Feeling blue... 😔

IBM I🐝M
Jul 23 288 Comments

Quick edit:
I didn't expect this post to be featured under "trending topics" but I am very humbled and grateful for all the nice things you all said here. You made me feel better and see things from different perspectives. Hope you all succeed in life because you're all awesome! Thank you!! 😊🤗👍🏼

Hey everyone, last Friday I learned the project I was working on had ended. Thought I'd go onto another but today my boss told me this was the end. In full honesty, I felt relieved that project ended because I was feeling burned out, but leaving the org altogether stings. I'm going for my Software Development bachelor's in hopes of switching from my non IT career into the SD world, but no experience in coding yet.

Anyway, I was hanging on fine until my husband came home and we had a major argument about this, which started with me saying that now I'm in full search mode and moving to another city might be a path since there's not much here in Las Vegas for tech. He just got a director promotion so I get the reservation but we moved to Vegas years ago because of his job in the first place. I think the things he said hurt the most beacuse of how important he is to me, like my best friend - but with a very unsupportive approach this time, made me feel terrible about myself.

Does any of you have gone through this or something similar? I obviously don't want to move if I don't have to because we just bought a house but I also can't sit and deplete my savings/401k while nothing happens here. I'm torn between focusing on my career, including a potential move for the right job and risking other things or whatever else... I obviously am looking everywhere around here but whether it's in my field of exp. or switching to a entry level SD role, nothing happens. Our finances are separate and relying on his income isn't a possibility for him nor for me.

TL DR = do you choose your career over your marriage? Do you have to choose one or the other? Why not both? It's so unfair.. 😔

TC = doesn't matter since I'm making the switch.

comments

Want to comment? LOG IN or SIGN UP
TOP 288 Comments
  • Rackspace Mhrx25
    It's not uncommon for one spouse to sacrifice their own career opportunities for the benefit of the other.

