Career change due to discrimination or is it?!

Microsoft TeNh56
Mar 3 31 Comments

Yo, so, was a Dev, top uni, struggled in uni too, cuz my class of 300 had 4 females. I developed a freaky attitude after uni,, where I get depressed, hopeless and give-up, ... Anyways I survived all undergrad, got into top startups in SF, Amazon, etc. But I was told I asked too many questions, and instead of mentoring me, they made me feel incompetent. So much that I'm scared to apply for a Dev job. I had to "Taylor" my job exp to cater design and finally switched into being a ux designer. Only to realize that design is widely disrespected compared to engineering. It's not as intellectually challenging for me. I don't even know what like anymore. Actually with depression, I lost all passion. Use to love singing and arts. But now I have stress& depression related body illnesses: ulcer, vasivogal synpse, hair loss, slight insomnia, huge lack of motivation for anything, (I'm 25, female) frequently questioning if I want to die. Don't worry, I care to much about my parents to die. I'm finding it hard to see the purpose in life. I see other people's motivation, I understand it, but it doesn't motivate me.

Edit: yes I have gone to therapists, not helpful at all.

Edit: don't comment anymore. I'm considering deleting this post.

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TOP 31 Comments
  • I’ve been here. Before you can figure out what you want to do professionally, you want to make sure you’re healthy and in a good mental state. Have you tried going to the doctor (in case this is a hormonal disorder? My sister has depression brought on by one and it caused sucidial ideation too)? Or a therapist? It’s hard to be motivated, work hard, etc while depressed. Damn near impossible sometimes. I’d start there. You’re very young and have lots of time to try new things and figure out a career (I worked in two completely different industries before landing in tech and in my 30s am still discovering what will ultimately make me happy to do). Don’t feel pressured to figure it all out right this moment. Also: never stop asking questions - that’s how you learn. The places that want to mute you are not the places you want to work for.
    Mar 32
    • Microsoft TeNh56
      OP
      Have gone to therapists, not helpful/useful at all...
      Mar 3
    • Still might be worth trying a medical doctor. Sometimes we need more than to just talk it out and there are a lot of physical ailments that can cause the systems you’re mentioning.
      Mar 4
  • Google / Other
    Ex-Amazon

    GoogleOther

    PRE
    Amazon
    Ex-Amazonmore
    You sound like a normal millennial. I've heard lots of devs who turn to ux and find it unchallenging eventually find passion and purpose in the fine art of burger flipping. You should try it.
    Mar 40
  • Microsoft / Engsudо
    I've read your post multiple times trying to understand where is the promised discrimination.
    Me: the only female in a team of 14 devs. Similar picture during my school years, but that's a supply problem, not discrimination. Been a front end dev initially after school, didn't like it much and switched to back end now.

    From your post, it seems like you care too much about what people say to you. You ask too many questions, so what? Continue asking them. Well, be reasonable with those, but don't take such comments as a personal offence.
    If you don't like design because it's disrespected - you've got it wrong. If you're good at it, you'll gain all the respect you deserve. If you really feel it's no fun, then pick up something new. Try small things, so you can feel what brings you joy. Not too many people know exactly from the start what they like the most. Neither it's always built on a pure passion. Six days a week I love my job, but there is often one day when I just wish I had a shotgun to fix all the pilled up problems.

    Of course all of the above after you get your 8hrs of sleep, healthy diet and exercise.
    Mar 40
  • ARM qSwc20
    Don’t see any discrimination here. You need to work on yourself OP. It’s got nothing to do with you being female and having that attitude won’t help.
    Mar 40
  • Microsoft horizontal
    Where was the discrimination ?
    Mar 40
  • Don’t let anyone bully you. Do what you like and don’t ever change your profession to escape anyone or any situation. I can’t seem to figure out what could be the possible problem, but feel free to DM me if you need a mentor.
    Mar 31
    • Microsoft TeNh56
      OP
      I'm not motivated, give up too easy. And I need money. I don't want to live with my parents. I love them. But I don't wanna live there.
      Mar 3
  • New yeaec
    That sucks, but you call out about how widely design is disrespected, and I don't know if you are saying it is an problem, but then you state it is not as intellectually challenging. Maybe there is something you might need to unpack there.
    Mar 40
  • Twitch yusername
    Career advice: If ppl don't like you asking questions, then don't ask. Ask questions to Google. Google will never mind.
    I have seen that ppl might get annoyed by someone asking basic level questions. I would say ask basic questions to Google and then ask more advance level questions to your colleagues. In that case they would feel that you have done your homework.

