Divorce advice

Netflix dormouse
Jul 7 50 Comments

Married 10years (next month), from Europe, wife the same nationality - married in Europe.
2 kids.

Three weeks ago wife told me she wants divorce.

She says:
- that she was unhappy for a while - ~2years, I was dumb and too busy with career to see it.
- that she does not love me.
- there is no man involved.
- that she wants to do counseling but says she is considering all the options. Looks like she leans toward separation first... but says she wants counseling and has not moved out yet. So its not very clear.

But, she is seeing a lawyer tomorrow.
She says she just wants to find out some info about her options.

My TC: $500k (this year, before ~$300)
Her TC: $170k.

I want to do counseling and hope she does not move out but I need to be prepared is she takes any other steps.
Sounds like she is willing to agree on 50/50 care for kids.

Questions:
1) What should be my expectations in terms of alimony? rights?

2) If we go 50/50 I do think that her TC is high enough to justify no alimony. In fact, its similar to what mine was for 7/10 years of our marriage...

3) Should I get a lawyer?
I do not want to escalate things but seems like I should get prepared to all the options too.

comments

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TOP 50 Comments
  • Oracle DtQY60
    I’d suggest speaking with a lawyer asap
    Jul 7 2
    • Netflix dormouse
      OP
      thank you, that is what I plan to do.
      Jul 7
    • Microsoft
      Tier 1

      Microsoft

      BIO
      #1 in Prestige
      Tier 1more
      Also speak with HSBC.

      They operate across the entire world and don’t require the use of SWIFT between accounts with them.

      They are very helpful with uhh how should I say, “transfers”.
      Jul 8
  • Apple procto
    California has a 10year line. You need to act NOW before the 10yr date line is crossed.
    Jul 7 7
    • Netflix dormouse
      OP
      i do not care about current assets, I am fine with splitting 50/50.

      i am worried about future assets and payments.
      Jul 7
    • Google godofproto
      Procto, you made it up, buddy. CA is a community state, all property acquired within marriage is common property, there is no 10 year date line.

      OP should hire a lawyer ASAP, nobody else can say how it’s gonna be, too many variables.
      Jul 7
    • Google / Eng FudgMuppet
      Property (and debt) acquired before marriage is separate property. During marriage is community property. Community property is split 50-50 in CA. Separate property stays separate.

      Alimony is to be paid for half the length of marriage. Unless you cross 10 yr. Then it is not limited in length of time (afaik).
      Jul 7
    • Google / Eng FudgMuppet
      Btw if OP wasn't married in CA I'm not sure these rules would apply.
      Jul 7
    • Facebook / Eng
      Ô ptimist

      Facebook Eng

      PRE
      Facebook
      Ô ptimistmore
      Lawyer up asap. 10years really is the trick. File for divorce. Get separated BEFORE 10 years. Make it clear to witnesses too that you are separating for good. The alimony lasts half marriage if <10years. Otherwise it becomes court decision or worse : mediation...
      Jul 8
  • Uber snxidh
    You are screwed. Just a question of how screwed. Get a lawyer and assume the worst. ... she has been planning this for a while and she wants everything. Dont get triggered or angry and be super super careful and nice. Every move word you say and write will be used against you in a court of law. Good luck.
    Jul 7 0
  • Ellie Mae hytgjui
    If your TC is 500k then I would suggest you to get a good lawyer and don’t take suggestions from blind
    Jul 7 0
  • Flagged by the community.

