Hapa Children
I am a white man whose girlfriend is Chinese. Something that recently came to my attention, after finding the hapa subreddit is the issue that half white half Asian children sometimes it seems have dealing with their looks culture and heritage. Additionally it seems like the WMAF pairing is viewed negatively by some. While that maybe is not as much of an issue I am just beginning to realize some of the issues our children may face. Has anybody thought about this and what are opinions? Is marrying a different race a downside because of this?
I’m in the same situation and have thought about this as well. I heard that Asian kids will view them as white, and white kids will view them as Asian. It’s a tough position to be in. However I see a lot of WMAF couples in the Bay Area so I’m hoping my kids will have some group that they can identify with. Also I’d stay away from the hapa subreddit, it’s a really toxic community.
Yeah I agree with everything you say. Additionally looking at work it seems a lot of Asian people stick together, and our children despite possible looking similar will never be able to be a part of that.
Believe me little kids don’t care. Seen with my own eyes many times. Go observe kindergarteners and first graders! We adults gradually program them (often unintentionally) as they grow up.
I am super open minded, have friends from all sorts of nationalities/races/sexual preferences/economic/political/laboajnaljnaljna etc But damn if I don’t reflexively think “What’s wrong with him?” for a second when I see a dorky looking white guy with an Asian wife. All the “he probably searched for someone who he could boss around and make clean the house” stereotypes flood in fast bevfore I realize I’m being an ass, lol.
It depends on how you got there, tbh. As a WOC, it’s easy to find men who fetishize non-white women for various reasons. As long as that’s not you, it won’t be looked upon as harshly. If you’re attracted to her for her, nbd. If you’re attracted to her specifically because she’s Asian, that’s when it becomes problematic. This goes for any group of people, FYI. This isn’t exclusive to WOC. Any group fetish like that is dodgy, and one should probably examine why they only pursue one specific ethnicity, especially if it’s outside of their own background. When it comes to your potential future children, make sure that you’re teaching them the value of all of their backgrounds instead of shunning or hiding any of them away. That also helps them to bridge any gaps they have. Hope this helps!
I came from mostly white part of America and didn’t even realize I was attracted to Asian woman before I met her. With culture I understand importance of teaching children that. However do you think there is any concern with how they look, that they may struggle fitting in?
I mean, we all look different anyway, regardless of backgrounds. I simultaneously look like my mom spit me out and my dad spit me out but they look very different. Also, kids are mean in schools - there’s not really a way around that. I don’t think there’s a practical way to manage looks and fitting in based on looks. My suggestion is to focus on what you can control. You can’t control how your kids might look or how other kids will treat them. What you can control is what your kids do with that input. And, I feel that on not knowing your attracted to someone else until put in that situation. While I’m a WOC, I’m not Asian. I didn’t know I like Asian men until I matched with one on Hinge. I also come from a predominantly white area, so that blew my whole mind.
Well I am in Sunnyvale. Which I hope is one of best places for mixed children. But even given that it may be place where it is most common, will the children be happy, or will they struggle fitting in? I don’t want my children to resent me and my wife for marrying each other :(
Additionally one further concern that is related is with regards to height. I am 5’8 and my wife is 5’3. Besides just race will our children struggle being short likely? I was also late bloomer so particularly in adolescence I am afraid they will be smaller than their peers
I'm related to hapa. And you bet it's been thought about heavily by non whites. It's not as bad in major cities with diversity and it's better for new generations. Just like minority ethnicities, it's becoming less and less of an issue. Hawaii is an example where hapa has been around for generations and it's no big deal. So it depends on where you are
Christ, that subreddit is the worst. I’m (ugh) an WMAF child and sure, my parent situation could’ve been better, but they seem to make it out as if every child of that pairing is destined to become some absolute failure of a human being. It’s toxic as hell and is basically just an incel subreddit with a racial identity aspect. Being a Canadian, I feel like it might be the States’ obsession with race and the identity attached to that. I’ve never seen people so obsessed with where their family comes from, what ‘race’ and ethnicity they are and the feeling of obligation that one should maintain a connection both cultural and identity based to that. When I was a kid I often thought, why don’t I look that similar to most of the other kids at school? As long as you don’t go and push your kid to maintain some artificial connection to some heritage in some foreign country that he or she has no need to have, I don’t think you’re going to have an issue. I sure got over that once I realized that it literally means nothing that I don’t fit nicely into some racial box. Furthermore, my parents and ancestors lived and migrated from some countries many years ago, and really, it’s completely irrelevant to me right now. The culture of my family is rich and great, and I benefit from a great diversity of traditions and values which I try to carry forward and cherish. But I view that as a part of my membership within my family, not as some continuation of my ethnic identity from some distant land. Your kid will be fine, and I hope he or she appreciates the unique (and increasingly common) family situation. I cannot comment on how American society would treat him though.
Thank you for writing this.
Yes thank you for this post!
Napa children (especially those that are 50/50) need to deal with their identity crisis. Most of them are white passing, and that white privilege does have advantages throughout their life. However, they’ll loath later in their life that they couldn’t get closer to their other half.
Lot of hapas being produced in CA. My parents are wmaf, I think on average wmaf produced hapa girls have it better than guys. You can watch some of Elliot Rodgers vids, there's some underlying truth to his psychotic rants. However, it is what it is, you can't really predict the future, just let the present happen.
Nothing to add except that I'm an East Asian male and my wife is white, and I sometimes worry about the same thing about my future children, about how they'll be accepted by their peers. I had some good hapa friends growing up though, and as far as I could tell no one ever treated them any differently, I certainly didn't, and they seemed well adjusted. I hope the folks in r/hapa are just a disgruntled minority that wrongly blames their heritage for their own frustrations.
Nah you're fine. AMWF pairing has a good social success rate in their offspring.
I see children like that being the future, I mean mainstream in the future, rather than “one offs”.