Feeling bad about how much I am making

May 15 595 Comments

Sorry about this brain dump, I just feel like I need to let this out...

I make standard amount of fang tech salary (not a lot per blind standard) but I feel bad about how much I am making and how greedy I became when switching jobs / negotiating offers.

Last year my son’s daycare teacher got fired from an innocent incident. She held herself accountable and reported the incident herself. yet she got terminated. She’s a single mom raising two kids and came from a different country (she’s an immigrant, and a mom like me). I donated $500 dollars and helped her do the job posting to find a new nanny job. She’s making $25 an hour as a nanny with no benefits. That’s about $60k a year. And as the kids grow up, she will need to look for a new job again.

This really makes me sad. Am I really 5 times better than she is? Do I work 5 times harder? Am I generating 5 times more value to the society? Do I deserve the salary I am making? Despite this, when I am trying to switching jobs recently, my first reaction to a $350k offer was “lowball”. taking a pause looking at my life, I think I have a problem. I don’t appreciate enough the fact that I got the life I am living, and how lucky I am compared to other people in the world, even compared to many people who were still in my home country.

I maintain a very simple and non materialistic life style - buy clothes from h&m and Uniqlo, wear free t shirt often times, cook at home during weekends, never bought business class flights, and go to Walmart for household stuff. I feel contained with my lifestyle and don’t think more money will solve any of my problems, and yet I still want to make more money(maybe as proof of how much company values me?), all while feeling like I don’t deserve the money I am making at all.

🤷🏿‍♀️

Anybody ever felt this way at all..?

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TOP 595 Comments
  • Google z5RtU7F
    First step: uninstall blind.
    May 15 0
  • TC? YoE?
    May 15 14
    • Morgan Stanley / IT <(°·°<)
      Op makes less but still thinks 50k more to move is a lowball offer
      May 17
    • New / IT xengelx
      Because 50k is spare change
      May 17
    • Microsoft youknowme!
      Omfg is that really important? Stfu
      May 17
    • Pure Storage meemeep
      M$ you weren't even on this thread. go away
      May 17
    • Microsoft youknowme!
      I decided to stay. Now tell me...what u gonna do? 😂
      May 17
  • Clover Health sinkinship
    No one deserves these things. It's capitalism at play. Let it motivate you to give back to the world. Be kind, loving, compassionate. Volunteer. Teach others these things through example. And two very important things: thank everyone and hate less.
    May 15 2
    • Facebook / Design YOL28
      Wonderfully said
      May 16
    • LogMeIn / Other fbdbdnfm
      One of the things I constantly try to remind myself of is survivorship bias. Things worked out for me, but they absolutely didn’t have to. Sure I worked hard, but lots of people work hard and don’t get ahead.
      May 18
  • Airbnb junego
    Thank you. It is people of your kind pushing the society a better place to live.
    May 15 1
    • Tradecraft / Design VJQC26
      I agree with this comment. OP, never lose your heart! That's the hardest thing to develop. You are in a blessed position to actually make a difference in a person's life and you recognize that.
      May 15
  • Symantec GoRams
    You didnt get ahead in the race to look back. Win it, then retire and do non-profit/volunteer
    May 15 3
    • Amazon / Eng OlAl28
      That's what I want to do
      May 16
    • NASA / Eng checks out
      What race?
      May 16
    • TD nztv
      The rat race my man
      May 16
  • FreeWheel sundayblind
    There are people who make 10 or maybe 100 times more than you and they don't work any harder than you. Some of them don't even work.
    May 15 9
    • Nvidia zVEC05
      Some, but not very many. Only about 10-14% of millionaires & up inherit their wealth. 86-90% made it by starting businesses.
      May 17
    • eBay sLxwA828
      That may be because $1mm is not what it used to be and is very achievable by a salaryman. I wonder what % of deca-millionaires are self-made
      May 17
    • Facebook blueriver
      Citation? Those percentages leave 0% for people who saved from non entrepreneurial jobs, which is highly unlikely
      May 17
    • Nvidia zVEC05
      It’s $1 million & up. Think of famous billionaires: Gates, Zuck, Bezos, Buffett, etc. almost all are self made.