    I'm sorry you are in this position and there's no right answer anyone can give you - only you know what you can live with
    Jul 23 10
    • Uber trainwrk
      Take some remote work options if moving is not viable for your family. I think having the moving. Conversation with your spouse without having anything in hand is redundant. First get something, see if it can sustain you both if your spouse moved with you without a job and then have that discussion. One step at a time my friend.
      Jul 24
    • Walmart gchope
      Consider Upwork.com as a FTE or Freelancer . They are very supportive
      Jul 24
    • Best Buy BananaSlip
      Respectfully disagree with the “first get something approach,” at least based on my circumstances and experience. I would suggest that it’s better to plant idea seeds with your partner and let them get on board with a potential move before seriously pursuing opportunities that would necessitate a relocation. Isn’t that better than blindsiding them with a “Check out my awesome job offer! Ready to move to Pittsburgh?”
      Jul 24
    • The Home Depot oNnB82
      You say that there aren't many opportunities in Las Vegas but I had a few opportunities to go to there and I'm all the way on the east coast. As a SD, if you're willing to learn, you can make it almost anywhere. Right now, theres 100+ jobs in LV from simple Google search. I don't see why you can't land one of those. FYI: It only took me, and many others like me, a 3 month bootcamp to land me a job as a senior dev. With all that said, try to make it work before giving up hope especially if he's a director. Best of luck to you.
      Jul 24
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      @Best Buy yes, exactly! Planting the seed because a move is a massive decision we must make together, and it's not something that can be decided overnight. That's why I simply introduced the idea. Thanks for getting this!
      Jul 27
  • New QTdN03
    If that “director” job is really all it’s cracked up to be, then you should just be able to spend your day doing hot yoga, shopping, and hanging out with the pool boy. I’d do that.
    Jul 23 8
    • Google taking🤳
      They might not be a heterosexual couple, or they might not have/want kids. They made the decision to stay financially independent in this marriage, so I guess there isn’t much to persuade op to just stay home and relax.
      Jul 24
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      Thanks for the replies guys. I think this is besides the point though. If I had the ability to stay at home and live off of one income, I would consider it too but that's not the case, and not what we want. Say if one makes +300k which could be the only income if needed, why give up on the other +100k or even +200k income? But anyways, I also did not get the "stay at home, do what you want" option from him and it's also not something I want to chose, not at first. It is however, nice to know that if I need, he'll be there for me.
      Jul 24
    • Google blinoogler
      Sorry ur in a tough position. Assuming u love ur husband and the marriage is important to you, him and the family come first (even if you happened to have gotten into a fight recently). That might mean you make less and assuming he values the same thing, that means he might give up a good job.
      In terms of what to do financially. In my opinion, things work better when finances are shared, bc then you two will try to live in the city that you guestimate together is best for ur total/combined situation (summed incomes, cost of shared house, taxes, shared cost if kids, etc). Most big costs of a couple make most sense shared. It is definitely not being a "gold digger" to have unequal incomes (and to share). In fact, it's almost impossible that 2 ppl in a relationship will have the same income (a lot is random - if I've learned anything from blind, it's that a 2 hr interview can randomly give u 50k+ more).
      If ur still set and keeping bank accounts separate, then u have to work with ur husband for what's feasible (you can't go begging for food, but if he has a really good opportunity right now he might not want to give it up and you might need to take a lesser job).
      In terms of your specific situation (his job and ur job prospects) and career advice of what's available in ur town (or if remote work is possible), I'll leave to other Blinders.
      Good luck, things will turn up. Just based on numbers u mentioned and field ur in ur probably doing way better than most and thank God u should be fine.
      Jul 24
    • Juniper UsA51
      Are you Capricorn?
      Jul 24
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      @Google thank you, your advice is very helpful. ❤️
      Jul 24
  • Amazon ps.ily
    At the risk of sounding extremely coarse and insensitive, why did you both get married/buy a house if your finances are separate and you can’t rely on each other for any stability? I can’t imagine forcing my spouse to work if they’re unemployed and selfishly keeping my lifestyle while they’re broke. There seems to be some details missing here.
    Jul 24 3
    • Microsoft XmbR76
      This.
      Jul 24
    • Microsoft rzBV06
      Ding ding. Strangest post on blind I have read so far. Separate finances? Haha 😆
      Jul 24
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      @Amazon - first, I appreciate you writing your advice/opinion here, but I disagree with some of it. It's true that based on this thread alone, a shared finances marriage is the majority of PoVs. It is not - however - the only way to a successful marriage. Like I said, a separate finance was not the point of our argument and it has never been to be honest, in 10 years of marriage. We both agreed to it, no one got the upper hand over the other. Everything else in our relationship is done together.

      The second half of your comment goes more in line with what I think and I agree - what kind of marriage is one that one sees the other suffering and does nothing, I agree with you there. But this isn't the problem either, it was an introductory idea to a potential move to another city, if I were to get an offer elsewhere. Premature because it may never happen? Yes, but I was just exploring options..
      Jul 27
  • Adobe cedar555
    Everyone who's questioning your financial decisions can shove it. I know what it's like to be financially damaged by a partner. Separate is FINE.

    You might just be having a reactive moment. It's okay to have a couple of down days. But then see if you can muster some excitement about the possibilities this situation creates. The next thing is almost always better. Positive, hopeful energy attracts opportunity. I have had terrible luck finding work when I am in the dumps.

    Have a kind, open conversation with your partner about the way he made you feel. If he's good, he'll have empathy for you and feel badly about causing emotional pain.

    If he doesn't express empathy, take note.

    I gave up my first career (and much more) for my ex's. 6 years later, he said I was a failure who was no longer worthy of him. He felt he had lapped me professionally, despite the fact that I had to start completely from scratch in a new field and new geo that was conducive to his career and lifestyle desires. Fast forward to today 12 years later... he has a young Russian mail order bride and I have a bigger base salary than him. I think I got the better outcome.

    I know you love your husband. Clearly you want it to work. Certainly try. But if he's unsupportive, weigh your options. Honestly life did not even begin until after divorce for me.
    Jul 24 7
    • Amazon Brad ley
      Yeah I am not the best person but I really do believe in seeing what you yourself have done wrong/contributed to in these situations rather than simply expecting the other person to come and apologize to you

      >She made no demands of him.
      This is a problem. That's her husband. She should ask/expect him to help financially and otherwise. Plus the implicit demand is a long distance relationship or giving up his job.

