Do Indian marriages “work” because only way out is death?

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May 9 44 Comments

People talk about how the divorce rate is so low in Indian marriages. But isn’t the truth that there is no way out.

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TOP 44 Comments
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Pinterest Fuqc65
      Men age better perceptually especially after 35-40 (google it). Also women are attracted to status and men to physique. I think these and many others reasons should be obvious.
      May 9
    • Qualcomm dynasty001
      Men usually also tend to make more money as they age/progress in their careers. Also tend to age well (if they work out). In general , read any news , men easily get re-married
      May 9
    • Great answer boys but why I said it’s harder for women is because of the patriarchal nature of Indian society. Divorces are frowned upon in general but just like men have it easier in almost every aspect of life in India, marriages and divorces are no exception.

      People come around the fact of seeing a ‘hardworking’ man divorced but how could a woman cause a divorce, isn’t she responsible for taking care of the family and man while he slaves away to provide for the family? And it is her responsibility to ensure the family fabric does not tear. Also, who will want to marry an unpure woman, all men want a sweet virgin wife after all — thoughts of old school indian society members
      May 9
    • Facebook lkj630
      So, a woman is better off if she's forced to stay in a marriage that makes her unhappy? Or is abusive? Or where her partner is cheating? Or or or
      May 9
    • Pinterest Fuqc65
      Yeah men have it great in young age but not in old age. There is a motherhood privilege above anything else. sons/daughter might take care of mothers but refuse to take care of dads (a well established trend in western culture). This privilege is extended to all mothers so coverage of this is higher than say a mans divorce privilege. Lesson is dont be a whining cat lady. Have a kid instead.
      May 9
    • Pinterest Fuqc65
      Ikj on average women are more abusive to men. Most studies show that verbal mental abuse is women territory that is a sole reason why most abusive relationship is a lesbian couple. On that note most happy relationships are gay men. These studies are done and its a well established fact that womens nagging does contribute in small portion to men dying 4-5 years early. Men can be physically abusive, and thats also not acceptable.
      May 9
    • Pinterest Fuqc65
      Btw its not frowned upon in some cultures (spain) for married men to visit brothel as long as they dont have affairs. So there are interesting and surprising social norms that have evolved. Btw its also not “forced” india to stay married if husband cheats or is abusive.
      May 9
    • Facebook lkj630
      It's hilarious you're pulling up some story on mortality associated with emotional distress when domestic violence quite literally kills people. Predominantly women. Also the study says that if you're an unemployed man, then it's worse. #notallmen
      Study please on how lesbian couples are so deeply unhappy.

      Also, none of this relates to why a woman is better off being forced by social stigma to stay in a bad marriage. Is a man also better off in a bad marriage?
      May 10
    • Verizon Media
      jydwl

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      jydwlmore
      Indian civil laws are so strict, even a false verbal complain (no proof) by a woman can get a husband and in-laws in jail. The Hindu marriage act is very conservative. A guy won't dare to divorce. Socially, due to such laws, it is mutually understood having fun is like not judging and tolerate everything, but having marriage or re-marriage is a big decision with lots of judgments and doubts. The concept of patriarchy and matriarchy is over abused in India as of 2019. You wouldn't want to marry in the Hindu Marriage Act or in India. Indians want to run out of India due to poor civil laws and aggressive social reactions.
      May 12
  • TC or...
    May 9 1
    • Amazon / Product
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      Gotcha
      May 9
  • Microsoft sihsjzbbzo
    Arranged marriage is stable, because it takes into account of all important factors for marriage except love, which only matters for first few years.
    May 9 3
    • Atlassian / Eng
      Luffy, M.D

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      Luffy, M.Dmore
      Can't speak to Indian marriages, but speaking as an American who's been married close to 20 years (and dated the same girl through college before we got married), love gets you through times being shitty, whereas all those other "important factors" can be a total crapshoot.

      Mind, it's not like some of those factors didn't come to mind for westerners looking for a love match - realizing she was smart/sane, pretty and a fellow college student with decent prospects were things I was aware of before we started dating and before I fell in love with her.
      May 9
    • Walmart.com jmhk
      There's another interesting angle, the arranged marriage is really a marriage between two families and not two people. So families also try to help alleviate some of those 'tough times' like financial hardships etc.
      May 9
    • Atlassian / Eng
      Luffy, M.D

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      Luffy, M.Dmore
      Families are sometimes the cause of tough times. Couldn't guess how often in relative terms they are more helpful than the cause of it.

      How many times have we seen here on blind (or on Quora) conflict because one half wants to send more money home or listens to their parents too much? Not that that's unique to Indians, a friend of mine's marriage blew up because her folks meddled too much and she is white and he is a super assimilated Asian guy.
      May 9
  • Epic / Eng
    Andhaaaa

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    Andhaaaamore
    Most of the comments I see here seem to be based on worst case scenarios. According to me, arranged marriages in India work because we are brought up in such a way that we have very less expectations with everything.

