Relationships

Do you/will do have kids? Pros vs cons

IBM VCHd35
5d

I’m really tossed up on this one. From what I’ve gathered:

Pros:
-they bring tons of joy watching them grow up
-they will love you unconditionally when they’re young
-fun to play with
-fills you with sense of purpose and happiness (can’t deny biological reproductive instinct)
-gives you joy and fulfillment you might not get otherwise (instinct)
-family to talk to when you’re older

Cons:
-expensive
-huge chunk of your life goes to them
-for 18 years, you can forget having time to yourself apart from them. hobbies travel and lifestyle take a major hit
-when they grow up, they might not get along with you or give anything back
-huge source of worry if you get a ‘bad kid’
-by the time they grow up you’re old

Neutrals:
-they’re time consuming but you will love the time you spend with them
-it’s satisfying but you might not get anything back
-you’ll be old before they’re out of the house but you’ll have joy and memories

Add more pros/cons and neutrals in the comments. Parents and non parents perspective welcome

A huge part of me is thinking, I’ll have to devote all my time to them, which sounds awful but would I do something better if I don’t? Maybe I’ll up wasting it on the internet, playing video games, reading blind, and eating out. Maybe I’ll do something great, who knows?

Verdict?

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  • Google h7-25
    You are missing one aspect completely - can you, in good conscience - condemn a child to inherit this world? Politics all over the world is going batshit crazy, climate change will likely lead to shortages and unrests etc. - do you want your child to have to deal with all this?
    5d6
    • Booking.com b.urn
      Name me a moment in history where these or similar concerns weren't a thing.
      5d
    • Apple ijyA68
      I had the same concerns when my first little one was on the way. It looked like Hillary was going to win and the US was going down the toilet, but things turned out OK. I wouldn’t let these short term worries control major life decisions.
      5d
    • Intel Roggik
      Malthusian issues shouldn’t be a concern in the modern capitalistic era where we have the right incentives to solve every macro situation short of cosmic destruction (giant comets, sunspots, etc)
      5d
    • Google RealSundar
      Lol apple
      5d
    • Microsoft Dial_Me_i
      The world literally dodged a bullet
      5d
    • Capital One / Dataflap
      Dodged a bullet and ended up in front of a freight train.
      5d
  • VMware BobbleHat
    If you don’t then once you turn 40+ your going to find yourself alone and the only friends you have are fake, always running around proclaiming how happy they are to suck. Once you turn 50, they disappear too, leaving you to die alone.

    Having kids is as much a natural part of life as eating. They fact that you are thinking about it, means you are hungry, but just haven’t realized that it is kids you are after.
    5d1
    • Sirius XM Debwh1
      Don’t eat your kids.
      5d
  • Microsoft / EngFreshPrinc
    Looking at it the wrong way man. It's not "oh crap I can't play as many video games now" it's "sorry honey kid wants to play Mario with me gotta do it"
    5d0
  • Apple ijyA68
    The best legacy you can leave is to have kids and raise them well. I had all the same concerns as you. Used to go into work at noon and come home at like 10:30. Now I’m in the gym at 6:30 AM so I can be home early to play with the munchkin before bed. Even if you don’t want to mess up your life now, do you really want to die alone with no kids/grandkids? What will you do after you retire?
    5d3
  • New / EngF*MyBoss
    Get Indian sibling. You don't have to much worry about parenting.

    Culture, family, values would make it lot easier.
    5d1
  • Google / Eng文西
    I am so surprised of the results here.
    I thought the Blind community is obsessed with TC. Having a kid is a huge setback to financial independence and personal freedom. Nothing is better than DINC life.
    5d5
    • Microsoft Dial_Me_i
      Eventually, no matter how much money you have, nobody is going to love you. Without kids you'll die alone.
      5d
    • Google / Eng文西
      What about wife? With weak sex drive and kids just moving on to live their own lives, old life just doesn't seem that appealing either way. Might as well just enjoy the moment while it lasts, with no kids.
      5d
    • New jxAa11
      I know multiple couples (in their 70s now) who went through life and didn't have kids either for lack of capability, or lack of desire. None of them are unhappy and alone.
      5d
    • Microsoft Dial_Me_i
      Wife (or husband) can have a crush on another person, and betray you. Kids won't go to another dad or mom (unless you're some kind awfull person)
      5d
    • Google / EngKimJong
      Can always get a new wife if she betrays me, right?
      Wife (or husband) probably won't have a crush on another and betray you when you are both old, unless you are an awful person.
      5d
  • Adobe UserChange
    Really sounds like kids are not for you, your priorities are clearly different from unconditional love if you are already thinking about what they will give back to YOU. Agree with others, get a dog
    5d2
    • Facebook / Eng435
      You have less chance of getting anything back from a dog than a kid.
      5d
    • Adobe UserChange
      Not really worried about what OP gets out of this. For a shelter dog this probably is a good outcome though, def not for a kid.
      5d
  • Microsoft 4655434b
    Get a dog...
    5d2
    • Microsoft Dial_Me_i
      It dies every 10-20 years and cant play multiplayer games with you.
      5d
    • Microsoft 4655434b
      New dog every 10-20 years
      5d
  • New jxAa11
    Cons: too many humans on Earth already. I might adopt, but won't be adding more humans to the world's surface.
    5d4
    • Microsoft Dial_Me_i
      Eastern countries will add new humans for you, and they will come to your country anyway.
      5d
    • New / EngJohnMacPii
      Why not dog?
      5d
    • New jxAa11
      I have a dog, she's great.

