Dating in the Bay Area

Apple / Eng lmfaoapple
Jun 29 103 Comments

how are all you cis straight males doing in the Bay. I have a sinking suspicion that this is the worst place in the US for men 25-35. I didn’t mind much when I was in a relationship here, but being single has been a terrible experience for me. For reference lived in NYC/LA/BOS so most major cities. The women there were way more open/attractive/interesting. Everywhere I go all I see are endless hordes of male techies. Am I far off the mark here?

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TOP 103 Comments
  • Adobe alucard
    Ever considered that the endless horde of male techies includes you as well?
    Jun 29 25
    • Apple geography
      So obesity is my only filter. I personally care about my diet and health — make effort to goto gym most days, so I don’t get attracted to people who have complete disregard for their body. Not to mention potential future health problems.

      I personally, am not looking to just pick up women, get dates but eventually get ghosted, cancelled last minute or whatever m. And I absolutely have no clue why, which really sucks.

      Yes, I have my interests. I play music, read and occasionally outdoors and travels. And I do that because I like them, and when I feel like I want that. Like I really don’t wanna do Sala, dance or yoga. But from the advice and dating out there, there seems to be too much emphasis on following random stuff, as if what I do 40-50hrs a week or outside is irrelevant . I mean seriously, if you love your job/(or the science of it in General, like I got my personal hobby tech projects) most likely you would happy outside job too, meanwhile if you don’t love your job you always would want to pursue these interest and obviously that wont be full time — leading to dissatisfaction.

      It turned out to more incoherent rant from my side. But I have been through the dark path of questioning what’s wrong with me or my personality, and honestly all I could think of was my height — and that is completely out of my control. And overall, I think that something as naural as meeting new women General shouldn’t be aa hard as it is now, and definitely not as skewed that you end up feeling like trash. But it is what it is, and still figuring out what can be done based on previous experiences.
      Jun 30
    • Facebook / Eng lkj630
      Totally get the looking after one's body thing, I feel the same, I guess I'd just phrase it more delicately to get people's hackles up less 😉

      Honestly, women in the bay feel the same. I think in general there's the message that you have to go hiking every weekend and paraglide and do yoga and and and. And so we all play the game. This likely isn't going to be a popular opinion, but have you considered seeing a therapist? I know for myself, when I did, I got help noticing the subconscious things I was doing to either push people away or unintentionally tell them I wasn't interested because (vulnerability time) I was afraid of risking something emotionally.
      It's been a massive improvement both in my dating success rate, but also in the type of people I both go for and attract.
      That said, online dating and swipe culture means that everyone's holding out for that one better. In my experience a lot of guys here are really hesitant to commit, there's always gotta be that one better.
      Jul 1
    • Apple geography
      I sometimes do think about visiting therepist, specially when I’m feeling blue for few days. But then I get over that, I distract myself by something — from work, games, self-counselling, music to suddenly available friends whatever — and its fine until back to square one, loop. And then since I’m not sure how therepist is gonna help, I didnt dig seriously into looking counselling. Then there is this thing on how do I find a good one, because you know you will speaking so much about about yourself. Perhaps its time. Any recommendations or tips to find good one ?
      Jul 1
    • Facebook / Eng lkj630
      Recommendation would just be try one. Chances are you won't immediately like them, because they're a stranger after all. If something seriously puts you off, try someone else. But it's also very easy to keep doing this and never settle with someone because it never feels right (it's not going to until you give them a try, cause, stranger).
      Two ways to narrow it down:
      1. Who your insurance covers :)
      2. What psychological paradigm they use. I'm not a fan of pure psychoanalysis, cause they basically just listen to you and never say anything. I prefer 'eclectic' therapists - this just means they use a variety of approaches, and I lean towards cognitive approaches (http://mrmcnabb.weebly.com/5-major-perspectives-in-psychology.html). What you prefer is really going to depend on what you're looking to get out of it. Try a couple of people - think of it as interviewing potential mentors/managers/etc.

      And then finally, what you put in is what you get out. When I first went to therapy it was after the death of a parent. I wasn't sure what I wanted out of it, other than the therapist to 'fix' me. I wasn't willing to be vulnerable, and I didn't find it useful at all.
      A couple of years later I tried again, and this time worked really hard to be honest and vulnerable with both my therapist and myself. I have genuinely lead a significantly richer life because of it.