    With so much population (and so the competition), it's like a war zone to succeed in life. Many kids are brought up with the mindset of just focusing on studies without any distractions. When it is like that, there is less scope of finding a partner yourself. Hence the arranged marriage.

    Also it's not like we are chained to the marriage if it is not a good match. I know folks who divorced when it didn't work at all. Again, we have very few expectations from marriage as well.

    For Indians, what we consider "problems" are different when compared to a developed country like US. You don't have 2-3 hour power cut each day. You don't have to travel 3-4 hours in packed buses to commute to work. You don't have to think twice on spending money for going out for dinner. When basic necessities are fulfilled, most Indians are just happy with they have in their lives.
    May 9 5
    • Google coolguy00
      good perspective!
      May 9
    • New / Eng Bsky
      Wow well said. The power cut is horrible. I wish we don't have those style. Got used to us now but when I go back it will be crazy. At least we can have access to internet when power goes out now thanks to jio and stuff
      May 9
    • New hqWe60
      power cut? just pay the monthly electric bill on time dude
      May 11
    • New / Eng Bsky
      ^^this dude is either trolling or doesn't come from India 😂
      May 11
    • Verizon Media
      jydwl

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      jydwlmore
      As of 2019, in India if the wife is not happy, the marriage will end most of the time. Most of the divorces are initiated in civil courts by wife. Having kids in divorce process is even worse. Online family-law firms are growing in India https://www.divorcelawyers.co.in/
      May 12
  • Amazon BjwT20
    You did hit the nail there. They work because there is no way out. The amount of social shame associated with divorce is too high. I have also realized that Indian people in marriages generally are not in love, so expectations around love are also pretty low which kinda sucks. Why would you separate if you don’t even expect love from your partner!
    May 9 1
    • Visa vehrkfk
      I am amused by your statement "Indian people in marriages generally are not in love" ...I don't know how you drew that general conclusion but agree about the fact that divorces are frowned upon but the new generation is way more open about it and I hope more ppl understand that sometimes marriage just doesn't work and divorce benefits both in those cases.
      May 9
  • New / Eng tempu
    Things are changing fast in the urban areas atleast.
    Amongst Indians in the US, there isn't much stigma anymore.
    May 9 0
  • Samsung goonda
    Divorce is very much an option now. I know several couples in India who have either divorced or are in the process.
    May 9 2
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      But it only works when both are ready for it. Even if one doesn’t want to, then it can drag for decades
      May 9
    • Datometry / Eng LangEr
      OP : You should look outside Bollywood for the truth on divorce.
      May 9
  • Verizon Media
    jydwl

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    jydwlmore
    In India, there are more males than the females. Those males who cannot earn a girlfriend to marry, they go for arranged marriage or live single. It's a popular meme in India, in love marriage you marry your gf, in arranged marriage you marry someone else's gf.
    May 12 0
  • Uber / Product moneymine
    I think they work harder to make the marriage work because of the shame that a divorce brings. Any maybe sometimes that’s all it takes to make a marriage work. It’s easier to quit if the way out is quick and comfortable
    May 9 0
  • Intel apsodj
    Shared values is a more likely reason.
    May 9 0
  • Facebook ImranKhan
    It is a lottery for Indian women if they divorce and their husbands side is wealthy. Many are running schemes like that.
    May 9 1
    • Verizon Media
      jydwl

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      jydwlmore
      Indian civil laws 🤷🏻‍♂️
      May 12
  • Oracle pzd
    Making divorces easier is not necessarily a good thing. It can be terrible for children and near family. If Indian society makes people work harder to make marriage work, that's because sometimes people won't think too hard about the consequences of their decision. It's like how people go into debt for an immediate dopamine hit.
    May 9 1
    • Oracle pzd
      On that note, US also make it hard, at least for men, in the form of long term alimony payment.
      May 9
  • eBay / Eng passs
    Arranged or not, marriage is always a challenge, as new problems keep propping up. OP has a valid point that more Indian marriages will lead to divorce if the social stigma associated with divorce goes away. But the other angle is also true; a lot of marriages which persisted through tough times and eventually resulted in happy families, would have been divorced as well!
    May 11 0
  • Apple abilities
    I think one of the main reasons is kids. Couples, especially mothers will try to put up and stay because there is more stigma for the kid growing up.
    Once the kid reaches 18 , the couple would have gotten used to each other and they decide they might as well spend the rest of their lives with each other ..
    I know because am one of that kid
    May 9 0
  • Google ckxkkand
    Not so much for this generation I think. 20–30 yrs ago, women had to put up with a lot of shit with no recourse.

    Overall I think we have lower expectations out of a relationship than Americans in general (I don’t think this is unique to India, it’s probably true for most countries outside Western Europe and US) so I’d expect the divorce rate to be lower.
    May 9 0
  • Google coolguy00
    is it still arranged?
    May 9 2
    • Amazon / Product
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      OP
      Oh ya, that’s a decent percentage
      May 9
    • Google coolguy00
      would have expected social media to change norms and expectations. I really need to visit India to see how life there is.
      May 9
  • Zulily #"^>%:;??*
    Totally agree!
    May 10 0

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