Dating and possibly marrying Aupair

Yahoo Motoko
Aug 28, 2018 31 Comments

Been dating a Chinese aupair for a year now, really sweet and ambitious.

Planning to marry her around may next year when her J1 visa expires, I am on h1b so she will be h4 later on

Wanted to know if anybody went through similar life situation and want to share/give any advice. Future-wise she may not be working in tech world, i am fine too even if she doesn’t work and take care of family. But she is a hustler will find something decent on h4 ead ...as she says always. I plan to retire in late forties/early fifties, 52 max. I see us spending half and half of our retirement life in Shanghai and Mumbai. Her parents are very helpful and has given word for possible helping hand as she is their only child.

Planning to buy 1M town home soon in bay area, I have enough down payment in savings. I am buying thinking of only single income.

I don’t see myself getting green card here, queues are too long for India..unless regulations change.

Sincere advices please, for trolls 247tc in Aapl, not at yahoo anymore.

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TOP 31 Comments
  • Microsoft GOD!
    I am kinda in a similar situation rn, just way younger than you; I guess.

    Based on my experiences dating a Chinese,(not sure if it applies to applies to all Chinese),
    1)she might get a bit too possessive. That mean s limited interaction with your female friends on social media, in real life. This was kinda new to me.
    2)you are expected to foot majority of the expense. Tread very carefully here, as Chinese girls especially from big cities like Shanghai, Beijing, Guangzhou have expensive/finer tastes.
    3)you need to step up your clothing/dressing game.
    4) you need to be clean and keep the house clean. Nothing pisses a Chinese girl more than a dirty home.
    5) her family won't accept you readily. The older generation are not very welcoming of foreigners (exception being white).
    6) you need to spend a lot of quality time with her, which might affect your other aspirations.
    7) they usually want babies before 28-30 age. This would vary according to the person though I guess. So be ready for that.
    8) they fight hard. Really hard.
    9) they show a lot of affection, make sure to reciprocate it equally if not more.

    10) Congrats for your marriage decision, let me know how it goes/ if you have any advie lol.

    11) Consider yourself lucky. Most Chinese girls hate indians; absolutely detest them. You must have something which attracts her so much to overcome this prejudice.
    set a good example of us indians in front of her. We need to change their perception of us being creepy slowly one person at a time with our own example.
    Aug 28, 2018 2
    • Amazon / Eng
      ime&myself

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Sabre Corporation
      ime&myselfmore
      6 is a bummer. If you don't want to spend quality time with your fiance you are not ready for marriage
      Aug 28, 2018
    • Yahoo Motoko
      OP
      Thanks for detailed reply
      I shared screenshot and she is like none of these are applicable to her 😂
      For point 2, she always want to pay for dinner dates but I never allow her as her pay is low
      Aug 28, 2018
  • Facebook wrxXv73V8k
    Shanghai has enough people that not everyone is going to fall into the stereotypes but “ambitious” is generally not a compliment in the context of those stereotypes and there are a few yellow flags here.

    Before you sign the marriage paperwork, I would do some basic due diligence and meet her friends and family back home, verify the condo “nearby” Shanghai exists, and see if the “none of this applies to her” is consistent with those experiences.
    Aug 28, 2018 0
  • Amazon 199991
    Congrats !I don’t see any issues here .My best friend in grad school
    Was from China.Outside India I think I have found most in common with Chinese women but have never dated any .
    Don’t know what advice you want but I think she must really like you .Its not like she couldn’t marry any Chinese/American dude
    Aug 28, 2018 0
  • Google dainese
    How is the sex?
    Aug 28, 2018 1
    • Yahoo \ _ /
      Haha, u definitely got banned from Blind
      Aug 28, 2018
  • Autodesk M_M
    If you marry her your eb green card shortens as the priority date is with hers
    Aug 28, 2018 2
    • Yahoo Motoko
      OP
      She is not in tech, she won’t get into eb2.
      Aug 28, 2018
    • Autodesk M_M
      Your eb2 will follow her PD. Doesn’t need to get her own.
      Aug 28, 2018
  • Amazon kjhgghh
    Why would a person who has a condo in Shanghai come to the U.S. as aupair?? Many of my friends have aupairs, and literally all of those aupairs are from very low income families who just try to get out of their miserable lives, or having a dream to live in the U.S. for a while.
    I'd say do your research deeply, as this doesn't sound like any aupair I've seen.
    Aug 28, 2018 0
  • Google Ruthless
    Does she do house work, considering she's shanghainese? Not advice. I'm just curious.
    Aug 28, 2018 3
    • Yahoo Motoko
      OP
      She is not supposed to do any household chores unrelated to the baby.
      Aug 28, 2018
    • Google Ruthless
      She won't pay and she won't do housework. So why do you want her? Aren't men and women equal? Are you going to do the chores then?

      No offense. If any advice, think about what you are getting out of this marriage.
      Aug 28, 2018
    • Yahoo Motoko
      OP
      Ahh I thought you asking about her role as aupair, of course she is a lot more into family building than me.
      Aug 28, 2018
  • Tesla DVzW37
    Congratulations on upcoming life changes. It is unclear what advice you are looking for.
    Aug 28, 2018 1
    • Yahoo Motoko
      OP
      Advice from people who are aware of encounters like mine.

      How did it work out?
      Am I putting myself up for too much wrt single income in bay area?
      Is it advisable to be only dependent on one job security which can go awry in next recession that may come in 1,3,5,7,10,15 years?
      Aug 28, 2018
  • Oracle dicktracy
    Don't plant roots in US on those visas. Start working out of Hong Kong or Singapore or Australia/NZ if not India or China. Thank me later! Congratulations!
    Aug 28, 2018 0
  • Airbnb jim.hodlen
    there is some gotcha with J-1 visa when it comes to green card application iirc
    Aug 28, 2018 0
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Yahoo Motoko
      OP
      Thanks bud! , i see people would ask what aupair is.
      Aug 28, 2018
    • Google Ruthless
      Is that like a job? How did such a job get j1 Visa? Isn't it for scholars?
      Aug 28, 2018
    • Yahoo Motoko
      OP
      They study part time and work as children/child care taker with host family. They get paid 1000$ a month with all her expenses including school fees paid by host.
      Aug 28, 2018
    • Google Ruthless
      What does she study? Never heard of such program. Isn't it maid or babysitter?
      Aug 28, 2018
  • Amazon User_AMZN
    It happens a lot. I suspect most APs wish they were as lucky.
    Sep 6, 2018 2
    • Yahoo Motoko
      OP
      APs? I didn’t get that
      Sep 6, 2018
    • Amazon GoNoGo
      Au Pairs
      Sep 6, 2018
  • MuleSoft kapok
    OP: congrats! How did you meet her?
    Aug 28, 2018 1
    • Yahoo Motoko
      OP
      OkCupid
      Fact that you can send one msg without match is your key 🔑
      Choose you opening wisely
      Aug 28, 2018
  • Microsoft GOD!
    1)Also how old are you?
    2) Retiring in Shanghai is kinda hard, it's fucking expensive, equal to New York, if not more.
    Aug 28, 2018 1
    • Yahoo Motoko
      OP
      I m 27, she is 23
      She has a condo nearby Shanghai
      Not planning to stay there full time after retirement, 8months ..4 months split. Just a plan atm
      Aug 28, 2018
  • Yahoo \ _ /
    Congrats! Hope everything works out
    Aug 28, 2018 0

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