Misc.

Delaying planning kids

Visa 80808080
7d

Is it common in bay area that people delay planning kids while focusing on career or I am the only one.

Female : 32
If you are in same boat, write your age in comments.

comments

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  • Google / EngBluths
    Don’t plan to have kids. But mostly because I don’t want to waste the best 18 years of my life on someone else.
    7d0
  • Cisco / EngKid Cisco
    If you ladies need some help... DM me
    7d0
  • Adobe Zxcvbasdfg
    Started trying at 36, delivered my first a few days shy of my 38th birthday. Wanted to have two but having one ended up a handful and feeling very overwhelmed.

    Last month, we decided to have only one due to my age and I have a sinking feeling that we simply can’t manage working full time with 2 kids and 2 senior dogs (that I treat like my family).

    Have to admit, it stings a bit and I cried a bit when I gave away the baby clothes/stuff that I save for my 2nd. I always thought that I will have at least 2 and my son will have a sister to grow up with.

    Did I regret having my son so late in my 30s? I am not sure. I wasn’t that mature when I was in my early 30s and I wanted different things back then.
    6d0
  • Airbnb jim.hodlen
    same here. but mostly because I don’t feel mature enough to have kids yet (nor do I have a consenting partner😂)
    7d0
  • Intel / Engpleb
    I'm delaying kids, marriage, responsibilities, adulthood and any other grown up shit. 30 is the new 20.
    7d2
    • Microsoft TerryPerry
      As someone once said, “there’s nothing more beautiful than an old infant”
      6d
    • Credit Karma Olau
      You're a man.

      30 is still 30 for women in terms of biological clock.
      6d
  • Twitter kakapo
    32/M. I have been wanting to have a family since the last six years.. but finding a girl ain't easy when you spend 60hrs glued to a screen.
    6d0
  • Google / EngYFvq18
    Same here, 32F. Am in the process of freezing my eggs, so that I won't have any regrets.
    7d0
  • Twitter kakapo
    For a girl, 35 is too late to start worrying.. at that age, it's almost time to resign.
    6d2
    • Salesforce
      Bhoot

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Bhootmore
      Lots of women are procreating in droves in their 30s. 40s is rare.
      A child is the most important thing I'll do in my life and raising one well is among the best contributions every parent makes to society. So, would rather wait till I find the partner that one wants to procreate or Co parent with.
      6d
    • Microsoft Gandalfee
      First kid at 35 is very common in East Asian countries like Korea and Taiwan. When culture shifts from arrangement to dating based marriage plus all women getting a job after college, it leaves out many people without spouse until very late age (or never) which is the case for these countries.
      6d
  • Box yKTS42
    34/m
    Have 2 kids and happy that I didn't move to Bay area before having them, otherwise I would have delayed or stopped at one
    6d2
    • Intel / Engpleb
      You can always put one for adoption if you decide to come here or even both if you want to join our ranks !
      6d
    • Box yKTS42
      I am already here and we occasionally toy with the idea of 3rd.
      Some couples are just different and can't get enough of kids
      6d
  • Microsoft @S Nutella
    Be careful about menopause
    7d0
  • Adobe Shlokask
    32 and I keep moving it to the next year. Just don’t feel ready for the responsibilities and the whole process feels so unfair towards the women.
    6d8
    • Google / EngBluths
      Why do you still want to do it then?
      6d
    • Adobe Shlokask
      Well I dont but have a conservative man at home.
      6d
    • Google / EngBluths
      Then don’t. Nothing worse than having kids and regretting having them.

      Probably a conversation to be had before the wedding, but oh well.
      6d
    • Adobe Shlokask
      Oh wow! Life unfolds as people grow and unfortunately that happens over time. Life isn’t so fancy and “practical”.
      6d
    • Google / EngBluths
      Compromising on kids is going to hurt one of you at least and more than one of you if you do have kids. Nothing fancy about it.
      6d
    • Adobe Shlokask
      And the advice is coming from a young bachelor who hasn’t started a journey? Thanks
      6d
    • Google / EngBluths
      Way to presume. I am 30 and in a relationship where both of us don’t want kids.
      6d
    • Adobe Shlokask
      I will ask you after two years then
      6d
  • Freeze yo eggs now, find a surrogate later.
    7d3
    • Intel / Engpleb
      If yo eggz freeze the doc is gonna snip 'em. Better wear woollen panties.
      7d
    • Credit Karma Olau
      When should someone freeze? What age?
      6d
    • Earlier the better. If your company subsidizes it, do it even before 30
      6d
  • Microsoft Gandalfee
    It is very hard to generalize. So if you don’t seek for answers from specific group of yours, the answers in the comments will not reflect the bubble you re in.

    For example, Russians and Eastern Europeans marry and have kids in very early ages. Most of those groups of people come to US after they get their degrees in European countries. Hence, they already have kids.

    East Asians such as Koreans and Taiwanese tend to have their first kid very late. Most of college educated folks from these countries often have their first in early to late 30s.

    Majority of Bay area is from Indian and its neighboring countries. This group of people seem like mostly marrying via family arrangement so that could mean kids immediately after marriage in most of couples I guess. I see lots of older Indian
    men having young kids though. I think they were married late. I have Indian friends who did PhD in US and they didn’t have the kids immediately. But they are a bit different from other typical Indians who came without studying in US.
    6d0
  • Autodesk / MktgziYA54
    I'm 32, have had two kids and run a department. It is a big balancing act. But in today's day and age, esp. in tech companies, having kids shouldn't stand in your way. Maternity leaves are [slowly and in certain industries] getting better and more expected. I took 4 months off with my first and 6 with my second. My husband took 4 weeks with our first and 8 weeks with our second. (We both had different policies by the time our second was born, only 1.5 years after our first).

    If you're ready for kids, go for it. If you're company doesn't support you properly, its time for a new job!
    6d0
  • Salesforce
    Bhoot

    Salesforce

    BIO
    I am blind to something and you are too.
    Bhootmore
    33-34, and no long term man in sight. I would start to worry at 35
    6d0
  • Cisco / EngzGcY85
    33, delaying till I can buy a house because I refuse to be that family in a 1-bedroom or 2-bedroom apartment with a newborn screaming its head off annoying the neighbors.

    Might be a bit still since I’m currently single. Dating scene out here kinda sucks for long term marriage + kids goals, most women I meet seem to just want to have fun and focus on their career too. Which is all well and good, but...yeah. Seems to be majority are either that or they’re divorced with 2 kids and got some major baggage from getting screwed over or whatever the case may be.
    6d0
  • Amazon BB!
    What's considered delaying anymore? Waiting til mid thirties sounds normal

    If you freeze your eggs- then all things are possible!
    7d0
  • Microsoft Vhfeg
    28 and I am not even close
    7d0

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