      The data collected by the Stanley’s for The Millionaire Next Door & The Next Millionaire Next Door show inherited wealth tends to be spent in about 1 to 2 generations. There are some rich kids, but there are far more not in the US.

      Those books are a great source for that low inheritance rate. They’ve tracked it back to the early 1900’s.

      There’s also this study:
      https://www.bls.gov/ore/pdf/ec110030.pdf

      And yes many of these people just saved. But most started businesses or were service professionals (doctors, lawyers, accountants).
      May 17
    • Facebook blueriver
      Ok. “Started businesses or were professionals” is very different from just “started businesses”. That’s what I thought
      May 17
  • Google pfjehsusm
    Donate it! I make $400k/y and donate $300k/y. Not only do I not struggle with feeling guilty about my good fortune, it's given me a pretty compelling reason to push myself at work. I'm actually making a difference!
    May 16 17
    • Amazon
      Whatever!

      Amazon

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      SDE
      Whatever!more
      And here I just keep thinking I'll make difference with my money "some day" but then Robinhood draws all my extra income and "some day" never comes...
      May 16
    • AnchorFree Israel
      nice! I am running a small non-profit to try and make free mobile games for kids that teach about climate change, ecology, and what possible future decisions the kids can do when they grow, to help humanity. Would you join as one of our patrons on Patreon? :)

      P.S. lol I'm trying to run all of that with my poverty-line 140 TC :D but we already have a good prototype of our first game that we plan to release this year.
      May 20
    • Facebook / Eng Sad DGH
      Hi AnchorFree.. I would be interested in hearing more / donating - can u pm me with details.
      May 21
    • AnchorFree Israel
      By the way, regarding that: "Wow. How do u make sure your money is being used well? That’s what I struggle with while making big donations."

      It's a very good question. IMHO non profits who live on donations should have their financial records and organization bank account activity open for public inspection.
      I think that in every organization there are people who will attempt to profit personally from the donations, more than what they care about their causes. And it's not necessarily happens at the top, budgets can get eaten somewhere on their way through the organization. And someone needs to audit all expenses, best auditor are the public, the people who donate.
      May 24
    • AnchorFree Israel
      I had this weird idea of having all org bank in\out transactions log posted online so anyone (or at least the patrons, members on Patreon who are donating) can see full activity and decide whether they like it or not. If they disagree with something (for example a game is being developed that is against their ideologies) they can stop donating.
      But I'm not sure whether it's legal to display (because it'll show also the graphic artists and developers who got paid and how much) but it's possible to mask real names\ids with ***** , and show only the balance and how much got in and got out. This will have live comments by the core team who initiated a payment, in a few words what this transaction was about (like "updated textures for characters":2700$, "3D model of oil rig":700$). The comments will be left voluntarily by the team members, but a public can demand explanation by marking a transaction (clicks on "?" Icon for example, we'll have it near each record)
      May 24
  • Snapchat uOkV57
    You have a good heart OP.
    I think you should NOT feel bad about your TC, if companies pay you that much to work for them, your work is valuable and well worth more than for the price they pay. I understand your frustration and IMO, part of it comes from inequality of wealth distribution, part of it comes from inequality of education system, and there’s more to be factored in such as luck, opportunity and resources.
    It’s hard to fight the system, you can’t change inequality right away. But if you truly want to help out, don’t just offer money, offer the resources needed for this busy mom to acquire skillset, help her advance her career than just a nanny. This is also not an easy task but it’s a much much more sustainable path.
    May 15 1
    • Microsoft
      xigocato

