Women in Tech

Children vs career

Pinterest Equal
Feb 17

How many have postponed or given up having child for your career?
Did you use the egg freezing or ivf to get ahead at the young age at workplace?

Has anyone interviewed women who requested pumping sessions during the job interviews? Or you think it’s ridiculous? Or it will only be acceptable in big companies?

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  • Google / Product
    Urs

    GoogleProduct

    PRE
    Microsoft, 500 Startups
    Ursmore
    Either you want to have kids or not.

    If you want to have kids, in my experience, have them at a biological responsible age so that you don't have to deal with all the stuff that comes with kids at older age.

    Career is not a race. You can easily coast for a while and have kids and come back and crush it later. My wife took a back seat in her 30s and we have 2 healthy balanced kids and she is crushing it in her early 40s.

    TC: 550
    Wife's TC: 300
    Feb 1710
    • Pinterest Equal
      OP
      Maybe one needs to find a supportive workplace for parents first?
      Feb 17
    • Apple pommedete
      ^^ At what ages did you guys have kids?
      Feb 17
    • eBay shock
      I totally agree here to find a supportive workplace. I have baby when i was at Yahoo and my work speed was little slow since i was pregnant. People used that and made me look like low performer and i was laid off later. I felt so bad and it was very difficult to find a job when you have small baby and visa issues. Also my husband was not emotionally supportive to me and it was hell experience for me. So now i decided to have no more kids though i always wanted two kids.
      Where is your wife working now?
      Feb 17
    • Google / Product
      Urs

      GoogleProduct

      PRE
      Microsoft, 500 Startups
      Ursmore
      @pommedete we were both at MSFT in our 30s when we had our kids. Fast forward 10 years and I have moved on while wife decided to stay as she is an empire builder 😂
      Feb 17
    • Google / Product
      Urs

      GoogleProduct

      PRE
      Microsoft, 500 Startups
      Ursmore
      @shok finding a supportive workplace and partner are the winning strategy. Also on further reflection, I think we we're lucky that Seattle/MSFT was a bit laid back a decade ago. I am less sure given what I am seeing in the city today (competitive, MS becoming Amy driven) that we could have pulled it off.
      Feb 17
    • eBay shock
      I can change workplace but not partner. He himself is not emotional at all so he dont understand my feelings at all.
      Feb 17
    • Pinterest Equal
      OP
      Didn’t see any role models in the startup world. Some had their kids in bigger companies
      Feb 17
    • eBay shock
      How is pinterest in terms of supportive parents?
      Feb 18
    • Pinterest Equal
      OP
      General policy is on par with industry, but actual execution is team dependent. If other people are burning midnight oil or working on weekends, it’s hard to get away with only 40 hours per week
      Feb 18
    • Oracle DMUe80
      I have been a tech mom for many years. Successfully raised 2 kids, one a Stanford grad and the other about to enter a top notch college in the East Coast. Be happy with your choices. Some of my women peers who were more driven (spent more time at work VP kind) ended up with mediocre kids. I am proud to have smart and well balanced kids with a reasonable career trajectory. No path is better than the other. Being happy with your choice is key.
      Mar 10
  • Amazon / Engtylium
    Agreed with above. We spent large amounts of money having kids because we had them a little older. Fertility decreases with age. Eggs will more often miscarry and have higher chance of genetic issues.

    As a parent you need energy. Imagine being 38 and tired all the time with a toddler running around.

    Just have kids and do good work. Work smarter, not harder.
    Feb 171
    • Amazon / Engtylium
      One other point. Elon musk had 6 kids. Bezos has 4. What's your excuse.
      Feb 18
  • Flagged by the community.

    • New !swe
      Weird
      Feb 17
    • Dropbox / Eng100k🔗🐼
      You ask the female recruiter that after you get the offer.
      Feb 18
    • New / Engedgecase
      😂 If I were the interviewer, I would assume I am getting punked. Please someone do this since I can't (not to sound sexist, but guys can't really ask about pumping sessions to total strangers)
      Feb 18
    • Pinterest Equal
      OP
      It’s to schedule the pumping sessions during the interviews.
      Feb 20
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • New !swe
      How old are you guys?
      Feb 17
    • Google / Product
      Urs

      GoogleProduct

      PRE
      Microsoft, 500 Startups
      Ursmore
      @tmDe33 👍👍 kudos.

      IMO people should make a choice. Either have kids at a biological responsible age or not.

      I think that media is to blame. When we see celebs having babies in their 50s they do not talk about all the miscarriages and the challenges of having kids at that age.

      We are living longer due to antibiotics and healthy habits, but the age range for having a healthy baby has not changed that much- for now.
      Feb 17
  • Apple pommedete
    My wife and I are in a similar situation now. We are 30 this year. I would like my wife to focus on her career first. But we don’t know when we should have children.
    Feb 172
    • Microsoft 🚊🎱⚾️
      Most Indian couples in SV are like that. They take only 1 kid very late in life.
      Feb 17
    • Microsoft dfdgh
      Do you even see any reason to have a kid?
      There is so much more you could do with the time a s energy!
      Bit of you really want one, is a year or two off work really such a big deal?
      Feb 17
  • Microsoft dfdgh
    Unless you are working 60+ hours and want to continue doing so, why is having kids a bid deal?
    I do 40 at most at a FANG, and I don't think that's impossible to have kids.
    The bigger question is why do you want to have kids when you can do so much more with the time and money -- even try very different careers , retire sooner etc
    Also why not adopt, as it will save you some time?
    Feb 171
    • Microsoft dfdgh
      Adopt a child at 2. Time saved = 9 months +. 2 years
      Feb 17
  • Google Sgfru
    I had my kid at 34, and I recommend doing it earlier. 30 would have been perfect, if I'd actually been in a stable company with maternity leave. Why? Physical reality. I had trouble conceiving, and I would have had more energy to keep up with her.
    Feb 190
  • Oracle fatalflaw
    When is a good time to have kids while considering career? Either at the age your body is ready, or never. Delaying kids affects you later in your career - with teens in your 50s or early 60s. You will face a career slowdown at some point or another, whether it is for kids, or caring for loved ones, or your own health, or all of the above. Just like you cannot time the stock market, timing marriage and kids doesn't always work out - it might, sometimes.
    Feb 170
  • Indeed h28dj7
    I used to schedule interviews and we def got that question. We have mother's rooms. As long as the candidate gave us their pumping schedule, we'd work it into their interview
    Feb 202
    • Pinterest Equal
      OP
      So it’s not like no one has requested pumping sessions during tech interviews at other companies? My friends thought it is ridiculous. Thanks!
      Feb 20
    • Indeed h28dj7
      Definitely not the only one to ask, and I definitely wasn't the only one to accommodate that kind of candidate request. I can't speak to how common it is, but anyone who knows what that entails should be empathetic/inclusive and make time for it in their process. Full disclosure, I do D&I now, and I generally think the companies who can't do this need D&I help; whereas companies who can, but won't, should absolutely be avoided.
      Feb 20
  • Juniper allihn
    Usually companies that have designated mother’s rooms are quite supportive
    Feb 200
  • New / Engedgecase
    My wife and I did not postpone but we prioritized. High TC wasn't more important than raising a family. It was a guess at best at the time. Years later, I know I would have regretted not going this route, but back on track to career building.
    Feb 180
  • Google 1234-/:;(
    Egg freezing has a low rate of success and if you carry your own child in your late 30s early 40s there may be severe complications for the mother. Could always try a surrogate too if you are exploring options.
    Feb 170

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