Dating someone who makes twice than you
Growing up, my dad always told me that I need to work very hard and be the very best of myself. I need to make enough money to support the family when I have one and be the breadwinner. He said that it’s more important to find someone with a good heart even if their income is less than you. I had that belief and worked really hard. Went to a top school, found a decent job, and even bought a house. I felt happy and confident about my future to have a family and maybe some kids. Then, everthing changed when I met someone who is a director and makes almost twice of what I make... He’s a handsome gentleman, and only 2 years older than me - which makes me feel super jealous already for some reason.. I was not into him in the begining, but somehow I was moved by his kindness, sincerity and generosity - felt like love-struck so we began dating. Whenever we go on a date, he is very talkative, and would dominate the conversations. Whenever I’m with him I feel somewhat uneasy, because he always pays for luxurious hotels and/or fancy restaurants; What’s worse, he always opens door for me, pulls out chair for me - I was grateful but hated it! (ironically my dad told me to do the same. he thinks it makes people like you but obviously I didn’t enjoy it at all. Being treated like that was humiliating. Guess I was ungrateful after all) He’s also super extrovert and charming - always banters with bartenders and waitresses alike to make them laugh or maybe just to make me jealous. While all I could do was to smile awkwardly. I didnt get his jokes at all. After all, I’m just a nerdy, introvert, and boring person. I failed to do what my dad told me to while he did it all, which makes me feel weak and useless. I’m not good enough for him or anyone. To be honest, I could pay for those hotels and restaurants too but we are not on the same level of playing field - A $450/night hotel and a $200 meal are just too much for me. I have to pay for mortgage, insurance, bills etc, so i dont have a lot of money to spare. And even if I were to pay for them, I doubt that he will care much because all those just seem too normal to him when he makes more than half a million each year. Well, that’s what’s it’s like to date someone who’s a lot richer than you and better than you in every aspect - it makes you feel like sh*t. and I’m still wondering how I can make all those up to him. Cook him dinner? do all the housework? I dont know.. In the end, I feel completely lost - lost the very dignity of being a man. Senior Software Engineer, TC $300K
I'm guessing your dad assumed you'd marry a woman, so think back with a grain of salt.
Insecure much? Especially when you're trying to convince strangers that you "could pay for these hotels and restaurants too" and bring up a mortgage you have to pay to excuse your pitiful TC. You're not a man, you're a boy.
Sounds like you might have your mind made up already. Obviously this jealousy isn’t good for the relationship. You need to get rid of it somehow, or the relationship just won’t work. If he’s still dating you, he likes *something* about you, even if that’s a difficult thing for him to put into words. Trust him to understand those reasons even if he can’t describe them. Since you’re not the one offering money, at least be the one offering stability and security. And on the off chance you manage to do that, and he loses interest, then the insecurity itself was the appeal — and you’ll have dodged a bullet.
Amplifying this a bit, I mean, do people really only ever date for money? He doesn’t need your money or anyone else’s. He probably wants to spend some time with someone he likes, which currently happens to be you. If you’re uncomfortable with someone paying for you, just have that conversation, get it out there and out of your system (likely he’ll say the above stuff). Beyond that your notions of manliness are oddly regressive especially for a gay man (who id imagine would be a bit more sensitive to the damage wreaked by social stereotypes).
300K TC but cannot cover a $450/night hotel and $200 meal? But I guess it's important to find someone who share a similar lifestyle as you.
Honestly I'm extroverted and I talk to anyone and have dated introverted girls and there is a very good reason I dated them.. they caught my attention. So you can look at it this way. You provide other things to him that can't be quantified by money. You should never feel inferior or jealous about how much the other person makes. It starts with you, it seems like you are selling yourself short. You need to self reflect on your strengths and what you bring to the relationship and you will be surprised as what he may value is not money. Other thing is I am assuming that he is not throwing the money thing in your face and making you feel that way. I am assuming you guys have a very good and strong relationship. If that is the case then you need to look past it otherwise this will never work. In a relationship both of you should feel equal and both bring something to the relationship.
I make 4x what my husband makes. If you really care about this guy you can't focus on the money. Just enjoy that he wants to take care of you and spend time with you. Be honest with him & let him know how how you are feeling. Think of some fun activities that don't require a lot of money, but that are still special that you could treat him to. My husband made even less when we first started dating (he works in education), but he would work within his budget to take me on fun dates that he could afford.
You need to be single for a while and introspect. Don't bring this insecurity and trauma into a relationship.
Also, you did what your dad told you to if you make 300k. Your dad seemingly never told you not to be with someone who also does the same thing.
Hehe his ginormous tee cee is bigger than your itty bitty tee cee
Save him the drama and breakup. Jesus you’re a mess.
That's a little harsh without really knowing a person
The emotional baggage is palpable
Leetcode?
Grind all day boiii