      That conversation really didn't need to center on him hypothetically quitting his director job for her sake.
      Jul 24
    • Adobe cedar555
      I didn't say he should come and apologize. I said she should initiate a fresh, level-headed conversation and explain her personal experience as a participant in the earlier interaction. She found it hurtful. If he felt emotionally harmed, that would be his opportunity to explain his personal experience in that conversation too. It's called communication.
      Jul 24
    • Amazon Brad ley
      Sorry I misread that part. My takeaway was you want her to divorce him after the last line/your story of your husband. But now I agree with you honest communication is key but it really doesn't seem like they have the kind of trust needed for that kind of communication based on the description of their relationship. They have got a lot of work to do or divorce awaits.
      Jul 24
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      @Adobe wow! This! 🙏🏻 Thank you!
      I totally get that people or even most people join finances in a marriage, but that's not the only way to make it work. We've been together for 10 years, it has worked well so far. I see us as two birds, bringing a branch and an acorn at a time to build our nest. *our* one unified nest, but with both contributing to it individually, how's that so hard to understand right? May not work for everyone, but it doesn't mean it's inefficient. I truly appreciate your comment. I'm also surprised that this became trending and flooded with most positive feedback, gives me a sense of hope and that there are still good people out there. I'm so burnt out about my recent work experience that I'm actually really relieved it ended. I have my own funds and don't need to ask for him for anything, at least not yet and that's not even the point, I do believe he's there for me if I need just like I obviously am there for him if he needs. It was just a conversation indeed, thanks for getting that! ❤️❤️❤️
      Jul 24
    • Adobe cedar555
      Good luck to you!
      Jul 24
  • Tableau Htyb14
    I personally would consider finishing that degree first. Moving for a code job before any experience seems premature. Plus his stability can allow you to focus more for now even if you still need to finance yourself and can't agree later. Have you considered a boot camp to test the waters and ramp up quicker?
    Jul 23 7
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      @THD that's really great feedback, thanks. I see mixed feelings about boot camp but am personally inclined to take the shot as long as it's a solid one and not scam because this perhaps could be the perfect timing for it. Do you remember if there was a boot camp in particular or any area they specialize in that was important?
      Jul 23
    • The Home Depot FPQk51
      The ones we hired were fullstack. I think it's easier to break into front end rather than backend. Well the other thing about the boot campers is that many of them were self driven , they had their own side projects and did a lot of learning outside of the classroom and volunteered projects they put up on GitHub. It isn't enough to just go to class room and graduate.
      Jul 24
    • I totally agree with FPQk51, having own side projects and some experience outside classroom is very important to break into jobs. Especially being a bootcamper.
      Jul 24
    • New Pliskin
      Curious why you can't afford to wait and get the degree? If it's finance related 100% understand but if it's something else is heavily consider getting that degree.

      At the very least try and finish some tutorials and get somewhat conversant in code before going bootcamp. Bootcamps are not a joke commitment/timewise and you COULD have a rough time post bootcamp before you land a junior role.

      Everything has risks just want to make sure you go in with both eyes open. Best of luck either way :)
      Jul 24
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      @SAP - would you recommend any specific bootcamp? What's your positive (or even negative) experience with bootcamp?

      @Pliskin, I am roughly 1.5 to 2 years away from completing the degree. It is not possible to be away from the workforce for all this time, I think career-wise is a bad move - plus what you said above: finances, simply can't afford to go that long without it.
      Jul 27
  • Facebook defhjrd
    I am a bit lost. Why is not feasible for your husband to support you during the tough times?
    Jul 23 3
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      I think the disconnect happened when I said that a new job offer could potentially come from another city. With his recent promotion, I could understand the hesitation but not a complete and unilateral shut down of the idea.
      Jul 23
    • T-Mobile fun oh
      You don't want to disclose the TC because you're gonna switch anyway. Your husband doesn't wanna go to a different city because you don't have a job yet. Fix the foundation and then build the Castle. Keeping your options open is good. But arguing without anything solid doesn't work. Take a break from the shocking situation at work and go get some dinner 😒
      Jul 24
    • TuneIn qpxktb
      Why do you have to dip into savings? You are married but have separate finances? How does that work when you have to sacrifice your own career for his?
      Jul 24
  • Amazon kali maa
    “Our finances are separate”?!? What? I don’t think you two understand marriage. I vote for divorce.
    Jul 24 11
    • Amazon kali maa
      “I share housing/utility/car...”

