In my early 20s, dating felt fun and low pressure. Now in my late twenties, there is a pressure to find a spouse and start a family. I want that one day but it’s so hard giving up this noncommittal phase of my life. Relationships take work and time and they can be risky - people change! Long term relationships are wonderful but there’s so many reasons why they bring challenges! It’s scary to move into this other phase. I wish I could live for 400 years, be single for 200 years and then start a family sometime after that. Unfortunately, in my late 20s both men and women are looking for someone long term (even myself). For those of you age 33+, did you go through this? How is it at the other end? I feel like I’m giving something up: my freedom, my space, possibility. And I’m commuting to: love unlike any other and stability and family building and a companion But it’s also a commitment to a partners’ issues, my issues brought out, unknown unknowns about incompatibility, the possibility of a complex divorce, no more totally independent decisions about where to live, a strong influence on my schedule.
Do whatev the fuck u want. If you think relationship is what youd eventually want, then work on it. No one pressures you anything
Keep dating and don’t worry about being serious. Soo we or later someone else will come along who makes you not want to date anyone else. Don’t try to force it if it’s not there
You're not ready to get married. Your thought process defines this already. Don't start dating now to find your marriage partner. Keep your exploratory dating, and date many and date often. Dating experience is finding the right connection, figuring out what you like, don't like, and what possibility can come from making a life with someone else. A cheesy quote once said, "marriage is not about finding the one who you can live with; but rather the one you can't bare to live without." After i found my partner,, I've had more possibility, more freedom, and a more enriched lifelihood. I feel supported at home and in my work, regardless of the foul ups I have. We've dated for 5 years; engaged for 1; and lived together for 4.5 of that 6 before we got married. We are open and engaging, clear with each other on goals and expectations. We don't know what we don't know, but look forward to figuring out the future together. If it wasn't for my exploratory dating, daring to be single and being open to what could be, i would never have discovered the life of couplehood. It's not always sunny, we have our fights and arguments - and I feel right away what life is missing when we're apart. So I encourage you to keep dating and date many and date all. You don't know what you don't know. Try other races, cultures, religions, perspectives. If you feel you're giving up the good of your life for settling on a lifestyle less than what you have, you haven't dated enough. Have higher expectations and demand that of your partners. And you'll discover that either your expectations are achievable or that there's something else out there you didn't know could be possible 32M, 10YOE, TC 151
The correct advice is: date many partners for the first 37% of your life, then settle with the first one better than anyone else you have dated before. That should maximize your chance to marry the best one for you.
Why do you think the partner who is better than anyone else you have dated before would settle with you?^^ chances are they would leave you to look for something better for themselves.
You're quite right, it's a lot to give up. For me, I happened to find the perfect solution in an open relationship. (I did an AMA a while back, in case you're looking for more information on that) Different strokes for different people, so you'll have to decide if the traditional route is right for you or not. I don't feel like I've given up much or anything, and my sense from having partaken of the regular social constructs some before my current relationship was that they were really constricting for me. Ymmv.
There’s no such thing as the right person. You guys watch too much romantic comedy
I guess there can be such a thing but only a very small fraction find them. Most marriages I see around me are pretty extreme compromises.
Right person as in “Right person for you” Pobody is nerfect.. ✌️
Thank you for the thoughtful reply 💛
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Get a prenup, no kid marriage, with open marriage option. Now you got a deal.