I am turning 27 in a month and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. My parents keep saying that I am getting old and I need to get married (yea, I am Indian before you ask). But marriage is not something I think I would like as I can’t see myself living for a long time tied to someone everyday (I have tried long term relationships before and hated the experience). I have a salary that’s more than enough to meet my needs and want to increase my TC slowly so TC is not something I want to strive too hard for. I don’t even know what my interests are, the last 10 years of my life just flew by for bachelors and phd. I tried traveling but didn’t like it much. I tried painting but grew tired pretty fast and gave up (I was bad at it too). Before you say I might be depressed, I don’t think I am, I talked to a therapist and he said I was fine. I told him that I feel like I don't have a personality of my own and he said many people feel that way and not to worry too much about it. But I know deep down that I am empty. Really really empty. What do I do? Anyone feel like this?
Start with helping others. Then see if you can do that at scale.
You have to reinvent yourself. Build a new lifestyle, reevaluate your core values and build your life around your newfound values. Create new habits. Create new traits, look at people around you, if you see something your like from them, emulate them, adopt it. Eventually those traits will stack up to become your new personality.
Holy shit
Read books if you haven’t given it a shot. Try to go wide in terms of genres and push hard even if you don’t like certain types. Your knowledge base will expand and you’ll have more ideas and meaning in life.
Look into childhood trauma
What do you mean?
Your therapist's conclusions seem dismissive at best. Feeling empty is nothing to trivialize. Feeling that you don't have a personality of your own is also deeply resonant, especially in the context of your traditional background and family pressure to get married. Therapists are not always sensitive to the influence of culture. Your challenge may be existential, but it doesn't sound like you've done enough research to rule out psychological or psychiatric factors. I do read signs of anhedonia in your story, which is an important aspect of depression. I also hear depersonalization/derealization. I would suggest doing a fuller diagnostic work-up. My hunch is that childhood trauma may be part of the story, but it's best to tackle this specific hypothesis after laying a foundation with a skilled clinician.
Off topic, Dig your handle OP. Reminds me of childhood 🙂
It’s a phase. You are obsessing over your lack of direction because you have had pretty much everything taken care of for you all your life, are pretty smart and got your PhD and now have a good paying job with no spouse or kids to support. Your life has been blessed and smooth-sailing so far as you have never met a true challenge that you could not solve. The first thing you need to do is to stop obsessing over this void you feel inside. Stop traveling or taking up hobbies by yourself. You are doing all the motions without understanding the intent. Volunteer to help people less fortunate than you are. Teach and inspire kids who never got the opportunities you had. The point is to start focusing your energy externally and create a positive impact in a world that have given you so much to be thankful for. You will find your purpose, and a purpose is easier to scale than passion. Hold off your parents by telling them that you need time to find yourself first. When you have done that, then you will be ready to find love.
You are fine. Stop worrying. Instead focus on: reading, fitness, volunteering, hobbies.
First world problem. Start eating meat. You won’t feel as empty.
Well I don’t have anything to say about the marriage conundrum, it’s between you and your family. I don’t think it makes a difference in the larger scope of things. But I don’t face this crisis personally because I genuinely believe I am very privileged to be able to afford the life I have lived thus far. So I think I should always make the best use of the resources and opportunities that I have been provided with. Generally an opportunity one receives, is an opportunity a million other people have been denied. So I never run out of purpose when the purpose is to be useful in my own way. It could mean being nice to people around you for someone. It could mean working to advance the human understanding of the natural world for someone else. It could mean to get on the streets and fight for what you believe in for some people. So there is no one right answer. Do what you can for the millions of people in tyranny and suffering all around you.
Are you male? 27 isn't super old. Also TC or GTFO
240k, male
Are you religious? Maybe connect with people of your faith. Just do stuff you enjoy outside of work that isn't a solo activity and enjoy life. If you find someone then great otherwise you do you.