Do you believe in it as a concept - living together, sharing your finances/happiness/success/failure, being committed to one another, not having any other affairs for the rest of your life, helping one another in almost everything, sharing household chores, having kids and raising them together, taking vacations together almost all the time, possibly giving up on career prospects to stay in the same city etc?
For those who don't believe in it, please comment what your reasons are: 1. Divorce is a taboo 2. Legal complications and alimony 3. Want to keep my sexual freedom 4. Want to keep the freedom to do things my way 5. Don't want kids 6. Others?
Marriage was conceived by beta males. They realized early on that alpha males are getting all the mates. If they kill off the alpha male, the group crumbles, (eg group loses a capable male and is weaker thus increasing the likelihood of getting slaughtered by other groups).
So to avoid this scenario, betas introduced female slut shaming and marriage.
Oh I'm not bitter at all. I completely respect the game and I'm playing it well. I just have a much better understanding of relationships with women. I lived in Vegas for while before Amazon.
âI understand the game, I am highly sexually active with many women, who are in fact females of the opposite gender than me, who is a male. With a penis that is not nonfunctional at all.â
I see great value in marriage at this point in my life. I've been married for 3 years now to someone with a similar cultural background.
In my 20s, i was someone who questioned the utility of marriage, was horrified by the idea of arranged marriage (which was the way to go for many members of my family) and screwed around a lot. I had my fun. Black, White, Latino, Asian. Black-haired, Blonde-haired, Brunettes, Redheads. One-night stands, short-term flings, long-term fuck buddy arrangements, committed relationships. I used to follow bloggers who wrote about the game and espoused their theories and ways of life.
I then moved away from the first-world life and into a less individualistic society. I started to realize that a lot of my single life behavior was just posturing. Without realizing it, i had created all sorts of defense-mechanisms and defensive behaviors to not get hurt through the inevitable ups and downs of the single life. I also realized that many of the game theorists' theories were also based on fear and avoiding getting hurt.
Marriage is an 8,000 year old institution. Its persisted through a ton of generations. There must be some wisdom in it if 1) its survived this long 2) its sprung up across multiple cultures and groups of people that were living independently
1. a) Shared experience with one person which provides a sense of belonging (something i have struggled for) b) Greater understanding of oneself (because a spouse who you repeatedly interact with will reflect your qualities back to you) 2. Freedom is an illusion. Happiness comes from being useful to others and from having responsibilities. After a while this "freedom" becomes a burden. 3. You can argue to yourself that you applied the optimal stopping problem to finding your partner. Basically you feel less regret for not having banged more randoms.
Thanks, this is helpful. I always thought so, that I would probably feel a greater sense of happiness by developing shared connections and memories with one person. And it would make me feel more "liberated". I haven't been banging randoms but everyone around me is, which makes me question if that is what I should also do, because there is clearly no one believing in the philosophies which I do.
I was looking for different perspectives. Thanks for sharing yours :)
There's this 'game' theorist called roosh (rooshv.com). He's had an unbelievable transformation. His entire life and identity was about banging randoms and helping other dudes bang hotter and hotter randoms. After many years of not checking his blog, i pulled it up again earlier this year and was shocked to see his transformation. He has abandoned his old theories and done a complete 180 and now advocates more stable relationships.
Following his transformation may provide even more wisdom and show you what's to come beyond the current phase you and your brethren seem to be in.
Many reasons: 1. Not being happy doesn't mean being miserable. People separate when they are miserable. 2. They may be get along well in certain aspects but not in others, which may make them not believe in marriage. But those other aspects may be too good to leave. 3. Kids 4. Legal troubles and alimony 5. Fear of not being able to find another partner 6. In some cultures, separation is a taboo 7. Staying because your partner doesn't want to separate
Of all the reasons listed kids and legal troubles & fear of finding partner reasonable.I donât think any culture in the world stops you, separation seems common
Hm... not sure how to answer here; I want to be as honest as possible.
Iâm male and married, so that narrows it down (for my employer too, I guess). And I love and love spending time with my wife and offspring; no acrimonious feelings there.
But Iâm not sure weâd be married if not for all the State-controlled financial structures around marriage, e.g. health insurance, tax filing status. I know there are alternative methods to file for those things, but they give the same amount of information and control over to the State as marriage does, so itâs almost the same thing in that regard.
Weâre not religious, so the ceremonies were just excuses to hang out with our families and do stuff that would make our families happy before we started planning kids.
I guess I donât actively âbelieve inâ marriage; if we could somehow abolish the whole concept overnight I donât think Iâd shed a tear. Iâd just be faithful to my partner and share all my stuff with her anyway.
Thank you for sharing. So can I say that you do believe in marriage but just not the legal aspects of it?
My post mentions a lot of things apart from the legal aspects (tax sharing, hassle around divorce etc), which are the things that form a strong marriage (or a relationship). You seem to believe in them and have all that with your partner. If not for the state laws and the institution of marriage, you would have probably stayed together and be in a relationship in the same way that you currently are. Is my understanding correct?