      I’ve had roommates before, this sounds a lot like the agreement I had with them. So I think my point stands.

      “All combined bills will be shared equally”

      I think that only is fair if you and your spouse have roughly the same income, which for most people isn’t true. So what happens when your wife makes 1/2 of what you do? She just doesn’t have any disposable income? Sounds like a recipe for a great marriage.
      Jul 26
    • Big Switch Networks it's_me
      In my opinion also, when married, your spouse is your family. And in family, one doesn't draw a line saying this is my money, and that is your money. The Total income of husband and wife is the family money and it is everyone's common money (couple and kids). Only the decision making powers are left to the adults (the couple).

      To me, if the finances are separate in a marriage (even after initial 2-3 years), then it is more of a marriage as a contract/agreement than a marriage with Love.
      Jul 26
    • Apple Two Punch
      I think each couple needs to find what works for them. My husband and I trust each other to make reasonable decisions that won’t stretch each other’s budget and are comfortable having transparent conversations about our financial boundaries. For instance, if my husband were to make 1/2 of my salary, I’m of course going to be considerate and not demand we stay in 5 star hotels when we go on vacations and instead look at cozy AirBnBs. To us, this isn’t about saying it’s your vs. my money, we just find this part of ourselves a more private matter and feel confident in trusting that we both make responsible adult decisions.

      I’ve seen plenty of families that share expenses and have fallen apart. In the end, it’s on you to define love. I just found it presumptuous to immediately jump to “DIVORCE!!!” without considering how individual couples can differ.
      Jul 26
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      @Amazon look, I think you're entitled to your opinion and appreciate your time in commenting here. You have to realize however how narrow-minded your comment is. Do you really think every marriage and relationship in the world is exactly like yours? Open your mind, there are so many different right answers to one problem, you can't possibly think you own the truth and nobody else does. Relationships that are very different than yours or mine are also thriving. Separate finances work for a lot of people. Joint finances too. It's not a competition.
      Jul 27
    • Capital One Drake
      Considering a husband creates 7 hours a week of extra housework on average for wives, and men earn three times as women over the span of their career if they have children, is it truly equal to split finances in the middle?
      Jul 27
  • E*Trade cbEV72
    Separate finances doesn’t mean that you don’t help each other in difficult times. What’s the point of marriage if he doesn’t support you financially while you’re going through temporary unemployment. This is messed up. Family builds common finances and separate wallets are for discretionary spending. The fundamental expenses must be shared
    Jul 24 1
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      Correct - separate finances isn't an indicator of problematic relationships. Lack of support is. But it was a miscommunication argument about a potential move, not on separate finances.
      Jul 27
  • ZocDoc know11
    I'm sorry if this makes you more depressed.

    What do you think about your marriage? Let me picture what I see:
    Husband does not support you at the time of great stress of loosing job and changing career.
    Separate finances? Like when you don't have job your finances are still separate from his? What about other things: do you split house into two halves when you clean it? Do you do your laundry separately? When his car is broken do you drive him to work, in this case do you charge him for the ride?
    I do not think I even can call this friendship. Marriage is important concept for me, so I would recommend prioritizing marriage over career. However I would suggest to work on relationships so that you two get closer to each other and be real support to each other.

    My wife relocated with me to another country because of my work mainly. She had to quit her job, learn new language, take care of immigration papers in that foreign language while taking care of me (cooking, laundry, etc.).
    Now she is changing career, wants to enter IT as a developer. I told her that I'm ready to move wherever needed. I never can forget how she was supportive when we moved 10 years ago. But frankly I see now career as a bullshit compared to relationships that we have in our marriage. I don't think it's even legal to compare career with joy of truly good family relationships.

