Female engineers with families

Microsoft gurra
Oct 18 38 Comments

Hi ladies

I am wondering whether it's common to have children late for female engineers in tech. I am 33 and dating someone, I do hope to start a family in the next 2 years. I do get heat from my family members about being late which does bother me a bit.

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TOP 38 Comments
  • 33 is not old. Have kids whenever you are ready.
    Oct 18 3
    • Google wkkjy
      Above 35 years, probability of a child having down syndrome increases. Life is not a joke. Age is not just a number.
      Oct 18
    • I completely agree with you but she also has to be mentally ready to have kids
      Oct 19
    • Amazon mmmehhhh
      The risk is minuscule. People force women to have babies they don’t want with this myth.
      Oct 23
  • Penske Automotive starlyght
    I'm not in engineering, but I am in a male dominated field. I got married at 36, got pregnant after 6 months of trying, miscarried at 11 weeks, got pregnant again exactly 1 year after getting pregnant the 1st time. Had her just after my 39th birthday. She was super healthy and physically I recovered well. Going to try for my second when she is one. I love being an "older" mom. Most of the other new moms I meet are close to my age as well & we all have healthy babies. Because I was more set with my career and finances I was able to take 8 months of maternity leave.
    Oct 18 2
    • Tableau whattt
      This. Maternity leave is bad in the US. If your career is set and have enough finances you can either take a break or hire nanny, so the baby can stay longer at home.
      Oct 18
    • Microsoft gurra
      OP
      Thank you for sharing this. I am happy it all worked out well for you and your husband
      Oct 18
  • Uber vgaY02
    I had my first child in my 30’s and I wish I had children earlier. It would’ve been a lot easier to recover from, and it would have been easier to take the hit earlier in my career. But that’s life and that’s the way it went down, so not much you can do. To be totally honest, 35 is starting late, but better late than never. The rate of fetal issues starts increasing dramatically at 35. Make sure you’re dating people who are looking for the same thing and aren’t going to jerk you around. Happy to chat more in PMs if you like.
    Oct 18 9
    • Amazon / Consultant Lbno88
      I've been told by doctors that medicine has improved enough that the 35 age "cut off" doesn't really apply any more. The risks are not nearly as high as they used to be.
      Oct 27
    • Uber vgaY02
      It’s nothing medicine can help, as you’re older, the chance of genetic issues increases. Ie Down syndrome, trisomy 18 etc
      Oct 27
    • Amazon / Consultant Lbno88
      @vgaY02 except the risks have gone down due to increases in health, etc... Are you saying the risks are the same as they were 30 years ago?
      Oct 27
    • Uber vgaY02
      Perhaps the risks have gone down overall, but you cannot deny that they increase beyond a certain age. It’s not a cut off, it’s an increase in chance of genetic disorder simply due to maternal and paternal age that medicine just can’t solve.
      Oct 28
    • Amazon / Consultant Lbno88
      I wasn't denying that they increase, just pointing out that the risks just aren't what they once were. And I put "cut off" in quotes to signify that I wasn't using that word literally, apologies for the confusion.
      Oct 28
  • New / Product
    burritto

