Divorce or not?

Microsoft fish9
Nov 10 44 Comments

I'm in a strange relationship where i don't hate/dislike my wife and also don't enjoy being with her.

I'm thinking of seeing a marriage counselor and make a decision. Any recommendations for a good counselor on the east side (Seattle area)?

TC: 270k

edit:
Indian, 4 years of marriage, no kids
reason i feel we don't enjoy being together: we lack intellectual compatibility and sexual chemistry

comments

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TOP 44 Comments
  • Microsoft Femto
    All the girls the same, keep your wife.
    Nov 10 6
    • Microsoft Femto
      Girls before marriage != Girls after marriage
      Girls after marriage all the same.
      Nov 10
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      @Femto that's how I feel at times, but also thinking why should we both compromise on a medicore relationship.. after all we only have one life
      Nov 11
    • Microsoft Femto
      @fish9 If you are broke and your TC is zero will she stays with you? if your answer is yes this is your true love keep her. Love is the only force that is still exist in this greedy world, some can't express it very well but in tough tough situation you will know. Gold does not rust on the ground, and rocks don't get soaked in the rain.
      Nov 11
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      @Femto to be honest I don't know.. she wasn't supportive or even concerned when one of my parents was going thru critical illness 2 years ago. Not even morale support
      Nov 12
    • Microsoft KKWh68
      @fish9. If she doesn't respect your parents, especially when they were ill, I guarantee that she wno't stick to your side when your TC is 0
      Nov 18
  • Facebook Oculus1
    Relationships take work.

    Marriage is an active choice.

    There will be many times you love your partner, but don’t like them.

    You choose to stay married even when you don’t like them.

    There will be times that things are easy and effortless too.

    This isn’t a job. You don’t just get sick of it and interview for a new one.

    It ebbs and flows, grows and regresses, as do people. The point is to find someone that you want to ebb and flow with.
    Nov 11 0
  • Where are you from originally?
    Nov 10 5
    • Indeed indood
      Lol. I bet you already have a country in mind, don’t you? We know what you’re thinking :-P
      Nov 10
    • TripAdvisor ovjdjdd
      Isn’t that obvious? Why ask?
      Nov 10
    • What obvious
      Nov 10
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      You'll thinking right. India
      Nov 11
    • Visa / Eng VIAu04
      I think s/he means which region in India, obviously.
      Nov 11
  • Microsoft °🍎🐛°
    Since relationship is usually two people, what do you do to bring more excitement into yours?

    Do look for a counselor as they will help to see things you don't notice, but also do some homework and try answering the above.

    Can be as simple as going on a walk or  cooking together. After first few dates, love is build on shared experiences. And you gotta participate here, not just sit and observe if you still like that human next to you or not.
    Nov 11 2
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      We do travel a lot, and also spend quit a bit of time together at home. There is no problem with either of us however I feel like we are not compatible intellectually and our sexual chemistry is very poor
      Nov 11
    • Microsoft °🍎🐛°
      Intellectual is harder to fix. Start with the sex part then. Have you tried bringing up something new and experiment more? Just bring up your ideas in a form that she'll accept. Like you're already considering divorce, why not give this a try.
      Get some adult toys or something kinky that you think both of you will like. There are of course exceptions and corner cases, bit in general everyone needs a healthy sex life.
      Nov 12
  • Netflix XtHu57
    The happy couples you see are not that happy in reality. All couples have baggage and issues and relationships are work no matter how perfect they are. What you're looking for exists only in movies and imaginations or in the first few months / years. After the novelty wears off, it all regresses to a median and you've to find opportunities to differentiate things where little things matter more as a sum. I've been in many relationships including several serious ones and this is what I've found to be true. Good luck with whatever you decide, won't be easy either way.
    Nov 11 1
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      In our case.. as a couple we were never happy (or sad) even in the first few months
      Nov 12
  • Facebook / Eng
    XTeR76