    Though I was lucky to meet my wife when we both were poor. Separate finances? Can I call $400 per month as "finances"? Ofcourse we haven't had this crap - we both worked to survive and shared every penny, sometimes sharing one ice cream because couldn't afford second one that day.

    So my thoughts:
    1. work on relationships to get closer to each other
    2. do not stress out about relocation that might not even be needed

    $250K TC
    Jul 24 7
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      Soon enough at school I'll have to choose between C# or Java. But right now I am trying to learn Python too, we'll see how it goes!
      Jul 25
    • Starbucks thatbean
      “I don't think someone can be with someone else for that long if they don't love and care for each other.” Really? That sounds extremely naive. You should visit reddit.com/r/relationships
      There are LOTS of people who stay together who don’t love or care for each other. Could be inertia, co-dependence, abusive relationship... etc
      Jul 25
    • Charter dwayneWayn
      Java is more popular which can mean more jobs an more completion. Both are OOP languages so if you learn one in school and work on it you should have an easier time familiarizing with anyother OO languages. Python is cool too.
      Jul 27
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      @Charter - right? That's what I hear about too. Java is old, but it's everywhere. I've been trying to research more in a way of which languages company X or Y would value more and based on where I want to land next, I'd choose that way. I also heard that C# is harder to learn than Java, so if I start with C#, learning others after my degree will be faster.
      Jul 27
    • Charter dwayneWayn
      👍
      Jul 30
  • Microsoft rzBV06
    Tech is super woke. They are hiring wimen who can spell computer as principals leads and middle managers. Gotta hit that quota y’all! Just read a few books, plaster your fake resume like the visa crew and drop a bunch of signals about diversity and job transition and you can be a sde manager faster than you can say MAGA2020.
    Jul 24 15
    • Microsoft rzBV06
      And ....blocked
      Jul 26
    • The Home Depot FPQk51
      Snowflake
      Jul 26
    • New uhAd14
      I seriously question Microsoft's culture seeing this exchange. Anyone wants to collect yo boy?
      Jul 29
    • Microsoft rzBV06
      Dox me bro it’s all bs. Indians I know complain endlessly about this. You don’t think people actually believe quotas are just do you? It’s literally racism and gender activism to choose people based on skill/gender. Libtards are so dense it’s insane.
      Jul 29
    • Coinbase g6783
      Sure @Microsoft. I worked with a team of Indians where some of the guys would complain about the women on the team, especially if the women were better. The guys who were high performers never complained. And they weren’t sad either when those same guys left. If you are hanging out with those guys who complain, you probably have the same complex. I feel bad for you. Maybe you should learn to be more self-aware of your shortcomings. Just saying.
      Jul 29
  • Intuit employdork
    Look for the article about juggling glass balls, i believe it was from the CEO of coca cola. A job can be repaired, a family or marriage cannot. You also don't have to rush into a software dev world either, there are plenty of burn outs there and it's not all rosy either. Take a few classes first, evaluate if this is your next step and if you are truly interested in it. When you look back 20 years from now, many of us is not going to remember our jobs , but we will remember our families.
    Jul 24 2
    • Microsoft youknowme!
      This!
      Jul 24
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      Thank you @Intuit. I appreciate your feedback.
      Jul 27
  • Netflix misterio
    You are probably Indian and married by arrangement (like I was). That’s why western culture is more superior, they marry out of love, and they do everything together, including making life decisions, finances, relocation considerations, rather than selfishly thinking about their own goals and aspirations.
    The problem is much much deeper than you think , you should feel black
    Jul 28 15
    • Netflix misterio
      I can be, but you can’t call people racist all the time when it’s convenient or you can’t argue because reasons lolz
      Jul 28
    • The Home Depot FPQk51
      lol, but they can when you are being a racist. If the shoe fits, wear it.
      Jul 28
    • Netflix misterio
      Maybe they are racist themselves ;)
      Or maybe if you are looking for racism you see it all
      The time everywhere
      Jul 28
    • The Home Depot FPQk51
      Nah, you are a racist. A self loathing pathetic one at that. No one has to “try” with you.
      Jul 28
    • Netflix sudormr
      Let me help you, you are both terrible people here 3) move alone!
      Jul 28
  • Netflix petepants
    That’s what happens when you don’t love your husband and he is just you “best friend”.. shall I assume you are an Indian couple? This is a sad story indeed
    Jul 24 4
    • Pinterest iE2b
      Your husband/wife IS your best friend in a stable, long-term marriage.
      Don’t say “just your best friend”, because friendship and love are not mutually exclusive.
      Jul 24
    • Netflix misterio
      True, but not in this case
      Jul 28
    • Apple Fsh7fhgf
      This sounds much more like a white couple. Indians don’t do weird shit like separate finances.
      Jul 28
    • Netflix misterio
      The couple was def weird from the get go.
      Can’t imagine telling my love “you know what I am moving to another state for work”
      Jul 28
  • Facebook TakenToss
    > Our finances are separate and relying on his income isn't a possibility for him nor for me

