Dealbreakers in dating?

Amazon heya
Jun 17 49 Comments

Been dating this guy for a couple of months, things are going well, I’m comfortable around him and communication is good, he’s sweet and caring, I thought finding someone who’s so attentive in the age that people likes to play dating games is very rare. But recently I realized that because we grew up and work in very different areas (he does paperworks in a traditional industry company) our income level and ways of thinking is very different, I often get impatient and annoyed by the big gap in our experiences in life... I know some people don’t care what their partner does that much or even prefer them being in different field but I sometimes felt frustrated by how little he can relate my work (yet always want to give me suggestions on how to cope with it... I mean if he only listens and not try to jump in maybe I won’t be annoyed..) and the different level of our financial situations. I like to go out and try out some fancy restaurants for example but I feel sorry to do so with him. I don’t know if I’m been too judgemental about this or it is a legit dealbreaker. Thoughts? Would love to get some perspectives.

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TOP 49 Comments
  • Amazon broke&dumb
    He deserves better.
    Jun 17 0
  • Google Mr. GIass
    Men are generally far more forgiving of massive financial differences when they are the higher earner. Women are generally not. Based on your post, it looks like that is true in your case as well.
    Jun 17 3
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      Yes. Girls are not used to being better or higher earning than males, so when they suddenly become one, results in this kind of shitty superiority complex.
      Jun 17
    • SAP djmjpm
      Sexybeast, the reverse is true for many men too, don't you think? It's unfortunate either way, THAT I agree with.
      Jun 17
    • MSCI JonasR
      Its not superiority complex. Interculturally, longitudinal study, female are selecting peers or higher in the socio-economic ladder (age diff +4 years median) more often than man. This is not the opressive white corporate male shit, just statistics.
      Jun 18
  • Amazon heya
    OP
    Salary or money is not my major concerns, funny how you guys rounded it down to just that one single thing. I’m more concerned about how little we can relate the issues we each separately deal with, our differences in intellectual levels due to different educations and experiences
    Jun 17 5
    • CentralReach
      uedC03

      CentralReach

      BIO
      I like long beaches on the walk.
      uedC03more
      You sound like you feel superior.
      Jun 17
    • Google OkSundar
      Yes everyone here is talking about your superiority complex in all areas of life. Your feeling of intellectual superiority as a software engineer or whatever you are is a reason why he deserves better. The dealbreaker in the relationship is your superiority complex, sorry.
      Jun 18
    • SAP djmjpm
      Google, no it's not. It's the differences. If OP didn't hide it so well (maybe she actually shouldn't), the guy'd feel it too. Would you then say HE'S suffering from an INFERIORITY COMPLEX!? C'mon! Acknowledging reality & differences doesn't automatically mean having a complex.

      On a related note, everyone can have preferences. Why judge? I think it's commendable that OP has even gone this far, that shows she is seriously considering this acquaintance/ relationship. On the other hand, I constantly see men here evaluating potential partners on her looks and TC. But I don't see them getting judged for that!
      Jun 18
    • Google OkSundar
      If a guy posts something like “Hey guys I feel the difference in fitness of me and my gf is becoming wider day by day. I’m very healthy and fit and she is not attractive and on top of that she is gaining weight. We have become too different. Is this a dealbreaker?” Feminists will have a field day judging the shit out of anyone who posts this. So what if I want to judge the hell out of OP for posting something along similar lines
      Jun 18
    • SAP djmjpm
      Because you know it's wrong. And it's also the way it's written, the tone. If attractiveness was such a high priority for you, why did you go for a gf who's not attractive? Since you got into a relationship, one'd think you would not balk to do some work to make it work - an aspect your post doesn't cover - by design or omission.

      Here, OP hasn't gotten into any commitment yet, both the guy and she are getting to know each other, and facing differences there. So, both scenarios, not to mention the commitment levels, and therefore, expectations, are very different. Moreover, she isn't putting him down, she's rueing the way things are. Commenting on someone's looks (by a guy or girl) without context or preamble, does, on the other hand, seem relatively shallow (note: the key words are 'WITHOUT context or preamble').
      Jun 18
  • New / Design
    fk specism

    New Design

    PRE
    General Assembly
    fk specismmore
    It seems like your job is way too important for you. Be careful of that, it will make many aspects of your life miserable (including dating).
    Jun 17 0
  • Microsoft Sexybeast
    This is the problem with women. Men earn millions and yet have no problem in settling with a jobless woman, while you women just earn a bit more than some guy and suddenly have these massive superiority complex. This explains why it’s a men’s world out there. You women are still not ready to accept and live with success, because deep down you believe that you are not worth it.
    Jun 17 1
    • Bloomberg / Eng iVX372
      ^ this, although it may not include OP. Many women clearly choose their life path in order to be submissive to a higher earning man. It's like they confuse being submissive in the bedroom with being submissive in all aspects of life. Fortunately, the smart ones aren't that way. And those are the only women I date seriously.
      Jun 18
  • Facebook 50Cent$
    On a serious note, this should serve as a cautionary tale to all male feminists out there
    Jun 17 3
  • Amazon / Eng desudesu
    I'd never date a female software engineer.
    Jun 17 4
    • Target / Eng tmDe33
      Luckily there's lots of male SFEs to date.
      Jun 17
    • Amazon / Eng desudesu
      Not me. I can thankfully raise the bar a little higher.
      Jun 17
    • SAP djmjpm
      Ha..ha, tmDe33, that was funny! 😂🤣
      Jun 17
    • Twitter FANGT
      why not?
      Jun 18
  • Meetup q83z72
    It’s clear that you’re not really into him.

