Coping with rejections and depression

New IVQP68
Oct 14, 2018 29 Comments

Hi folks.. Need help from people who have been in situations similar to mine. I'm going through severe depression and not able to gather courage to open up to friends.

I was a SWE in a 20 person startup(was seed funded when I joined, now post series A) since 1.5 years and in March one of the founders was ousted(He was my TA when I was in college and he is the sole reason I trusted in this startup). I did not like it one bit so I was passively looking for a switch since April. I was interviewing with companies that I did not want to join. That being said I still gave my 100% at work and pushed things forward. My plan was to prepare for 1-2 hours everyday in the evening for 6-8 months and start interviewing from January.

However things went south and I was laid off on August 31st. To make things worse I am on H1-B so I was screwed as USCIS announced premium processing suspension.

Fortunately, I got offer from one of the companies(publicly traded, but I'm not 100% happy working there). However, In the last 45 days, I interviewed at about 15 top tier companies(Apple, Microsoft, LinkedIn, Oath, Amazon, Uber, several startups in self driving space, triplebyte) and got rejections(some on phone, mostly on-site) because I did not have enough LeetCode practice(from the feedbacks I got, I am great at system design but not quick in coding questions). I had left Google and FB to interview last and still awaiting results from them. Honestly not too hopeful after seeing my performance in other companies. Most startups which I'm really excited are not willing to sponsor H1-B and honestly I'm now slightly scared of startups being on H1-B.

I'm not able to cope with these rejections and getting depressed. I am scared that I'll sabotage my career if I join the only option I have now. I have to spend at least 2 years there to not be seen as a job hopper(I spent 2 years in my first job and this was my second job where I have spent 1.5 years). If not for this H1-B shit, I'd take 2-3 months off to thoroughly practice LC style questions and take a crack at FAANG's.

I realize I'm extremely lucky to even have a job lined up in this situation, but still depressed :( How do you guys cope with rejections ?

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TOP 29 Comments
  • MITRE / Eng ydFq45
    15 companies? Damn dude you must be near burnout with the interview preps combined with other life stresses. I would be worried that the are subcommunicating all that anxiety.

    Take a break for a day and completely disengage. Watch a movie, go for a walk. Clear your mind.
    Oct 14, 2018 4
    • New IVQP68
      OP
      True.. I'm stressed out by interviews and all those stupid calls by recruiter to reject me :( .. . I just wish they mail me overnight that they rejected me instead of calling me and rubbing salt in my wounds.

      I had been in touch with the recruiters from all these companies(had promptly replied to them when they messaged on linked). When I got laid off, I immediately started the interview process(even though I was not 100% prepared)..
      Oct 14, 2018
    • Cisco bitset
      Ivqp68, which company r u working now?
      Oct 14, 2018
    • New / Eng rainbowcat
      You should ask for feedback, some company are nice enough to tell you what you should work on
      Oct 14, 2018
    • Cisco bitset
      I don’t think so. No one tells truth.
      Oct 14, 2018
  • Zillow Group GilFoyle1
    You’re all over the place.

    First off....go on a vacation.

    Secondly, chill out on applying to any company that has a career page. Invest the time you wasted doing interviews to actually practice for them.

    Also....don’t be upset- lots of great people get rejected, years later they end up running those companies.

    It’s not who you are that made them deny you, it’s where you are at. Invest in yourself buddy- I’m sure you’ll kill them after that.
    Oct 14, 2018 0
  • Intuit Uthdleh747
    I have TC over 300 and can care less about FAANG. I am not a manager, but an average very senior engineer. I code daily.
    Take my advice, you are not a coding monkey, find a job you enjoy and do it. Get married have kids, leetcoding is not your life, nobody will remember it.
    Oct 14, 2018 1
    • MuleSoft kapok
      Well said!
      Oct 14, 2018
  • Microsoft hunsa
    Accept that job before they rescind an offer! Even if it’s tier3 who gives a fuck! People start somewhere somehow. Join that company then after a while you can start practicing again. There’s nothing wrong about that. Good luck!
    Oct 14, 2018 0
  • Facebook iuga45
    I am a manager and I’ve been interviewing people for many years. Having a couple job changes that you can explain in your resume is OK and won’t ruin your future opportunities. Having to join a company not to be kicked out of the country is a good reason imho. Also, if you join the company you got an offer from, who knows, you may like it. And once you have a job, that pressure is gone and you can probably do better at interviews. If I were you I would take the job right away.
    Also, keep in mind that companies who are willing to sponsor h1b can hire from anywhere in the world. So you are basically competing with most of the people in the world who do the same job you do. Not getting an offer there is no reason to be depressed
    Oct 14, 2018 1
    • Lending Club EFtO62
      Totally agree here with @iuga45 If I were yoy I would have accepted the offer to avoid leaving the country. Moreover I think you are more concerned about being stamped as job hopper which is not the case nowadays
      Oct 14, 2018
  • Facebook / Eng
    orgtfo