      I generally try to not evangelise therapy cause everyone is different, but if there's one thing that has dramatically shifted my dating experience, it would be this. Good luck :)
      Jul 1
    • Apple geography
      Thanks. That is a good starting point.
      Jul 2
  • Microsoft sillyboi
    I really don't get it. For us Asian and Indian guys, I understand. No girl here will ever swipe right. But when I open these apps, there's tons and tons of girls. If you're white, in tech, what else do they want?!
    Jun 29 14
    • Height. Afaik Asians I've seen more or less only date other asians
      Jun 29
    • Apple / Eng lmfaoapple
      OP
      Asian males you mean, asian females go for white dudes in the Bay
      Jun 29
    • Not from my sample set
      Jun 29
    • Microsoft sillyboi
      Let's be real. Unless fair skinned, well built and 9+, Indian guys won't even find a trash date.
      Jun 29
    • MongoDB tlb_miss
      Lol can confirm. In Scandinavia, 2 dates back to back. In Bay Area, 0 dates. But that was also because I met a girl irl when I was there.
      Jul 1
  • Goldman Sachs Please🥺
    Its the same for women in NYC ...
    Jun 29 14
    • I'm moving to NYC!!!
      Jun 29
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      @BlindMau5 - do us NYCers a favor and don’t 🙏🏼
      Jun 29
    • @saywat 2 l8!!!!
      Jun 29
    • Verizon Media sxSG85
      NYC is a competitive market but you’ll not feel like shit if you don’t have a date. There are just so many things to do here outside of tech. And no Rock climbing gym and hiking are not nontech activities. Every tech bro does it.
      Jun 30
    • Meetup q73smt
      NYC is full of opportunity. The flip side is that it’s so full of opportunity that everyone’s standards are so high that no one is ever happy with what they have. And there is always someone better than you.

      High TC and intelligent? Too bad, there’s 10 guys at this very bar who have higher TC, are smarter, look like models, have great personalities, volunteer tutoring kids on the weekends, own a dope brownstone, play the piano, are considering running for city council, and have more game in their thumbnail than you’ve ever mustered in your whole life.

      Everyone is better in NYC. Which is great until you realize that you suck by comparison.
      Jun 30
  • Google PCBro
    Your description sounds about right
    Jun 29 0
  • Nvidia Sggeu
    The problem is you. The Bay Area is an easy place to date beautiful quality women. When I traveled to Santa Clara for a business trip, I met a dozen young pretty girls (in not working environment I mean), with one of them I went on several dates, we went to restaurants, hiked, went to a winery, had wonderful sex. All of this within a little more than a week. Compared to where I am now, an average amount of dates per month is zero.
    Jun 29 4
    • Apple / Eng lmfaoapple
      OP
      Lol
      Jun 29
    • eBay wtftc
      @Nvidia had sweet dream? time to wake up.
      Jun 29
    • Nvidia Sggeu
      Haha, everything is true. I was surprised myself, I thought the Bay Area is full of young, handsome and affluent males, the competition is high and it will be difficult to date. I was wrong, dating was smooth and easy. So I talked with girls about the phenomenon. Here's their opinion. All this bunch of available for dating males dress like shit, smell bad, and don't know how to talk. You need really a minuscule effort to stand out. So if you cannot find a quality woman to date, you have only yourself to blame.
      Jun 29
    • Apple / Eng lmfaoapple
      OP
      I’m wet
      Jun 29
  • IBM ωατ
    With so many guys in the bay area. How come prostitution is not legalized there yet
    Jun 29 1
    • Google singl4ever
      must be due to lobbying from pornhub 😂😂😂
      Jun 30
  • Indeed / Other
    TC1Billi

    Indeed Other

    PRE
    Lyft
    TC1Billimore
    They don’t call San Jose Man Jose for no reason 😂😂😂. I grew up in the bay. Put 20 years in the game here and you can go anywhere and meet women 😂😂
    Jun 29 1
    • Apple / Eng lmfaoapple
      OP
      My skills noticeably improved since moving here.
      Jun 29
  • Cloudflare / Eng myimouto
    did you try hrt?
    Jun 29 6
    • Cloudflare / Eng myimouto
      if you are on the less favorable side of the dating market, you use hrt to switch to the more favorable side
      Jun 29
    • eBay wtftc
      Wtf is hrt dude..
      Jun 29
    • eBay / Eng
      mDBW53

