Embarrassed from parent's correspondence with strangers in public.Feb 7
Parent's behavior for 30 years has been constantly the same (maybe even before my birth). From early morning to late evening talking in aggressive loud voice (in person, on the phone), loud tv, highly judgemental of others, pushy with their choices, refusing to listen to my feedback, arrogance in verbal communication with everyone in the home as well as strangers in public.
For the last 11 years I stay away from them with regular short video chats and sending them money more than they need. And let them stay busy in their own lifestyle and social life in their hometown. I get my personal space. I did my studies, dating, found my SO, workout routines, diet, car, my own home, and doing my job.
And doing more of it, since the last 5 years, for my wife's peace of mind (the quieter half). Talking to my parents on first few visits she cried assuming they hate her (but it is my parent's personality). My wife and her family is relatively more sophisticated and very soft spoken.
Whenever I visit my parents, I feel like running away next day. At the same time I feel bad about visiting them after long time and not staying with them. I do not want to be a bad son, for all that they have done for me, but I also want to mitigate the damage they bring with their personalities. I am not sure if I am more of a good husband or an evil son. I'm definitely not a good family man.
Recently while traveling with my parents, they created 30 minutes of big scene with an UberX driver (an employee) for cancellation of ride because UberX driver's trunk was full. So much of verbal abuse conversation, taking face's photos without permission, treating the UberX driver as if he was a thief. Other Uber folks had to come to sort things out. They asked my parents to cancel ride and leave from their rideshare pick up spot. I said sorry. I booked the UberXL myself and we left.
How do you work out such things?
- Microsoft Dr. RootDude, they fucking changed your diapers and cleaned your shit when you were little. I'd be disheartened if I had an ungrateful son like you. It's your parents personality to be loud. You can always try talking to them and requesting them to turn it down a notch instead is venting on blind. Ghosting (yes, that's exactly what you're doing) your parents is the last thing one can do. I feel sorry for them honestly.
- It is OP’s life. He may not share your culture of shaming (“ungrateful son like you”).
Do you honestly believe it is real love when the reason you love your parents is because they changed diapers? What about loving them for being their own individual people, with their own quirks? Actually loving them, irrespective of what they have done for you? Not to mention parents who were actually abusive and caused psychological damage.
From the post it seems OP has a good awareness of what he feels in his gut and he largely follows it by staying away.Feb 75
- Cavium aFO74V5XxxYou cannot one's change the behavior as one gets old. They are like rigid hard iron in their ways. You have to be adjust your ways.
- Symantec / Eng0xcd20Maybe u can try this :p
- This is where you film, release on YouTube, and get rich. Your family sounds like a fun bunch.
You’ve got to remember environment shapes people, and that is what creates differences in behavior. They firmly believe that their present behavior is what gets them what they want. Whether it is a ride, or as target to dump their pent-up anger.
In my own experience I found that simply being very compassionate and kind at the right time can really change someone’s mind.
For my grandfather, when he starts being negative I start to tell him about other countries and how differently people live there looking through the lens of what interests him. My grandfather loves cars, maintaining them, it was his dream to own a car, and he has one now. So going by this interest, I tell him about roads in US, Japan, about different cars, electric cars, maintenance at car dealerships. I tell him how we want to have self-driving cars when you can just use your phone and the car will drive you where you need to go. So there is much less of need to actually own a car in a big city, store it, maintain it.... this opens him up to new ideas. I show him how other interesting information online and there he goes. He makes his own conclusions. Instead of being negative he now lectures about cool new technologies he reads about.
I’m not saying this same thing will help you, or if anything will help you, but what I’m saying is that it is possible to find the right key with compassion.