    About none career related advice: I am not the right person to talk about that.
    Mar 41
    • Conduent Mile
      Well... If it's how to use a tool then Google is your friend. If it is applications related then get the info from your team, so that means research existing, check data and then ask questions. Could get OP skipped to asking questions and I don't like it when someone tries that on me because it means they don't want to learn - they want to be given an assignment like in school.
      Mar 4
  • Expedia / Eng
    InTheDNA

    ExpediaEng

    PRE
    Microsoft
    InTheDNAmore
    I think that YOU want to ooze/vent out that has been inside you for quite a long time.
    What exactly happened while graduating or earlier?
    Talk to your pals/ buddies or if you want to talk to someone else who does not know you, let me know.
    Mar 40
  • Collective Health 1111f
    Exercise. I recommend weightlifting. Sent you a PM for a rec in SF.
    Mar 40
  • Yahoo buggaboo
    Open a small business and be your own boss. Do something you will enjoy and not be associated with groups where you feel depressed or stressed.
    Mar 30
  • Lyft swetool
    I agree, you should delete this post
    Mar 61
    • Microsoft TeNh56
      OP
      You must be a mother fucker. If it's your idea of a joke, GTFO cuz you sounds like a dick.
      Mar 7
  • Microsoft tfsUEwWt
    Step 1: Stop using "yo".
    Mar 41
    • Microsoft TeNh56
      OP
      YOLO though
      Mar 4
  • Conduent Mile
    I think you are simply in the wrong job/position. Look for a different job where the pace is slower and you can get yourself grounded better. Once you get some work experience and confidence you can try again with the current employer. Right now, focus on doing your best while looking for a new job.
    Alternatively, find a mentor at the current company asap.
    Mar 40
  • New / EngSharmaG
    There are no simple solutions to social and personal issues. Make peace with yourself and the world. It's a struggle -- so struggle while keeping yourself detached from all this. You will never find an optimal solution.
    Mar 40
  • Hortonworks
    Sb7Kz8w

    Hortonworks

    PRE
    VersionOne
    Sb7Kz8wmore
    I always thought girls have it easier. Isn’t it great to have lots of boy engineer asking you out on date?
    Switch companies. The female engineers at places I worked are having a great time and no discrimination.
    Mar 40
  • Juniper jnpr2000
    Take my suggestion and seek professional help for your mental health.
    Mar 30
  • Microsoft true-doh
    Girl don't give up easily. Tell yourself you deserve success and are tough. None of what you told here makes you look weak. As I read your post I said woww this person has the strength to push through a lot. Apply that strength to something you enjoy doing...it doesn't have to be software engineering. There are people who don't like the field even after studying CS so you're not alone. These people continue to do well.
    Mar 270
  • Yahoo buggaboo
    Urlich iz a ded
    Mar 40
  • eBay Gannicus
    Too long post, but I share your pain
    Mar 40
  • If you’re trying to escape discrimination I don’t think UX is the answer
    Mar 40
  • Microsoft Prakaj
    Welcome to the club! Join Neurodivesity group in Yammer.
    Mar 40
  • Amazon petaflops
    I can mentor you, if you’re open minded! Done a lot on job and within family.
    Mar 40
  • Udemy 306
    If I were you, I’d leave U.S. and go to Europe. There are great companies in EU, it is less competitive, less discriminatory, and you’d have better WLB. Also, Meditation and exercise helps a lot.
    Mar 40
  • Abbott
    techtaktoe

    Abbott

    PRE
    Procter & Gamble, GSK , Citibank, McCann
    techtaktoemore
    Ditto on above - Exercise, Rest, Meditate, Check w Experts.

    That said, might I add consider volunteer work in whatever field or area that catches your fancy. Ideally something that takes you far away from the same type of people you meet at work, ie coding for jobless or kids, art or singing groups, etc.

    This sometimes helps to "reboot" me when I'm in a slippery slope downhill... All the best.
    Mar 40

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