      Microsoft

      PRE
      Amazon
      xigocatomore
      When I was young, my Aunt and Uncle had an in house maid (common for middle class in low income countries) who was super hardworking and smart. So, when my cousins left the house, they pay her tuition to learn Windows and Office. Today she is manager at a large telecom...
      You can’t fight the system, but you can make a difference
      May 16
  • MailChimp cICL00
    Just remember Bezos made $65 million in the time it took you to write that post and gave it to no one.
    May 16 4
    • Microsoft / Eng brane
      He made money in the same way your house made money. Really makes no sense.
      Is there wealth inequality? Yes. Should we fix it? Yes. Is it Jeff bezos' fault he hasn't donated according to your timeframe? No.
      May 16
    • Facebook / Eng Sad DGH
      Disagree - Bezos is Ina leadership position and him not donating just sets the wrong example
      May 16
    • Expedia Ytdj51
      People that hoard mass amounts of money and then donate some of it when they die are the poster child of human greed...ya it’s better late than never but do you need all of that $150 billion (not all liquid I get it)?? Don’t you want to see it do some massive amount of good?
      May 16
    • Square jTCr61
      Jeff Bezos is probably the worst example you could've picked for this... https://www.cnn.com/2019/02/26/tech/jeff-bezos-philanthropy-trnd/index.html
      May 16
  • Akamai Technologies VmQQ44
    Fun fact: studies show that as a whole Republicans give far more charity than Democrats. At the same time, Democrats are more vocal about their giving than Republicans so again, it all comes down to virtue signaling on the left.
    May 16 10
    • This doesn't surprise me because it is a conservative mindset that charity should be handled by society/individuals and a liberal mindset that the government should be responsible for the welfare of its people. There is no right or easy answer to this, either. Some examples:
      Veterans with PTSD: Is it up to the VA to help them or is it up to individuals and charitable organizations?
      The caregiver OP mentioned: is it up to the government to provide her with job assistance and food stamps and surplus food during her time of transition or should the government step out and let charitable food banks and relief organizations help?

      There is no correct answer. I wish you would see how wrong it is to point fingers at the other side and use Ben Shapiro buzzwords, though. Saying "conservatives are better because _____" is virtue signaling too.
      May 17
    • Akamai Technologies VmQQ44
      The author started out as a liberal and is now an independent. Geez, do some actual research. FYI Quora doesn’t count, Wikipedia is far more reputable than Quora which is universally accepted as where unqualified Indian SWEs go to ask questions about the job they should already know how to do so let me put this in words you’ll understand... do the needful and revert back 🤣

      More examples, the book is mentioned but also another group that found the same thing. Article written by liberal at NYT: https://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/21/opinion/21kristof.html
      May 17
    • New arhR58
      You make so many assumptions it's laughable. I'm saying his methods are flawed. I guess you can just make ad hominem attacks, racist comments (no I'm not Indian you fucktard and it wouldn't matter if I was) and cite opinion pieces instead of use your brains. Also did it ever occur to you socialist counties give less to charity because their government's doing the work? Or they give less because they have less disposable income? Total individual dollars don't matter because their entire political system is more charitable and gross income doesn't account for cost of living factors. What matters in this country is giving as a percent of your actual disposable income. None of your "evidence" speaks to that. Now I've explained to you like you're five. Good day, troll.
      May 17
    • Akamai Technologies VmQQ44
      I cited a liberal opinion piece that cites the research to show there’s no political bias. The only troll here is you as you’ve shown yourself to be incredibly intellectually dishonest but I assume that’s par for the course for you.
      May 17
    • Albertsons rvUd7211
      Personally, I allow Liberals to cannibalize each other
      May 18
  • Amazon
    SamuraiBlu

    Amazon

    BIO
    VP of Everything
    SamuraiBlumore
    This makes me feel good to read - it’s a nice respite from the usual garbage from entitled tech employees. I’m glad someone else thinks critically and with maturity and perspective about this.