    Why not?? This seems like the real issue.

    The equation of he works + enjoys the fruits of his labor + you are married, that doesn't add up.

    He has a great career in LV but you can't find something you like: you both get to enjoy the fruits of his labor. That's part of what being married is about. You are sacrificing your opportunities for the family
    Jul 24 1
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      @Facebook - because (and I say honestly) his TC, even as a new director, isn't at a level where we can both live off of his income alone. We recently bought a house, upgraded the sh!t out of it, built a pool, etc. and all made sense on both of our income. I'd say if everything goes south and I do not land another job for over 6 months, relying on his income will have to work. BUT - I don't want to get to that point. I wanted to feel secured that if we did, he had my back, but that was a plan B, C, etc. not the plan A.
      Jul 27
  • Postmates GtXP32
    Your husband sounds like a jerk.
    Jul 24 1
    • Wix.com immO65
      that what happens when you hear only one side of the story.
      mental excercise: if in truth she is the jerk - would she say that? didn't think so
      Jul 24
  • Google hyperbunny
    I'm very driven and so is my husband. We had a period where I was the higher earner and as time has gone on he overtook me (was in a fast growing start up that blossomed).

    The thing that makes our marriage work is we are a team first before anything else. When he does well I cheer for him and when I do well he supports and cheers for me. Sometimes I do better than him and sometimes he does better than me. Sometimes I do think of what else I could be doing right now but as he's absolutely rocking his career right now I put that aside for the time being and focus on making the most of the here and now.

    It's easier said than done but you guys need to think more like a team and even though you might not agree you need to make the decision together.

    I value my relationship above work any day of the week but I still have career needs that need to be addressed. I hope you guys can find a way to have a bit of both.

    Hope that helps somehow.
    Jul 24 3
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      It sure does help. Thanks for your input bunny! BTW, how's life at Google? 😊
      Jul 24
    • Google hyperbunny
      To be honest it's pretty great. Like any job it has positives and negatives. But what I didn't tell you was that before I got this job I wanted to leave here so much and it just turned out that staying where I am led to this opportunity that I didn't really think I had a chance at - my husband actually encouraged me to give it a shot and apply anyway. You never know what the future holds I guess! :)
      Jul 25
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      These success stories give me hope. Nicely done bunny! And I'm glad to hear you're happy there!
      Jul 25
  • Expedia Group terrace
    So let me get this straight: your finances are separate, meaning if anything happens to you (like you get laid off) you can’t rely on him for financial support. And at the same time you bend over backwards to accommodate his career but not yours?

