I wanted children when I was younger, but an accident that left my sibling permanently disabled and the subsequent trauma that my parents went through made me rethink and though its been more than 10 years since then, I decided that I will not have children, sicne then I have only strengthened my reasons, I just dont believe it is worth it to me. My husband has always wanted children and he said he was ok to marry me on the off chance that I may change my mind. We are older I am 36 and he is 40, so time is not really on our side. He is a wonderful man and wil make a wonderful parent, but he can only do so much and as the mother Its all on me. Sometimes I do feel a little pang when I see babies and my husbands reaction to them. so my question is do you think children are worth it? do you regret having them? if you could undo your decision would you?
Your statement that as the mother itās all on you doesnāt feel accurate, at least not if you both decide to continue working. For SAHMs, yes, the āburdenā often falls on them, as that becomes their job. And itās not an easy one at all. But if both parents choose to continue working, it has to be a collaboration, both in logistics and in parenting. I donāt regret it at all. Had I not had children, I would have lived an amazing life, and I wouldnāt have known what I was missing. But now that I know, I could never go back. Itās as if I had filled one container pre-kids, and now recognize the container is much larger than I realized. They can make you the best, and worst, version of yourself. But itās not for everyone and I begrudge no one for their personal decisions.
Don't get me wrong - but parents love to answer questions like this in metaphors, and that doesn't really help communicate the pros/cons in concrete terms. Can you be more specific, e. g. examples / anecdotes?
Not everything in life can be analyzed on a goddamn spreadsheet
Spoiler alert: there are moments when every parent regrets having kids. The vast vast majority find it to be the most rewarding experience of their life. Once you have the ups and downs related to raising a child, everything else pales in comparison. It feels like everything before was living in 2D and now I live in 3D.
I had a similar experience. One of my sibilings is permanently disabled and I don't have words to describe what my parents are going through since then. I just don't think anyone would understand the unique hardships of having a young but disabled family member. I also don't believe children are worth as well. But my partner is getting old and I kind of feel they want one. I am sorry I don't have answers to your questions. I just wish you well.
Thank you for being honest
There is nothing on this earth more valuable and rewarding to me than my children. My only regret is that I donāt have one more. (There is one spare seat in the Jeep).
You read my mind :)
Best thing to ever happen to me
What if all the parents say it's most rewarding because they want others to suffer too? š In all seriousness, what is so rewarding? Kids at young age: yes you'll be their heros (will small downs). Teenagers usually are rebellious and would just test your patience. Most will leave your nest once they go to college. You'll only see them via video calls or holidays. (Mostly at that time I hear parents say, its time we focus on ourselves)
Hard to describe. Not the rewarding you would normally feel. Its love. Although love is also hard to describe, its a closest word I can think ok. You want to see them. You want to touch and hug them. You want to share what you have limitlessly. You are willing to give up everything for child if you have to.
I doubt that love is the word then. I love my wife, but if she were as unreasonable and demanding as a child, we wouldn't be together. Seeing this from my parents point of view, it seems like they invested their entire life on me with little to nothing in return.
A desire to have children is a calling of the nature. You either have it or not. You don't ask others if you have that calling.
Well said. Unfortunately, it takes two, and when both aren't on the same page problems do arise and compromises need to be made
about 350
God damn Loch Ness monster!
Iām a female and I donāt have kids - nor do I want them. My perspective is that if Iām not 100% in love with the idea of kids, the highs and the lows and everything between, it would be selfish of me to have them. Children deserve to be raised by folks that are completely invested in having them and anything that life throws your way as a result of having them. Itās great that some people have this innate desire to have kids. Iām just not one of them and am glad that I have the self awareness to know that it would not be in the best interest of anyone - me or my potential offspring - to give myself what would be the biggest challenge of my life. My life is incredibly full and I donāt miss whatever they would bring to the table.
Sad
how is that sad
I donāt regret it at all. Itās hard work and sometimes they drive me crazy but Iām glad I did it.
Kids are like a team, a party. There're your friends, the only people who truly value you.
Is it true that they truly value you? I always feel like they are the only ones who are radically honest - in that they want something from you and don't try to sugercoat it. I am not a parent myself (yet), but it seems like a very unilateral commitment.