My parents are visiting me from India. Dad - 60 Year old and Mom 51 year old. They have had a long history to unhappy marriage due to having totally opposite personalities and not being able to agree on anything. My mom pretends to be pious and wants everyone to be religious and preaches backward practices. My entire family resists and my father openly flirts with girls, saying your mom pushes me towards it. I had requested them not to fight on their visit, since I am already dealing with a lot of work stress. My dad respects that but my mom doesn’t seem to understand. My mom constantly keeps nagging him and tries to control his eating at the dining table, taunting him on his habits etc., she brings his complains to me and looks at me as though I am going to solve something for her... I just accidentally stumbled on sexting in my dad’s phone also saying every man likes his children and others wife. What’s disgusting is that this conversation is with someone who approached with a marriage proposal for his kid and started right after he returned from pilgrimage at age 58. Though my fathers actions are worse, he keeps silent on my moms taunts and is well behaved and my moms behavior gets on my nerves and I end up shouting at her. Me the oldest of their kids at 33 years still resents marriage and still single with no sight of any relationships. None of my siblings 27+ of age have any sight of healthy relationships and having to deal with parents love life... It’s eating my peace of mind, how do I deal with it? What am suppose to do??
I want to make this clear for all other random readers here. This is not a normal indian family. This is a rare and unique scenario. I know of no such scenario. I am sorry if I am adding to the misery here but this might paint a picture for non-indians towards india.
This has got nothing to do with India but everything to do with human beings.
Not even sure how you can be so serious with only anecdote as evidence. It's not like people broadcast their private lives lol.
That means you father is still healthy. Good for you.
Pick one parent to come visit. It’s a win-win-win situation. Your dad will be off the hook. You mom will have nobody to nag at. You will get someone ti visit you.
The thing is Mom is image conscious and doesn’t leave him alone! She constantly tries to control him and keeps an eye on him. Can’t keep them away from each other. Looks like they have an active sex life but why the hell they fight and fuckup my life.
I think you should stop caring and let go. Can’t change them anyway. Keep your sanity
What crap? Seems like a script from a cheap ass Bollywood movie.
Your mom might have turned to nagging due to your dad’s behavior. Women look to kids as friends after some age and for emotional support. Just give her a lending ear and express some empathy. She worked so hard for you and dealing with your dad’s ways. So you can atleast do this to her.
Her trying to deal with it has fuckedup my childhood and youth, if only she were brave enough to walk away from toxicity and understood the value of a mentally healthy environment...
c'mon man does she work? has she lived alone ever. fended for herself. My mom seperated from my dad for some time, the taunts, the judgement from relatives, neighbours, society sent her right back to him (and my mom is a working woman a lawyer at that. dont judge, dont look at it from your selfish perspective. Have compassion towards your mom. do nice things for her while you can. most importantly be kind.
Be straight up with her. Tell her it’s your house and if she can’t be respectful that you’re sorry but will have to ask her to leave.
Wow you are dealing with some heavy situation. I've never been in your situation. But from the sound of it, there is a lot of toxic issues. You definitely need to detox those issues. If your job is giving you stress, you need to talk to your manager. A decent manager will help and guide you through how to prioritize your workload. Regarding your parents, as you said, they have a long history of unhappiness. If there is really nothing that you could do, then you have to accept it, and let it go. My suggestion is that you should find a specialist for psycho therapy. I've been to one before. They really help a lot. They can dissect issues and guide people to resolve their problems in smaller pieces. At the end, all stress comes from your head, so you need to find a way to let go.
Parent your parents. Tell them that you know they are both addicted to deviant behavior. Too much religion and too much drama. Suggest that they both force apart their marriage and threaten them with a forced divorce because you’re sick of their shit. In short get your siblings and you to force a separation of them both and force them both to be embarrassed by their immature and foolish behaviors.
Worst answer ever
That was sarcasm @Salesforce. The answer is counseling/ priest / neutral family friends / but the tone is lost.
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My dad is 73 and still flirts around.
How do you deal with it?
I pretend not to know about it or care. Sometimes I intervene fight when he embarrasses me.