    There are no perfect people, but you want someone who makes putting up with the imperfections feel worth it.

    Trust your feelings here. You don’t need us to say it’s ok to break up with a nice guy. You would feel like you’re settling if you stay with him and you both deserve more than that.
    Jun 17 0
  • Microsoft / Eng wave 🏄‍♂️
    You are ready for a successful relationship when you can see the other person’s view of the world and empathize. Really empathize. You are not there yet.
    Jun 17 0
  • Comcast brows
    At the end of the day it’s harder to find a sweet caring man and if you have that is half the battle. Remember at some point in both your lives money will come. There are many jerks out there and if he is someone who has the confidence to date a woman earning more than him, he is definitely a Feminist and that is a great quality to look for! Treasure him.
    Jun 17 3
    • Amazon undertaker
      Or he might be a male gold digger
      Jun 19
    • Snapchat pills
      news flash: being a feminist doesn't do shit for your dating life. Exhibit A is this post.
      Jun 19
    • Comcast brows
      I👎
      Jun 20
  • LinkedIn 黃帝
    Hypergamy is real
    Jun 17 0
  • IBM olkh
    Don't come to blind for relationship advice is my thought
    Jun 17 0
  • Google / Eng 🍑☁️
    Blind is full of incels. You will only get bad advice here.
    Jun 18 4
    • Twitter FANGT
      infidels?
      Jun 18
    • Google / Eng 🍑☁️
      Incels. Google it
      Jun 18
    • Snapchat pills
      "Everybody That Disagrees With Me Is An Incel: An Idiot's Guide to Discussuon"
      Jun 19
    • Google / Eng 🍑☁️
      Is this a discussion? Was there anyone disagreeing with me here?
      Jun 20
  • I found that having a fiancé who is completely oblivious to how code, computers and the general internet works is the best. We have so much to talk about because she works in a different industry. Her pay is about a forth of what I make, but money is worthless green paper squares, so who actually cares about the difference there when at the end of the day we have good food and a safe place to lay out heads. Life is balance the sooner you acknowledge that the better. Best of luck, fam.
    Jun 24 0
  • Airbnb murat
    would you be comfortable paying if you both go to a fancy restaurant?
    Jun 17 1
    • Compass 905
      When I go on dates with someone who is just starting off their career or something, I usually just tell them to pay with what they can afford or like to. I usually pick cheap places to begin with, so it’s not a giant steakhouse or something.
      Jun 17
  • Jeez guys. OP did NOT say that salary was a major concern.

    Honestly it seems like a lot of men here were triggered by the salary difference thing. Whereas all OP asked was whether she’s being superficial. 🤷‍♂️

    Anyways, OP, the differences in life experience thing could be an issue. Ultimately you want someone with whom you can relate to and enjoy as you grow old.

    The TC part is really up to you. Everyone’s different. If the TC gap bothers you and you won’t be able to get past it, he’s not the one. Also — make sure that he’s psychologically and mentally prepared for the TC gap thing, since many men aren’t (clear from other comments on this thread).
    Jun 18 0
  • MSCI JonasR
    You are too judgmental and it is in your head. And thats some next level shit that you come to blind instead of talk with him. My opinion in your relationship should not matter, but if you ask for it: is it your first man in your life? Tell a man a problem he will try to help, although most partner does not need solution but just empathy. This is not related to financial situation or "life experience" (which btw apparently you dont have as much as you claim if the abovementioned phenomenon is striking you). If you cannot talk it through how you feel and you dont know how he feels about it, the thoughts like " i feel sorry to do so with him" are toxic, flattering only your ego and will ruin your whatever relationship.
    Jun 18 0
  • AMD
    PCIe

    AMD

    PRE
    Intel Corporation
    PCIemore
    What attracted you to him in the first place? What changed? Generally, I have to date someone on my level or higher (intellect wise), I tried dating a guys who are nice but not as intelligent and it doesn’t not work. I always want to be with someone I can learn from, can you learn anything from him? If so, focus on that!
    Jun 18 0
  • Twitter FANGT
    Buy him an LV bag and be his sugar momma
    Jun 17 0
  • Microsoft UseDeFeet
    Working for Amazon
    Jun 17 0