      eBay Eng

      PRE
      NVIDIA
      mDBW53more
      Hormone replacement therapy
      Jun 29
    • Airbnb avqx65
      Hudson River Trading
      Jun 29
    • Microsoft antwoman
      NO ... coz idk wtf u r talking about
      Jun 29
  • Instacart uMNH60
    There are more billionaires than attractive women in the Bay area so what would you expect
    Jun 29 2
    • Cisco meoww
      I see attractive women all the time in sf
      Jun 30
    • Google PCBro
      I can say the same for billionaires
      Jun 30
  • Expedia zks43f
    Start working out, maintain eye contact when speaking and be friendly, that's really all it takes.
    Stop using dating apps and try supermarkets, parks or other regular environments instead. You wouldn't want to be in a relationship with most of the women on Tinder anyway. If you insist on online dating, add something like "Stanford GSB, working in private equity" to your online dating profile, I have some friends which increased their right swipes exponentially by doing this.
    Jun 29 2
    • Apple / Eng lmfaoapple
      OP
      That’s hilarious hahaha man I love blind
      Jun 29
    • Expedia zks43f
      Everyone knows that online profiles are a huge facade, so I think it is totally ok to do this, I heard adding a "only here for a 3 days business trip" create an additional sense of urgency and demand.
      I mean all those unrealistic standards most of the women have there..."I want a man who can sweep me off my feet with his wit and intelligence" means really just "if you are good looking and rich I am open for sex".
      Let's give them the dream they want. Telling their female friends "I was taken out by a hedge fund manager" sounds much better than "Last night I had sex with an L6 Google engineer", right?
      Jun 29
  • Facebook / Mgmt vjuiu
    Found wife here the old fashion way: Hit on your coworkers.
    Jun 29 2
    • Facebook cuck
      What's her email?
      Jun 29
    • Facebook / Mgmt vjuiu
      Get your own intern
      Jun 29
  • eBay / Product blitzer
    Why limit yourself to the Bay Area? If you have decent game to hold a conversation, take a short 3hr flight to Mexico City, you’ll find plenty of gorgeous successful women who’d line up to meet someone who works at Apple!

    Dating apps and social media have made the world much smaller. Those days are gone when you are limited to dating in your local city. And language is no longer a barrier when you have google translate. Take a shot and see what happens, you never know who you will click with unless you try. This applies for women looking for guys too btw.

    Life is a trip esse!
    Jun 29 0
  • Cisco meoww
    Dating sucks everywhere if you’re not attractive sorry to tell you
    Jun 29 3
    • Google workfrom🏝
      How is dating if you have terrible grammar?
      Jun 29
    • Goldman Sachs Please🥺
      Lol
      Jun 29
    • eBay wtftc
      With high TC no one cares about your grammar
      Jun 29
  • Facebook / Mgmt vjuiu
    Facebook dating. :)
    Jun 29 1
    • I still haven't seen this feature. Not released in us yet?
      Jun 29
  • Facebook gb94Fs
    In SF we date vegan and feminist girls who want to convert everyone into their faith, even their boyfriends.
    Jun 29 2
    • Apple / Eng lmfaoapple
      OP
      Vegan feminists can’t afford to live here
      Jun 29
    • No it’s yoga pants
      Jun 29
  • Try sugar mama
    Jun 29 1
    • Apple / Eng lmfaoapple
      OP
      Had the option, felt predatory hahaha
      Jun 29
  • Indeed isbgu
    110 single men per 100 single women. The math is stacked heavily against you
    Jul 5 6
    • Indeed isbgu
      In my experience that is not true when 80% of those nerds are millionaires and you're from a.blue collar hick town
      Jul 6
    • Nvidia Sggeu
      Dating in the Bay Area is super easy, compared to where I live, believe me. I am not a millionaire. You really have nothing to complain about. I can find a quality woman to date in the Bay Area in a day.
      Jul 7
    • Indeed sihhsg
      Took me six years bro so unless you want to tell me what the fuck is so wrong with me, I don't believe you
      Jul 7
    • Nvidia Sggeu
      Anything bad or good can be certain only in comparison with something else. In my area dating is hundreds times worse than in the Bay Area. If I am on a business trip in the Bay Area, I find women to date easily. It's just my comparison based on my experience. I don't know what is wrong with you.
      Jul 9
    • Google PCBro
      ^ what's your area?
      Jul 10
  • IBM ωατ
    Idk about bos.
    Jun 29 1
    • Apple / Eng lmfaoapple
      OP
      True but it was better than here
      Jun 29