    I’d say don’t feel bad necessarily - you’re living well in the world as it currently exists and shouldn’t fault yourself; it wouldn’t help anyone for you to arbitrarily take an 80% pay cut because really no-one is better off in that case. Add positive value through donations of time and/or money with the freedom you’ve been granted.
    May 15 0
  • Google dumbfcuk
    You are fine to think so. Just make sure you eventually are grateful for what you got and compassionate for others. And remember life will get EVERYONE in it's own unique way and money is just a small part of it
    May 15 0
  • Microsoft
    Tier 1

    Microsoft

    BIO
    #1 in Prestige
    Tier 1more
    If Facebook didn’t think your labor was worth 300k, they wouldn’t pay you that.

    How much effort you put in is irrelevant
    May 15 0
  • Twitter Onobuv
    I work hardly and I do bring value. I learned hardly to get where I am now. I was leaving on 20$ a week in California (can u do this?) for several years when I was studying. I did not have any fun for 4 years, no handouts with friends, no travel of any kind, just 4 walls and books. But now I can afford a lot.

    Why we should pitty ppl who had fun instead of learning and now they are broken. She still can go to school and raise her market value. They are doing low qualified job and getting paid accordingly. She can benefit from walfare. Ppl are paying taxes for this.
    May 16 4
    • Intuit dumb@ss
      You have done well considering where you started from but life does not deal the same cards to everyone - some people are even less fortunate then you are and not everyone has the same opportunities or fortitude to put in the effort to pull themselves out of their dire situation. We should have empathy for others no matter how successful we become. That’s basic humanity and without it we lose the core essence of being humans. What we take with us is not as important as what we give to others and leave behind when we die. We came with nothing and we will go with nothing. It’s ok if one doesn’t want to help others as it’s their choice but at the end of the day we are all in this together and we should make a difference if we have the good fortune and opportunity to do so.
      May 16
    • New Vikf78
      Where’s the downvote button on this thing
      May 17
    • Tradecraft / Design VJQC26
      Downvote
      May 17
    • United Airlines / IT
      jky

      United Airlines IT

      PRE
      Weatherford International
      jkymore
      You cannot live on 20$ a week while having a kids. Also, making sure you raise a kid properly is ridiculously hard and consuming. Two of my cousins are each married, have kids, and are both going to school for an NP license. Their lives are in shambles at the moment and each of them they have to luxury of 2 incomes. Studying at that level requires a lot of time and effort as well as all of the parental duties that are part of raising young kids. Before you prescribe, it’s better to attempt to understand first. Not everyone has the opportunity or affinity to learn the specific field that happens to be paying well this decade.
      May 18
  • New arhR58
    It's funny how many of you tell this person how they should feel about their experience.

    No nobody here deserves to make half a million bucks to make some shitty app that gets people addicted and substitutes screen time for real social connection. For every problem you solve you create 10 more. Making a feature that's used by a million people who go on to feel little more depressed and isolated each day isn't creating value for the world. Just cause you work at scale don't mean anything you do is inherently more valuable than someone who works with a sample of 1. You're just ascribing it more value.

    The economy works the way it does because we agree it should. We could also decide to pay some professions more, but political parties choose not to do it. We as citizens don't demand it. Economics is something we agree on and we can change it by actions and policy. There is no natural economic law despite the fact there's math involved.

    It's rewarding to donate your time and money, keep it up. You have empathy and that's good, despite what some of the mutants here want you to believe.
    May 16 5
    • Flagged by the community.

    • Akamai Technologies VmQQ44
      @Albertsons: Wow 😮 you really just said that huh?
      May 16
    • Amazon / Eng dock this
      Lmaoooo you understand he’s joking right? The economy isn’t some constructed thing, it’s an aspect of reality that we try to understand. It makes as much sense as “the ecosystem is a Jewish creation” only his comment is a parody of conspiratorial anti-semitism.

      Then again I may be giving Albertsons way too much credit, and they are indeed a dumb racist, who knows?
      May 16
    • Flagged by the community.