    New Product

    PRE
    PayPal, RBC
    BIO
    Preparing for faang PM interviews
    burrittomore
    Me too in the same situation. I am 31 been a dev before and few years ago moved into PM and now preparing for faang, Trying to progress in career I don't feel I am ready for kids .. husband works 12 hours almost every day.. not even sure how to manage a kid. if it's late I am happy to adopt but obviously parents inlaws won't accept that. Hubby will be ok if not for the whole society and family saying stuff ..
    Oct 18 2
    • Facebook steph🍛
      I think most people you know socially would be happy for and admire you if you were to adopt. Not sure about your husband’s family though.
      Oct 18
    • eBay See2020
      If you and your husband agree go for adoption. One human being will thank you for ever 🙏
      Oct 18
  • Tableau whattt
    Had my kid at 30 and wish waited a little more, both of us struggling in our careers to get promoted and managing a kid as well. Definitely my career has taken a backseat. But I'm fine with it, that's life, we can never plan enough! Don't let others pressure you into something. Yes, the chances of down syndrome goes up after 35, but actually the percentage is really less in single digits if I remember correctly, you can look it up. These days most of second kid is born after 35, so I wouldn't worry too much. Also once you're kind of established in your current company and moved into a senior role it's not much of a hit on the career because the next level is years down the line at least in development or you can move into PM roles.
    Oct 18 2
    • eBay See2020
      When we are at 25-30 having kids impacts career. But having late kids impacts much more. If you are 50-60 handling 10-15yrs old teens is not easy physically and mentally. I envy friends whose kids are going to college and they are in 40-45, now they enjoy both work and travelling.
      Oct 18
    • Tableau whattt
      @see2020, I just said about my life experience. I don't know how it will be 20 years down the line. But at that age of 10-15 I'm guessing they should be fairly independent compared to when they're babies they require the most attention. At 40-45 you can work but you're not functioning at the same level as when you were 25. That's when you can push up the ladder easily. At 45 how is it possible to compete with all those fresh out of college? Just curious why don't you travel? Why don't you get a babysitter/family member to look after them? You need to make some time for yourself.
      Oct 18
  • Twitter
    a.a.milne

    Twitter

    BIO
    It’s all trolling and shitposts.
    a.a.milne more
    Just remember people of all gender can fall pregnant not just females.
    Don’t be transphobic on blind please
    Oct 19 0
  • Twitter
    a.a.milne

    Twitter

    BIO
    It’s all trolling and shitposts.
    a.a.milne more
    Do whatever works best for you, but to get fair, medically speaking, having kids gets harder the older you get. At 35 it’ll be hard by ok but much much harder if you wait a few more years.

    Either way don’t let people pressure you
    Oct 18 0
  • Infosys BRY47
    Don’t pay too much attention to what your family says. You do you.
    Oct 18 2
    • Western Digital / Eng _mindful_
      ^^ no truer words has even been spoken.
      Oct 18
    • Google wkkjy
      Nope. Go ask a doctor if it is wise to have kids at a late age.
      Oct 18
  • TrueBlue
    blindCrow

    TrueBlue

    PRE
    CenturyLink
    blindCrowmore
    As a side note.. don’t procreate with an unwoke man who doesn’t plan to take on 50% of the baby raising - including staying home when they are sick - because that WOULD have a negative impact on your career!
    Oct 27 0
  • Salesforce faanged
    I'm 34, no boy in place. Honestly, it matters but not so much. Stress will mess up pregnancy as well. Keep calm, move forward in your relationship and keep trying.
    Oct 18 0
  • Tektronix BazzokaGrl
    It's common to have kids later as women are often penalized for having children by employers.
    Oct 18 0
  • eBay gwtw9Nq7
    You can have the eggs frozen 🤷🏻‍♂️
    Oct 18 1
    • Tableau whattt
      That's a whole another thing which needs to be given a thought from not being cheap to ending up in surrogacy, etc
      Oct 18
  • Dropbox / Eng jFd6ze
    Most pregnant women in the Bay Area are in their 30s now, so it's not too late. Various risk do increase after 35 so if you are planning for more than one then there is some time pressure.
    Oct 19 0
  • Northrop Grumman AnonX5
    Your at the age where your fertility rate is dropping off. If you want to have kids in the next few years freeze your eggs or something.
    I understand your family might be pressuring you. But, there is a real chance that if you wait a few years it will be almost impossible to have kids.
    Oct 18 0
  • New / Biz Dev Mwtu56
    Heat for not having kids? Sorry but your family seems harsh
    Nov 6 0
  • TrueBlue
    blindCrow

    TrueBlue

    PRE
    CenturyLink
    blindCrowmore
    I had my first child at 34 and my second at 36. They are both perfectly healthy and have above average intelligence. I was already well established in my industry (IT management and automation) and it had ZERO negative effect on my career.

    It did, however, kick my ass into high gear when it comes to making $$$, my income has DOUBLED in the 4 years since I had my oldest.
    Oct 27 0
  • Amazon newday29
    I’m also facing the same dilemma
    Oct 18 0

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