    Facebook Eng

    PRE
    Google, Microsoft
    XTeR76more
    If you don't enjoy it after 4 years, let me tell you - you only have one life, and you're not getting any younger. Move on and find happiness! 20 years in, you would pay anything to have done it now.
    Nov 14 2
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      Thanks! But I'm also worried about her
      Nov 16
    • Facebook / Eng
      XTeR76

      Facebook Eng

      PRE
      Google, Microsoft
      XTeR76more
      Why are you worried? If it's because of money, you'll end up paying alimony, don't worry. Emotionally, it's probably best for both, in the long-term. I doubt she's happy to be in a marriage with an unloving husband either.
      Nov 17
  • Google kweJ64
    Indian? YOM? Kids?
    Nov 10 1
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      Yes, 4, no
      Nov 11
  • Amazon zTa
    In same boat. We quarrel more often, even petty things turn into bigger ones. Even a small conversation doesn't match between us and sometimes endup in quarrel.
    Arranged marriages are like throwing stones in dark, it relies mostly on luck.
    Nov 15 2
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      Sorry to hear.. how are you trying to address the issue?
      Nov 16
    • Amazon zTa
      I tried different things. Brought this up before my wife's parents, went to a therapist. Things seemed to be good for a while but still it's same again.
      For now I'm trying to skip things and move forward hoping things would fix as time goes.
      Nov 16
  • Amazon Nsgdbp
    How are your wife’s looks? Is she hot? Was it an arranged marriage? Looks like you went to an arranged marriage and don’t really feel the hots for your wife. Intellectual compatibility starts pinching only if wife does not look great. If she was a looker you wouldn’t have really cared, would you? You are a POS.
    Nov 11 2
    • Daimler schnauzer
      Kundlis matched
      Nov 11
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      I would say she's very cute (rather than hot) and it's an arranged marriage.

      Are you married or ever been in a relationship? From my personal experience after 2-3 years more than the looks things like emotional connection, compatibility, mutual support and understanding btw the 2 that keeps them bonded and loving
      Nov 16
  • First Republic fakeacct
    Why did you marry her in the first place? Have you had a deeper conversation with her about your issues? And what has she said?
    Nov 11 2
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      It was an arranged marriage and I agree I was so stupid to marry someone out of the blue! I tried speaking with her few times, it either ends up in an argument or no result
      Nov 12
    • First Republic fakeacct
      That’s the worst. No communication but fights. I guess try and have an amicable divorce. You only have one life. Why be with someone that you don’t love at all.
      Nov 12
  • Nuro UMbN80
    Many marriage ended up somewhere like this and you aren't along. Try to bring some excitement into your life together and things will improve.

    I would be worried about marrying someone who easily gets bored at marriage and divorce. So if you are still thinking of another marriage in the future, at least try hard now.
    Nov 11 1
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      I like the part "if you are still thinking of another marriage in the future, at least try hard now".

      Yes, I'm thinking a relationship where both of us truly enjoy each other's company, have kids, live happily.. not necessarily a marriage though
      Nov 11
  • Oracle / IT dukeofdusk
    There are a lot of folks coming out of the closet now. Dnt be scared, you can discuss the same with your wife. Times have changed, nobody is going to wrong you, even indians.
    Nov 11 0
  • Oracle daas-9
    Did you talk to your wife, what’s her opinion?
    Nov 11 0
  • Daimler schnauzer
    Do you enjoy your alone time? Are you depressed?
    Nov 10 4
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      No and maybe. When I see happy couples it feels like we both are not made for each other and that makes me sad
      Nov 11
    • Daimler schnauzer
      Try solo travel. Happy couples have unhappy times too. It could be a career burnout. It could be anything
      Nov 11
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      We are not happy from the beginning.. and at the same time we don't hate each other
      Nov 12
    • Daimler schnauzer
      Life is too short for that 🤷‍♀️
      Nov 12
  • Google Devil
    Move out
    Nov 10 1
    • Microsoft fish9
      OP
      May I know your reasoning?
      Nov 11

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