      I'm not planning on adopting soon. Not ready but I'm not closing the door on it. I know I don't want kids of my own though, for a wide variety of reasons (aforementioned too many people, mental health issues my wife and I have both struggled with that have family histories.)

      I was also adopted and it greatly affected and improved my life, which affects my view on it. I'd just rather do my best to help someone who already exists have a good life than bring my own offspring into the world.
      5d
    • New / EngJohnMacPii
      That what adopt a dog is better option. After 10-15 years you would get another dog. New life starts then..

      Sapiens were also animal friendly. It's nice to see, legacy is back.
      5d
  • Intel Roggik
    1) “Tons of joy” isn’t correct - it’s rare moments of immense joy with the vast majority of time being work, frustration, and patience.
    2) If you aren’t sure, don’t have kids. It’s way too much work and the risk is too high of you decide you don’t.
    3) As you age, you realize what you do at work doesn’t matter other than providing a living.
    4) The giving up significant portions of your life and your relationship with your spouse is really just the first 5 years. It’s why most parents are unhappy in their 30s and happier in their 40s.

    The one word you hit on that resonates the most is “purpose.”
    5d0
  • eBay / Engoiuhhhh
    I recall a scene from "Friends" when Joey moved out of Chandler's house. Later, he did regret his decision - "I figured I would like time alone with my thoughts. But you know, I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think". Once you grow older, your enthusiasm might dwindle, your friends would have moved on and you might not have much to do!
    5d0
  • Google Fellion
    “...for 18 years, you can forget having time to yourself apart from them.”

    Only if you’re doing it wrong. Well, you’re not going to get 10 days to yourself very often, but getting 10 hours to yourself, or with your spouse alone, should be happening. (Assuming a two parent household...) And I have a niece who has three young children, and she goes on cruises with her husband while her parents stay with the kids. Time for hobbies and travel will only be there if you prioritize it and proactively make it happen, but it’s certainly possible.
    5d0
  • New 0hedge
    Life is a cycle...

    Take one year for yourself to do a lot of what you want...novelty will soon wear off and you won't enjoy much more.

    Then you are ready to have kids and experience the joy of simple things through their curious eyes.

    18 years of that, then you get tired of raising kids too and can return to independence again.

    Then you get lonely and will want to see grandkids...

    Better to be buying clothes for your own child then for someone else's and even better than pets. It is sad to see older women carrying cats around in a baby stroller
    5d3
    • Microsoft Dial_Me_i
      Ouch, the last sentence was spot on.
      5d
    • New 0hedge
      I've seen many "will never have kids" career gals in the city used to spending hundreds on a pair of heels do a 360 and spend even more money for IVF in 40s to have kids with health problems and move to the burbs. That's why you see a lot of twins for older parents.

      Biological imperative is the destiny. People who dont like having kids will eventually take themselves out of the gene pool no matter the TC.
      5d
    • LinkedIn 紅色貓咪
      Also, pets are not remotely on the same level as small children. Every time I hear someone refer to their furry friend as their kid I laugh heartily inside.
      5d
  • Apple / EngMarijuana
    The dumbasses are having a ton of kids. We smart ones need to have kids as well, for the future of the human race.
    5d2
    • New jxAa11
      I'm kinda ok with humans going away. We do some cool stuff... But a lot of what we touch is kinda garbage.

      I spend most of my free time trying to get out into places mostly untouched by humans.

      More existentially humans will come and go like anything else, I don't understand why we need to survive. In short giant meteor 2020!
      5d
    • New 0hedge
      Take a kid to those one of those nature's special places. Their reaction and your role in leaving them a certain impression is one of the reasons why people have kids.

      Now in aggregate, yes humans just look like ants.
      5d
  • Facebook Whateverrs
    Pros: i really can't conceive of loving another human the way I can love my own child. That desire to "get something back" just doesn't even come up. It is the something. I can love a child more than I love myself. I can enjoy seeing my child do well more than I can enjoy doing well for myself. If my child supported me in old age, that would be a con.

    Cons:
    https://www.sciencemag.org/sites/default/files/styles/inline__699w__no_aspect/public/greenhouse_DRUPAL_copyedited-01.png
    5d1
    • Verizon ShutTheFup
      Preface: this dudes child is gross af.
      5d
  • Google / Engakline
    I fear that it's going to be "all about the kids" and you also can't undo having a kid..
    5d0
  • Salesforce
    Bhoot

    Salesforce

    BIO
    I am blind to something and you are too.
    Bhootmore
    I'm not married so maybe I'm romanticising this. For me, I would have a child if I really really loved the man and wanted to carry his child to term and have a strong need to nurture a family for the two of us.

    I wouldn't expect anything from the child in return, just feel happy that the universe gave me the privilege to walk this child through life and watch them grow. Because I acknowledge it was my need to have it and I didn't do any favor to a child by birthing it.
    All this is subject to high TC. Unconditional love without expectations is a luxury, not something one can give if your short yourself.
    5d0
  • Flagged by the community.

  • New / EngJohnMacPii
    2 dogs, so at least they can have family.
    5d0
  • Microsoft Dial_Me_i
    I sometimes play Roblox or Minecraft or even CS: Source with my son. God I swear we have a lot of lulz moments.
    5d0
  • New / EngJohnMacPii
    🐕 is good option.
    5d0
  • Salesforce gghg
    Take the plunge buddy, some of your cons are actually not cons if you have the kids after you are well settled and already experienced the good life for a few years
    5d0

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