    • Indeed / Mgmt Ryry
      You seem like a stable person.
      Jul 7
    • Apple / Eng VGqx42
      Seems like typical Amazon employee.
      Jul 7
    • Amazon / Eng FooBuz
      And running after money while your wife fucks behind you is Apple logic
      Jul 7
  • Intel
    alexios

    Intel

    PRE
    Microsoft
    alexiosmore
    Damnn the white culture is the worst for divorce. Even with kid and money still divorce that’s fucked up. I will never allow my kids marry into non Asian family.
    Jul 8 3
    • Amazon / Eng FooBuz
      Whats the point in being in a relationship and no love ? If there's love no one will divorce. Do u think carrying unnecessary burden will make your family happy ?
      Jul 8
    • Facebook soduehfosn
      In Asian cultures, parental responsibilities take precedence over your love to the spouse, at least until your kids become adults. Your kids didn’t choose to be born, it’s your responsibility to raise them under a safe roof with both parents unless any of them is abusive.
      Jul 8
    • Intel
      alexios

      Intel

      PRE
      Microsoft
      alexiosmore
      Yeah the kid will be messed up if you divorce. Even you don’t love the spouse, you still need to make it work for the rest of your life or atleast until the kid become adults. You will lose too much money on a divorce so just kiss ass and not get a divorce.
      Jul 8
  • Microsoft headp
    Sorry to hear this OP. It sucks.

    Oh and btw there is another man most likely.
    Jul 7 1
    • Netflix dormouse
      OP
      No, its not. She is pretty transparent about this.

      I know if often is the case... but not here.
      Jul 7
  • VRenetic / Product cYWQ40
    Get a lawyer. But also say you are willing to go to therapy. “Couples Therapy”
    Jul 7 1
    • Netflix dormouse
      OP
      Yes, that is what I am planning to do.
      Jul 7
  • Amazon
    Duke Leeto

    Amazon

    BIO
    The spice must flow!
    Duke Leetomore
    Cheaper to keep her.
    Jul 7 0
  • VMware SweetPease
    Considering the timing I bet she already spoke to her lawyer, maybe 2 years ago. Alimony for life
    Jul 8 2
  • Apple / Eng VGqx42
    Get a lawyer. Be nice until you get professional advice.
    Jul 7 0
  • New
    5’3 Indian

    New

    BIO
    Just a kid who never grew up!
    5’3 Indianmore
    Hide your money. Hide your new girlfriend.
    Jul 8 1
    • Apple procto
      Don’t lie on the disclosure forms. Any assets intentionally hidden can be awarded in full to the other side
      Jul 8
  • Microsoft / Other abcde4
    She was considering this for a long time, likely consulted a lawyer long ago, and decided to do it at the 10 year mark. You're going to have a feminism rod up your ass.
    Jul 8 0
  • eBay gsyabGx
    Why she didn’t speak up for 2 yrs? Or she tried and you were too busy?
    Jul 7 1
    • Netflix dormouse
      OP
      We had issues - like every marriage, we were dealing with them and addressing them.

      I thought we were resolving them - I just realized that perhaps not fully... she sees that too, it is not one-side's fault - we can both agree on that.
      Jul 7
  • Credit Karma MrPichai
    You are screwed. Do damage control & act before you cross 10 years mark else you will be toasted.
    Also, I hope best for you but since you asked for opinion, IMO she's long gone and counseling is not gonna work else there wouldn't be an attorney if it was gonna work. Good luck.
    Jul 7 0
  • She take ya money
    Jul 7 0
  • LinkedIn 黃帝
    You can try counseling but she’s probably long gone
    Jul 7 0
  • Peloton / Other
    Thizzy

    Peloton Other

    PRE
    Peloton, Samsung Electronics
    Thizzymore
    Get a lawyer asap. Don't let emotions get in the middle of it.
    Jul 7 0
  • LinkedIn ex-fb
    Curious, what would happen if OP “gifts” all or most of your money to his parents?
    Jul 8 1
    • VMware SweetPease
      It’s her money too, so any “gift” he makes now without her consent is likely to be viewed as an attempt to hide money, so it could all end up being hers.
      Jul 9
  • E*Trade / Finance cbEV72
    She’ll probably chAnge a tune after speaking with a lawyer
    Jul 8 1
    • VMware SweetPease
      Ya, she will be singing about the 100k of tax free $ she is about to get for life
      Jul 8