Relationships

Dating non native English speaker

Facebook / DataCurryFever
Mar 9

If you are a native English speaker would you ever date (for the purposes of a long term relationship) a non native speaker? Even if they are fluent, they are unlikely to understand every nuance that comes to people who grew up with the language.

comments

Add a comment
  • Facebook Typdg
    Are you for real? That's your biggest concern in dating someone?
    Mar 98
    • Facebook / DataCurryFever
      OP
      Not my biggest concern but I think language and communication and all its subtleties are crucial
      Mar 9
    • Lyft swetool
      Yeah, it’s totally unreasonable to want to be able to communicate with a potential mate. Must be racist.
      Mar 9
    • Flagged by the community.

    • Microsoft lMQO62
      Libtard spotted
      Mar 9
    • Spotify / Engqbeforeu
      the idea here that non-native speakers can’t be fluent is pretty stupid
      Mar 9
    • Microsoft lMQO62
      Nobody here said non native speakers can’t be fluent
      Mar 9
    • Man your reaction is a good example of everything that is wrong in the bay. Then you work for Facebook, so we already know what your ethics are like
      Mar 9
    • SAP Berni
      To be fair, OP, it's not about the language per se, but about cultural nuances & references in the language, I think. This'll take some time, depending on a number of factors. The fastest way might be through cultural immersion.
      Mar 10
  • Facebook dodant
    From my experience, the willingness to communicate and empathy are more important to the language barrier itself. I’ve dated many people who speak my mother tongue but didn’t understand the subtleties due to their lack of empathy and incompatibilities and vice versa.
    Mar 91
  • Google / Eng
    gcu

    GoogleEng

    BIO
    Top Contributor or GTFO
    gcumore
    Do you even date?
    Mar 93
    • Facebook / DataCurryFever
      OP
      Not at the present moment
      Mar 9
    • The cutest response to a sarcastic question.
      Mar 9
    • Microsoft ApexLegnds
      Soon he’s about to graduate to the next level - I’m dating my hand.
      Mar 9
  • Google hooli.xyz
    Depends on the culture of the non-native English speaker.

    English speaking cultures are usually pretty open to dating non-English cultures. This is why you see a lot of Americans, Australians, and British dating or married to non-native English speakers (eg. British married to French/Spanish/Polish, Australian married to Indonesian/French/Chinese, American married to Russian/Mexican/Filipino).

    So the key element here is actually the culture of the non-native English speaker. The more traditional cultures may make it a bit more difficult for dating people outside their culture because their traditions dictate they can only marry someone within their own culture.

    So native English speakers usually don’t care about language. It is the culture of the non-native English speaker that actually matters.
    Mar 96
    • Magic Leap Leaper17
      It is also because in those areas, people tend to be exposed to multiple languages already. (ie. Austrialia, England, etc)
      Mar 9
    • Google hooli.xyz
      Exactly. Being exposed to different languages and different cultures across generations makes that culture more open to cultural differences.
      Mar 9
    • Airbnb wBRRjZ
      The rules in traditional cultures about dating people outside of their own culture almost never apply when the other person is white and American/European/Australian/etc. India is an exception.
      Mar 9
    • Google hooli.xyz
      Not necessarily. Basque people won’t care about skin color because they are white themselves. But you’d be hard-pressed to see a Basque marry someone who is not Basque.
      Mar 9
    • Airbnb wBRRjZ
      Yeah of course there are other exceptions. But it’s not the color of their skin exactly, it’s more the implied status of white westerners as a group. That applies to white non-western cultures too.
      Mar 9
    • Google hooli.xyz
      Sure there are exceptions. You already gave an exception using Indians so I also gave another exception using Basques as a counter-example.

