Dating advice

Uber Hdjdbdjdg
May 17, 2018 61 Comments

I just moved to the Bay Area. I heard that dating is tough here and Asian guys are usually unwanted. Any dating advice for Asian guys around here? Like what kind of girls, what kinds of activities, where we should look for girlfriends? Should we have any standards at all? Serious question so no jokes plz. This is more for Asian Americans not immigrants btw.

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TOP 61 Comments
  • Juniper / Product SkankHnt42
    🖐️ I'm your GF.
    May 17, 2018 8
    • Uber Hdjdbdjdg
      OP
      PM me if you are serious
      May 17, 2018
    • Juniper / Product SkankHnt42
      that's your 🖐️ speaking.
      May 17, 2018
    • Uber Hdjdbdjdg
      OP
      I was serious about no jokes
      May 17, 2018
    • Juniper / Product SkankHnt42
      how cute of you to think I'm joking.
      May 17, 2018
    • New Tole
      Marry me for greencard
      May 17, 2018
    • Microsoft / Eng BLFE67
      Hahaha you thought the dude telling you to use your hand wanted to be your girlfriend 😂
      May 17, 2018
    • NuGEN Technologies vpdl51
      Wow. Just fuckin wow.
      May 17, 2018
    • Oracle l9docif
      He probably thought the hand was a wave. Or just went right over his head.
      May 18, 2018
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Yahoo hcowski32
      Lmao that would probably actually help
      May 17, 2018
    • Salesforce thissucks!
      ABG?
      May 17, 2018
    • Microsoft Memeify
      Asian Baby Girl
      May 17, 2018
    • Uber / Eng a9r0fm
      Yeah but who would ever want an ABG as a mother to their children
      May 17, 2018
    • Roku IUQJ80
      What's wrong with that ?
      May 18, 2018
    • PagerDuty / Other
      FMLa88

      PagerDuty Other

      BIO
      You know me. But you don’t
      FMLa88more
      Stop after the haircut
      May 18, 2018
  • Amazon / Eng ayDc10
    Download tinder. Swipe right. If you really need more help, pay for match or eharmony
    May 17, 2018 7
    • Uber Hdjdbdjdg
      OP
      Hmm I think those don’t work well for Asians because girls on dating sites are more interested in white guys.
      May 17, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng ayDc10
      Statistics are your friend. If what you say is true, it won’t be 100% of girls. There will be asian girls and girls of all nationalities who have a ‘thing’ for asian guys. Some even smaller subset of those girls will also be chubby chasers (if you are a bit hefty). Just saying, there’s someone for everyone. Get some nice photos lined up and swipe right 1000 times and see what happens..
      May 17, 2018
    • Uber Hdjdbdjdg
      OP
      I tried tinder before for a few months and it was pathetic for me. Only around 20 matches and one date. The one person who I met in person was older by a couple of years, divorced, and jobless. I gave up on tinder after that.
      May 17, 2018
    • Roku IUQJ80
      ROFL!
      May 18, 2018
    • Uber Hdjdbdjdg
      OP
      Tbh tinder made me realize just how worthless I am to women. That’s why I’m wondering if I don’t deserve to have standards.
      May 18, 2018
    • Tinder / Eng
      meowimacat

      Tinder Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      Im a cat! Meow 🐈
      meowimacatmore
      Tinder sucks
      May 18, 2018
    • Expedia YeetCode
      @OP you sound like a beta bitch, thats probablu why you cant get a date. stop feeling sorry for yourself. you said it yourself, "made me realize just how worthless I am to women".
      May 18, 2018
  • Uber / Eng Dhdbn3
    You should go to a place called the Power Exchange. It’s a place for singles who are new to the city find love.
    May 17, 2018 2
    • Microsoft MSPOLSTER
      Hahaha or shemale with giant wang
      May 17, 2018
    • Uber / Eng Dhdbn3
      Omg shut up! I’m trying to trick him into going to the Power Exchange expecting to find the love of his life 😆
      May 17, 2018
  • Barracuda / Sales
    YourMama

    Barracuda Sales

    PRE
    Google
    YourMamamore
    Depends - what’s your TC?
    May 17, 2018 3
    • Uber Hdjdbdjdg
      OP
      Between 300k and 500k
      May 17, 2018
    • Uber Hdjdbdjdg
      OP
      The TC has not helped much maybe because it is not that high around here
      May 17, 2018
    • Tinder / Eng
      meowimacat

