I am wondering whether it's common to have children late for female engineers in tech. I am 33 and dating someone, I do hope to start a family in the next 2 years. I do get heat from my family members about being late which does bother me a bit.
- Penske Automotive starlyghtI'm not in engineering, but I am in a male dominated field. I got married at 36, got pregnant after 6 months of trying, miscarried at 11 weeks, got pregnant again exactly 1 year after getting pregnant the 1st time. Had her just after my 39th birthday. She was super healthy and physically I recovered well. Going to try for my second when she is one. I love being an "older" mom. Most of the other new moms I meet are close to my age as well & we all have healthy babies. Because I was more set with my career and finances I was able to take 8 months of maternity leave.
- I had my first child in my 30’s and I wish I had children earlier. It would’ve been a lot easier to recover from, and it would have been easier to take the hit earlier in my career. But that’s life and that’s the way it went down, so not much you can do. To be totally honest, 35 is starting late, but better late than never. The rate of fetal issues starts increasing dramatically at 35. Make sure you’re dating people who are looking for the same thing and aren’t going to jerk you around. Happy to chat more in PMs if you like.
- New / Product burrittomoreMe too in the same situation. I am 31 been a dev before and few years ago moved into PM and now preparing for faang, Trying to progress in career I don't feel I am ready for kids .. husband works 12 hours almost every day.. not even sure how to manage a kid. if it's late I am happy to adopt but obviously parents inlaws won't accept that. Hubby will be ok if not for the whole society and family saying stuff ..
- Had my kid at 30 and wish waited a little more, both of us struggling in our careers to get promoted and managing a kid as well. Definitely my career has taken a backseat. But I'm fine with it, that's life, we can never plan enough! Don't let others pressure you into something. Yes, the chances of down syndrome goes up after 35, but actually the percentage is really less in single digits if I remember correctly, you can look it up. These days most of second kid is born after 35, so I wouldn't worry too much. Also once you're kind of established in your current company and moved into a senior role it's not much of a hit on the career because the next level is years down the line at least in development or you can move into PM roles.
- When we are at 25-30 having kids impacts career. But having late kids impacts much more. If you are 50-60 handling 10-15yrs old teens is not easy physically and mentally. I envy friends whose kids are going to college and they are in 40-45, now they enjoy both work and travelling.
- @see2020, I just said about my life experience. I don't know how it will be 20 years down the line. But at that age of 10-15 I'm guessing they should be fairly independent compared to when they're babies they require the most attention. At 40-45 you can work but you're not functioning at the same level as when you were 25. That's when you can push up the ladder easily. At 45 how is it possible to compete with all those fresh out of college? Just curious why don't you travel? Why don't you get a babysitter/family member to look after them? You need to make some time for yourself.
- Northrop Grumman AnonX5Your at the age where your fertility rate is dropping off. If you want to have kids in the next few years freeze your eggs or something.
I understand your family might be pressuring you. But, there is a real chance that if you wait a few years it will be almost impossible to have kids.
- I had my first child at 34 and my second at 36. They are both perfectly healthy and have above average intelligence. I was already well established in my industry (IT management and automation) and it had ZERO negative effect on my career.
It did, however, kick my ass into high gear when it comes to making $$$, my income has DOUBLED in the 4 years since I had my oldest.