Cliche love story, but real :(

Apple mmmmmn
Nov 14 66 Comments

Before him I didn't believe in love (unconditional, real and deep, like the movies) at all. Dated for 2 years and it was magical. I was young and stupid. He was deeply decent and made me believe in unconditional real love. A rich guy came between us and I chose the rich guy to become my husband.
It's been 20 years. We have kids. He never dated anyone else. I can truly say there wasn't a week that I didn't think about him. My husband is a decent person and great father. But not as intellectual as that guy.
I thought time would make me forget him, but it didn't.
Just wanted to vent :(

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TOP 66 Comments
  • New / Eng
    Psynaptic

    New Eng

    PRE
    Neuralink
    BIO
    Working on Brain Machine Interfaces
    Psynapticmore
    Lol. Your husband is a decent person. You? I'm not so sure. You might be a gold digger with a guilt complex.
    Nov 14 2
    • New / Eng
      Psynaptic

      New Eng

      PRE
      Neuralink
      BIO
      Working on Brain Machine Interfaces
      Psynapticmore
      I mean was there any reason you went for the rich guy over the other guy, other than the money?
      Nov 14
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      I am trash. I know that :(
      Nov 14
  • Google hypms
    The best is always the one you didn’t get. If you married him instead, then you can truly say there wasn’t a week that you didn’t think about “the rich guy”.

    Sorry, but get a life and stop putting yourself into love movies.
    Nov 14 3
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      No. The reality is I never felt that deep love from (and towards) my husband. Even in the first months and years, that deep love was missing. The difference of the level of intellect between my husband and that person is huge. I never really enjoyed a conversation with my husband (as I said not even during the first months), but with that guy it was always deep and interesting.
      Nov 14
    • Adobe fngstained
      Where are you from, OP?
      Nov 15
    • Facebook / Eng
      XTeR76

      Facebook Eng

      PRE
      Google, Microsoft
      XTeR76more
      You know, that doesn't mean it would have worked out, though. You could have married the other guy, then saw that he had other flaws, and beat yourself up for not choosing the rich guy. You never know that might have been.
      Nov 18
  • McAfee JohnMcPee
    20 years is some latency.

    Anyway, can the decent guy LeetCode? If yes, then he should have caught up with the rich husband.
    Nov 14 1
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      He's actually an swe too, but he lived his life the way he liked, not in a rat race like us.
      Nov 14
  • New scheme
    Difference in TC between the rich guy and the "deeply decent" dude?
    Nov 14 1
    • Fast Enterprises lodoxjs8
      This is the real question everyone wants to know

      OP don’t make another decision you’ll regret
      Nov 16
  • Bloomberg FCUK<GO>
    Sounds like a troll. 20 years married means you’re probably 45-50. What are you doing on blind?
    Nov 14 8
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      No I'm not Asian.
      Nov 14
    • Uber sjs8gso3j
      Read the terms and conditions- you must uninstall the app if you're over 45 😤
      Nov 15
    • Oracle memoreez
      Kids these days...😏
      Nov 15
    • Rakuten / Ops
      tooQ10

      Rakuten Ops

      PRE
      Rakuten USA
      BIO
      Obligatory: YoE 20, TC 41k. Such is life for us non-SWE office monkeys!
      tooQ10more
      My TC is under 45, so I'm staying.
      Nov 15
    • Microsoft / Eng AtinIay
      Probably some random biz admin who handles coffee and operates the copy machine
      Nov 20
  • Microsoft ismartMSFT
    you did what you felt right. this is real life and it isn't fair to anyone.
    Nov 14 3
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      I actually didn't feel it was right. I just married him because "every girl around me would die to marry that guy", so I did it to "not miss on the opportunity". I know it's stupid :(
      Nov 14
    • Datometry / Eng LangEr
      Melania, is that you ?
      Nov 14
    • New XdXR77
      Lol, LangEr I don't think Melania would be on Blind, but I can understand if she feels the same 🤣😆
      Nov 14
  • Quanergy Systems p2p2b2c
    find yourself a boyfriend to distract you
    Nov 14 5
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      Wow. You really don't get it.
      Nov 14
    • SAP nd56j
      Ignore the trolls, OP. Not worth it.
      Nov 15
    • Google swinglyf
      Let’s be fair, op is probably trolling
      Nov 15
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      Look, I'm probably older than anyone else here in this group and lived long enough to learn trolling won't make any difference.
      Nov 15
    • Google swinglyf
      Cool story, mate
      Nov 15
  • Google slickdealr
    Asian Notebook
    Nov 14 4
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      Why do people think I'm Asian? Is this story common in Asia?
      Nov 14
    • Datometry / Eng LangEr
      He meant Asian version of the movie called Notebook
      Nov 14
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      Why Asian? That's my question. What's with Asia?
      I've seen the movie, but it doesn't show the reality. It's different than real life, especially because they didn't have kids.
      Nov 14
    • Datometry / Eng LangEr
      I haven’t seen the movie.

      But I guess your post talks about an experience that a lot of people might have in private. Not exactly sure about the Asian part. Is it because lot of people from Asian end up moving to US after marrying someone who is working here in the tech industry ?
      Nov 14
  • KLA-Tencor jchn85
    Nasty choice nasty life. Hey, you live once.
    Nov 14 1
  • Symantec +veGuy
    When you have got enough money and enough time, you tend to think about other things in life (mostly past regrets) and there lies the problem !
    Nov 15 5
    • Cadence Mariposa
      Enough money; enough time AND most important- NOTHING TO WORRY.