      Tinder Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      Im a cat! Meow 🐈
      meowimacatmore
      You don't want a girl that likes you because of your TC, as long as you can support yourself don't worry too much about TC
      May 18, 2018
  • Pandora Jojoj
    Is dating here really that hard or it's just how people make excuses? What makes it so hard?
    May 18, 2018 9
    • Tinder / Eng
      meowimacat

      Tinder Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      Im a cat! Meow 🐈
      meowimacatmore
      Hard cause more guys than girls, so girls can be way picky. Also unfortunately for us Asian men girls tend to have negative stereotypes. Also if you are a tech worker, girls will have negative stereotypes.
      May 18, 2018
    • Uber Hdjdbdjdg
      OP
      I noticed that tech workers have low social status regardless of their salary so right there is a ding. Also I think Asian guys have a naturally harder time fitting America’s version of an appealing guy. I’ve been told that ABC guys should mostly consider first generation immigrants but first generation immigrants also look down on ABC guys because they know they couldnt find a girl among their own kind, it’s a double whammy
      May 18, 2018
    • Tinder / Eng
      meowimacat

      Tinder Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      Im a cat! Meow 🐈
      meowimacatmore
      Yeah. I wish social status was not as important....it seems stupid
      May 18, 2018
    • Pandora Jojoj
      What you guys say sounds logical, perhaps too logical, like you think a lot about it.

      I don't see how a girl would say no to a coffee invitation only cause of social status or cause there a lot of guys around them.

      Do you actually ask girls out and face rejection?
      May 18, 2018
    • Tinder / Eng
      meowimacat

      Tinder Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      Im a cat! Meow 🐈
      meowimacatmore
      Ya. I think I don't know how to flirt or make them laugh
      May 18, 2018
    • Uber Hdjdbdjdg
      OP
      Yes, all the time. I reached these conclusions from repeated rejections. Some girls reject more slowly than others.
      May 18, 2018
    • Tinder / Eng
      meowimacat

      Tinder Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      Im a cat! Meow 🐈
      meowimacatmore
      I think girls find it a red flag if a guy can't get girls, so it's a self fulfilling prophecy. The thing is it's not easy to get girls, doesn't mean something is wrong with the guy...
      May 18, 2018
    • Cisco UserID1
      Finding a date isn't hard due to apps. Finding a relationship is hard due to apps.
      May 18, 2018
    • Pandora Jojoj
      The point I'm trying to make is that if there is a problem with flirting or making a woman laugh, this problem will persist anywhere. It's not specific to the bay area.

      Somehow you need to step up in your game, like picking up interesting hobbies, being more social, taking improv classes, hitting a gym, changing a style or simply acting more confident. I'm pretty sure you know that already though.

      Also, looking at girls differently might help. Many of my friends fall for perfect looking type while missing out on many great potential dates around them.
      May 18, 2018
  • Uber / Eng a9r0fm
    Bro quit attributing everything to your ethnicity. I'm Asian and have had no problems, with girls of any ethnicity (more Asians than not, but that's pretty expected). My advice is to not overthink this. Focus on your work and your hobbies. When someone comes into your life then that'll be a nice surprise.
    May 17, 2018 5
    • Tinder / Eng
      meowimacat

      Tinder Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      Im a cat! Meow 🐈
      meowimacatmore
      But are you in the Bay area like OP? That makes a real difference
      May 17, 2018
    • Uber / Eng a9r0fm
      Yes, I've lived in SF San Jose and New York.
      May 17, 2018
    • Uber Hdjdbdjdg
      OP
      Mind sharing your hobbies a9r0fm? I want to try them. Also how often do people come into your life, is it on the order of months or years?
      May 18, 2018
    • Tinder / Eng
      meowimacat

      Tinder Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      Im a cat! Meow 🐈
      meowimacatmore
      Also are you Indian? I think Indians have it worse than other Asians...
      May 18, 2018
    • Uber / Eng a9r0fm
      I'll share my hobbies but I hope u don't use them to get girls. The whole point is to take your mind off it. Just do ur own thang man. I like hiking, making music, exploring new places, any kind of sport/gym. If u really want to know, I've dated girls I met at work, in the classroom, volunteering, orchestra, formal events, or just the girl next door. Ppl come into my life every few months or so, but mostly when I'm in a new situation where there are new ppl (new job, new travelling group, new classes, new tennis group, etc)
      May 18, 2018
  • New / Eng
    GolDRoger

    New Eng

    PRE
    Facebook
    BIO
    Prematurely grumpy old man
    GolDRogermore
    1) Practice, practice, practice and if you have any social anxiety, work on squashing it. You will miss 100% of the passes you don't make. If you even have a 1% success rate, if you talk to 100 girls, you will get one of them to say yes. If your work has a toastmasters, the same skills that they teach are also helpful for talking to girls.

