2018 was a particularly difficult year for me, emotionally. Had a long distance relationship end, with someone I'd known as a friend for 4.5 years. So he's no longer in my life. Had an injury which rendered me immobile. Other emotional issues. At one point my therapy bills were like 1000$+ per month.
Because of all this, couldn't give my heart to work like I normally do. Maybe the first year I didn't have a publication/ patent in the last 10. I got a promo and rsu refresher but that was for my 2017 performance- not sure I did anything I'm proud of in 2018. Put in nights and weekends at work just to make up for low productivity because of emotional state.
Kind of feel bad and also I'm disappointed in myself. How do I look ahead and do well again? :(
- Microsoft UMbR31Yo mate, sorry to hear that, everyone goes through some kind of misfortune at some point in their lives... I'm actually very impressed you continued to work through all this going on in your life. You really don't need to feel bad at all, you're an inspiration.
- Ok that's fine. It's not necessary.
I would at least consider speaking to your manager about your feelings of falling apart. We are all human, and they might be able to better help you with that knowledge.
Also, consider therapy. I've used it most of my life, and it really helps a lot of times.
- I had a shitty 2018 too and I actually told my manager that I'm going through a rough time, and she was very supportive.
I also mentioned in passing to two of my coworkers that I'm having trouble sleeping, and they were sympathetic.
I feel Salesforce does care for its employees and given the whole Ohana message and how seriously it takes mental health, you should have no problem bringing it up.
Don't be too harsh on yourself. Some of your coworkers have likely gone through some really rough times and some are probably going through it now, but you don't even know.4d5
- I know it's irrational, but I feel I'm the worst on my team and I am being hired for charity and all those thoughts. I don't know how to deal with these thoughts.
I guess it's the first year I don't have something solid to show in terms of publication/ patent, talks, new product/ thing developed etc. 2013 was another year, with another breakup. 😰
- General comment to everyone: This is part of life. It will always be like this. Some years you have no problems; others you don’t. This is why we need to train and remind ourselves to have empathy towards others and try to understand people could be in bad moments at any time of their lives which they will eventually get over. We need to help others actively and understand when someone seems unproductive. This is why work culture in some of the companies is worrisome. I am also concerned many young employees give in all to work instead of trying to get a life. It will not only break them after a while, it will also make them not have skills to get over when crisis comes to them. It also grooms them to become a robotic manager who doesn’t understand about his or her reports life situations and simply put them in soon to be fired list. We are all human. One day you can get disability, have kids, pregnant, may get drug addiction due to prescription, family crisis etc.
To OP, it will take time to heal. Many will give lots of advice such as travel, break time, job change etc. It is all good. Just have a rational thinking that most of people go through similar pains at some point of their life and get over them. You will also do regardless of what ways you use. Just don’t drop hope. You will be fine as time goes. If it is too bad, it is better to talk to some experts (eg counselors). Seeking help from various types of people rather than just your bubble (eg different nationality, jobs, age). Hope everything becomes fine.
- I feel I have nothing in my life other than work that i can show for. Family in India, no kids or anything. No assets/ home yet. When that slows down, I feel like a failure. 😰
I'm trying to overwork and push myself. But I'm just not effective.
I'm also terrible at opening up outside of blind. When I talk to real people, I appear very strong like I have everything figured out. I have a hard time showing weakness. 😟
- OP, I am sure you will get over this eventually. If these things are over too soon, that will be actually worse for a long time perspective as you would not have had enough time to heal.
I guess sharing ones experience helps so I will open mine. My work had been stressful and I got a low rating. That made me even more stressful and work harder and I eventually got a promotion. Later, my kid started having an issue and I developed health issue and I found work is not as important as my family.
Hence, I started focussing more on my family and eventually decided I can no longer maintain the level of competence with this much time put on family. I made a decision and moved to a company that is considered as a step down for many. Because of this, I can spend more time with my family and have a lot less stress to do better than my colleagues. This is a trade off (might be a set back in my career) but I am fully satisfied with my decision. If I kept working at the same job, I might have had a stroke or been a bad dad to my kids. Hence, job change made a difference. I am not saying this will work for you but it worked for me at least.
Change of scenery gave me a new boost and I had been getting very good perf rating at the new job. My performance in my last job was not bad actually. It was just target rating but that might be because my manager was understanding my situation. My perf rating would have gone down if I kept myself working there I think as I lost motivation.
- SAP wppmdOP, did you say you had a publication/ patent EVERY year for the last 9 years? If so, I hope you realize submitting a publication/ patent even ONCE is MORE than many would do in a lifetime.
Something for you:
- AQR DVGQ05Focus on your health. Don’t worry about commits. All that will come back when you are fit. I would recommend being ‘productive’ in other ways such as getting a hobby or reading books.
- Started strength training. Meditate and yoga everyday. Hiked over the winter. Started dating again. Trying to push my life forward. But I feel I'm lacking energy. I think some chemical in my brain is off - I'm feeling paralyzed every time I try to do something intellectually productive. And then I compare to my 2017 abilities and feel shitty 🙁
- New me2you.You sound like still in a state of shock....take some time off to put things to closure. Then single focus on work to keep your mind off of them.
Many at sfdc had personal tradegies like their baby needing amputation or cancer or divorce, and they will be understanding more so than the millenial crowd in some companies.
It is career vs personal. Balance is key to happiness.
- Slack / Engnamelessyomore:) Same thing happened to me in 2018 that I almost had no commits and real contributions for a year. Feels frustrating and I am looking for ways to increase my accomplishment like trying to move to a new company and working on side projects and courses.
I hope we can all walk out of it soon and be happy with our performance again :)
Btw it is really nice that you can do publications and patents, that is my goal for long term.
- Rubrik blindedogPut 2018 behind and make 2019 the best year ever!
By the way just curious what are the kinds of patents/publications that relate to Salesforce?
- at times like this try to identify what is most important to you in life. family? tc? health? take it as priority and dedicate your time for it. relationships suck. family is what is forever. I believe you gave all you could to hold on to the friend you had. it didnt workout inspite of all your trying. be proud of what you did. have different goals now. all the best to u.
- Keep believing in yourself that you gave your best. dont let the feeling of what you could have done creep into you. because you have given it your best even in trying times.
whatever the words that were exchanged during hard times dont define you.
you recover the hard way. give it time and invest in yourself during this period.