      It's an interesting human psychological behavior.
      Nov 15
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      Don't jump into conclusions. Don't judge people by the little knowledge you have about them.
      How do you know I have enough money, enough time and nothing to worry?
      Nov 15
    • Cadence Mariposa
      Because when normal human mind is busy occupied by something - achieving goals, planning vacation, struggle for money, taking care of ailment, supporting family financially, emotionally blah blah blah (I swear there are tonns of things) ; you don't keep remembering the thing you did 20 years back.

      You aren't painting the complete picture here; all the analysis people are doing here is coming from that little story you started telling. Don't get mad at us!
      Nov 15
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      I'm not mad at anyone but myself
      Nov 15
    • Cadence Mariposa
      Don't be; I almost wanted to add that bit In my comment; but I didn't want to overburden your emotional roller coaster.

      The fact that you put it out shows bravery. You still didn't answer my question in my comments above.
      Nov 15
  • Uber listen!
    If it makes you feel better, I have a similar story where I am that decent guy. I am pretty certain that the girl thinks about me everyday, since she stalks the hell out of me and my wife. Honestly, I used to do the same until I got married and realized it wouldn't be fair to my wife.
    Nov 15 1
    • Apple 3r45ty
      Your story is different. You're married. In OP's story the decent guy didn't even date anyone all those years.
      Nov 15
  • Yahoo / Eng STOP 🛑
    Wow! 20 years!
    Nov 14 1
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      Yea. That pain is inside me and I always hoped the time would fix it, but it didn't.
      Nov 14
  • Salesforce Knut
    Is your ex still single? Is it because of you?
    Nov 15 1
    • Apple 3r45ty
      Isn't that what he she said? She said the ex didn't even date anyone all those years
      Nov 15
  • Amazon s@isified
    We sometimes wonder about the one who got away or what if I dated/committed to someone else. It happens. I wonder about my first love sometimes and I’ve been with my wife for 18 years and hadn’t even spoken to that other woman in nearly 25 years. My wife and I compatible across most dimensions, but on occasion I wonder “what if”. I married her against my parents wishes (mostly because I came from an upper middle class family and she came from a poor one), and I wonder if things with my parents would’ve been better if I married one of my exes, or my first love (our parents were besties). Maybe, but maybe not.

    I also wonder about how my exes are doing periodically, if they found some semblance of happiness with their choices.

    Don’t feel guilty that financial factors played a role in who you chose. It’s no less shallow than someone who would only date someone with an advanced degree or has certain physical qualities. What matters is if you’re overall happy with your choice, and it sounds like you are. But, like the rest of us, you periodically wonder “what if.”
    Nov 16 0
  • New / Sales
    microbiome

    New Sales

    BIO
    Seeking Fall 2019 or Winter/Summer 2020 internship referrals in Finance.
    microbiomemore
    OMG I can’t stand the suspense: what happened to Dreamheart after you left to marry Ritchie Rich? Has he had a happy life as far as you know??
    Nov 15 0
  • Cadence Mariposa
    You never know what negative trait the other guy must have carried; we are all humans after all. I think a relationship needs all flavors (connection, adjustment, sacrifice, letting go...) Just because you connected intellectually with another human 20 years ago; there is no guarantee it will stay the same 20 years later.
    Do you regret marrying your husband?
    Nov 15 3
    • Apple mmmmmn
      OP
      Yes I regret it so much. Not because he's done anything wrong to me (he really hasn't), but because I don't feel any connection with him. I don't feel I've grown or learned or felt much at all.
      Nov 15
    • Cadence Mariposa
      So you regret marrying your husband!! I feel more sad for your husband who is going on with life thinking he has everything - a wife whom he loves and loves him.

      What do you want to do lady?? Do you think you are having a mid life crisis?

      Also curious, you said in your note you think of him every week; did you think of him (your ex) in the begining while you were marrying your husband? I am guessing not... It seems to me like your fancy toy (the rich husband) is no longer fancy anymore so you are longing for what you had 20 years ago!
      Nov 15
    • Cadence Mariposa
      Would it help if you write all the good things about your husband? Also please remember that other guy is 20+ years past now. I want to acknowledge your feelings but also trying to understand what you are going through won't wreck your good marriage that you have.
      Nov 15
  • Cisco Persistant
    20 years, 2 kids, stable life and Apple. You have pretty good life.
    Nov 15 1
    • Facebook / Eng
      XTeR76

      Facebook Eng

      PRE
      Google, Microsoft
      XTeR76more
      Meh, that's not everything. It really depends what one longs for. We each want different things out of life (or, at least, some bare minimum that involves love).
      Nov 18
  • NVIDIA TheBolibic
    There was something 20 years ago that made you take your current path, try to find that. Remember that 20 years ago you also had other information to take decisions, so try not to bash yourself about that.

    With time we tend to remember only the good things and not the bad ones. You have a picture of a relation that never existed.

    Been there, done that.
    Nov 15 1
    • Salesforce salty🍩
      Sounds like it was money 20 years ago. OP, how much of rich guy’s money have you been able to syphon away? Can you at least dive headlong into very high-dollar hedonism to smother the pain of having missed out on anything meaningful in life?
      Nov 15
  • Salesforce chokachoo
    Thanks for writing this. I wish I could give you a hug.
    Nov 18 0
  • Airbnb kYFK02
    Sad story
    Nov 16 0

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