Convincing Indian parents for intercaste marriage
Sorry for the long post however I trust Blind coomunity for good suggestions as this is the community that understands the most being in the same age/thinking etc. Excuse me for typos, unfortunately I started typing on mobile.
It has been over 5-6 years we have been in relationship, both of us want to marry each other but are from different caste. About my family-
1. Very conservative, have always been in smaller city, their social circle is of like minded people, very religious and have good status in that community.
2. They can't believe I want to marry someone from other caste. They had arranged marriage, everybody around then is same, they don't think about concepts of happiness, compatibility in partner or love etc. They think one must adjust with partner and live happily. They think that some things are to be done only with society and everyon's concensus and this is one of them, and this is the best thing.
1. Have been like them until I went to bigger city for undergrad. Gradually it changed my perspective. So I don't blame then for their way of thinking. I feel that I think about them a lot, understand them but they don't seem to understand me at all. I expect them to think from my perspective. Now that I am in US, I have experienced variety of things and things that they value might be different from what i value because of my experiences.
2. With God's grace, I always did the good things that would make them proud like getting excellent job after undergrad as well as grad, won competitions, earned well, other family members have high words for me, I am the only one who is in US in our extended family among 10-12 cousins. May be this just created even higher set of expectations for me.
1. they think If I marry this girl, that would be shameful for them and they can't go out of house.
2. the girl's family is non vegetarian but the girl does not eat meat since years, but they don't believe that.
3. I have a younger sister and it would create problems for her
4. My elder brother had a girlfriend and they didn't even allow him to marry her although she was from very close caste. My cousin also wants to marry her gf from different caste but even his parents are not allowing.
5. they think what will they do if the girl runs away after marriage because such example has happened in their circle recently.
6. Even my brother doesn't support. it becomes so irrational to the level that I get frustrated. they say chances of success of marriage is same irrespective of the girl. I can't understand this BS. Everyone makes decisions based on history and current situation, I don't know how the chances are same.
6. I have talked to Mom and brother so far. when i second time I brought the topic, my mom got ill and was hospitalized for a day.
7. They want me to cut down contact with her and apologize her for Everything.
8. they say now that if the girl was anywhere close to my religion/caste they would have agreed.
On the other hand nobody cares to think about me. I want to take care of my parents. I have strong belief in my girl and she would do get best for everyone in the family. I have strong feeling that my life will become very mediocre if I don't marry my girl. I want to be responsible for my decisions. After doing so many good things for them, they don't seem to want to compromise on this one thing which is saddening. I am not denying the sacrifices that they did for me but I am trying my best to give good life to them. I send a lot more money than they would need in a month just to make them feel safe but they don't seem to appreciate that because they have money to live. I want to provide them comforts and luxury. I don't but things for me because they don't have them. I am also sacrificing a lot but this sacrifice is like sacrificing my life for me. this is the best age for me and i am living miserably, under stress, frustrated and hopelessly. I don't even feel like going out because of worries about the future. Also, I am not very materialistic person, so i need people more than things. If they agree to marriage, it would immediately bring me out of my misery, i will be happy and it will solve all my present problems.
Can't seem to figure out how to change their perspective. they are not even excited for coming to us or traveling the world or anything for that matter except for their religious things.
parents = mom at this point because I haven't talked to Dad yet. but i don't know if he would be any different than my mom.