    The real answer to what you should do is gauged by how bitter are you going to be if you make all the sacrifices and get dumped in a couple of years? If you’re not going to feel resentful, by all means stay. If you’re going to hate his guts, you know what to do. Because either you make that sacrifice willingly and not asking for anything in return(because you won’t get anything), or you do you and let him make the sacrifice this time.
    Jul 24 4
    • Amazon Brad ley
      >Till death do us apart
      "But actually just kidding, I need to cover my ass financially cuz I don't actually trust my husband to stay with me past a couple more years"

      I have never seen a couple this decoupled in their finances
      Jul 24
    • Expedia Group terrace
      In the past that usually worked because the woman would pipe down and tolerate whatever came her way and then quietly feed the old bastard some interesting mushrooms when she could no longer bear it, thus achieving the death do you apart portion. Or there was hope that the husband would crook by the age of 40-50 and give his widow some breathing room. Sometimes all you need is hope 😂

      These days we frown at murder for some reason , divorce is the more civilized option. And as any divorce lawyer will tell you, the both parties being alive part tends to cause a lot of issues, unaired grievances and bitterness. Especially if one side kept getting the shaft during the entire marriage

      I’m only half joking
      Jul 24
    • Amazon Brad ley
      Well nows not the past, so don't marry someone if you can't even depend on them to share finances
      Jul 24
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      @Expedia thanks for your input! I like the perspective.
      Jul 27
  • Capital One Drake
    Women do 75% of the world's unpaid work and husbands create on average 7 hours a week a week for a woman. If he's really trying to talk about fair, let's track these numbers and balance out the spreadsheets.
    Jul 26 6
    • Capital One Drake
      The 7 hours is from study in American households I believe
      Jul 26
    • Coinbase stblgenius
      This might be true with 2 professionals in the household and the woman having a very demanding career, but world-wide, it is not surprising. In a marriage, it should be a partnership though.
      Jul 26
    • The Home Depot FPQk51
      Yup. The 7 men out of 100
      Who do their share doesn’t negate the fact that women do majority of the household work even in developed countries. That’s not generalization. That’s a fact.
      Jul 26
    • Capital One Drake
      This is part of a bigger discussion of what really is equal in men/women partnership? Equality, the way that men want it (going Dutch, merit-based hiring which is a myth), conveniently discounts how men hugely inconvenience women in our society because women are just "expected" to do certain things (parental leave as an example, which is the leading factor of why men earn three times the salary of women over their careers).

      Equality based on monetary terms/salary should not be the merit - effort in a relationship should be, as salary is on a man's side (though the first comment about TC is hilarious).
      Jul 26
    • The Home Depot FPQk51
      Except women who make more than their husbands still do more of the housework than the men. Esp. with fewer blue collar manufacturing jobs, women are increasingly becoming the head of household in the family while the husband continues to struggle to find a steady job. Even in these situations, women still continue to do more of the housework then men. They also spend time being the project manager while the men retreat to their man caves. This contributes to women getting paid less vis a vis their coworkers but not necessarily vis a vis their significant other.
      Jul 28
  • Microsoft savagefckr
    You’ve lost your job that you’ve burned out on anyway and think you need to shitcan your husband’s director position so you can both start again somewhere else? This makes no sense. There is plenty of work in LV. Float around and take advantage of what is already around you. There are good jobs everywhere for good employees.
    Jul 24 2
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      You're truly what your nickname says. Have you considered reading this post correctly? You missed the point entirely. Never said I was canning anyone, you can hold your insecure balls to yourself. When you are in a marriage, you do things, especially the important things, together. Considering a move was one of these things and I just brought it up in a conversation.
      There's a lot of work in LV just like there's everywhere else, excuse me for being selective with what I want to do next and not settling.
      Jul 24
    • Microsoft savagefckr
      Sorry if I was offensive but sometimes it’s best said without the sugar coating.
      Jul 25
  • Overstock.com dOWd00
    At a director level salary he should be able to support you while you figure things out. If not, then the promotion isnt worth you putting your career on hold to accommodate him. Take a little time to emotionally process your job loss and then start putting a plan together that puts YOU first. The rest of the cards will fall into place. If you are not being supported by your spouse you cant make his career your priority. Good luck and hang in there.
    Jul 24 1
    • IBM I🐝M
      OP
      Thank you! 🙏🏻😊
      Jul 25

Salary
Comparison

    Real time salary information from verified employees