I have a niece who does extremely well in academics. Most folks won't have a problem with this. However, I feel she is blindly pursuing milestones to be called a topper and intelligent by society by scoring well in all exams. When I ask her questions like what she likes, what she sees herself doing in 10 years, she feels uncomfortable about answering them. I sense a lack of clarity. I am afraid she is training for academics but not for life. I have seen many a toppers fail in life - for many reasons. One of which is not identifying and following a passion. I have seen folks who are focussed on what they like in life and succeed well in pursuing their interests, despite serious academic challenges. Need some guidance on how to get her off the academic blind quests and get her more in tune with her inner self and inculcate and pursue real life interests coz currently she sees a few tv shows, dabbles on FB, WhatsApp, etc but most of her time is sacrificed for studying - Cupertino syndrome? She is 19.
Maybe she’s just uncomfortable talking about those things with her uncle.
^This is probably true
What’s the big deal in answering such very generic questions! Even if not with exact detail, but vaguely. If it is really the reason, it is a so many of us are infected by privacy hysteria —thinks that no-one would have a problem discussing even a decade ago are suddenly super private.
You and her parents are the problem. Give her some space instead of spying on her search history.
And how did you assume anybody is spying?? Nobody is denying her any space.... Maybe there is some projection going on here... For folks who are blood related, it is pretty normal to discuss life, philosophy, interests, etc unless you believe everything a kid needs to know is fully and adequately provided by the educational system? And somehow parents, uncles, aunts, are out to get kids???
A 19 year old girl is not a kid. Let her do what she wants. Your analysis seems more like an educated guess than a professional recommendation.
So? Do you believe a mother when she tells her son something is wrong with him to discuss any disappointments or do we wait for a professional psych eval to discuss anything further?
Your post doesn't mention a parent requesting for a suggestion. It's about an uncle trying to assume and solve an issue of a niece.
She’ll probably figure it out when she goes to college. The fact that you keep asking her these questions with an expectant look on your face is in itself a test. She has likely not “studied” for the question and is not prepared to answer. Since she is a high achiever, she has conditioned herself to be sure that all her responses are absolute and correct. For now, she really can’t give you an answer at all. But I sense that your concerns are coming from a well-meaning heart. So, one thing you could do is to be patient, force yourself to hold your tongue - don’t ask this question anymore in the near term. Next, just show her. Show her the possibilities out there. Figure out a way to expose her to experiences outside her small and predictable circle to meet people from diverse backgrounds who have found success and purpose in their careers. She is lucky to have you in her life. Good luck!
This is good advice. Personal experience, If someone, family, extended family, comes up with this question, I would hesitate to answer them. Cause in 10 years if I am unable to do, what I say. Then they can use that against me, belittle me. You know....
This is a great advice. Don't give those unsolicited suggestions, be the cool friend, who brings experiences and listens when they need you. The rest they'll figure out.
IMHO: Don't guide her out of what she's doing. Some find questions like what do you see yourself doing in 10 years meaningless, and that maybe appropriate for them. Developing interests in hobbies and pastimes, however, is useful. If you can help her find meaningful interests beyond academics, that would be useful. If she comes across as thoughtful and smart in discussions, I wouldn't worry. Eg., if she is an introvert, no point in trying to turn her into an extrovert.
Thanks.
What do you want to do in 10 years OP?
It’s not your job to guide her, OP - where are her parents? Does she participate in sports or community service? Church? Or she spends all her time prepping for exams? Sounds like she needs to go outside and do stuff.
Asian parents... Her parents are behind this. They taught her to be this way. Speaking from personal experience.
Pls elaborate...