I’m really tossed up on this one. From what I’ve gathered:
-they bring tons of joy watching them grow up
-they will love you unconditionally when they’re young
-fun to play with
-fills you with sense of purpose and happiness (can’t deny biological reproductive instinct)
-gives you joy and fulfillment you might not get otherwise (instinct)
-family to talk to when you’re older
-huge chunk of your life goes to them
-for 18 years, you can forget having time to yourself apart from them. hobbies travel and lifestyle take a major hit
-when they grow up, they might not get along with you or give anything back
-huge source of worry if you get a ‘bad kid’
-by the time they grow up you’re old
-they’re time consuming but you will love the time you spend with them
-it’s satisfying but you might not get anything back
-you’ll be old before they’re out of the house but you’ll have joy and memories
Add more pros/cons and neutrals in the comments. Parents and non parents perspective welcome
A huge part of me is thinking, I’ll have to devote all my time to them, which sounds awful but would I do something better if I don’t? Maybe I’ll up wasting it on the internet, playing video games, reading blind, and eating out. Maybe I’ll do something great, who knows?
I’m really tossed up on this one. From what I’ve gathered:
- Google h7-25You are missing one aspect completely - can you, in good conscience - condemn a child to inherit this world? Politics all over the world is going batshit crazy, climate change will likely lead to shortages and unrests etc. - do you want your child to have to deal with all this?
- VMware BobbleHatIf you don’t then once you turn 40+ your going to find yourself alone and the only friends you have are fake, always running around proclaiming how happy they are to suck. Once you turn 50, they disappear too, leaving you to die alone.
Having kids is as much a natural part of life as eating. They fact that you are thinking about it, means you are hungry, but just haven’t realized that it is kids you are after.
- The best legacy you can leave is to have kids and raise them well. I had all the same concerns as you. Used to go into work at noon and come home at like 10:30. Now I’m in the gym at 6:30 AM so I can be home early to play with the munchkin before bed. Even if you don’t want to mess up your life now, do you really want to die alone with no kids/grandkids? What will you do after you retire?
- I am so surprised of the results here.
I thought the Blind community is obsessed with TC. Having a kid is a huge setback to financial independence and personal freedom. Nothing is better than DINC life.
- New / EngF*MyBossGet Indian sibling. You don't have to much worry about parenting.
Culture, family, values would make it lot easier.
- Really sounds like kids are not for you, your priorities are clearly different from unconditional love if you are already thinking about what they will give back to YOU. Agree with others, get a dog
- Cons: too many humans on Earth already. I might adopt, but won't be adding more humans to the world's surface.
- I have a dog, she's great.
I'm not planning on adopting soon. Not ready but I'm not closing the door on it. I know I don't want kids of my own though, for a wide variety of reasons (aforementioned too many people, mental health issues my wife and I have both struggled with that have family histories.)
I was also adopted and it greatly affected and improved my life, which affects my view on it. I'd just rather do my best to help someone who already exists have a good life than bring my own offspring into the world.
- 1) “Tons of joy” isn’t correct - it’s rare moments of immense joy with the vast majority of time being work, frustration, and patience.
2) If you aren’t sure, don’t have kids. It’s way too much work and the risk is too high of you decide you don’t.
3) As you age, you realize what you do at work doesn’t matter other than providing a living.
4) The giving up significant portions of your life and your relationship with your spouse is really just the first 5 years. It’s why most parents are unhappy in their 30s and happier in their 40s.
The one word you hit on that resonates the most is “purpose.”
- eBay / EngoiuhhhhI recall a scene from "Friends" when Joey moved out of Chandler's house. Later, he did regret his decision - "I figured I would like time alone with my thoughts. But you know, I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think". Once you grow older, your enthusiasm might dwindle, your friends would have moved on and you might not have much to do!
- Google Fellion“...for 18 years, you can forget having time to yourself apart from them.”
Only if you’re doing it wrong. Well, you’re not going to get 10 days to yourself very often, but getting 10 hours to yourself, or with your spouse alone, should be happening. (Assuming a two parent household...) And I have a niece who has three young children, and she goes on cruises with her husband while her parents stay with the kids. Time for hobbies and travel will only be there if you prioritize it and proactively make it happen, but it’s certainly possible.
- Life is a cycle...
Take one year for yourself to do a lot of what you want...novelty will soon wear off and you won't enjoy much more.
Then you are ready to have kids and experience the joy of simple things through their curious eyes.
18 years of that, then you get tired of raising kids too and can return to independence again.
Then you get lonely and will want to see grandkids...
Better to be buying clothes for your own child then for someone else's and even better than pets. It is sad to see older women carrying cats around in a baby stroller
- I've seen many "will never have kids" career gals in the city used to spending hundreds on a pair of heels do a 360 and spend even more money for IVF in 40s to have kids with health problems and move to the burbs. That's why you see a lot of twins for older parents.
Biological imperative is the destiny. People who dont like having kids will eventually take themselves out of the gene pool no matter the TC.
- Apple / EngMarijuanaThe dumbasses are having a ton of kids. We smart ones need to have kids as well, for the future of the human race.
- I'm kinda ok with humans going away. We do some cool stuff... But a lot of what we touch is kinda garbage.
I spend most of my free time trying to get out into places mostly untouched by humans.
More existentially humans will come and go like anything else, I don't understand why we need to survive. In short giant meteor 2020!
- Facebook WhateverrsPros: i really can't conceive of loving another human the way I can love my own child. That desire to "get something back" just doesn't even come up. It is the something. I can love a child more than I love myself. I can enjoy seeing my child do well more than I can enjoy doing well for myself. If my child supported me in old age, that would be a con.
- Salesforce BhootmoreI'm not married so maybe I'm romanticising this. For me, I would have a child if I really really loved the man and wanted to carry his child to term and have a strong need to nurture a family for the two of us.
I wouldn't expect anything from the child in return, just feel happy that the universe gave me the privilege to walk this child through life and watch them grow. Because I acknowledge it was my need to have it and I didn't do any favor to a child by birthing it.
All this is subject to high TC. Unconditional love without expectations is a luxury, not something one can give if your short yourself.
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