I don’t like going out of apartment at all. I’m very happy at home. After just 1 hour outside I feel like I want to go home. When someone calls and says they are coming home I feel like “why the fuck do you wanna come” I’m just happy alone with my family. But I hide that and say “yeah sure let’s catch up” When Family wants to go out I feel like “aaargh I would rather be coding and do some personal projects” Badly overweight but not obese. I wanna workout but I just feel like I don’t wanna get out of bed. I try to not drink and usually drink once in two weeks but whenever I do I just go crazy and don’t know when to stop. I slack all day. Play topcoder at office. Read some tech blogs and literally have hard time getting mood to do my tasks and in the night after my kids are asleep I code with full focus and next day morning I’m again sleep deprived. When my colleagues talk with me, I feel like I wanna say what I wanna say and I don’t give a fuck about what they say to me. I control it and always Smile and act like I listen but eventually tel what I wanna tell and always feel like I want to go out of that place. When I’ve to read something new, I feel very irritated and I just skim it and say “okay what about it”. But if it’s something really interesting like some distributed computing problem or some interesting design problem then I get addicted and keep reading without even realizing the clock. I somehow still manage to be good at work. When I meditate for like 2 weeks I feel slightly better at work but still routine and timely life is still hard. I wanna live a life with routine and discipline. I wanna feel like going out. I wanna workout every day. I’ve been like this forever, nothing new. Has anyone been in a situation like me in the past and live a routine life now? What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m scared that life would become unmanageable very soon if I continue like this. L5 SDE, TC - 220K, age 29
Sound depressed. Speak to a therapist.
Ya that sounds like textbook dysthymia
Get a therapist and get started
Set some goals around a routine of fitness, going out, socializing, work - let them be easy in the beginning. Achieve them consistently for about a month or two. Keep track of your success in a notebook. Then ramp up your goals slowly and continue to achieve.
The key is to keep the bar low initially and get motivated by constantly achieving the target?
Yep!
Hey. Serious talk here. DM me if needed. You NEED to talk to a therapist.
So far p90 feels like I’m depressed. I’ll try giving this therapist thing a shot. The problem is that, though I’m open to do it my family would see the words “therapist, dysthymia, depressed” as very scary and would throw some emotional stunt. I gotta do something alone.
You are very much like me. I never really changed though I tried hard when I was younger. I’m 38 but I live a normal life, at least to outsiders. I saw a therapist a while ago and she convinced me it’s okay to be this way and I’m highly gifted which I could not believe. I’m however successful at work and doing well otherwise. After a while, you will be able to accept who you are and focus on the positive aspects of your personality. I wish I enjoyed socializing more but luckily my family including my daughter are introverts so it’s was easier for me. I get depressed once in a while and I try meditating, eating right etc. and it gets better. I also cannot build a lasting relationship with anyone, though I don’t get into fights either. Ultimately I just kind of accepted this is okay. Perhaps super happy state is just overrated.
Thanks
Life is beautiful and you should realize that. Pm me if you want to talk
Search for Seng and you will be able to get some helpful links
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