Empty and insecure

Microsoft fukyall
Sep 7, 2018 7 Comments

A medical professional can diagnose you as being clinically depressed, but does this matter that much? What is the threshold and criteria based to make such a diagnosis? The standardized one size fit all formula for this diagnosis distracts us from the real depression most of us feel on a daily/continuous basis. Yes i can still attend to my job and be self sufficient, but deep down i feel really empty and insecure. I numb my feelings by engaging in all sorts of addictive distractions that are bad for me. When i've done all that i know, when my stomach is bloated from all the food i shoved down my throat, when the thought of looking at porn makes me want to puke after excessive masturbation, i sometimes turn to Blind and maybe troll someone like the fool that i am on an anonymous app. Or try to get some satisfaction knowing my TC is higher than others my age; that doesn't always work to my advantage though. Sometimes, i write what my ego thinks is a deep post about life and society, and that makes me feel like i have a dimension of depth of some sort, which is nice.
A lot of people speak of knowing your true self and being connected to your inner spirit, and how relieving that is. It is claimed that one can instantaneously achieve this by being present, without prior experience in meditation and such. I tried to believe in that and make it a thing. Doesn't seem to work though.


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TOP 7 Comments
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Microsoft fukyall
      You're right i'm not present cause lately it feels like a struggle to be. My mind keeps distracting me from it and wants to stay active with thought. It keeps making excuses to allow me to do the things i shouldn't do, and i recognize the thought patterns as excuses, but still succumb to them. Maybe things will turn around, who knows :) thanks for the kind words
      Sep 7, 2018
    • New / Product

      New Product

      Need leads to PM roles in SF. Thank you!!
      A big moment was when I realized I can't just wait for it to go away. That's irrational. If you want something to happen, make it happen. You must know inside that you're fully capable of taking on the effort and going at it, yeah?
      Sep 7, 2018
  • Microsoft StMichael
    Talk to a traditional catholic priest at an fssp parish.
    Sep 7, 2018 0
  • Uber / Mgmt fiddlycat
    My distractions of choice are mindless overwork, leetcode (which my tablet wants to correct to lettuce), blind, and video games. I know I need to get more exercise - possibly you do as well.
    Sep 7, 2018 0
  • Cisco rkHq23
    Sep 7, 2018 0
  • Comcast / Mgmt comcastic
    You need more tail.
    Sep 7, 2018 0
  • Honeywell ImHere3
    For me, I need to keep my hands busy or my mind finds the darkness. Stress of work, life, family in general, and the drama around me that has nothing to do with me but seems to feel I should be a part of it becomes overwhelming. You are not alone in your feelings, believe me. It seems as everyone I talk to, depression is the most common "illness" we suffer. And no two afflictions are the same. The hard part is not finding happiness or satisfaction when you have everything you need for both in front of you. We truly do control our destiny and our path. But most times, our depression outweighs our ability to do so.
    Sep 7, 2018 0