I realized that at any point in time, the people I am in touch with have only been with me for a short while. Of all the people I am currently talking to (4-5 on a regular basis), the longest I have known someone is 4 months. This has always been the case. I tend to change friends too quickly and too often. They quickly become my closest buddies but then after some time the contact fades away (no apparent reason). And then I move on to new friends. I can always get in touch with my old friends and they respond well, but somehow I haven't carried forward any friendships, with regular touch, for more than a few months. Is this normal? Or do you tend to be associated with fewer people but carry their friendship (be in regular touch) over years?
Location?
Currently in NYC. But location doesn't matter, it has always been the case.
You good.
It happend to me my entire life and then I realized that it was MY FAULT. Keeping friends is an effort, you have to ping them frequently, care about them, invite them to do things together like shopping something that both need, watch games, going for the new restaurant that just opened and you want to try, offer help when they move out etc. If you’re ok with the way it is now, no problem, but if you want to change it, start by pinging friends and inviting for doing something this weekend :)
Thank you. Yes I think I don't make the effort to stay in touch with them or just call them for no reason. I will try to be more active.
Have the same problem!
Haha let's talk!
It’s not normal. It’s fairly common for friendships from past jobs not to last. But if you’re re-making friends every 4 months or so, something is wrong. Honestly, it takes that long just to really get to know someone. By the time that happens you’ve already moved on. All I can think is WTF...
Yes I realized I don't carry friendships with me. I build an initial bond with people very quickly but then i don't stay in regular touch with them. I was not sure if this is normal.
I believe this is a natural part of life. As life evolves you evolve as a person so does your friends. People change, people develop different interests and motivations in life. There are certain people who used to be good friends back in high school but I cannot relate to them anymore because we are having totally different life trajectories.
4 months is pretty quick, what tends to change?
I tend to make friends quick but I also get bored with people very quickly. If you saw me talking to a new person, after an hour people would actually mistake us for being very good friends. So we have good conversations, we go out a few times, and then I just like my own time. I am very comfortable being by myself. I hardly contact them again and start saying no to plans. Because I have already got bored of them and want my own time. So at any point in time, I only have people around me that I have known for a few months. I may know people for years but the phase of staying in touch with them is pretty short.
I think you need to either add something or remove something. * Remove something * - Do you keep your walls up? I find it hard to progress friendships if the other person won’t let me get to know them deeper. Slowly progressing vulnerability helps create a lasting friend. This doesn’t have to be all the time, and you don’t need to share your whole life story. - When you think “so and so is boring”, is this when you are with them or when you are away from them? I have noticed that I can feel differently about someone when I am with them vs away from them. Maybe these perceptions need to be questioned. If you met up and went out, you might actually have fun. * Add something * okay so you value “fun”. There’s different kinds of fun that you can have within a friendship: - personal growth - professional growth - working together through a challenging phase of life that you’re both in, and helping each other towards triumph - exploration of the world, enjoyment spending time doing new things - mutual interests and enjoyment of time spent together - emotional support - a creative or an inspiring friend, someone that energizes you when you share stories - other things?? Maybe you can identify which one or two of these categories can apply to a person, and try to get to know them in one of these dimensions and see if there is chemistry there. Then you’ll know how to direct your conversations and time so that you can have more fun.
But do you have a girlfriend?
No
Ok
Are these friends you meet at work? Coworkers come and go pretty frequently and I don’t think it’s uncommon to fall out of touch when one of you moves. For friends from outside of work (like college friends) in my experience people tend to stay friends for a while
Good point. I usually don't hang out with my coworkers. My friends are from my grad school, people I met at clubs or dating apps, friends of friends, etc. I fall out of touch with people really quickly. Earlier this year, I was talking frequently to a few people whom I had only known for a few months. In the summer months, I made new friends and got out of touch with the ones I was talking to earlier this year. Currently, I am talking to a few people and I haven't known any of them for over 3 months. I am pretty sure 6 months from now, I will have a completely new set of friends.
Thank you everyone for your responses. I am just writing to update you that things haven't changed. The people I am talking to these days are ones that I have only known for a few days/weeks. And the contact has slowed down with the ones I was talking to few months ago. I think this is the way things are, so I should probably start getting used to it.
Good luck and vaya con dios amigo.
Friends come and go. I experienced the same thing. I don’t believe in having a close or best friend.