      I think you’re talking about skin color and the economic associations with it.
      Mar 9
  • Veritas ifjroprjr
    Absolutely. Non native speakers are probably more well rounded, culture rich and interesting people.
    That said, you will have to be willing to put some communication effort at times, especially if they are brand new to the US
    Mar 90
  • Oracle tamatar
    Language nuances aren't a problem with people who have had solid education and exposure. What you may find missing may be pop-culture references from childhood and teens spent elsewhere. You won't find anyone who gets 'Seinfeld' references equally well as the ''Spaced' references.
    Mar 90
  • Dell / Eng
    //////

    DellEng

    PRE
    Dell EMC
    //////more
    In my experience many non native speakers actually communicate more thoughtfully and they get the subtleties just fine if they grew up with American television ..
    Mar 91
    • SAP Berni
      But there are certain turns of phrases that one needs to keep in mind to use, to be understood easily by the local American.
      Mar 10
  • It's more culture than language. Some language/culture are more sexy than others (french vs Indians for example). But that's up to everyone to decide
    Mar 90
  • Airbnb wBRRjZ
    I speak a few other languages and have had relationships with people that don’t speak English fluently. I find that, even if I can have a fluent conversation with them in their own language, it’s hard for me to feel as strong of a connection.

    But there’s no difference between dating a native vs non native speaker if they’re fluent. The bigger difference there is in the cultural differences.
    Mar 90
  • Magic Leap Leaper17
    It also depends on your cultural and language background / upbringing. I have been dating for 1 1/2 years, my Thai g/f who speaks Thai (native), but she is also fluent in Korean, knows Japanese and we communicate together in English. Even though English is my native language, I also speak two dialects of Chinese. I am learning Thai and have a deeper understanding of the Thai culture.

    Is it harder to communicate and are there nuances that make it harder for the relationship? Of course. But sometimes it isn’t the actual words, but the thought and feeling that you are trying to communicate that is most important.

    It does make it harder, when you want to lean on your partner and vica-versa, that it isn’t as easy to communicate about the situation. It depends on what you need from your partner.

    If your preferred language is “words of affirmation” (The Five Love Languages), a recommendation would be to also inform your partner, how you want to be communicated to, about certain topics. It is a 2-way street, so be sure be open with your own feelings, preferences, and communication styles. Your partner is taking the extra effort to date you, and it is their second language.
    Mar 90
  • Amazon RNil72
    CurryFever.. Indians are actually pretty good in English, you should be ok
    Mar 90
  • Microsoft / Engsudо
    Not a native English speaker, but I do find it easier to feel a connection with someone, whose first language is the same as mine.
    Was it ever a barrier to date a guy? Nah. Language skills is a very basic requirement, and is easy to pass. As long as we can understand each other, talk about topics we both find interesting, then it's not an issue anymore. Language is only a tiny part of a successful communication.
    Mar 90
  • Splunk Oloc61
    Seriously?! this is what you’re concerned about? Which rock you have been living under for the past 30 or so years., especially in the Bay Area?! Jeez
    Mar 91
    • SAP Berni
      The question can well be put to you, Splunk.
      Mar 10
  • Use *data* and look at the statistics for the success rate of dating & languages.
    Mar 91
  • Oracle roborca
    If you are male/female with overall high sexual market value (masculinity and earning capacity for guys, beauty for girls), it does not matter how good is your English. But if your SMV is low, better English won’t help you much. When I just moved here my English was pretty bad but there were always women who wanted me and they didn’t care about my English. If you are a man - be a man that all women want. If you are a woman - be beautiful and kind.
    3m0
  • Pinterest pinhead
    It can be frustrating, especially if you are verbally fluent yourself. You will find yourself limiting your vocabulary and avoiding cultural references to minimize having to explain what you mean.

    It makes communication very effortful and you will never communicate as smoothly as you could with a native from your own culture. If you’re the type who likes witty banter, don’t expect the other person to engage or get it.

    This all varies in degree of course, by the individual. Some non-native speakers have trouble enunciating, while others just aren’t up to speed on cultural references or are not used to sarcasm.

    I would steer clear unless the person the person has a lot to offer otherwise, and is genuinely motivated to acculturate and improve their English.
    Mar 140
  • Google googler78
    For what it's worth, non-native fluent speakers tend to have a richer understanding of English (especially grammar). I've yet to meet an American speaking in a non-simple tense (outside of present perfect).

    What nuances are people missing out on? Are you talking about Michael Scott references?
    Mar 90
  • Microsoft lMQO62
    No I wouldn’t date them, unless they had something else to really make it worthwhile. Could be anything, I’m open to ideas. But non-native is a huge price.
    Mar 90
  • New New •
    As long as she/he ia fluent, don't run into major communication issues, and you guys can connect well, I don't see it as an issue.
    Mar 90

Download the app for more exclusive content.