Falling for coworker

Mar 10 23 Comments

I have a co-worker who I spend a lot of time hanging out with. We're not on the same team but in the same group of friends. We're both in our own relationships. The more time I spend with them the more I think about them. Sometimes I feel like they like me too but I know that's probably just wishful thinking. What can I do about this?

Edit: "they" is to hide their gender. Coworker is cute but not the type I normally find attractive. My relationship is unhappy but I never felt this with anyone else.

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TOP 23 Comments
  • Amazon / Creative403
    Subscribing. Will ping in a month to check on the status of this incoming clusterfuck.
    Mar 101
  • PayPal roughpatch
    Fuck them and later think about if you wanna continue further.
    Mar 101
    • Microsoft nKaihsjana
      Have a threesome. Resolved. On to the next blind question.
      Mar 10
  • Juniper iamsamsam
    Probably just proximity theory..and also to escape the unhappiness in your own relationship
    Mar 102
    • OP
      Yes it's probably that. What can I do in this situation? I prefer to keep the friendships as they're the best part of my job.
      Mar 10
    • Juniper iamsamsam
      Might help to get to the root of the problem and end your current relationship first. Do some self discovery because you usually can't be happy with anyone until you are happy with yourself.
      Mar 10
  • Autodesk prexitonic
    Be honest with yourself and try to figure out what is really happening with you.

    Are you happy in your current relationship?

    Is this attraction you feel based on something that has changed about your relationship? If so, maybe you should talk to your partner about what you need and hear them out about what they need as well. We can all do a better job of maintaining and improving relationships.

    Are you truly interested in your coworker or does the thought of it just seem exciting?

    There are so many other questions you could ask yourself, but really what it comes down to is, what are you looking for? What would make your life work best, and how can you achieve that in a way that feels honest to you?
    Mar 104
    • OP
      I have known for some time that I'm not happy in my relationship, long before I met this coworker.
      Mar 10
    • Autodesk prexitonic
      Ok so then deal with your actual relationship. Don’t just transfer your hopes of a better situation onto Simone else just because you get along well and you wish your current relationship felt that way. Remember that you are part of the relationship too. So if it’s not going well part of that is on you. Just to be clear, I’m not blaming you for your relationship not making you happy. I am only pointing out that you are responsible for your own happiness and if you are in a relationship that isn’t making you happy and you are unwilling to work on making it change then that’s on you not the other person.

      Simply put, don’t use another person as an excuse to end a relationship. If you want out then tell your partner it’s not working for you and why. Then go pursue something else if in fact you are romantically interested in the other person and not confusing friendship chemistry for romantic chemistry.

      Admittedly this is all assuming that you are looking for a monogamous relationship. If you are not then that’s a different discussion entirely, but still one that needs to be had.

      All that being said, I hope you figure things out.
      Mar 10
    • OP
      Thanks for your kind and considered response. I was already planning to get out of the relationship (before I even started this job) but it's taking a while. In the mean time I need to manage the current situation (feelings) somehow, that's what my question was about.
      Mar 10
    • Autodesk prexitonic
      Not a problem. My advice, and definitely take it with a grain of salt. Use the time you have to be more open and honest than you normally are. Don’t be mean, not assuming you are but sometimes people confuse being hyper honest with saying nasty things. It’s definitely uncomfortable, but if you are able to have really open conversations with someone even if it is leading up to the end of a relationship. It can in many cases make the process far less painful for everyone involved. Remember just because your romantic relationship is end is good doesn’t necessarily mean this person needs to be stricken from the record of your life.

      All the best, internet friend.
      Mar 13
  • Microsoft / Engquijibo
    Not to be a dick but I'm willing to bet this coworker is just being friendly and happens to be attractive, and you're complacent in what would probably be a pretty good relationship if you actually put some effort into it instead of fantasizing about your coworkers. Obviously I'm assuming a LOT here, but I've seen it happen a bunch of times, and it always has sounded something like this.
    Mar 101
    • OP
      My coworker is not the type I normally find attractive although they're not bad looking. I don't know why I'm getting attracted to them.

      I'm definitely not complacent in my relationship, but it is not working because we have different expectations and can't agree on anything.
      Mar 10
  • Microsoft 3750147
    Reevaluate your current relationship
    Mar 100
  • Amazon donut-
    “Sometimes I feel like they like me too” - assuming you really meant a singular pronoun - you probably are reading/feeling it wrong. Think back on the times since young when you have felt this, and the people who have passed you by. You are in a r/s, if you want something else, clean up what you have first...
    Mar 101
    • OP
      There had been many times in the past where I have been friends with someone and later on I find out that they liked me. Lots of missed opportunities. But I was not in a relationship back in those times.
      Mar 10
  • Western Digital xfcs35
    You use singular and plural. Maybe you are just dreaming
    Mar 101
    • Atlassian cres10
      use “them” to hide gender. My guess
      Mar 10
  • Indeed ackxhpaez
    🍿
    Mar 100
  • Amazon
    Mulano

    Amazon

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    Verizon
    BIO
    I am unique
    Mulanomore
    Are you looking for a polugamic relationship? They*
    Mar 100
  • PayPal RCG_ADM
    You need to wake up.
    Mar 100
  • United Wholesale Mortgage
    zpyM13

    United Wholesale Mortgage

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    General Motors
    zpyM13more
    Make small gestures and see if they’re met with interest
    Mar 100

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