    Facebook Eng

    PRE
    Amazon
    orgtfomore
    how much leetcode did you do?
    Oct 14, 2018 0
  • MuleSoft kapok
    I still don’t get it why do people stress so much about getting into FAANGs
    Oct 14, 2018 3
    • Wish woot
      Agreed. From a growth and career progression perspective, joining those companies is idiotic.
      Oct 14, 2018
    • New IVQP68
      OP
      1. High TC
      2. Work on relevant problems.
      3. In my previous company, people with FAANG experience were welcomed with a red carpet and others were made to jump several hoops(I was totally against this practice FYI). TBH, If I had any of FAANG experience in my resume, several startups would easily take me in currently.

      It's great that you are happy and found your passion some place else, (I tried doing that too, but failed) but I've not yet :( .
      Oct 14, 2018
    • MuleSoft kapok
      Agreed about bullet 1. I don’t agree about 2 and 3.
      Oct 14, 2018
  • Neustar Nx75al
    Congratulations on getting an offer! - you get a lifesaver for your H1B

    Your network will still be growing and available to you, and with time more opportunities will come

    With personal growth priorities and perspectives change - give yourself a chance

    Finally TC or GTFO ?
    Oct 14, 2018 0
  • Amazon PAxv45
    getting a lot of rejections is common. I have worked at Microsoft and Amazon. I still get rejected a lot before I land a couple of offers. i usually get an onsite for every 3 phone interviews and get an offer for every 4 onsites.
    Oct 14, 2018 0
  • Partners HealthCare pHsGlm
    Have to up your coding game. No other option... After 6 months try again
    Oct 14, 2018 0
  • New / Eng dotslash
    While it is heartening to read encouraging replies, I think it would also be nice to see some posts on coping with depression (as opposed to why not to be).
    My 2 cents would be:
    1. Consider for the worst (going back) think about it if not prepare for the same.
    2. Consider options for dealing with 1.
    With the worst dealt with everything else should seem better
    Oct 14, 2018 1
    • Yelp CapKirk
      I agree. While most of the replies are trying to help, they don't seem to address the depression part of it.
      Oct 15, 2018
  • Square BDFr06
    Individuals on H1B will never be able to make the most beneficial career moves. It’s not your fault and there is no reason to feel bad.
    Oct 14, 2018 0
  • Intel Magnetic
    You can allways go back to your homecountry. Why do you worry too much?
    Oct 14, 2018 0
  • New / Eng dotslash
    I am in a startup too and can definitely empathize. Rejections wouldn't bother me - I can just remind myself of the time when my roommate and I were looking for jobs during the 2009 recession. While I got a job, my roommate had interviewed (phone screens/on-sites) at 24 companies before he finally landed one. So yes I would be thankful to be in a much better position.
    Oct 14, 2018 0
  • Microsoft dbbl
    Which company do you have an offer from? Is it too bad to continue at for now?
    Oct 14, 2018 2
    • New IVQP68
      OP
      I don't want to name it publicly as I think they don't hire so many people and I guess I can be identified if someone from that company is here by looking at the info I provided here.. As I said, its the only option I have as of now. Point is, I don't want to work with any regrets.

      To give an idea of the company, if we consider FAANG +Microsoft + LinkedIn as tier 1. Cisco,Intel,Nvidia,Adobe etc as Tier 2, this is one level below that and culture is similar to Amazon with not so great pay
      Oct 14, 2018
    • Microsoft dbbl
      Thanks. Wish you all the best.
      Oct 14, 2018
  • VMware cashcow
    I think you should see the positive that you have one job offer. Join there and work on preparation for tier one companies. Till that time maybe H1B things will fall inplace.
    Oct 14, 2018 0
  • Visa ISO💵
    There has to be more driving your depressions...15 interview rejections is not end of the world.
    I suggest u look at ppl conditions poor than yours, that should make u feel thankful, and being thankful makes 1 feel happy
    Oct 14, 2018 0

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