experience with a POS at NerdWallet. Such a terrible human.

    Seriously GTFO and do not mention it in your exit interview. It's not to your benefit.
    Apr 12 3
    • Expedia / Eng
      wxp10fx

      Expedia Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      wxp10fxmore
      curious , why shouldn't this be mentioned in the exit interview if one doesn't care about going back to the company?
      Apr 12
    • Google / Eng
      rQsc13

      Google Eng

      PRE
      Qualcomm
      rQsc13more
      I guess you don't care about going back?
      Apr 12
    • Clover Health sinkinship
      Nothing is worth mentioning in an exit interview. It’s never to your benefit. It only tells HR what asses they need to cover.
      Apr 13
  • Intel / R&D seabay
    Time to jump ship...
    Apr 12 0
  • Google / Eng rRPD43
    Punch them
    Apr 12 0
  • Expedia / Eng
    wxp10fx

    Expedia Eng

    PRE
    Microsoft
    wxp10fxmore
    How does the manager bully you, OP?
    Apr 12 5
    • Booking.com / Design b.ullied
      OP
      Many ways, e.g. constantly takes credit for my work; when I call out, is very dismissive. Makes plans with my reports and peers about my work without keeping me in the loop. Undermines me in front of others, never appreciates any work done. Talks over me in meetings all the time. Runs the discussion to get his desired outcome
      Apr 12
    • Expedia / Eng leet_cod
      Just jump ship am doing the same however my current ship is sinking soo it's fine anyways the people who bully are the ones who could never crack interviews and sit in the same place and hence threatened .just leetcode anyways we can do better and they can never catch up to you
      Apr 12
    • Expedia / Eng
      wxp10fx

      Expedia Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      wxp10fxmore
      OP, how about you directly communicate with his manager about your work, plans, progress? (Skip level) without openly complaining about him. Do to him what he's doing to you. But avoid getting too stressed. Keep the option to jump ship open. Just fight and politics with him if you can if it's not too emotionally draining
      Apr 12
    • Booking.com / Design b.ullied
      OP
      @wxp10fx: Cheers! I'll try and stick around bit longer while I build some additional skills, then I'm out (and hopefully don't lose it until then)!
      Apr 13
    • Booking.com / Property Dev jwdq15
      Can't you move teams?
      Apr 15
  • Amazon / Eng
    227ida

    Amazon Eng

    PRE
    Samsung Electronics, Oracle, ServiceNow, ETS
    227idamore
    I feel the same with my sister :(
    Apr 12 2
  • Apple procto
    HR exists to protect management. Do not trust them. Look for a transfer. You cannot fix a bad manager and it stunts your career growth later on.
    Apr 12 1
    • Barclays PLC FAANGHNTER
      This HR does not protect you. All your grievances to HR are going to management. All the anonymous employee surveys are bullshit as well.
      Apr 12
  • Amazon / Eng xgIO00
    How about ignoring most of what they say
    Apr 12 1
    • Booking.com / Design b.ullied
      OP
      Tried that, it always comes back eventually
      Apr 12
  • Microsoft / Eng LC_Hard
    I had a colleague in the same boat. They couldn’t bear it and jumped ship even though it meant going to a shittier company. But it only took one month for shit to hit the fan and that abusive manager was forced to step down. Karma’s a b***h.
    Apr 12 1
    • Booking.com / Design b.ullied
      OP
      That manager has been around the company for name years. Some peers also said they were demotivated (at least to me), but afaik they haven't said anything to manager (probably don't want to antagonize)
      Apr 12
  • Google / Mgmt
    Ex-Amazon

    Google Mgmt

    PRE
    Amazon
    Ex-Amazonmore
    If you are male, get married if you aren't already. It's good training.
    Apr 12 2
    • Facebook

      Facebook

      BIO
      .
      more
      Hurrrhurrrrr
      Apr 12
    • Nvidia bdei51
      That's a training that is too costly
      Apr 12
  • Microsoft sacré
    @OP - which office is this ? Netherlands one ?
    Apr 13 1
    • Booking.com / Design b.ullied
      OP
      Yep
      Apr 13
  • Airbnb YdSR51
    Come to Airbnb. Anecdotal - but my team is quite pleasant and doesn’t sound anywhere near as poisonous.
    Apr 12 1
    • Booking.com / Design b.ullied
      OP
      Can't for few years, non compete.
      Apr 13
  • Publicis Sapient Ldndor
    Lemme guess Bellevue? The main manager of that office was an aloof asshole. Hide away in his office and everyone kissed his ass.
    Apr 12 1
    • Booking.com / Design b.ullied
      OP
      Europe, Amsterdam. But this shit happens here too 🙂
      Apr 13
  • Expedia / Eng
    wxp10fx

    Expedia Eng

    PRE
    Microsoft
    wxp10fxmore
    Have you tried mentioning this to HR?
    Apr 12 1
    • Booking.com / Design b.ullied
      OP
      HR is in shambles, been here almost 2 years and never spoken to a human being in HR. They only every open tickets for jobs (eg holidays etc) and take months to resolve.
      Apr 12
  • New / Ops
    tooQ10

    New Ops

    PRE
    Rakuten USA
    tooQ10more
    I had a similar situation with a horrible bully who would stand behind me berating every mistake I made, and because a large part of my job was collating data, putting it into spreadsheets, and preparing invoices, there were hundreds of chances to fat-finger a number every hour.

    At one point he was screaming at me about not getting an e-mail from a partner firm representative because I hadn't specifically told that partner to CC my boss in the reply, and I was so angry and frustrated that I threw a piece of junk mail across the room.

    Ended up disciplined, took a small pay cut and ranking cut, and when the chance arose, I expressed a willingness to go to another department. HR took me in and now I'm there doing very nontechnical work. Still beats being terrified to come in every morning because of the bully who sits next to you.
    Apr 13 0