Hey peeps - I’m a single woman in my 30s that’s really shy but would love to date in the big city. The trouble is I’m somewhat intimidated to put myself out there since I’m more of a girl that a “has a great personality” and am looking for something more serious as opposed to dating just for fun. The other thing is that I’m opposed to the online dating thing mainly because my experience has been pretty negative. Do you guys have any advice as to where to possibly look or put myself out there to find just really nice guys? I’ve tried a couple meetup groups for random social events and exercise-y type meetups (ie running and rock climbing) but haven’t really found any good matches. The thought of speed dating has also crossed my mind. Has anyone done this before and would be willing to share their experience? Thanks!
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- Amazon NoStrangerWhat makes you feel opposed for online dating? The last two ex’s and my current girl friend were all through online dating and each of them had great personality and super fun and sweet people. But yes it’s like going through a haystack and need to put in effort to find that one. I think I found mine, I hope you too will. Just give it a try. I personally liked Coffee Meets Bagel and it’s great app for something serious.
- Taboola pJPc74OPThank you, everyone, for your kind and thoughtful responses!
I’ll continue going to events of interest to me, but I’ll also try “networking” within my circle of friends. I haven’t done that in the past because I’ve seen other couples not work out in a friend group and people were forced to choose sides. I’d never want to put my friends in a situation like that (which I realize is worst case scenario) - but that’s why I’ve preferred keeping my (potential) dating life separate.
I’ll keep online dating on the shelf, though I may reconsider it down the line. I did try coffee meets bagel, but I never really got any responses and the guys never responded to my initiated conversations.
And lastly, re: the comment about looks - the way you phrased and structured your comment was very kind and wasn’t rude at all. I know you were genuinely trying to give helpful feedback. If anything, I appreciate your comment because it is the cold hard truth. I’ll step up going to the gym and paying more attention to my dress. My fashion style is pretty relaxed so I’m sure adding some flare would be beneficial no matter what.
Thank you all again! Your support is very much appreciated!!
- Microsoft ahdhabfjCommon interests and social groups do sometimes work, but you can also try searching within your company or existing circles. Silently spread a word about your search to some of your close friends, could even be as a joke at a lunch table if it's too intimidating for you. Who knows, perhaps they know a counterpart.
Next, I don't want to be rude, but for guys looks count too. You don't have to be athletic, but make sure you take care of yourself and stay in a good shape. Stylish clothing and behavior help too, but don't go overboard with it.
Finally, I know it's hard, but try to overcome the shyness. Choose quiet settings and small groups first and strike a conversation from time to time. For example, at an art gallery.
Bars, clubs etc. not recommended.
- New / Design mKFA35My advice is keep going to meetups around your interests/passions - it’s a way to pre filter the overwhelmingly large dating pool...
Think about it. If you love food and make a solid connection with someone at a cooking class, you have some common ground to start from. Takes a lot of searching (in my experience) to find that common ground at speed dating / bars / clubs / random meet in public