    2) Get outside the tech bubble. The tech bubble is a sausage fest, no matter what your race, so women inside are (A) few in number, (B) justifiably on guard about how they're treated, and (C) if they're halfway attractive are going to get hit on a lot because of A and despite B. There are TONS of women in the Bay Area, and the gender balance isn't nearly as bad as it sounds because there are also tons of gay dudes and not nearly as many gay women.

    2) Dress well for the type of girls you like, and keep in mind that different groups will have different preferences -- more about where they hang out and age and social class than race. This and keeping your hair up, and not having bad hygiene are the biggest things you can effect about your appearance, so make sure to keep them up. Also keep in mind you can meet girls anywhere so don't be like only thinking to dress well going out (except maybe at work, between the sausage fest that most tech companies are and #metoo and even there, you'd be amazed at how many like support staff and stuff there are at big companies, and a cute front desk lady is not going to be anywhere near your management chain as a techie.)

    4) Learn to write well. You are already ahead given that your post comes across as literate, but seriously if you look at Match etc being able to write about yourself and not sound like an idiot will put you will be ahead of 90% of the guys on there in that respect. You may not look as good as many but how many girlfriends do you need?

    5) Get some good photos taken. If you don't have a friend who is a photographer (and fuck, it's got to be like one of the top 5 hobbies around here, you probably do) just pay someone. If you have some female friends, ask which ones they like. If you don't have some female friends, find some. Seriously, they will be your best source in how to represent yourself while dating.

    6) Try a bunch of online sites. Some are free, Match isn't too expensive, and just be prepare to work for a while. It's kind of a weird way to meet people, but it does work once you're used to it.

    7) This one is very Bay Area specific, but be open to the geography. This is a seriously spread out area, and your dating prospects are a ton better if you aren't just like "you gotta be in 10 minutes of SoMa" or wherever you're living.
    May 18, 2018 0
  • Tinder / Eng
    meowimacat

    Tinder Eng

    PRE
    Microsoft
    BIO
    Im a cat! Meow 🐈
    meowimacatmore
    Yo OP you should always have standards or else you won't be Happy. Just make sure you hold high standards for yourself too. Also NYC is a lot better for guys. You're in luck since Uber has an office there
    May 17, 2018 0
  • Amazon 123raj
    Dont come
    May 18, 2018 1
    • New TFyr86
      You are the bitterest man in blind
      May 18, 2018
  • Facebook ±8675309
    If you're straight Chinese male, you'll have more luck with Chinese women in settings where people speak Chinese. They're more traditional.
    May 17, 2018 1
    • Uber Hdjdbdjdg
      OP
      I get what you are saying. The problem is I don’t really speak Chinese very well, and i didn’t grow up in China so I’m afraid there is a culture gap.
      May 17, 2018
  • Prosper 8732
    There's tons and tons of women in the bay area. Just get out there and talk to the ladies
    May 17, 2018 0
  • WalmartLabs / Eng
    ahahaha

    WalmartLabs Eng

    BIO
    A coder dreams of working in FB Google everyday
    ahahahamore
    I brought one from another state lol
    May 17, 2018 1
    • Tinder / Eng
      meowimacat

      Tinder Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      Im a cat! Meow 🐈
      meowimacatmore
      You mean you already had a gf and you moved to Bay? Lucky...
      May 18, 2018
  • LinkedIn / Eng Zaku
    Pics?
    May 17, 2018 1
    • Uber / Eng Dhdbn3
      Pic: 🤚
      May 17, 2018
  • Dell robr
    Swipe right to everyone
    May 18, 2018 0
  • WalmartLabs / Eng
    ahahaha

    WalmartLabs Eng

    BIO
    A coder dreams of working in FB Google everyday
    ahahahamore
    People are having different expectation (job statuses, race, religions, etc.) and the difficulty is “how to match right couples”.
    May 18, 2018 0
  • Uber / Other
    ¥££Ż¥

    Uber Other

    BIO
    Zim/Zer
    ¥££Ż¥more
    #DragonEnergy, can’t say no.

    Church or poodle, easier than google.
    May 17, 2018 0
  • Uber Hdjdbdjdg
    OP
    I’m sorry I don’t get what you mean
    May 17, 2018 0

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