    • Microsoft Neanderthl
      Albertsons is joking. It's still hate speech
      May 17
  • Akamai Technologies VmQQ44
    Sorry too much grotesque virtue signaling to read this whole thing. About lost my dinner just making it through the OP 🤮
    May 16 7
    • eBay / Eng
      mDBW53

      eBay Eng

      PRE
      NVIDIA
      mDBW53more
      This sentence is not VS.
      May 16
    • Nvidia buck25
      Only someone VSing would say that.
      May 16
    • Oath minou
      Way to appear holier than the rest of us with your whole "oh I don't virtue signal". Ugh. Stomach turning.
      May 16
    • I'm better than the poster above me because I'm not a VS-shamimg VIRTUIST
      May 17
    • Nvidia twobitin
      You just did it again, VSing yourself
      May 17
  • Target onlyshallow
    It makes me feel relieved to see comments like this. Too much time on Blind can convince you tech is 100% sociopaths, and you're a loser for having feelings. TC at every level in tech is ridiculous, we need more empathy, and more support as a society for people who struggle.
    May 16 4
    • Albertsons rvUd7211
      We need more people who can actually program
      May 16
    • Target onlyshallow
      Who says these goals are mutually exclusive?
      May 16
    • Albertsons rvUd7211
      I'm just saying, we need more people to spend the 3 weeks to learn what a class is and what an object is
      May 16
    • Target onlyshallow
      Okay 🤷‍♂️
      May 16
  • If you really feel bad go and help the needy to offset. Very simple
    May 15 5
    • I agree with you that I am being a hypocrite. Saying that I feel bad, but don’t have the courage to quit.
      May 15
    • Cloudera imgR22
      Don't quit. If you quit the money will be in someone else pocket. Take the money and give what you don't use to the poors and help them
      May 15
    • Facebook / Design
      Danziggy

      Facebook Design

      PRE
      AppDirect, Salesforce, Amazon, Microsoft, SugarSync
      Danziggymore
      Or, take the money and invest in specific goals... Help that lady to start making her own preschool... Donate cash and tech skills to orgs that help single mothers get high paying jobs. The feelings that you have are a call to action. The action does not have to be quiting.
      May 15
    • Microsoft KingLoki
      Or hire her and pay her a decent wage.
      May 15
    • Oracle 66ggff44
      That is the way of life. Some people make 10x or even 100x your TC, sometimes without even working. We all go through some guilt trip sometimes. We should feel grateful and give back to the community as much as we can. Also remember opportunity and resources make a huge difference.
      May 15
  • LinkedIn ex-fb
    Yoe 6, TC: 350
    I don’t think getting into FANG and being a swe is some great accomplishment. Anyone who can hell afford tuition for college can easily make it (and not they hard even if you can’t pay for college but can afford a laptop)
    So I never thought I’m more deserving, just that I’m more lucky.

    Linkedin and Facebook are not run by morons to pay me so much if they don’t have to. And that’s not my problem.

    Lastly, who cares for luxury cars or hundreds of dollars worth dinners?! Not me for sure!
    The more I earn, the better is my ability to make the world a better place and also pursue personal interests.
    Becoming rich and donating the money is way better and more impactful than working a low wage job in a non profit and public sector jobs. Some people think EMTs, soldiers etc serve the society, but Bill Gates would have saved more lives than a dozen doctors!
    May 15 1
    • > anyone who can help afford tuition for college can easily make it

      That's not true. I've seen people struggling with their first ever CS intro classes. Those are people not for SWE's. Luck plays its part, but luck alone doesn't get us into FANG.
      May 16
  • Zillow Group Croissants
    We should be grateful for our salaries in tech. I'm donating 20% of extra savings every year. I hope to get more involved with how the money is spent so that I give the money to the causes/people I'm supporting and not just go through the regular charities.
    May 15 1

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