Thereâs lots of other countries with very little laws around marriage and people still stay married. When you ask a question essential pillars of happy marriage ? It totally depends on what is happiness is defined for each person. Happiness is defined by you. Every person happiness comes from different things and marriage definitely involves lots of trust and little/ big adjustments
Marriage is just a legal binding. You can do all the things that you defined in your concept and more without being bound by that. I don't complicate my life by getting into unnecessary bindings.
I think I get what youâre saying. I feel like society conditions women (more so than men) that marriage is some sort of end game. Like being married in itself is the accomplishment. When the real accomplishment should be finding someone and being able to stay married.
Do you have an opinion on being run over by a car? Would that opinion be valid only if youâd been through the experience? There are other ways to arrive at wisdom besides personal experience.
Still makes no sense; your example is pretty lame. Running over by a car has only one opinion. Are you equating running over a car to marriage?
I don't have an experience with marriage so have no first hand opinion to share. The sample set I am aware of from which I can derive data is pretty random. So there you go - there is my wisdom.
Why is a no opinion no valid? That's where I am - NO OPINION,
comments
So to avoid this scenario, betas introduced female slut shaming and marriage.
âI understand the game, I am highly sexually active with many women, who are in fact females of the opposite gender than me, who is a male. With a penis that is not nonfunctional at all.â
In my 20s, i was someone who questioned the utility of marriage, was horrified by the idea of arranged marriage (which was the way to go for many members of my family) and screwed around a lot. I had my fun. Black, White, Latino, Asian. Black-haired, Blonde-haired, Brunettes, Redheads. One-night stands, short-term flings, long-term fuck buddy arrangements, committed relationships. I used to follow bloggers who wrote about the game and espoused their theories and ways of life.
I then moved away from the first-world life and into a less individualistic society. I started to realize that a lot of my single life behavior was just posturing. Without realizing it, i had created all sorts of defense-mechanisms and defensive behaviors to not get hurt through the inevitable ups and downs of the single life. I also realized that many of the game theorists' theories were also based on fear and avoiding getting hurt.
Marriage is an 8,000 year old institution. Its persisted through a ton of generations. There must be some wisdom in it if 1) its survived this long 2) its sprung up across multiple cultures and groups of people that were living independently
1. a) Shared experience with one person which provides a sense of belonging (something i have struggled for) b) Greater understanding of oneself (because a spouse who you repeatedly interact with will reflect your qualities back to you)
2. Freedom is an illusion. Happiness comes from being useful to others and from having responsibilities. After a while this "freedom" becomes a burden.
3. You can argue to yourself that you applied the optimal stopping problem to finding your partner. Basically you feel less regret for not having banged more randoms.
I was looking for different perspectives. Thanks for sharing yours :)
Following his transformation may provide even more wisdom and show you what's to come beyond the current phase you and your brethren seem to be in.
1. Not being happy doesn't mean being miserable. People separate when they are miserable.
2. They may be get along well in certain aspects but not in others, which may make them not believe in marriage. But those other aspects may be too good to leave.
3. Kids
4. Legal troubles and alimony
5. Fear of not being able to find another partner
6. In some cultures, separation is a taboo
7. Staying because your partner doesn't want to separate
Iâm male and married, so that narrows it down (for my employer too, I guess). And I love and love spending time with my wife and offspring; no acrimonious feelings there.
But Iâm not sure weâd be married if not for all the State-controlled financial structures around marriage, e.g. health insurance, tax filing status. I know there are alternative methods to file for those things, but they give the same amount of information and control over to the State as marriage does, so itâs almost the same thing in that regard.
Weâre not religious, so the ceremonies were just excuses to hang out with our families and do stuff that would make our families happy before we started planning kids.
I guess I donât actively âbelieve inâ marriage; if we could somehow abolish the whole concept overnight I donât think Iâd shed a tear. Iâd just be faithful to my partner and share all my stuff with her anyway.
My post mentions a lot of things apart from the legal aspects (tax sharing, hassle around divorce etc), which are the things that form a strong marriage (or a relationship). You seem to believe in them and have all that with your partner. If not for the state laws and the institution of marriage, you would have probably stayed together and be in a relationship in the same way that you currently are. Is my understanding correct?
Out of curiosity, what do you think are the most essential pillars of a happy and strong marriage/relationship?
When you ask a question essential pillars of happy marriage ?
It totally depends on what is happiness is defined for each person. Happiness is defined by you. Every person happiness comes from different things and marriage definitely involves lots of trust and little/ big adjustments
How can someone have an opinion about marriage until they gave gone through it?
I don't have an experience with marriage so have no first hand opinion to share. The sample set I am aware of from which I can derive data is pretty random. So there you go - there is my wisdom.
Why is a no opinion no valid? That's where I am - NO OPINION,